That Other Writing Guy
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>Which was usually the cause of his problems ever since you have gotten to Equestria.
Two sentences in and we're already mixing perspectives.
11076908
I fixed it. XD Sorry about that. I probably miss some stuff when editing in Grammarly.
I'll have to re-read the first story, but i like were this is going, the only thing I don't like is that Applebloom seems kinda Braty and out of character.
Aw sh!t here we go again
I was reading, but I noticed more than a few off word choices...
This is just a weird use of the word Existence, maybe you meant to say Existential
While this is good Stylistically, using 'This' so many times seems to much
You should change the comma and have it be "..., up until recently that is."
Again this one feels off, instead of the you could use these of this
I think I'll stop for now.
I enjoyed the previous work Anon's problem, so i'll come back to this later
Thank you
wimp!
BWHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!
but yeah asking someone out is like one of the deadliest things you could do in ur life next to parkour and other extreme sports!
Holding hooves? Lewd.
I like this story, but the sentence fragments are insane.
This is one sentence, and this kind of stilted, jarring structure is in every single paragraph. The skeleton of the story is solid, but the wording definitely needs a couple more passes.
11078807
Now normally. I don't disagree with grammar related things but, I have checked both of those sentence through grammar programs and I check this whole chapter through Grammarly.
These are not sentence fragment. They have both main subject and verb. They are short sentence yes but, all program are telling me they aren't sentence fragments.
11078870
No, he's right. The right way to write that sentence would be "Turning back to face whomever it was, he was met with Applejack and Apple Bloom."
The second one does work as a standalone sentence, but "turning back to face whomever it was" is a sentence fragment.
NOOOOOO!!!! wheres wimpy anon!?
give back wimpy anon!!!
11079302
Well, I have to agree to disagree. As Grammarly and other online source say this is full sentence. It has Main Subject and Main Verb.
Whomever being the subject
and Turning being the verb.
11079472
There's a bit more to it. A complete sentence needs 3 things. A subject, a verb, and a complete thought.
That fragment is what is called a "subordinate clause," meaning that it depends on the main clause, which is that second sentence. A main clause can stand on its own without a subordinate clause, but the subordinate clause cannot stand without the main clause.
A way to check for yourself rather than relying on a machine that just takes its best guess, is this: take out that main clause sentence, and just end the paragraph with the subordinate clause. It will feel very weird because you go "okay.... what's the rest?"
Here's a page that explains it better than I probably can.
I'm guessing based on context that English isn't your first language. English is kind of a bitch, and a website isn't a substitute for an actual proofreader.
11079503
English is my first language. I don't know any other ones. I am simply not the best at grammar. Usually when comes to grammar comments. I just leave it alone but, I feel like a number of these site would tell me it is wrong. I have check through number of them. I think just short sentence that does need to be added to another.
Damn, why does that actually sound like something Applejack would say in that situation?! Loving this so far!
11079353
Locked in Lyra's basement, sobbing in terror as she demands that he seduce her with Jazz hands movements.
So Applebloom is trying to force Anon to be with Applejack. Is she at all aware the reason WHY Anon is friends with Applejack is because AJ is the only pony who hasn't tried pushing a relationship on him? Because it makes Applebloom look like a dick.
Dating other ponies? That seems counterintuitive and ridiculous. I mean seriously, Applejack is kinda the only pony that cares about him.
I gotta say, I didn't expect this to happen.
mind you the thought of dapple apple making that kind of request would be in character with the sort of down-to-earth mare she is (pun not intended), I can't help but wonder what kind of hijinks will happen next. I hope to see an update in the future.