• Member Since 26th May, 2017
  • offline last seen January 11th

Lyokoheros


Feb
23rd
2019

Quick recomendation · 6:27pm Feb 23rd, 2019

Honestly I didn't expected that will be my first blog post but... just recently my great friend, Midday Shine, published her new story Secrets and Surprises, and I higly recommend to read it :pinkiehappy:

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PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

2730827
Well, I can understand the jokes not working for you, that's fair. :)

2730669
Heh, clicking on mayor was actually just missclick on my celphone...
And well as much as the story was really enjoyable in general... well this joke with farting wasn't funny for me and rather unpalatable. Also indication that this teacher in Magic Kindergarten was drunk at work was definitely not to my liking (I mean come on! How does it even happen? Education system in Crystal Empire couldn't be that bad). Actually I have also some problem with understanding Flurry's lisping, though that is rather about me not being native english speaker, not flaw of story itself. But some look rather like typos.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

So what are the major and/or minor flaws you found in Flurry Heart Goes to Magic Kindergarten?

2729571
Well textwalls are kind of my special talent. I have to put it in my description someday :pinkiecrazy:
And well, I admit this explanation seems reasonable, still it seems to be taken to far for me. Especially after meeting with that unicorn (although it rather seems like Lyra just tried to be nice - in which she was very succesful, though I doubt that she really want to say interesting at first...) - when actually Screwy kinda saw she wasn't right and... her spiteful against own kind (which even in that circumstances doesn't seem to be something very likely) and so hating harmony (considering she grew in pony culture after all, where harmony is a very iportant, essential thing!) rather increased that faded in that story.

Later in "Who is Your daddy", it become more convincing, more natural, and more... well, fair. It was again really enjoyable, and the thing that bugged me later a lot seem to be fadding away.
What more or less my "rating shelves" already told You I think.

Also about 4th wall joke. I not mean I don't like them. I like them, though firstly not necessery in narration (after all we have Discord and Pinkie for that... I even seen once clever move in description of some fan child of Pinkie Pie: "She has imaginary friend, who she call 'the audience'"), and secondly... well like almost all other kind of jokes become... kind of boring or even annoying when they reapeat to often.
For me good comedy isn't the one which try to be funny all the time (because it's actually impossible and will become rather ridiculus... and even if not it would loss almost al its impact) but this, which actually is funny in the right moments.
You can take it as advice :raritywink: cause though I don't have any story her I have some experience already and have learned a few things.
It can help You also in writing next part of the story. Which I'm unsure if I want start read already or wait till it will be more chapters. (I usually prefer reading finished stories, and not have to wait... even though I'm writer myself and know that there isn't to many things more demotiating than lack of response).

2728928
heh yeah, I guess my form of humour last year was to literally add characters breaking the fourth wall whenever I could into the story. Now that you mention it, it is pretty annoying....

Why Screwy suddenly liked chaos is, well, because of Discord. She admires and adores him after being adopted as his daughter. Seeing how he used chaos to topple others gave her the thought that chaos is actually p sweet and seeing how he used it as a way to show of the baddies that were in her way and making the ponies that she thought had hated her for a long time scared and meek from the new chaotic environment, she became obsessed with chaos and adores the art form. Seeing that Discord was able to achieve what he wanted through chaos, she insists that she could do the same, and from then on their to be like Discord in every way, shape, or form, hence becoming spiteful towards them.

Another thing about being spiteful, children tend to trust someone who acts more caring and tending in their daily lives, a parental figure, as one would say. She trusted his views on ponykind, about how mean and yadda yadda yadda...they could be. And because he's very trustworthy in her opinion, she trusts his opinion to the point that she turns her head away from her own kind, believing that they are actually very mean and shouldn't be trusted as easily as she would hope they would be. Of course, her views changed in 'Where Is Daddy?', where she meets a certain unicorn, dhdhdhdhhd don't know if you finished it yet so wouldn't want to spoil.

o also thanks for your thoughts on it lol, soz if this response is very long :):):)

2728878
Yeah, I really enjoyed "The Child Of Chaos". Well narration was a little bit off. I mean... all those apostrophes... I mean like "A script titled 'what bullies are supposed to do' which was probably stolen from my desk, just saying, appeared in Discord's arms." it make harder to immerse in the story.
But form was for me always less important than the story itself. And I really liked You approach on Discord - the fact that he has good side to, that he don't do all this to bother others, he just... wanna have fun and actually want others to enjoy his chaos. the fact he do it rather at expense of others... well he is kind of like hunted animal in this matter...
Though then this how spiteful Screwy become wasn't so much to my liking... the next part well still interesting to read, narration seem better too, but... well with such protraying of Screwy (who I like most as daughter of Discord and Fluttershy, and being spitting image of both: her father and mother) this doesn't have this something anymore... well even excluding this how Screwy become, so I don't know exactly why, but I don't enjoy the next part as much as the first. I don't say they weren't interesting, I'm just saying the first was definitely better. Though I really like how You tweaked "Daddy Discord" song there.
Oh, and also this how much chaotic Screwy becoem seem weird (I mean why previously ordinary earth pony filly would be so disliking order or gravity and be so keen on chaos? That doesn't make any sense... I know, from some point of view it could be very good regarding Discord or Screwy, but still...)
(Currently I'm reading "Where Is Daddy?")

Thanks for adding my stories to some of your exquisite bookshelfs, man. Appreciate it 👌 👌 👌

Did our see that fanfic review I showed you?

2719363
Thanks, I will surely look at that. though firstly I would rather read the fanfiction You reviewed... but probably at first tomorrow, I still have some things to catch up.

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