Twilight intervention
Sunset shivered from her position next to the Wondercolt statue. Although one could say it was thanks to the winter weather, in reality it was for the hateful stares of passing students.
The red head sighed. It was bad enough was that the whole student body believed that she was back into her old ways by revealing embarrassing secrets online using the name “Anon-A-Miss” making her a person no grata again. However worse was that her friends, or whom she thought were her friends, also believed that and soon they kick her out of her circle without even a chance to defend herself.
However the former bad girl wasn’t totally alone. And precisely it was a thanks to that was that she was waiting for someone.
In that moment the base of the statue glowed and shivered like water before a figure came stumbling out of it.
“Whoa!!!!” before she could fall the new girl managed to keep her balance “uff ok I think I’m getting better on this”
“Twilight!!!” Sunset cried in happiness at seeing the equestrian princess.
“Sunset Shimmer” Twilight called back before hugging the girl. “Its so nice to see you”
“Same here” said Sunset really happy to have a true friendly face around “I’m really happy you are here”
“Sorry it took me this long” Said Twilight finishing the hug “preparations for Hearts warming eve took more than I anticipated and just managed to find a space to come over”
“It doesn’t matter” said Sunset “I’m just glad to have a friendly face around”
Twilight flinched at the other girl´s sad expression.
“I can understand that” she said putting a hand on Sunset´s shoulder “for what you have told me this Anon-A-Miss situation has become really serious” the princess gazed on the school her face gaining an angry look “and our friends?”
Sunset looked down.
“Right ok then no time to lose” the purple girl declared, making Sunset look at her with growing hope “time to end this”
“So what’s the plan?” asked Sunset “you only told me that you have an idea of who really is behind all this”
“I do yeah” answered the Alicorn-turned human “and I have all I need here” she said pointing to the backpack she had “but we will need help to do this” she turned to the red head “do you know someone who could give us a hand?”
Sunset thought hard.
“All the school thing I’m behind this but...” she looked up “I think I know two people that will give me the benefit of doubt at least to explain things”
“Then lets do it” both girls began walking to the school “someone I know?”
This made the red head chuckled.
“Oh I think you do” she said in a conspiracy tone.
“...Come on Bon Bon I said I was sorry!!!”
Apple Bloom turned from her locker to see Lyra basically on her knees trying to get some reaction from her scowling friend.
“And I said I don’t want to hear it” Bon Bon said back “you know how much it take to do those cakes? A lot!! And all for what?” she turned with an angry look “to only learn you think they are the...how Anon put it? Oh yeah like you had to bite through a solid brick filled with tar!!!”
Oh yeah that was one of the latest secrets she and the rest found up. Turned out that even when her name meant something sweet, Bon Bon wasn’t that good at cooking and Lyra had been throwing away any cake or dessert she was given and put up a smiling front. That’s it, until Scootaloo managed to take a good picture and “Anon-A-Miss” post it online.
Part of her felt bad for Lyra (who seems about to fall on tears) but it was a small sacrifice to keep Sunset away from her sister.
“Hey guys!! Why the long faces?” the joyful voice of Ditzy (Derpy) Doo called the three girls attention, as the blonde cross-eyed girl approached the fighting duo with a smile on her face.
“I don’t know, why don’t you ask her?” said Bon Bon pointing at Lyra “although I wouldn’t offer her one of your muffins unless you want to be lied to your face”
“Bon Bon please!!!!” called the mint haired girl in desperation.
“Come on girls cheer up” called Derpy “haven’t you heard the good news?”
“What good news?” asked Bon Bon.
Apple bloom began putting some books back into her locker as she kept an eye in case there was something she could use later.
“Anon-A-Miss is done for and finish” declared the blonde girl with a smile.
Apple Bloom almost lost hold of her books and turned in shook towards the trio. At the same time Lyra (finally standing up) and Bon Bon looked at her friend in confusion.
“What do you mean by that?” asked Lyra “did Sunset finally confess?”
“Sunset? Oh nononono” said Derpy “turns out we ALL were wrong, Sunset was innocent all along”
Apple Bloom looked at the blonde not believing her ears. What did she mean with that? She and her friends had made sure to put all the guilt on her. Fortunately for the little Apple Bon Bon asked.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well yeah, if she wasn’t innocent then calling princess Twilight to investigate would had been quite a silly move on her part” Derpy said
“Princess Twilight?!!!!” Lyra and Bon Bon cried in surprise.
Apple Bloom felt herself paling at the mention of the inter-dimensional princess. What was she doing here? How did she know about all this?
“Yeah turns out Sunset had a way to communicate with her all this time and she told her about what was going on” Apple Bloom leaned in their direction to not miss anything “just listen. Turns out something like this...like exactly THIS happened on her home too”
“Whoa really?” Lyra asked. “But what that has to do with what its happening now here?”
“Princess Twilight suspects that the same person that was Anon-A-Miss in her world is Anon-A-Miss in ours” explained the blonde “since we all have doppledangers or something like that”
“Doppelgangers” corrected Bon Bon “and must say, it would make things easier to solve but, isn’t it a bit far fetched to believe that what happen in her world is happening exactly the same here?”
Apple Bloom sighed in relief. That was quite a good point. However…
“Umm true, but apparently she brought something that will help with that” said Derpy “something magical from her world for what I heard”
Magic?!!! Why does it have to be magic?!!! Apple Bloom cried in her mind. Ok calm down there is no way Twilight could connected her to Anon-A-Miss right?
“Although” Derpy´s voice pulled her out of her worry thoughts “cant help but feel bad for Rarity” the two friends (and the ears dropping Apple Bloom) looked at her in confusion “I mean just imagine that your own sister revealed your secrets like that, I would feel awful”
Apple Bloom suddenly felt panic and dread traveling through her body.
“Wait Sweetie Belle is Anon-A-Miss?!!!” cried Lyra both in shock and anger.
“That’s what princess Twilight suspects” said Derpy “at this moment she and Sunset are looking for her to interrogate her”
That was all the young Apple could take and quickly ran away leaving behind a duo processing what hey just learn; and a smiling Derpy who was looking in her direction.
Apple Bloom ran as fast as she could, trying to find her friend. She needed to warn her, both her and Scootaloo. They all needed to get out school, they needed to lay low for a while, the account would we need to be put on a hold but they couldn’t risk the princess finding something thru it.
At the same time she couldn’t help but scold herself.
How is that they forgot about princess Twilight?...of coarse Sunset would had a way to communicate with her (if not how would she have come during the Siren incident?) if someone could ruin their plan that was her. After all they didn’t know any secret about her that they could use to make her distrusts Sunset.
She was cut out her thoughts when she noticed a bunch of students standing in the hallway all looking towards one point. Form where she could hear Twilight´s voice followed by Sweetie Belle´s.
Oh no!!!
Moments before Sweetie Belle was hanging with her sister as she talked with Applejack. However the peaceful moment was soon cut off.
“There you are!!!” a loud and quite familiar voice called with a memorable frightening tone that cause any student in the hallway to part away like the red sea allowing the trio to see an angry Sunset Shimmer walking towards them. The fact that the red head looked like her evil angry (past) self was more enough to paralyze everyone as the girl stopped just some steps from the fashionista and the country girl.
“What do you want Sunset Shimmer?” asked Rarity putting herself in front of her sister.
The girl in question took a deep breath. Her posture seems to relax and his “evil aura” dispelled.
“I want to talk” she finally said.
Applejack was the first to recover.
“We don’t have anything to talk with a traitorous snake like you” the country girl stepping forwards.
Everyone noticed Sunset flinching before trying to recover a calm expression.
“Please Applejack” she said in soft tone, her posture changing to a tired one “I know you are angry but you must listen please”
“Listen to what?” said Rarity entering the talk (much to the delight of Sweetie Belle) “on how you play us for fools only to stab us in the back?”
“I DIDN’T do anything!!!” screamed Sunset “please guys you need to listen, I’m innocent”
“Likely story” yelled Applejack “all the evidence points to you”
“What evidence?!!!” yelled Sunset back.
“How about the pictures YOU took and that appeared on a post with YOUR face” yelled Rarity.
“Have you even thought WHY I would do that in the first place?” asked Sunset “after all this time trying to be a better person, after the Sirens, after all this months of been FRIENDS...why would I try to throw away like this and THEN trying to proof I didnt do anything?!!!” she ended up making some people look at each other like they were actually wondering that for the first place
“A leopard can't change its spots” said Applejack in a final tone
“Ok now you are just being ridiculous Applejack” said Sunset with anger. “That’s dumb and you know it”
“Now I’m being dumb?!!!” she said also on angry tone seemingly ready to punch Sunset.
At that point Sweetie Belle pulled her sister´s sleeve making movements with her head about leaving. The last thing she needed was for any of them to give time to Sunset and a fight certainly would attract unwanted attention.
Rarity looked at her and nodded and put a hand on Applejack´s shoulder to calm her down.
“Come on Applejack,” she said before giving a final look at Sunset “we have much more important things to do than hearing anything coming from you” said the fashionista turning around ready to take her sister away from this toxic presence.
“And we don’t WANT to hear anything coming from you” added Applejack ready to leave too.
“And what about listening to what I have to say?”
Everyone was so focused on Sunset that no one noticed Twilight walking down the hallway until she talked, which was received with a great gasp at seeing the “school princess”
“Twilight?!!!” Applejack and Rarity cried in surprise at seeing their friends.
Sweetie Belle paled at seeing the girl wondering why she was there. And got quite worry when she walked to put herself next to Sunset (giving the girl a smile) before fulminating Applejack and Rarity with her gaze.
“Twilight…what…what are you doing here?” asked Applejack.
“Sunset called me” she answered on a cold tone that showed her displeasure “she told me what was going on and asked me to help her find the truth”
“The truth?” asked Applejack quite confused by that “Twilight I don’t know what she has been telling you but its probably not the full story, if you let me explain…” she started only to be cut.
“Like you are letting Sunset explain?” she called them narrowing her eyes in anger “as for the whole story I already know how it goes and also how it ENDS”
“Wait what?”
“ Lets see” Twilight continued “a mysterious writer publishes a lot of secrets about you and our friends, people find it funny at the beginning but then its their secrets the ones being revealed which in turn caused a lot of anger and people fighting against each other trying to find out who the writer is” she finished.
“Well… yes that’s what is happening now” said Rarity “but if you know that then you know the one behind this….”
“Its NOT Sunset Shimmer” interrupted Twilight making everyone gasp. “You see, this whole situation already happened in my world, and outside the different author name I cant tell any differences” her gaze fell on Sweetie Belle who gulped “which means the responsible must be also the same person”
Both girls (and everyone else) followed Twilight´s gaze and gasped.
“Twilight!!!” cried Rarity in indignation “you cant possible believe my Sweetie Belle would do something as low as this!!!”
“Cant I?” the princess raised an eyebrow “the Sweetie Bell of my world was quite capable” she added as she began pacing with everyone´s eyes and ears focus on her “after landing a place on the local newspaper she thought that becoming a gossip writer would give her more popularity, and being the sister of my Rarity actually helped her on doing research as she was close enough to the source of juicy info and secrets” she looked at Rarity “from what Sunset told me one of your first secrets revealed were pictures of a nasty line of clothing right?”
“Y-yes” said Rarity looking then at Sunset.
But before she could accuse her of anything Twilight spoke again.
“And the ones who were there in that moment where only our friends right?” she asked again.
“Well yes!!!” Rarity said, “We were the only ones there”
“Are you sure of that?” asked Twilight “think carefully. Were you, Sunset and the rest the ONLY ones at your home that night?”
“What do you mean? Of coarse we….” But wait Twilight was right there, they WERENT the only ones at her home that night, there was also…she shook her head “no that’s not possible” she looked at her sister (noticing she was quite nervous) “you couldn’t have…”
“N-no…NO” cried Sweetie Belle “I could never…” she turned to Twilight who looked at her clearly not believing her “you cant blame me for something that happen in pony land!!!”
“Equestria, but you’re right” said twilight surprising everyone “there are differences between both incidents, and not to mention the name Anon-A-Miss it’s quite different to Gabby Gums” Sweetie Belle wont say it but that name actually sounded better “however the coincidences are to many to simply ignore them” Twilight declared “that’s why I brought something special that will, WITHOUT A DOUBT, help us find the truth”
Murmurs sounded around them.
“What do you mean with that?” asked Applejack with caution as Twilight set her backpack on the floor.
“I might not have magic on this side of the portal” she said as she searched for something inside her bag “but if my crown and the Siren´s gems are an indication objects fused with magic can keep their properties even when crossing worlds” she finally took what she was looking for and stood up “for that motive I think THIS will work”
The object in question was a glass jar filled with a fizzling liquid.
“What is that?” asked Applejack gazing on the jar “it looks like cider”
Twilight smiled.
“That´s because it IS cider” she said confusing everyone “a special batch of cider the Applejack of my world made herself out of a special fruit know as the Golden apple of truth” she announced in dramatic tone “it’s a magical fruit of Equestria that have quite a sweet flavor and its quite demanded” explained the princess “however, if eaten or drinken in this case, it force the pony, or person in this case, to talk only with the truth” the finished making everyone to murmur again as everyone came to the same conclusion “tell the truth for a while is a small price for its sweet flavor, but in this case it will help us to find the truth about Anon-A-Miss” she let people talk at the info she just gave. Meanwhile both Applejack and Rarity were quite impressed about this, however they also couldn’t help but worry. If what Twilight said was true, then why is Sunset risking herself to be fully discovered? It didn’t make any sense.
Like them Sweetie Belle also was worrying but for another thing.
“Of coarse I haven’t test if it has kept its magical properties after crossing the portal” said Twilight “so we will need a volunteer to test it”
“I will do it” a male voice called from the crowd making Twilight blush as a familiar blue haired boy approached her.
“Oh! Ehh h-hey Flash…how are you?” she asked with a nervous tone as her fingers play with the jar and a blush appeared on her face.
Even when the situation was serious, Applejack, Rarity and Sunset couldn’t help but giggle at her friend´s reaction.
“Happy to see you but wish it is on better circumstances” the boy said back also showing a small blush on his face “but I heard everything and if I can help Sunset prove her innocence and finish this whole thing then I’m up” he finished sending a reassuring smile at Sunset.
“Thank you Flash” the red head told him with a sincere relief.
“So...I have to just drink this?” he asked while Twilight hang him the jar.
“Yes...only a few sips should be enough for it to work” answered the princess.
“Ok then” without doubting the rocker open the jar and put it on his mouth before taking a few gulps out of it “umm ok you were right this is really sweet” he said as Sunset grabbed the jar. “Now what?”
“Now we need to ask a question” said Twilight “and I’m sorry but will need to be something really personal to be complete sure it worked”
“I have this Twilight” said Sunset trying to hide a smile while turning to the boy “ok Flash, is it true or not that you have a picture of Twilight on your locker that you use to practice everyday to ask her out?”
“Yes but its not everyday I only use it on Fridays in case she drops by for a weekend with you girls” Immediately he slap his hands on his mouth as a full face blush extended on his skin.
At the same time Twilight also had a full blush on her face and looked seconds to faint.
Everyone gasped (some chuckled).
“Well darn” said Applejack “its that´s not proof that thing works I don’t know what it could be”
“Well maybe he just simple man up to ask Twilight out?” said Rarity also in shock.
“No guy is THAT brave Rares” said back the country girl.
“ehem well...yeah...ummm” Twilight try to make words come out her mouth “I think we can..ehem…say this test was successful.” Both her and Flash look away from each other (the rocker´s hands still over his mouth) “I think we can pass to the actual issue at hoof” she nodded to Sunset who open the jar and drank.
Everyone held their breath…this was it...the big one…the moment of truth.
Sunset actually empty half the jar before giving it back to Twilight.
“Alright then…Sunset Shimmer, are you Anon-A-Miss?” Twilight asked.
Nobody move or dared to breathe. Sunset remained there, standing still with close eyes.
“No I’m not” she finally said. A defying silence fell on the hallway but she simply seems to be in her own word as she opened her eyes looking at Applejack straight in the eyes.
The country girl felt ice in her gut.
“Honestly I’m not surprised I was suspected” she said in a soft tone that echoed around “I know I wasn’t the best girl to be around. I admit it I was the worse” she said as her eyes water up “I did a lot of bad things I know I deserve to be hated and pushed around for all the I did” some tears fell “but one thing I thought I had was the your support and trust” Rarity and Applejack felt like someone had punch them “I thought that after what we have face and live together, after you guys allowed me to show remorse and try to be better, after you treated me like one of yours. I thought we were truly friends” tears fell freely from her eyes “but it seems I was wrong”
Twilight and Flash put a hand on each of Sunset´s shoulders in comfort.
Both Rarity and Applejack didn’t know what to think. Sunset was innocent? She really didn’t betray them?
“Sunset...I…I” Applejack tried to said something, only for Twilight´s glare to freeze her in place.
“Ok...with that cleared” the purple girl advanced. Her eyes locked on Sweetie Belle “I think its time to see if you are really innocent of this too”
With that all the attention fell on the little girl who looked around nervous trying to find a way out.
“M-me?” she asked trying to look innocent “come on is this necessary?”
“Oh? And why is that? If you innocent you shouldn’t worry about this” said Twilight getting closer to her.
“Sweetie Belle?” Rarity looked at her, not liking how nervous she looked.
“Come on Rarity you know I never would do anything!!!” she cried her back against the lockers.
“Then drink and there wont be absolute no doubt” said Twilight.
“But...but…” the girl looked around but everyone were stating to see at her with suspicion and Rarity felt dread growing inside her. “How do we know this wasn’t a trick?!!!” she cried making Twilight pause and rise an eyebrow “how do we know you and her didn’t plan this to incriminate me?!!!”
“Are you saying I would do anything to harm my friends?” asked Twilight with a clam tone “that IF Sunset was guilty I would side with her against the others?”
“Well...I…I…” Sweetie Belle was sweating at this point. Everyone’s eyes were on her. Her sister looked ready to cry as her refusal to take the jar was basically declaring her guilty. Twilight pushed the jar closer almost on her face.
“STOP!!!!”
In that moment Apple Bloom managed to pas through the crowd and ran against Twilight taking the jar away from her.
“Apple Bloom?” Applejack was confused “what are you…?”
However Apple Bloom opened the jar and drank up all it’s content in one go.
“It was me!!!!” she cried “all of it...I started Anon-A-Miss!!!!”
*GASPS*
“WHA-WHAT?!!!!” Applejack cried in shock.
“I was the one that told everyone your childhood nickname, I was the one that published Rarity´s photos and I was the one that made the profile!!! Me and only me!!!”
“Apple Bloom that’s not true!” cried Sweetie Belle not wanting her friend to put all the blame on her. “I also help, I was the one that gave you the photos and I also help bring rumors for the page”
“That’s not true” said Sweetie Belle. Suddenly she realized something “you know that’s not the truth...I did help you with everything” she said.
“No you are only lying to help me” Apple Bloom looked at her friend almost begging for her to just follow the story.
However this only proved something to Sweetie Belle.
“That’s a lie and you know it” she said “you are lying...but you shouldn’t be able to”
“But its true that BOTH of you had a hand creating this whole mess” called Twilight.
“I…I…” Apple Bloom suddenly realized that she has been tricked. “The potion…”
“There are a lot of magical fruits in Equestria that’s truth” said Twilight “but there isn’t anything like a golden apple of truth” the princess smiled at then.
“But...but you said…” Sweetie Belle tried to understand.
“After what Sunset told me I did suspected something like the Gaby Gums incident was happening here. However like that I knew magic wouldn’t be able to solve this incident” Twilight crossed her arms “you needed to confess what you did in order for everyone to see without a doubt how wrong they were about Sunset” some students did felt bad about accusing Sunset.
“You trick us!!!” cried Apple Bloom in anger “how could you that?!!! Why did you do it?!!!”
“I prefer seeing this as forcing the truth out of you” said the princess back “as for the how, I wasn’t the only one that thought Sunset was innocent” Derpy walked in and stood alongside Flash “once we had their help all that was needed was for you to hear that we were onto your little scheme and from there lay a trap” Apple Bloom´s eyes widen...Derpy´s conversation with Lyra and Bon Bon “as for the why, well I’m not the one that must answer that”
“What do you mean by…”
“APPLE BLOOM/SWEETIE BELLE!!!”
Both girls froze as their respective sisters face them with angry looks on their faces.
“What the hay Apple Bloom?!!! How could you do something like this?!!!” Applejack called her sister who simply crossed her arms and looked away.
“I can’t believe you would do something as low as this Sweetie Belle” called Rarity to her sister, who looked ready to cry “you posted all those secrets and started those horrible rumors about me and the others. And what is worst you lied in my face about it”
Around them more, angry voices began calling them for all the troubles they caused. Sweetie Belle looked down in shame and sadness. However Apple Bloom didn’t feel anything more than anger that her plan had been ruined. The way her sister was talking to her only make things worse…it simply wasn’t fair!!!
“Just what were you thinking?!!” Applejack called her sister who couldn’t take any more
“I WAS TRYING TO SAVE YOU!!!!” the young Apple finally exploded.
Everyone (Twilight and Sunset included) froze and looked at her in confusion.
“W-what? Saving me?” Applejack asked in confusion “I don’t understand?”
“Oh please” Apple bloom said with disdain “just three months ago you were talking about how Sunset was the worst, a poisonous snake that you wished nothing more but put in her place and that you hoped will go away” Sunset looked at Applejack before looking down as a cold feeling of sadness emerged from her chest “and then suddenly every time I try to spend time with you all you can think of is sunset, sunset, sunset!!!, SUNSET!!!!” she pulled her hair in frustration “it was more than obvious you are under some sort of spell because why else you would want to pass time with HER over your own sister?!!!”
“And when you began acting the same” said Sweetie Belle to Rarity “I thought Apple Bloom was right”
“So we decided to help you by reminding you how bad Sunset was” continue Apple Bloom “and it was working, you finally were pushing her away and returning to pass time with us like good sisters”
“What?!! Apple Bloom that’s ridiculous!!!” cried Applejack.
“Is it?” asked Apple Bloom. Frustrated that her sister wasn’t getting it.
“Yes!!!” cried Applejack “I know that’s what I thought about her but…” dread filled her whole body “but…but she proved that she was worthy of our trust, that she wanted to change” her body tremble “she help us save the school and…and did everything to show she was a better person and that…She was…she was” horror filled Applejack´s face as she turned to see a sad Sunset “she was our friend” suddenly the weight of her actions fell like a rock on her chest.
However her sister wasn’t done yet.
“THEN WHY WERE YOU SO EASY TO TURN AGAINST HER?!!!!” Apple Bloom yelled “it didn’t take more than a couple of rumors to turn your back on her with no second thoughts” those words were like a punch in the gut to the country girl “admit it, you still don’t like her and only wanted an excuse to get rid of her!!!”
Sunset´s eyes widen as she looked at Applejack. The words of the little red head bounced in her head…could it be?
“I think that’s enough”
The crowd parted again to show principal Celesta and Vice-principal Luna, both with disappointed/angry faces.
“We will take it from here” said the principal as she fulminated the two freshman girls.
“My office…now” said Luna with a gelid tone.
Apple Bloom huffed and began walking followed by a downcast sweetie Belle.
“And you better call your friend Scootaloo” continue the vice principal as she walked after the two girls “because I bet she also had something to do with this”
“Miss Applejack and miss Rarity” talked the principal “when you can please join us in vice-principal Luna´s office too”
“Yes Principal Celestia” both girls said in sad tone.
“Ok everyone show´s over please move” the principal called making the students disperse. Some already contacting their friends to tell them about what had happen. Others give Sunset passing apologies to which she simply smiled at. “Thanks again for your help princess Twilight” said the principal in thankful tone “the situation was really getting out of control”
“Twilight is fine” the Alicorn-turned human said back “and it was nothing. I couldn’t let Sunset face this alone” she sent a smile at the other girl. However this fell at seeing the red head´s sad expression. “Sunset?”
“Sunset!!!”
They turned to see both Applejack and Rarity approaching. Both with faces fill with regret.
“I…I’m sorry Sunset” started the country girl “I…I shouldn’t have blame you like that”
“It was really uncivilized on our part to do so” said Rarity with a sad tone.
“Then why did you do it?” asked Sunset in sad voice.
Both girls looked down in shame.
“I...we…i…I don’t know” Applejack said rubbing her arm.
“Could it be that what your sister said is also true?”
“WHAT? NO!!!” both girls cried.
“You sure?” Sunset sighed “I get it really…I was the worse, that’s a fact me and the rest of the school accepted” the calm and softness of her voice actually made the two girls shiver “I accepted any punishment that principal Celestia gave me cause I knew I deserved it, I also knew that it wont be easy for me to win the trust of everyone after so many time of being a horrible person” she looked up and both girls felt their heart stop at the sadness the girl´s eyes showed “but…I honestly thought I had won yours” some tears fell “that we were actually friends, that you just didn’t accepted me because Twilight ask you to”
“Sunset” Applejack tried to approach but the red head simply turned around.
“But it seems I was wrong”
“Darling that’s not true” cried Rarity.
“Isn’t it?” she called “so you don’t hold any resentment, any bad feeling towards me? Something you want to get out your chest towards me?”
Neither Applejack nor Rarity said anything. Instead they just looked down in shame.
“Sigh…that’s what I thought” Sunset began walking away.
“Sunset wait let us explain” cried Applejack.
“Please don’t!!!” called Sunset “right now I need to be alone...like they wanted”
“But…”
Twilight put a hand on Applejack´s shoulder making her fall in silence.
“Let her have this…you need to talk to the others and you owe Sunset at least a moment of peace” said the princess.
Both girls sighed and nodded.
“Thank you Twilight” called Sunset “for all your help”
“That’s what friends are for” called the princess making Applejack and Rarity feel even worse.
Sunset wiggled in place in nervousness, as she wanted to say something else.
“If…if isn’t much to ask…can you stick around?” she finally said with a soft tone of resignation “I…I think I need to talk to you later once I clear my head”
Twilight nodded. She had an idea of what she wanted to talk about.
Sunset gave her a sad smile and walked away.
“I hope she doesn’t do anything harsh” said Principal Celestia.
“Me too” said Twilight “believe me there is no worse feeling that being abandoned by those you trust”
“At least she has you” said the woman to the princess “and that already made a difference” she turned and walked away “you two better look for your friends and explain things…although with the rumor mill we have they probably already know”
“Yes principal Celestia” Applejack turned to Twilight “even with all this was nice to see you again” both walked away.
Twilight made sure she was alone in the hallway before letting a tired sigh.
“You ok?” a male voice made her jump in surprise.
“ahhh…Oh Flash…. hey!” she blushed.
“Hey to you again” he said with a smile as both blushed trying to look away from each other.
“Ehem...thanks for helping us out here” said Twilight “and sorry if you had to say something embarrassing.
“I think I owned that to Sunset anyways” said Flash “plus it wasn’t really a secret, well at least not for those that know me”
At this Twilight blushed as she moved closer to him.
“Oh? So you really have a picture of me on your locked you use to practice?” she said playing with a strand of hair.
The Rocker blushed too and let out a nervous laugh.
“Would be weird if I said yes?” he asked as he moved closer too.
“Not really… I believe that practice is always necessary to master a skill” she said with a playful look.
Both giggle before the boy scratched his head.
“sooooooo…if I were to use that practice and ask you if you would…I don’t know, go to the ice ring that just open at the mall would you said yes?” he said with hopeful tone.
Twilight blushed harder. She just took a pause from Hearth's Warming Eve preparations back home to help Sunset with her problem. Now that that was…mostly fixed...
…Yet looking up to Flash´s hopeful expression…preparations back home were practically ready, and honestly she was quite curious about this whole Christmas holiday they have on this side…so she could go with Flash to learn more about this human tradition and see how different it was to her own.
If she had fun while doing it, it was a nice bonus right?
But before she could give an answer her eyes fell on the retreating form of Sunset Shimmer.
Although the guilty parties were being dealt with things weren’t fully ok with her. Not when she and her friends were on such bad terms. Apple Bloom´s words had a tint of truth; one that if not addressed could be harmful on the long run.
“I…actually will love to” she finally said to him as a new plan crossed her mind “but first there is one last thing I need to do before that”
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Nice story but where the rest of it.
i mean what about Pinkie Pie Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy?
10612649
lol that will come in chapter 2
10612663
Heyo, hopefully Sunset still forgives them in the end. But those two should go tell Rainbow and others Sunset's innocent. Also update your 'other' story
10612663
Whew ok for a second that that was it. Felt like a ending.
Hope it pointed out what the CMC did even worst then what Sunset has done or ranks up there.
Thou not as bad as what the Rainbooms did.
I honestly thought the same. I mean, how could she not see the parallels?
Thank you for making this. It always annoyed me that Twilight never connected the dots when ever she is in these stories
10612667
Finally, I've found someone else that actually wants Sunset's forgiveness in these stories.
I can tell you really tried with this, which is why I gave you a like. However you really need to polish this. First, if you haven't already, read this guide a couple times and then proofread and edit everything at least five times. Good writing doesn't make for a good story, but bad writing can easily drag a good story down.
As far as characterization is concerned, it doesn't seem too implausible, though they do seem a bit off. I can't be more specific than that. As far as the "romantic" tension between Twilight and Flash Sentry, it feels tacked on and unnecessary. If you want to make a shipfic, more power to you, but here it only serves to draw attention away from what I see as the central focus of the story, that of Sunset's friends so easily dismissing her as backsliding into her old ways.
Good premise, alright execution, poor mechanics. Improve these things, and it can turn out into a great little (or maybe even long) story.
10612781
Considering the original comic. I think the characters are better done here
What happend at about half way into the chapter?
Until then there were not that many mistakes to be found in spelling and grammar.
From that point in, there was something wrong in basically every single paragraph.
10612825
I'm with you, they were done WAY better then how they were portrayed in the original comic.
Wonderful work again, and once again apologize for any mistakes I missed.
Okay start, but I have to ask: Do you have an editor on this? Because I'm seeing a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes, and it's kinda distracting.
10613053
they don't. I read his other story. its just as bad. My grammar isn't best but atleast mine is readable.. somewhat. Idk. lol
Before I read this, I want to ask one question.
Do you remember the CMC in both worlds are ultimately just kids, and they MADE A MISTAKE, in neither reality did they understand how much their rumor mongering would hurt others until it had grown out of their control?
10613137
the issue is the reason. Pony CMC started innocent and did try to end it when they saw the damage but were backmailed.
Human CMC did their for malicious reasons and NEVER tried to stop
Except it didn't. The CMC of the pony world didn't set out to wreck lives. They were collecting gossip in a misguided attempt to get their cutie marks. The EqG CMC, on the other hand, had malicious intent to drag Sunset's name through the mud and tarnish her reputation.
I like the concept, but boy was this rough. You could really do with somebody to edit this (as at points the story was borderline nonsensical), but here's two useful pointers;
1. Punctuation in a sentence is needed to break up the flow of the writing. For example, this passage;
Should read like this (corrections are marked in bold);
Dialogue must end with either a comma or a full stop/exclamation or question mark. The first word of a new sentence must be capitalised.
2. Overuse of punctuation. For example, this sentence;
Should use a question mark or an exclamation mark, not both.
Some of the sentences are also a little...odd. Is English your native language, as some of the sentence flow feels like it was written by somebody who speaks English as a second language. On that note, it is worth having somebody to read over your work to tidy up sentences and ensure what is being said makes sense.
10613164
Actually, the comic explicably says they did. The problem is that the rumor mongering took on a life of its own.
10613201
still was malicious and at least the pony CMC had the guts to end it
how come Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash aren't in this?
Doesn't Scootaloo have a part in Anon-A-Miss, and Rainbow cos she's related to Scootaloo in all but blood?
10613256
likely Chapter 2
10613289
possible, since I kinda thought the tags of the rest of the Rainbooms, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle aren't in, I kinda thought they were unloved.
...not against that, they DESERVE to be unloved in the Anon-A-Miss event.
Oh look who's talking, girl who TRICKED everyone to believe Sunset is Anon-A-Miss!
10613316
10613318
The main issue with AaM is that the CMC behave wildly out of character. Not only that, the comic wilfully ignores what is shown in the ending of Rainbow Rocks. Sunset and the CMC are depicted as friends in the closing credits.
nice work
10613321
Not really. Remeber the CMC here are humans and thus act somewhat differently compared to their pony counterparts. It's subtle but not impossible, kind of like how Rainbow Dash is obsessed with Soccer rather than stunt flying.
10613563
I disagree with your statement that they act 'somewhat different' here. Three kids deciding that large scale cyberbullying is an appropriate response to their siblings spending time with someone else without trying any other options (such as talking to said siblings or their parents/caregivers) is a pretty extreme leap of logic.
10613321
Yeah. The timing of the idea is off. This when I cover this issue I change when it happens
Didn't read it yet but it seems You had a similar association to mine in the time of reading the comic
10613664
Stick it inbetween the first film and RR and it works better. Ish.
10613677
exactly where I am putting it. makes it more creditble that they would assume Sunset has reverted then after RR
10613243
The moral was how OUT OF CONTROL anything you post online can become.
10613677
the only issue with that is the journal. the only thing that kept sunset going was her correspondence with Twilight.
10613693
And that the CMC would pull a stunt like this.
10613698
Then remove the journal completely and have Sunset figure it out on her own.
10613698
I have an answer for htat, but the answere will lead to Spoiler territory for the story that will have it
10613321
The original author, Ted Anderson, is quoted in a few places as saying that he wrote the script before Rainbow Rocks came out, and he had no idea what was going to be in it.
10613851
And then didn't update it appropriately.
10612919
Hey dont worry...thanks again for checking it and help me with my spelling mistakes
10612825
Thanks
10612705
Same..for some reason even stories that touch Twilight actually helping with the whole thing forgot also about this happening in the main show
10613256
Chapter 2
10613316
Blame that only can use 5 character tags for new story
10613897
True, but that's probably more an executive level problem rather than his fault, as they were probably being worked on in parallel at least a little bit. There's plenty one can blame him for, but not necessarily that.
10614006
True.
Should have saw this coming.
And I hope to see the next chapter soon on what happens next
remove
Hmm this phrase is quite long and redundant.
who.
kicked (Or you can rework the phrase into "and they had soon kicked her out")
Hmm this is redundant, the period is already long, you can give it the axe
Hm... This is really really strange. Not really sure what you are meaning precisely.
at
It's
thinks
Bloom
finished
their
remove
course
caused
more than
prove I didn't
worried
can't
focused
course
telling
course, tested
played
was
slapped
if
remove
faced and lived
you are
helped
tricked
you do
made
would
asked
owed
locker
opened
You have a LOT of purplish prose around. On the end (Around where Principal Celestia arrives) it gets quite better. Try and keep periods shorter. Also more use of punctuation, there seems almost nothing.
I like the story, but you need a proof reader for sure.
10613956
Why not just change the tags around to Twilight, Main 7 (EqG), and CMCs tag? That way, everyone will be included.
Couldn't help but think how similar this story was to mine. Just without all the profanity.
But man do you need to to get a proofreader and improve your writing. That whole thing with Lyra and Bon Bon felt pointless. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that this is your first story, but you really need to check your spelling, and go easy on the exclamation points. There are 162 exclamation points in this story, and adding three to a sentence that already has an exclamation point is completely unnecessary.
You have potential, but you need to read these criticisms to help improve your work.
10612649
Per the comic, Applejack's the big one. She's the one who was most vocal in condemning Sunset, she's the one who invaded Sunset's space, looked like she might get violent, and made Sunset actually afraid instead of just sad.
Taking her out of the equation first does a lot to diffuse the situation when it comes to the others.
Rarity's stuff in the comic is hella ambiguous, and can be interpreted as anything from stubbornly anti-Sunset to basically neutral. It's hard to say what effect dealing with her first has when it comes to the others.
Pinkie Pie was second most against Sunset in the original confrontation, but receives no characterization after that. It's not ambiguous like Rarity; it's literally not there. She should be easier to deal with than Applejack, and maybe easier than Rarity, but it's super hard to tell.
Fluttershy is the only one with a clear journey over the course of the comic. She started out as one of the more vocally anti-Sunset members, but by the time Anon-a-Miss started sharing other people's secrets (instead of just the Rainbooms) she was having doubts, and she was first (either by herself, or tied with Rainbow) to come around at the end. She should be fairly easy to convince, especially with the loudest and scariest member of the anti-Sunset faction already dealt with.
Rainbow and Rarity were tied for least mean in the initial confrontation. Unlike Rarity, what happens to Rainbow afterward isn't ambiguous. When Fluttershy is having doubts about Sunset's guilt, Rainbow is too. This is also when Rainbow calls Sunset family (which Fluttershy agrees with.) Rainbow's the only one whose reasoning we really get, and it's not, "Sunset's bad, therefore guilty," but process of elimination. She doesn't see how anyone else could have done it. She's one of the first two to come around at the end. (It's up for debate whether she's second, or tied with Fluttershy for first.) She's also the only Rainboom to try to help figure out how Sunset was framed. (Her efforts suck, but that doesn't change the sentiment.)
Again, this is all per the original comic. Fanfic changes things, so the situation could be different in DarknessRissing's story.
The point in bringing it up, though, is that Rainbow and Fluttershy should be relatively low hanging fruit. They're both primed to accept that Sunset's innocent if they're provided with a mechanism by which someone else could have gotten both the nickname and the photos from Sunset's phone.
Pinkie Pie is legit impossible to predict. Scootaloo is too, because she was barely even in the comic.
I do like this, it helps to point out the serious flaws, in the characters or how forgiveness was given,, it was too quick, and sadly the only reason they may of give her a second chance was because Twilight asked them to.
Thou with Fluttershy and Pinkie I'm not sure, but, the simple fact they fell for the same trick twice, done differently but still the same trick twice.
Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me followed by DOPE SLAP TO THE HEAD!!
I wonder what their punishments will be, and I do hope you write out how they were in ways worst then Sunset, they went as far as to hurt their siblings and others just to beak them up.
I'm sure some angry students waiting to have a few words with them with their fists for sure.
Hope we see the next chapter eventually