Help

by WittyNameTFM

Chapter 20. Confiding

Author's Note:

Thanks to Sleepless Beholder for proofreading this. I'm already working on the next chapter. Hoping to have it out sooner than usual. Thanks for reading, I'm really happy with the support I get. Thank you so much.

Indigo groaned, opening an eye to see a bright light above her. "Where am I?" She asked, her head hurt, but she was much warmer than she last remembered. She lifted her arm to block the light.

"You're at the hospital." Sunny said from her left. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"I dunno...hospital? Why am I here?" Indigo asked. The door opened, Aria stepping in with a man in a white coat.

"Well, from what I can surmise from the information I have, you had a pretty severe panic attack, Miss Zap." He said, looking over the chart. "You're lucky you got out of the cold, being out in that for much longer could have been bad."

"Ugh, a panic attack? How lame…" She grumbled.

"While it may seem like not a big deal, you shouldn't try to just shrug it off." He spoke. "Panic attacks are just as real as any other health problem. Maybe tell me about your day leading up to it?"

"I had a therapist appointment and I was on my way home." She shrugged. "I just felt lightheaded and then Aria woke me up."

"Then you called your little girlfriend and blacked out on the phone." Aria crossed her arms. "That was a pretty shitty thing to do."

"Like it was on purpose…" Indigo sighed. "Weren't panic attacks just something that passed quickly? That felt way longer than a panic attack should have been."

"Do you recall what might have triggered it?" The doctor asked.

"No." She said quickly. "I was just walking home."

"A panic attack can last anywhere from five to thirty minutes, but you know that shit feels different when you're in one." Aria said.

"Great, so what do I need to do, doc?" The athlete asked.

"Well, I'd suggest taking things easy the next few days, avoid caffeine, nicotine…" He began to list. "Get some good rest, if you start to notice these happening more frequently, or if you are having darker thoughts, please don't hesitate to tell someone." He instructed.

"That's it? Just try not to be stressed?" Indigo asked.

"Taking steps to keep yourself from becoming overwhelmed is a good way to start. Unfortunately, there's no short answer." He frowned.

"Thanks, doc." She said with a hint of annoyance. "All this shit keeps happening…"

"Well, if you've had a significant and sudden change in your life, it makes sense to feel a sense of helplessness. It's not uncommon for someone to feel as if they have no control." He explained as Indigo sank in the bed. "Have you been having those feelings?"

"N-Nah, I'm-"

"Indigo." Sunny said with a frown.

She sighed. "Yeah. There's so much happening and I feel like I'm just along for the ride." She admitted.

"That's a good start. I suggest taking steps to help with this, and bring it up with your therapist." He noted, seeing Dr. Waller's name under her medical history.

"Thanks…" She looked down at her bed, she couldn't even look at Sunny, she felt so ashamed.

"I'll get started on the discharging process." He said. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to visit us again."

Indigo made a noise to confirm she heard him, but didn't look up.

"Hey, for what it's worth," Aria began. "You're in a good place now, yeah?" She asked.

Indigo nodded numbly.

"Speaking from experience here, it's hard." Aria said, looking at Sunny. "To understand that you deserve the good that comes to you, when all you know is the bad." She crossed her arms. "But I'm just a nobody to you two. Don't know anything about your situation, so what do I know?" She shrugged. "But don't just ignore the good and expect the bad or you'll miss some of the best years of your life. Got it?"

Indigo looked up at that. "You're right…"

"I know I'm right. I lived it." Aria huffed. "Now take the time to enjoy your life. You're not guaranteed a tomorrow, you know?" She turned to the door. "And Sunny, you have my number if I gotta smack this into her head next time. Take it easy, Indigo."

"Thanks Aria." She said quietly as the taller scoffed, leaving the room as the doctor did.

"Indigo, is living with my family making things difficult for you?" Sunny asked.

"N-No! I just...was being stupid." She mumbled before sighing. "I know you hate it when I do that."

"If I'm making things harder-"

"I don't want this to just be a dream." Indigo admitted. "Things have been too perfect...and I know it's just my fucked up brain telling me these things, but I can't help it. I want it to be real, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to wake up and it all crashes down on me." She clenched her fists on her lap. "And, I don't want you to have to put up with that."

"Indigo, we'd be happy to help you feel grounded, you don't have to do everything alone…"

"That's...what Dr. Waller said." She said with a weak chuckle. "Sunny. Am I just...broken?" She asked with a hollow smile. "Will I ever be normal? Or am I always going to be this…mess of a person?" Her eyes looked so tired and dim, tears formed in the corners as Sunny saw her starting to shudder, though she looked to be fighting it back.

Sunny threw her arms around her, holding her close. "You're not broken, Indigo…" She assured her, against her crown. Her heart ached seeing her like this, another pang of sadness hit as she felt Indigo loosely hold her back, the tears flowing freely now. She buried her face into her chest as she tried desperately to hold back the sobs. "It's okay...let it out, I'm here for you." Sunny said quietly.

"I'm sorry…" She repeated against her as her grip tightened, as if she was scared Sunny would vanish if she let go.

Indigo was discharged after Sunny's parents arrived, they hadn't seen the girl look so defeated. Sunny held her hand as they walked, a combination of shame and guilt ran through the athlete. Just more to add to the pile. The car ride home was silent. She stared at the floor the whole way home.

Indigo made for her room right away. Solar and Cerise frowned. "Sunny?" The man asked.

"I know, I'm worried too." She said quietly. 'Please don't shut us out.' Sunny thought as she walked toward her room. "Goodnight." She added over her shoulder.

The whole day was a blur. She remembered dropping off Indigo and then everything swirled together. Her fear, sadness, concern...whatever she'd call it, and then finding Indigo collapsed on the sidewalk. It was a lot. The exhaustion hit her all at once as soon as she laid down.

Sunny stared at the ceiling, wondering what the next step would be. Indigo is clearly still fragile, broaching the subject could be dangerous. What if she wanted another foster family? Sunny's heart sank. An unfamiliar pain clawing its way into her.

'She feels like a burden, and her flighty track record means that could be a possibility.' The sinking feeling in her stomach added to the fear. 'No. Indigo cares too much to just cut us out now, right?' She tried to convince herself. But another pang of doubt made her chest hurt.

'You, You wouldn't leave me now, would you?' She asked, closing her eyes, playing out the conversation. The image of Indigo in her mind's eye shifted. The confident girl that Indigo showed off in public was rarely the version that Sunny saw, but in all seriousness, that was how she saw her. Resilient, strong and assured. She knew better.

Indigo was as insecure as anyone. The grinning tomboy shrank slightly, her posture shifting as her face became paler, more tired. But she never lost that smile. The genuine smile that only Sunny knew. The one she was trusted with.

'You wouldn't just leave us...would you?' She asked her, this Indigo sighed, replying in Sunny's voice.

'I'm just making things harder for everyone, maybe it's for the best?' She asked tiredly.

'And then she'd try to make it out to be her fault…' Sunny grumbled, reaching up to wipe her eyes. When did she start crying?

'I can't-' She bit her lip. 'I couldn't stop her if that's what she wanted…' She covered her face with her hands. 'I want to make sure she's okay, but I'm the reason she passed out.'

She kicked off the blankets, feeling warmer and warmer. 'I don't want her to suffer alone, but I can't just force her to feel better…' She grumbled, sitting up. She wiped her eyes again, jolting at the sound of a knock at the door.

"Wh- come in?"

The door opened, Indigo stepping in, her gaze lifted from the floor to see Sunny.

"Are you crying? Is everything okay?" She asked before sighing. "Of course it isn't. Why would you be crying if it was?" She asked herself. "I'm sorry if I made you cry-" She stepped closer.

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

"It kinda is-"

"It's not your fault that I can't find a way to help you. I'm...they're frustrated tears." She lied. The thought of her leaving seemingly caused them, but Indigo didn't need to know that.

Indigo took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Dr. Waller…informed me that uh," She cleared her throat. "I have trust issues." She finished. "I'm not good at these things, I take on too much and can't let others try to do the same for me." She glanced over. "Guess you noticed."

"It tracks with what I know about you." She said quietly. "But-"

"Let me finish, please." Indigo said with a frown. "I've gotta do it while I got the nerve." She breathed deeply. "Sunny, I feel like...like things are just too good. I got out of my home, a job, and supportive friends…" She looked down. "I'm scared, dude. When does the other shoe drop? Will-Will I be able to pick up the pieces when it does or will that be the one y'know? The one I can't come back from?"

Sunny's heart sank. The thought of losing her was too painful, and she was struggling with this every day?

"I'm scared to go to sleep, Sunny." She admitted. "When I get a whiff of cigarette smoke I get thrown right back there. Back where it was a coin toss on if I was getting another bruise to hide or not." She stared down at the floor. "The place that'd make me visit that rooftop more often…"

Sunny felt there were too many things to choose from to help ease her concerns. She shifted to wrap her arms around her from behind. "I'm sorry you've gone through this for so long." She said against her back.

Indigo blushed, feeling the heat of the shorter girl start to warm her, though she made no effort to pull away.

"I want you to feel safe here. You're not going back." She assured her. "You're out. You have a life that's yours to live. I know...it's not the greatest answer to your problems...but I'm always going to be here for you. I promise."

Indigo breathed in, leaning back into the girl's embrace. "Your perfume has helped me calm down, you know?" She asked.

Sunny held her close, the girl's cool body felt nice against her own. "Oh yeah?" She smiled at the thought.

"It's helped me stay grounded when I have nightmares."

"Guess I'll just have to stay closer then." She smiled, red dusting her cheeks.

Indigo's warm smile was a relief to see again. "I'm not gonna object. But tell me if I'm getting clingy."

Comments

[RainbowSunshine]

Loved it! When’s the next one? ❤️😊

[WittyNameTFM]

11162208
Thank you! Probably gonna update as soon as I finish the next chapter. I've got it started already.