When Octavia refuses Vinyl's affection for her lack of ability to bear a child, Vinyl discovers a way for the two of them to have a filly together. When their music gives birth to the child of their dreams, their lives are never the same as they discover what it means to be parents.
This covers a lot of ground for a first chapter, which is good. It helps distinguish it from other Octavia and Vinyl stories more quickly.
One thing that I did find to criticize, though, is that some of the lines of dialogue are too... obvious, for lack of a better word. "To be honest, I'm desperate," for example, could be much stronger if you show Octavia being desperate through her actions and responses rather than having her come out and just say it.
Nice start. I can't wait to read more.
2096191
Very true, but I also see Octavia as a somewhat blunt individual, especially when it comes to matters with Vinyl in private. I didn't exactly have a way to show her desperation through her actions in mind, but I understand where your coming from with that.
three things
1. great story
2. love adding velvet
3. not to be rude but maybe you should finish some of the stories you have before staring anymore after this, like i said not rude just saying
(Joke) Alt. Title: Children Of The KoЯn
Git it? 'Cause KoЯn is a band a-and it's a pun on Children Of The Corn and this story is about a kid who literally came from music!... That sucked, I know. ALSO! This:
2096750
Normally an artist wouldn't reply to this, but I will simply because I want you to please understand. I'm full of ideas that jump around a lot. Sometimes I'll start a story and lose interest sooner than expected. Some of my stories don't even have endings, they could technically go on as long as I want them to. I've been in a somewhat creative slump for the past two months, and the fact I was able to write anything is a great thing. Also, I have an actual book that I'm now writing and I have even less time on the side to write fictions like these. In the end it all comes down to real life and how it effects you.
2096850
Well how about that. I don't know any of these things and I still came up with this.
2098866
......."A BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT!"
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/18600741.jpg
See? Even Heavy is excited for the soon-to-be new parents.
it was worth the wait
Loved it
one of you bronies tell vynil mix to read this
is this the last chapter ???
3598351
No, it's not. I just have a full time job now. But this is number one on my priorities to continue and I'm working in the next chapter right now. Sorry for the wait.
3599979 I forgot it was incomplete sorry
Try reading the first chapter when they're fighting, while listening to Octavia's Overture.
Such a very very beautiful story. I badly look forward to more if you continue it. If not, I'm insanely happy to have read what I have.
ChinchillaQueenMidori when will more chapters come out for this story
Move faster I hear Banjos