"Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender." G'Kar - Babylon 5
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The pony tribes live divided from one another by generations of fear and mistrust. Long ago, however, they mingled, and married, freely with each other. What would happen when that genetic legacy expresses itself again, and a pegasus is born in Maretime Bay? Are there any ponies who might do their part to help such an ill-fated foal?
(This story is set an undetermined time before the main events of the My Little Pony: A New Generation movie, but after the intro sequence.)
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I actually really like this it would explain what happened to all the couples like the cakes and that the cursader s never die rang true
11050886
Thanks. I started from the first premise about the Cakes, then the idea of the CMCs inspiring beyond their time just fit.
Congratulations on your first story, and on your first story being one I finished reading even though sometimes it seems like I'm one of the world's most negative commenters.
And yes, it does a nice job of connecting G4 with G5 in its way.
Edited to Add:
As I said to someone elsewhere, respectable horsewords.
11050951
Thank you. That actually means a lot to me.
oh wow this is so good.
the crusaders bit made me tear up
11051123
Score! I was hoping for that reaction. Thank you.
11051126
oh man and the implications presented here feed nicely into the sequel I'm planning for Chromatophage
Where do all the amputated horns and wings go?
This is good. Here,have a like!
11051169
Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.
T'was a pleasure and an honor to be able to proofread such a nice fic! Great job!
11051266
Thank you so much for the proofreading, and the comment. It wouldn't be what it is without your input.
Exactly thw sort of thing I'd been thinking would happen in cases like these. Of course, it would be interesting to see what happened after things change in the movie.
I could see a lot of painful, yet happy (hopefully, in the end) reconnections.
11051550
Indeed! I imagine something like adoption reconnections IRL. You might notice they kept track of who the foal was from. There is a chance this will lead to a longer series based on the group, but we'll see. Thanks for the comment!
The CMC is still upholding the values of G4. Their tenacity to stick together pulled through even in the darkest of times.
Even in a new generation, they still wind up second fiddle to the main heroes. They just can’t catch a break.
Argyle being a CMC explains so much.
Howdy, hi!
I really enjoyed this. I loved how you connected the Crusaders with G5 in such a really heartfelt way. I look forward to what you write next.
Congrats on an awesome first story.
Well, I'll be. This would be a really good fic from any writer, but especially from a new author (I mean, maybe you've written in past fandom or original fiction, but I won't assume so). Fair play.
It really comes down to the concept - I have seen it in one other Gen 5 fic thus far, but it's just such an obvious "of course this would be a real issue, different types of ponies being born occasionally" situation, such that when I saw this fic, my first thought was "ooh, wonder how this author tackled the topic". I approve of the chosen story - a secret underground group of a select few from each pony tribe who meet up occasionally to swap newborn foals, it's just perfect. And taking that further through a select few midwifes being in on the action, an old laundromat being the base of operations in Maretime Bay, a secret procedure for dropping off the foals - the logistics of the concept just keep coming, and you do a workmanlike job of splicing in additional side details, like the recruiting of new members, and how the canon events of our established characters fit into this point in the timeline. It's honestly pretty great. The fic’s 4.5K words, though maybe marginally overlong, were so juicy the fic felt both too long and too short, in the rights ways.
If there is a flaw, other then the writing prose being good enough to not break the immersion without going too far beyond that, it would be that the piece's structure of switching lead characters almost halfway into the fic (five-twelfths, to be more accurate) does leave it feeling more akin to a documentary then an involving character piece. Not that the two earth pony mares used as the leads aren't engaging in their commitment to doing what's right despite everything, for they are. Perhaps it's the occasional fluctuation in modulating tone (towards the end, the way the meeting is glossed over, those paragraphs shift tone and emotion rather roughly, for instance) that draws this out, and it wouldn't be a problem otherwise.
Really, I'm nitpicking here, as it's honestly the only thing holding the fic back from excellent, no joke. And only by the skin of its teeth! Well, that, and I find the G4 nod to the Crusaders crudely inserted and immersion-breaking, but I'll admit my bias in much preferring my Gen 5 fiction to not make concrete allusions to Gen 4.
Obviously I'm in the minority there, but I didn't let that colour my take on the fic. Especially not to recommend it, which I absolutely do. A little room for polish, but a superb effort nonetheless, and one I'm very happy to have read. Well done!
11054505
Thank you for the in-depth review! That gives me a lot to look at for my future fics. I appreciate hearing where I can do better.
I'm sorry the reveal seemed crudely inserted. I tried to sprinkle in references throughout the story to hint at it, but they may have been too subtle.
Very nice story you have here. I like the concept of a small group of what are essentially counterculture ponies doing what they can to bridge the divide between the races in their own way. That they are the Crusaders makes it even more poignant.
Wonderfully adorable if a little sad I am glad it had a happy ending.
Loved the CMC ref ending bit.
This was really interesting, and it made a ton of sense that such a system would exist. Great job! When the description mentioned this took place after the intro sequence, I assumed you meant the G4 part, so I was surprised to see the G5 leads mentioned here. It felt a bit odd that discussion would focus on them so much, but I suppose they stood out before the main events of the movie anyway.
Hmm... might be interesting to see how they react when it all changes.
I loved it. I'd love to see what happens post-unification. Adopted ponies finding out that they were originally born elsewhere, bio parents trying to find the foals they had to give up, maybe even this society meeting up with Sunny and her crew. Or even more detail in what happens when ponies give birth with staff who don't know of the society. They can't just chop off a unicorn's horn, can they?
Hello! Have a review. This is a fantastic story. The gradual opening-out of its focus is done very well, and there's lots of juicy world-building. I found the references to Sunny and Izzy a little awkward, but pretty much everything else was very satisfying. Have a like and a fave!