This story is a sequel to Equestria Girls: A Star Cometh
What begins as a normal day for the CHS eight turns into Chaos as their world gets flipped-turned upside down. The beings responsible for the madness are the children of X-Men villain Proteus and Eris, one of the Lords of Chaos, Desmond a.k.a. Discord and his sister Christine a.k.a. Cosmos. The CHS eight and their friends must restore order, lest the universe be consumed by chaos of two different kinds. The solution to the problem may be closer than they think...
With special thanks to Comickook for collaborating on the ideas for this version of Discord and Cosmos.
Chapters (10)
Hello there. Thanks greatly for getting this next story started. I thank you for allowing me to bounce ideas off of you. Definitely appreciated the flashback to Proteus and Eris's first meeting as well as the look at the girls as they were preparing to start their day..
Anyway, on to the next chapter.
Well done on the action, exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up. Yeah, the stuff about the players' shoes tying themselves together, the shift from chocolate milk to jelly beans as far as the rain goes, the body swaps for a few of the students and the encounter with the book duplicate of the Hulk were all quite well done. I also liked how Twilight initially thought it could be Mxy, but dismissed it because it HASN'T been ninety days since his last appearance as well as Sunset reflecting on the Equestrian version of Discord (who she probably knows about either from her time with the Equestrian Celestia or from things the Equestrian Twilight told her). In addition, liked the little family moment between Human Discord and his sister.
VERY much looking forward to more of this.
11040918
I'm glad you like the story, thanks again for collaborating with me on it, thank you for your continued support of this series and once again thank you for your patience
11040928
Once more you are quite welcome on all counts.
REALLY good job on the latest chapter. Certainly liked the work that went into the action, exchanges, characterizations, humor and future chapter set-up. REALLY liked all the back-up the main heroes got as they started their hunt. Also appreciated the nods to Mister Peanut and Looney Tunes when they were recapping the things they saw. And, Sunset's explaining what she heard from the Equestrian Discord before the brief fight with the Mask. And, speaking of that, Fluttershy also did a great job shortening the fight and getting as much information as she could before the Human Discord and Cosmos issued the invitation (including the foreshadowing to the human counterparts of Fluttershy and Discord eventually developing a friendship similar to that of their Equestrian counterparts.
VERY MUCH looking forward to more of this.
Also thought of something for later:
Cosmos: Allow us to explain the rules to all of you. The first is, no super-powers. All of you must overcome our challenges on brains and courage alone. Rule two, all of you play or you are all disqualified. Rule three: THERE ARE no other rules.
11041951
I'll see what I can do
As always, thank you so much for the comment, the support and the idea
11042002
You are very welcome, once again.
Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up AND for liking my dialogue idea enough to use it. Both are really appreciated. I appreciate the fact that Fluttershy tried to warn the others about accepting the twins' challenge and Twilight tried to think but time ran out before she could think it through as much as she would like.
Some other possible ideas for later:
1. Desmond and Christine's challenges can include brought-to-life carnival rides and mind controlled old enemies of the Rainbooms' allies (i.e. the H.I.V.E. Five, the Masters of Evil, Captain Nazi, the Dazzlings etc.), that, as mentioned, the heroes will have to overcome on brains and courage alone. Though, the brain-washed villains, at least, are slightly easier to handle than usual as the ones controlling them are more interested in sick laughs than a blood bath.
and 2. At an appropriate point, Kate can observe that this is one of the few good things about having no super-powers to begin with - already being used to getting things done on just brains and courage. Though she admits not having her bow and arrows DOES make things A BIT more difficult.
Of course, I can completely understand if you don't like the ideas.
At any rate, I will certainly be looking forward to more of this. And I also wish you and your family and friends a safe and Happy Thanksgiving in advance.
11056329
, I'll see what I can do
, and an advanced Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family and friends too
Once again thank you for the comment, the support and the ideas
11057086
You're quite welcome and thank you too. :-D
Excellent work on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Definitely appreciated how the teams were agreed on and the reasoning behind the teams picking the places they were going to check. Also liked the touches of the brought-to-life video game enemies and the brain-washed D-list villains in addition to the alterations of the other rides. Also liked the little dialogue between Christine/Cosmos and Desmond/Discord when the former caught the latter looking at Fluttershy.
VERY much looking forward to more of this.
And Happy Holidays to you and your family and friends.
11081353
and Happy Holidays to you, your family and friends also
Once again, thank you for the comment, the support
11081368
Once more, you are quite welcome.
Thanks immensely for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Definitely appreciate the effort going into the exchanges, characterizations, action set-up and future chapter set-up in all the right places. VERY much appreciated the looks at how the four teams are doing and hints at what they're likely going to encounter soon. And, yeah, the reasoning on Sunset's team concerning how the extra security could be a clue that they are on the right track (though that is very likely what Christine/Cosmos WANTS them to think). And also liked Desmond/Discord's brief show of regret concerning how far this is going.
Here is something for later on, probably very close to the end:
Christine: Desmond! What do you think you're doing?
Desmond: I could ask YOU the same thing! Fun is fun, but this is going WAY too far! Yeah, mess with the mortals a bit, but don't hurt them.
Christine: Don't hurt them? I think you are just a little too attracted to that Fluttershy girl.
Desmond: No, that's not it. Well, not COMPLETELY it. It's just that, if we go too far with our antics, they won't survive. And, if we make too much of a habit of taking our shenanigans too far, we'll eventually run out of people to mess with!
This is, of course, assuming you don't already have something better planned (which, admittedly, is possible and I will certainly respect it if you do).
Anyway, most certainly looking forward to more of this.
11128930
Once again, thank you for the comment, the ideas and the support
11129665
Once again, you're quite welcome.
Another possible dialogue idea for the very end:
Desmond: Just because I helped you guys against my sister in the end, don't make the mistake of assuming I'm going to be on your side. There are just lines I don't cross, is all.
Sunset: Fair enough.
Desmond: However, I WILL want to play some more games with all of you from time to time - especially Fluttershy.
Twilight: Games have rules.
Desmond: Of which I am quite aware. Because of this, I will agree to three rules and only three. The first rule will be nothing from any of us that causes any lasting physical or mental harm to anybody.
Fluttershy: Seems reasonable.
Desmond: The second will be that I will give all of you a fair chance to win if you do the same with me.
Pinkie: Another agreeable rule.
Desmond: Third and final (I will admit I got the idea for this one from an occasional 5th Dimension pen pal that likes to mess with your Superman. If you get me to say, write or otherwise reveal my name backwards within 24 hours of the games starting, I'll leave you alone for 90 days. If you fail, Fluttershy has to go out with me - just dinner, dancing and a movie, though. As I said, I DO have standards.
Rarity: Well, I must admit that those rules DO sound good. And if we play by ALL THREE of those rules every time we play, you can play as many games with us as you want - providing we take a 90-day break after each game.
Desmond: That's the general idea. Oh, and another thing - call me Discord.
Again, that is for the very end of the story. I figure it might make for some good material for later set-up. Of course, I will completely understand if you don't wish to use it.
11131763
, I'll see what happens
Thanks for the idea
11133197
You're very welcome and I appreciate you at least considering it.
Again, very good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. One bit of good news: One of the four teams managed to get their powers back. Bad news: Christine has upped the ante and is making things harder for the other three teams.
Still, really liked the inclusions of Mortal Kombat characters as well as references to horror movies and "5 Nights at Freddy's". Also, thanks very much for liking one of my dialogue ideas enough to use it. I really appreciate that.
For the next chapter, maybe Discord could teleport the team that already got their powers and gear back to assist the other three teams (Twilight and Midnight to help out Fluttershy, Pinkie and their team, Magik to help out Rainbow, Applejack and their team and Wanda to help out Sunset, Rarity and their team) before engaging Chistine in a fight herself to distract her (knowing they are too evenly matched for him to win, but he CAN keep her busy long enough to prevent her from upping the ante any further).
And then, in the last chapter before the epilogue, Desmond can comment "Perhaps our powers ARE too evenly matched for me to win against you, sis, but me PLUS all sixteen of our players who already got all their powers and gear back, well, as the expression goes, that's a horse of a different color."
Of course, I can respect it if you already have other/better ideas.
At any rate, I'll certainly be looking forward to more of this.
11156062
As always, thank you for your comment and support of this series
11156652
As usual, you are quite welcome.
By the way, if this comes in multi-posted, I profusely apologize. I had a bit of difficulty getting this through.
Again, very good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Definitely liked the fight between Desmond and Christine/Cosmos as well as the rest of the teams getting through the challenges and getting their powers and gear back while Twilight and her team were helping distract Christine/Cosmos. And now it's going to be the final showdown, Desmond and all of the young heroes present vs. Cosmos.
VERY certainly looking forward to the final couple of chapters (counting the epilogue)
11172098
As always, thank you for the comment and your support
11172237
And, as usual, you are very welcome.
Thanks immensely for getting this chapter (probably the second-to-last) up. VERY certainly appreciated the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, action and epilogue set-up in all the right places. VERY greatly enjoyed the tricks Desmond and Christine used against each other as well as Fluttershy standing up to Christine, Rainbow's slight Shout Out to Casey and Raphael's first meeting in the first "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie, the gang teaching Desmond about friendship and, in general the teamwork that went into defeating Christine, before the gang revealed just who Desmond and Christine's father was.
VERY certainly looking forward to the last chapter (as well as more stories in this series in general), though I definitely respect that real world concerns need to come first and writing time can be hard to come by.
11195018
As always thank you for the comment and the support of this series
11195586
You are very welcome, as usual.
Thanks very much for getting the final chapter of this story up. Definitely appreciate the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, general wrap-up and future story set-up in all the right places. Definitely enjoyed Desmond's chat with Proteus as well as the Mythology Gag to the IDW comics with the "Captain Goodguy" identity. Also appreciated the attempts to chat with Professor X and Superman before checking back in on Fluttershy and the others. Though, yikes, Christine has met with the Weaponeers of Qward. Yeah, makes sense, but certainly a frightening thought.
VERY certainly looking forward to more of this series.
11200578
, I am eternally grateful for your continued support of this series
I'm glad you liked the story and again thank you for collaborating and providing the idea for this version Discord and Cosmos
11200654
You are quite welcome, once again.