• Member Since 10th May, 2021
  • offline last seen Sep 9th, 2021

Name redacted

I've read many types of stories, might post my own someday.

Comments ( 14 )

Just a couple isles, a pair of bathrooms at the back of the store, and a corner for making drinks.

Those belong in a body of water. ;) Aisles is the word you're looking for. Not a bad start so far.

Anyway, the pony pokes their head out a bit, enough to pear over the counter, allowing me to see their purple eyes and long eyelashes. 'Guess it's a girl.'


Promising start, I'm looking forward to seeing how this turns out :moustache:

If EqG is canon to this story, Twilight will at least know what Anon is. If not, research opportunity for Twi!

Thanks for letting me know, must've slipped through when I edited it. Have a good one, and hope you enjoy the story.

Noticed a typo.

...between getting shot(which I'm...

Need a space between these words: 'shot (which'.

Noted and fixed, thanks.

So far im interested, however the only thing i could think to ask for is perhaps longer chapters? :twilightsheepish:

Tuesdays, I hate them. For most people, it's Mondays, but I really hate Tuesdays. I guess I'm just special like that.

It's okay. I hate Tuesdays, too. You get all psyched up for monday, and then when Tuesday rolls around, all that mental energy you built up for monday is gone.

Brave to write your first story in present-tense. Let me just say that so far, it's looking pretty good, I just have a few nitpicky sort of things;

they both pull out a pistol each, both aiming at the young cashier

This phrase is a bit redundant. I would reword it something like "each pull out a pistol, aiming at the young cashier"

. His eye's widen, then narrow

It should be EYES, not EYE'S. An apostrophe makes the noun possessive, or is a contraction (eye is= eye's)

I guess it would take someone with some brain cells to rub together to tell you that though."

Needs a comma. "...to rub together to tell you that, though."

I won't do this for any other chapters. Just giving you some examples of what to look out for. Most of these are pretty common mistakes, and not too big a deal. I'm going to keep reading! So far I like the premise.

Great story! Can't wait for more of this gem. Anon's pretty straightforward in this one,bit too nonchalant for my liking but it's better than iverdramatuc Anon at least. Tho, straightforward Anon might cut down your writing length by the fact that he actually communicates through misunderstandings too quickly.

It's a good start. I look forward to more.

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