That Other Writing Guy
Joined 22nd Oct, 2014 ·
Offline
Sequels1
-
That Other Writing Guy · 1.6k words · 84 9 · 4.6k views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- EliDog · 87k words · 302 22 · 6.5k views
- That Other Writing Guy · 1.6k words · 84 9 · 4.6k views
- Joss10 · 23k words · 233 30 · 6.2k views
- ZaDrEx · 28k words · 210 29 · 5.2k views
- That Other Writing Guy · 2.7k words · 259 20 · 6.5k views
- TheHardie-Boy · 86k words · 105 19 · 3.4k views
- That Other Writing Guy · 6.6k words · 332 17 · 6.8k views
- Israel Yabuki · 16k words · 164 18 · 6.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.198 seconds
Total duration
971 users online
349,196 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Congrats on your first story.
9633001
Well thank you. I hope you enjoyed the read. I will be posting more later.
Two questions, one: In this universe, Equestria Girls never happen?
And two: Did Anon, by accident grope Celestia teats? with a follow-up question, did Celestia just lactated?
9633289
First: I was going with basically Equestria girl didn't happen or wasn't really apart of the main canon.
Second: I was more going he touched her... womanly area piercing it a bit.
9633300
Ah, I understand…but you have to remember if it was a free fall, downwards…it would have probably hurt a lot (i think) because that area is usually pretty sensible. I was thinking a teat wouldn't hurt as much, and if it was that area Celestia would have voiced her opinion of gasp, pain or moan.
…unless, oh. Are you aiming that Celestia might enjoy been treated a bit harsh in her "ahem", noble place?
9633335
I mean.....Only time with tell my good man.
9633356
Fair, enough. So far so good, and there is still a lot of things to see how things develop, one of the questions I keep asking me in this kind of stories, is how magic interacts with us humans, in a war of the worlds kind of way. We are still, after all, an unknown organism to their world so anything can happen. For now only time will tell
You forgot to put the 'second person' tag on this.
9633755
I added the tag I didn't even know there was one for that. Thank you.
9633772
I'm helping! :D
trigger horned
...........
lol I have to remember that word. the story is good. hope to see more
9648746
Well I was thinking of their horns as guns in that moment. XD Thank you for comment. I am glad you enjoyed the storyline so far.
*Breathes In* Yes, this is good.
You have implemented the second person in this story quite well so far and I am very impressed. Second person can be quite difficult for new writers and I say that from experience.
However, I feel the romance is a little bit rushed. I understand that if you haven’t had a romantic partner for over 1000 years and feel EXTREMELY lonely you may do this sort of thing, but Celestia is a several millennia old being who has experienced countless events and most has had likely sexual partners before this, romantically or non-romantically. I would’ve put the second chapter as the fourth and have subtle hints being dropped throughout chapters 2 and 3 reinforcing the extreme loneliness that she faced for the last 1000 years. Maybe Anon is invited to Celestia’s room during chapter 2/3 and Celestia is called out of the room by Luna, Twilight, etc and Anon is left alone. He finds Celestia’s diary and reads entries from the last 1000 years detailing how much sorrow and loneliness she felt because no-one truly loved her for the pony she was and how they only loved her for her title, and the when Celestia returns Anon becomes panicked and takes her diary. In between talks and conversations with other ponies and the Mane Six Anon reads more of the diary and discovers that she has had to handle her heat alone for the past 1000 years because she couldn’t have sex with anypony without ruining her ‘perfect’ image she kept up to give her ponies happiness and hope.
Anon then comes across Celestia in this chapter and events ensue.
Again very well done with this story so far and I’m happy with how it’s turned out however as I’ve said a bit more depth would make this story feel a bit more real and improve overall quality.
9650702
Thank you so much for the critique. I have never written in second person before and I have also never really written anything romance before. A friend of my challenged me to go outside my comfort zone for this one. For this chapter I was going for more of a heat of the moment kind of thing. That and Alcohol plus Anon own loneliness lead to a burst of emotional release in the form of something physical. I thought maybe just going with kiss for this scene but, I wanted to try my hand at writing something sexual. From this chapter on, I am gonna be more exploring what this act means and what kind of relateship unfolds from it. Again thank you so much for the feedback I hope you will give me more in the future.
Yes, continue on
I guess he is ready to play the Game of Thrones?
9658202
Not really man. But now he kind of has to. Thank you for making that reference. Celestia bless you.
I'm wondering, is Luna jealous because she is in the same, alone boat than Celestia and she found someone or just acting like the protective little sister not wanting anyone to take her away.
Also "He is a commoner"…does Luna want Celestia to date other princes outside Equestria or someone of noble class? If so, I can picture her arranging blind dates for her sister to "Cure her of, her situation and moment of weakness". In fact, I can imagine her, doing the same for Anon, once he heard his side of the story, what happened, how he also always feels alone and related in how he is the alien in a world were everyone fear him.
It just like Nightmare Moon.
Jejeje I can imagine Luna trying to pair him with a cat lady since their anatomy resembles the most and as a way to tie any loose ends. She is smart and know about psychology (she help with nightmares after all), so I could see her making sure these events do not repeat.
There is a nice bit of comedy running through this.
Kudos to you.
Unfortunately, there are a bunch of issues.
Some things aren't worded right and some sentences are started with the same word one after another.
If you can, see if you can get your work edited before you post.
This will give a better impression and help readers enjoy your work.
I gave you an upvote because I had a good time reading this chapter.
9664085
I try my best to edit what I can but, I lack in technical skill when comes to writing. I am trying to work on it. I am gonna try harder at improving it and send my editor things before post them.
Well thank you for upvote.
Yes you are
9675471
He really is. He trying his best through. XD
O no he forgot some one will be waiting in his room for him who could’ve saw that coming
9676134
Well the thought of Luna murdering him if he talks to anyone about this. Has him pretty scared to talk to anyone.
9676590
Hope starlight doesn’t walk in
Hmmm, Starlight kind of made one hell of a personal question out of the blue. Wouldn't have been better if she asks first if she can make that question? Or maybe apologize for asking it since she is still socially awkward and tells that he doesn't need to answer if he feels uncomfortable about it.
Also, it nice that he wishes to give the relationship a try but I think he owns the princess of a night a small chat before doing anything else. She is her sister after all. If he really wishes to give the courting of Celestia a try I think it fair he steels his resolve, goes talk with Luna and has an honest talk with her. Put his hand on the table so to speak, I'm sure Luna would respect that and will calm her down from her anger, or at least will be civil enough to talk properly.
9711537
Well, this is Starlight we're talking about.
9712075
Yep, that is why I thought that he could open blushing and looking at Starlight before saying "Aw, isn't that kind of personal?"
9712086
In the land of ponies, what is personal? Especially with that pink demon.
9712092
Point taken
9711537
Wow someone already gave my answer to your question regarding Starlight. I will also say this...she asking that question is a bit of foreshadowing in a sense. As for him talking to Luna...he probably should but, he truthfully scared of her and thinks talking to her won't help anything. He wants to focus on Celestia and figure out what they are before going forward with anything else.
9712225
That is fair enough
9724156
Alcohol, Loneliness and Good timing can be a dangerous combo for anyone.
Loving this story!
Thought starlight was gonna have the hots for him too lol
Curses! I want to read more! Before everybody cries...
9814645
Currently working on chapter 6 I will be posting it soon.
So... Does dirty little secret know you have his avatar as your cover art?
9817389
Umm I don't know who that is. Is that the artist of the picture. If that is the case I will source them as such. I couldn't find who made picture the cover art.
9817457
According to derpibooru, the artist:reiduran, is the original artist. (Celestia with pink mane)
Your cover art is edited by artist:rustydooks (celestia with normal mane)
That was cute!
That was a awesome and sweet start, now I can't wait to see where this goes (no rush).
That was so sweet and spicy.
That was humerus/sweet I hope things get better.
This has me on the rage of my seat wondering what they're going to do next.
In getting closer and closer and o them finally talking and getting closer to each other.
OMG this chapter had my heart betting from how sweet and spicy this is you can feel the love.
after the previous scene, I'd go with serving instead of servicing. servicing brings other thoughts to mind 😜
Sorry Pinkie, someone already cheered her up with his "party cannon"|
not sure what word it should be but I'm betting 'hasten' isn't the one,
They are good or They're good
firm
settled
a look
Thought this was gonna be another porn fic after reading chapter 2. But this chapter was quite good! gonna keep reading :)
Damn Luna was maad, mabe she jelly!?