Chapter 47. Guilt And Trauma
Another morning at Crystal Prep, Lemon and Sour sat at the lunch table, watching other students come and go, getting their breakfasts and chatting. “How're you feeling today?” Lemon asked, deciding to make conversation. Sour had been idly staring at her hand, seemingly in deep thought. The musician gently attempted to coax her back to reality.
“Hmm?” She asked, her eyes snapping to Lemon quickly. “I'm…sorry, I didn't catch any of that…what did you ask?”
Lemon giggled. “I asked how you were doing, silly.”
“I'm doing okay.” She gave a tired smile, but it fell a moment later. “I-” She sighed. “I don't know what to do with myself now that I've got this ability.” She admitted, Lemon smiled softly. She didn't need to ask.
“I wish I could give you all the answers, Sour. The most I can do is suggest what I'd do.”
“Which is?”
“My best.” She gave a brighter smile.
The smile earned a snicker before Sour chuckled. “You're so corny.”
“Aww, I was hoping it would sound cool.” She pouted.
“You're very cool, Lemon.” Sour assured her with a softer smile. “I just feel a bit guilty, y'know?”
“Why guilty?”
“Having a healing power? There's so many people who could benefit from it and yet…I'm not using it for that.” She frowned. “Is it selfish of me to think I can make such a difference? Or is it ignorant of me to hope that I could…” She hesitated. “That I could be that for someone else…when I can't even fix my own problems?”
“Oh, Sour…” Lemon frowned. “I don't think it's ignorance or selfishness.” She put a hand over the shorter girl's, taking it gently. “I think the fact that your first instinct when you found out about your potential, was that you could help other people speaks volumes for who you are as a person.” She said with a hopeful smile. “The same person that I know so well. However…I also know you well enough to know how you're putting yourself down.”
Sour flinched as if she weren't expecting that.
“I know how easy it is for you to put down everything you know is good that you've done or are planning on doing…so from one who understands to another, please. Do not let yourself get down because you can't do it all. No one can do it all.”
“Man…” Sour sighed. “I know, I know…it's messing with me, I can't help it.”
“Tell me about it…” Lemon giggled. “It's a process. I'm not great at it yet either, but we'll help each other.” She grinned, moving Sour's hand to lock pinkies with her. “Promise.”
“...promise.” Sour mumbled, blushing lightly. “I'm lucky to have yo-”
“Morning!” Sunny called as she waved, Indigo trudging in behind her.
Sour and Lemon's hands shot apart quickly as they sat up straight. “M-Morning!” Lemon said with a nervous chuckle. “Oh? Indy, you okay?”
“I'm good.” She yawned, taking a seat at the table. “I'm just beat. My knee's been bothering me and I haven't been able to get any good sleep. It doesn't hurt that often, but a random pain spike can wake me from a dead sleep.”
“What's made it start to hurt again? Weren't you medically cleared?” Lemon asked.
“Yeah. Weren't you?” Sunny asked, arms crossed.
“Oh, there's some venom in that one.” Sour noted.
“It's fine! I promise!” She said, pouting. “I am cleared…” She poked her index fingers together as she mumbled. “For light exercise…”
“And what are you doing?” Sunny asked.
“I pushed it too hard. I'll just rest for a few days.” Indigo deflated onto the table, resting her head on her folded arms, facing off to the right.
Sour watched the girl flounder as Sunny scolded her, before a thought hit her. She looked down at her hand.
Lemon could see the revelation happen in real time.
Sour nodded to herself, reaching out to pat Indigo on the shoulder. Lemon watched in slow motion, reaching out to catch her hand. Surprisingly though…she managed it, tangling her and Sour's hand again.
Sunny tilted her head at the sudden movement.
“We…were playing a game! You know it's not fair to pull Indy into it without knowing!” She warned Sour.
“Whu-w-well why is it such a big deal?” She asked, looking over, though making no movement to pull away.
“Because she doesn't know about the game.” She said simply, emphasizing the two words. “And she's tired anyway, we can involve her when we know more about the rules of everything.”
It was vague…but Sour seemed to get the gist. She sighed. “Right. That's not fair.”
“What game is it?” Sunny asked.
“Dunno. We got invited into it and part of it is to figure out how it goes.”
“That sounds like the dumbest game ever.” Indigo said, not looking up from her spot on the table.
“You're just upset you're not playing it.” Lemon huffed.
“Maybe a little.” Indigo admitted.
“So you two are just holding hands now? Make me feel like a fifth wheel, why don't you?” Sugarcoat asked, surprising three of the four. Indigo didn't seem phased.
Sour and Lemon shot apart again. “When did you get here?” Sour asked.
“While you were talking about the game.” Indigo answered.
“And how'd you notice?” Lemon asked.
“I saw her walk up.” Indigo said, shifting to sit up now.
“We need to put a bell on her.” Sour said, pointing her thumb to Sugarcoat.
“I will not be party to whatever you two are into.” She adjusted her glasses after having taken a seat.
“Did you just make a joke?” Indigo asked with a chuckle.
“I make them frequently, but thanks for noticing.”
“I can't help but love that dry humor.” The jock admitted.
Sunny crossed her arms, unconvinced by the ‘game’ story. Something was off through that whole interaction. ‘What could they be hiding? Maybe it's just a thing between them? Hmm…it might be time for Detective Flare to crack this case…’
“Something on your mind?” Sunny heard Indigo ask. She hadn't realized, but she was cupping her chin in thought. Indigo's finger poking her forehead snapped her back, meeting the orange eyes of the girl leaning over to check on her.
It was such a small thing, but her heart jumped seeing her girlfriend's beautiful eyes searching her expression to make sure she was okay. Her lips curled into a smile. “It's nothing.” She giggled.
“Alright…but you'd better tell me if it becomes something. Got it?” She asked, giving her a playfully annoyed huff, the same finger now a warning as her eyes squinted and she shifted to sit back down.
Sunny laughed at the girl's attempt to be intimidating. While she was playing, Sunny didn't know if she could ever see Indigo as intimidating after getting to know her. That warning point came from the same girl who she'd comforted. The girl who actually cried the first time she'd experienced a family dinner that didn't involve yelling…
She gave a wistful sigh, reaching over to put her arm around Indigo…who instinctively leaned into her. “I got it, Indigo.” She said after a moment.
The bell to start the day rang suddenly and the girls stood to disperse. Indigo and Sunny slipped away as the sea of students flowed down the halls, a safe spot they'd found shortly after they started dating officially. The taller girl gave a knowing smirk as Sunny huffed, grabbing her bow, pulling her down to give her a quick peck on the lips. Both girls were still exploring the benefits of the new relationship…so they both still felt the butterflies as they parted for their first periods.
Sunny's giddy mood manifested in her all but skipping down the hall, she turned the corner, spotting Lemon and Sour, in a secluded hallway as well, she quickly darted back around the corner, giving them the privacy they were looking for.
“-ted to help her feel better.” Sour said, piquing her interest. She stayed at the corner.
“I know, Sour, and I know you have the best intentions…but we don't know enough yet. What if there are drawbacks?”
“When you have the ability to help someone,” Sour began.
“You should do your best to.” Lemon finished the statement, a faint chuckle. “Who said you could use my words against me?”
“I improvised.” Sunny peeked around the corner, seeing Lemon and Sour leaned against a wall as they talked.
“We can't keep this secret forever… I'm sure Sunny is gonna catch on soon.” Lemon said, staring out the window that was across from them.
“I don't think they'd have anything against it…besides, it's not like we have any say in it. Especially at this point.”
“I know…but it's gonna be a shock to them.”
Sunny's heart raced, feeling a mix of pride, knowing that Lemon figured she'd learn first, and shame for intruding on such a private conversation. ‘They couldn't possibly be scared we'd reject them… right?’ She asked herself.
“Let's do some more experiments before we tell them..okay?” Lemon asked.
‘Experiments?! Just what are the two of you doing that you'd classify them as experiments?’
Sour sighed. “Okay. I just-”
“I know.” She took Sour's hand in her own. “I'll be with you through it all.”
“Thanks, Lemon. I don't think I'd have made it this far without you…”
“You'd have found your way. You're a strong girl.”
A moment passed, the two didn't seem worried about being late to class. Lemon idly ran her thumb on the outside of Lemon's hand. “I'm a little envious…”
“Of?”
“How easy it is for them.”
“Things come to people at different speeds, Sour.”
“I know. They've also had more time, I guess.”
‘How? You two have been attached at the hip since I met you…’ Sunny asked herself. The warning bell ringing jolted her attention back to her surroundings. ‘Oh man…I-I shouldn't be watching anyway…but it's just getting interesting!’ She whined, pulling herself away to head to class.
“Oh.” Lemon looked up at the ceiling as if that was where the noise came from. “Guess we'll be late again.”
“Oh well.” Sour shrugged.
“We should get going…we'll talk with the rainbooms after classes, okay?” She asked. “They'll help you feel more comfortable about the whole magic thing.”
“They're not some fix-all answer, y'know?” Sour chuckled.
“But they'd know how to get used to it…they have had more time with it.”
“They'll probly just say ‘you get used to it’ or something.”
“You're probly right.” Lemon giggled. “C'mon. Let's go be productive students.” She turned to lead Sour down the hall, but the smaller girl held her place.
“Um, could you…”
“Alright, alright…twist my arm, why don't you?” Lemon teased, pressing her free hand on the wall behind the shorter girl, looming over her as she leaned in, giving Sour a gentle kiss. Sour squeezing her hand as she felt her knees go weak.
As they parted, Lemon was blushing lightly, but Sour's whole face was red. “Breathe, babe.” Lemon said, fanning her lightly. “It's flattering, but I'm starting to worry if this is good for your heart.” She giggled.
“I'm fine!” She huffed, still red-faced.
“You're so cute.”
“I'll kill you.”
Aria grumbled, leaning back in her seat. Classes were boring. Why did they even need to keep this facade going? She probably knew more than most of the teachers here. Aside from maybe the science stuff. Never interested her. She crossed her arms, staring out the window. She hadn't been able to feel that same energy from the other day. Sonata had inadvertently found three of the sources. A domino effect of finding Sour Sweet's healing power.
‘Dammit! Why can't I do this?’ She asked herself, closing her eyes and trying to reach out…feeling for any semblance of magic. Had her abilities dulled so significantly?
She felt a more familiar spark, being able to ‘see’ blurs of Rainbow dipping into her powers, zipping around the school. It felt familiar…maybe if she tried…
“Miss Blaze, are you going to be joining us today?” Cranky asked, standing beside the desk now. Aria's eye twitched, she sat forward and pushed to stand before setting a glare of unmatched anger at the older man. He seemed to wilt as he stepped back from her. Murmurs from the students filled the silence as she stared him down. He was lucky she didn't have any of her old abilities…the school would have needed a new teacher.
She scoffed, grabbing her things. “No. I will not.” She offered as she passed him. He just looked relieved that she was leaving.
Aria stuffed one hand in her pocket, trying to refocus on the energy. She could almost make it out…Rainbow's was so similar to the other one, but why? She thought back to some old magic theory she'd learned in equestria.
Magic is unique to the user. The same spell is rarely cast the same way between two casters. It was an ‘essence’ to the magic. That essence was usually described by the color of the magic used. Her and the other sirens were a deep crimson, a byproduct of their magic being enhanced by their gems. She paused in her stride. She…couldn't even remember the original color of her magic. She felt a sinking feeling in her chest at that revelation.
It had been so long since she hadn't used corrupt magic. Did the others remember..? Aria felt that sinking feeling morph into a pit of emptiness…another part of herself that she'd forgotten about.
She shook her head. Trying to push that emptiness aside, choosing to focus on the subject at hand. The objective she was given. A distraction.
Rainbow’s ‘essence’ matched her name…though her source, the gem she wore… her eyes widened. She had to test her theory. The elements. That's why it felt familiar. She’d felt the sting of them before, but parsing out just the element of loyalty's strength would never have crossed her mind.
She turned on her heel, running down toward the stairs. She had to get to the lab. One of the rainbooms had to be around there, right?
As her mind raced between different ideas and answers, she still had a mental hand out, reaching out to try and feel the unknown source.
If her theory was correct, somewhere out there, another person was getting power from the element of loyalty. Which meant that the elements could share power through multiple hosts. That concept alone worried her, but she wasn't the only one who could work on a solution.
Upon reaching the first floor, she took out her phone, calling Adagio. It took a moment, but she actually answered.
“I'm in class, Aria.” She said simply.
“It's important. Lab. Now. Bring Sonata.”
The call ended as she opened the door, catching Twilight and Fluttershy off guard, the latter almost jumping out of her skin at the sudden intrusion.
“I need to see your magic.” She said simply. “It's important.”
Twilight lifted an eyebrow. “Could you give us more to go on?”
Aria sighed. “I'll go over everything if my idea has any merit. Now would you just help me?”
Twilight reached up to the gem on her necklace, lifting a few items with her telepathy. Fluttershy sheepishly made a motion as her magic summoned a nearby bird to perch on her shoulder.
Aria closed her eyes, focusing on the magic itself.
Purple.
Yellow.
Her shoulders sank. They felt similar, but not the exact same. She let out a grunt that shifted into a frustrated groan. She thought she was onto something. The geodes seemed to change their initial powers. They'd become stronger, though the bases shouldn't feel so different.
“Are you okay?” Fluttershy asked.
“No. I'm pissed off.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Not at yo-” She sighed. “I thought I was onto something…” She trudged over to sit in a nearby chair. “What am I even doing anymore?” Aria let out a bitter chuckle.
“Do you…want to talk about it..?” Twilight asked.
“No.”
“We'll listen.” Fluttershy offered with a small smile.
“You don't want this on your shoulders, believe me.” She began to stand. “But I appreciate the attempt.”
“I…whatever you're going through can't be good for you to bottle up…” Twilight said with a small frown. “You-”
“You weren't even there, the other you was.” Aria said. “So I got no beef with you.” She looked to Fluttershy. “And I can't blame you for the whole thing, we're…trying to move on.” She muttered. She knew they were in the wrong, but…
“Nothing's gone right since we came to this place.” Aria grumbled. “You really wanna know what it is that's bothering me?” She asked, fists clenched, looking over at Twilight.
“If we can help, we'd be glad to-”
“Sometimes I wish that magical blast finished the job.” Aria said, looking down. Fluttershy covered her mouth in shock, eyes wide. “I lost everything that mattered to me, thousands of years of life…gone in an instant. I even lost my voice, that's a death sentence for sirens. But no. No fate had to give me that back, and my magic to boot…but start from scratch. Juuuuust enough to feel hope, then it twists the knife.” She huffed. “I'm useless. I can't do anything right, I'm no help in the only thing I've been trusted with… and now I'm…fucking throwing this all at you two…who I know, damn well, that you can't be blamed for my fucked up life…but I can't bring myself to not be mad at you about it all.” She sighed, trying to bite back the tears.
“So there. Now you know that every morning I wake up wishing that I didn't. Sorry for ruining your lives.”
Both girls were stunned into silence, Aria sniffled, righting herself to leave, but a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, quickly joined by another. As Aria's rant began, she hadn't noticed the door behind her open. Sonata and Adagio flanked her, hugging her tightly.
“Aria…I'm sorry.” Adagio said quietly.
“Why didn't you talk to us?” Sonata asked, sniffling.
“Fuck…you two weren't supposed to hear that.” She mumbled before her walls crumbled. She melted into the embrace, sinking to the floor with them as the Sirens comforted her.
Fluttershy wiped her eyes, Twilight resting a hand on her shoulder. A little reassurance, though the quiet girl was affected more than she knew. There was no way for her not to be… how else would you take that information?
A few minutes passed, Aria looked up at the two as they gave them space. “Sorry…” She mumbled. “I…everything just…I shouldn't have-”
“If…” Fluttershy mumbled. “If you yelling at us…um, helps you get to a better place…then I'm okay with it.”
Aria wiped one of her eyes. “That's fucked. Don't think like that…” She chuckled. “It's not your fault I'm like this…”
“I can't say I'm not a part of it…” Shy frowned. “I'm sorry.”
“Dammit…this isn't what I wanted…”
“Is everything okay in here?” A confused voice asked, Sunset's head peeked in through the doorway. “My gem is going nuts…I'm feeling all sorts of emotions.”
Aria sighed. “Well, while you're here, I can at least go over my theory…” She wiped her face again. Sunset took note of her flushed expression, clearly something to ask about later.
“I think the new energy signals aren't random.” She said, “But even if the sources still felt different to me…” She sighed. “I think the new signals are from people chosen by the elements of harmony.”
Adagio and Sonata's jaws dropped, looking over to Sunset, who looked just as surprised.
“I-...I mean, you could be onto something…” She cupped her chin in thought. “I'll have to see if the elements had any history of doing that. Good catch, Aria. I don't think we'd have caught that as quickly without you.”
A small sense of pride washed over her, and the faintest of smiles slipped, before she crossed her arms. “Whatever…” ‘Take the damn compliment!’ She chastised herself. “...I needed that, Shimmer.” She admitted.
“Of course.”
Aria's eyes widened, looking back out the window again. The source! It was active! She quickly tried to feel for it. It was…an electric blue? Sparking around as it tried to manifest…whoever it was had to still be unaware of it.
Indigo jolted, dropping the screwdriver she was holding, shaking her hand to get the pain out of it. “Ow!”
“Everything okay, Indy?” Lemon asked.
“Got a jolt of static electricity, I think.” She shrugged. “That was weird.”
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you may want to fix that one.
Perfection
Good choice including Aria at the end, that was quite the revelation for everyone involved, and her theory is interesting. I hope she gets the help she needs (she will since she has awesome friends and 'family').
11911712
Oop. Thanks auto correct
Aria's had a lot on her plate for a long time. I think it makes sense that she'd finally let some of it slip as she found herself more and more helpless in the situation.