Help

by WittyNameTFM

Chapter 41. Forgiving Yourself

Author's Note:

I'll be honest. I could've posted this like a few days back, but I kept adding and adding to it. I'm literally posting this while at work because if I don't stop, this update will be late. But! It opens the door for more ideas I wanna explore, and we got to see some more of Sugarcoat. Hope you enjoy, lemme know if there's any inconsistencies...I didn't reread this as many times as I usually do.

“Okay. Lemon, I get it, but why did you ask me to come with you?” Sugarcoat asked, sitting in the back seat of the rocker's car.

Starlight looked over the seat back at her with a grin. “I wanted to hang out with you today too, you could've declined.”

“She wouldn't though. Sugarcoat always tags along when we invite her.” Lemon teased.

“It seems I now have a reason to ignore your calls…” She crossed her arms.

“If I'm being honest…” Starlight said. “I've gotten to know you all so well, but I don't feel like I've had much of a chance with you, Sugarcoat. If I'm being too pushy, just tell me.”

Sugarcoat sighed. “When you say it like that, I feel like a jerk. I find most of my afternoons filled with studying, sorry that I am not readily available when it is convenient.”

“Is that why you agree to come with us whenever you can?” Lemon asked, glancing back.

“Contrary to my cheery exterior, I do enjoy spending time with you all.” She chuckled. “I admit, I wish I was able to express it more openly.”

“Maybe we can help you open up then.” Lemon suggested. “Oh! I think I know someone who can help with that.”

“Who?” Starlight asked, tilting her head.

“I wish you would not make plans about me like I was not here.” Sugarcoat sighed. “Is this what Sour goes through?” She asked herself.

“Mm, I should probably ask first.” Lemon thought aloud before looking into the rearview mirror to meet Sugarcoat's eyes. “You okay with talking to Pinkie?”

The normally reserved girl flinched slightly. “Why do you ask?”

“We're gonna go see Sunset, there's probably an…” She hummed in thought. “Eighty-five to ninety-seven percent chance that she'll appear.”

“That's a really specific percentage rate…” Starlight said, lifting an eyebrow.

“She is basing it on previous encounters.” Sugarcoat added.

“Do you actually have all of those meetings memorized in detail?” Starlight balked.

“I'm good with faces.” Lemon shrugged with a sly smirk.

“I'm starting to think you girls are superhuman…” She sighed.

“Well-”

“We are the top five students in CPH, you have to have something to drive you to be at the top. We are not anything other than regular people.” She shot a look at Lemon that went unnoticed by the girl in the seat in front of her.

“I guess that makes sense.” Starlight thought aloud.

“I will be okay if we run into her. Besides, we need to introduce Starlight.”

“Sweet!” Lemon grinned, she switched on her turn signal, heading out toward Canterlot.

After a few minutes of travel, Lemon turned down the music slightly. “You've seen Sunset, but you haven't met her, right?”

“She was one of the girls Trixie was talking to, right?”

“Give you bonus points if you guess the correct one.” She smirked over at her.

“Gonna bet the girl with the rainbow hair was Rainbow Dash. So that means the other one was Sunset.”

“Ketchup and mustard hair.”

“I will tell her you said that.” Sugarcoat said from the back seat.

“Please don't.” She whined.

“Is she like the leader of her group?” Starlight asked.

“She'll say she isn't, but yeah.” Lemon nodded. “Apparently she used to be a big bully but really chilled out…so much so that the school really looks up to her now.”

“That's wild. How do you just flip your perception like that?” Starlight asked. “I need to learn whatever magic she's got a hold of.” She chuckled.

“Heh, that's, well I doubt it was magic. Just…when we meet her you'll see for yourself, it's hard to believe she could have been a bully to anyone.” Lemon chuckled suspiciously.

“Well of course it wasn't magic, silly. That stuff's not real.” Starlight giggled. “I mean, it's nice to daydream about, but I know better.”

Sugarcoat and Lemon met eyes in the rearview mirror again. “Well I hope they're not busy today…” Lemon thought aloud.

They pulled into a parking lot, Lemon grabbing her phone and scrolling through the names. It took a few seconds, but many swipes…leading Starlight to question how many people Lemon actually knew…

She hit the call button, taking the phone to her ear. “Heya Sunset! You busy at the moment?”

A muffled response earned a nod from Lemon. “Alrighty, we can meet you over at your school. We were already on this side of town.”

Another muffled reply, but judging by Lemon's cheery nod and affirmations before ending the call it seemed to go well. “Alright. Off to CHS.” She pulled back out and began down the road. “Sunset was working on some stuff at school. Apparently she's in all sorts of projects.”

“Keeps herself busy?”

“Or people just wanna hang out with her.” Lemon shrugged. “She's pretty cool.”

“That is a pretty simple solution.”

“Occam's Razor.” Lemon shrugged.

Sugarcoat seemed to mull it over before shrugging as well.”Fair point.”

They pulled into the school parking lot, seeing a few cars around and one motorcycle near the front.

“Okay girls, we're here.” Lemon pulled into a spot, parking and hopping out. Starlight looked around the place.

“Way smaller than Crystal Prep, that's for sure.” She thought aloud, a random student walking nearby looked up to wave as he passed. She waved back on instinct. “Friendly though.”

A side door opened and out stepped the red and yellow haired girl. “Hey Lemon, Sugarcoat,” She paused looking at the third. “Star…light?”

Starlight tilted her head. “Uh, hey. Nice to meet you.” She extended her hand with a polite smile.

Sunset blinked, taking her hand with a chuckle. “Sorry about that. You know what they say about burning a candle at both ends.”

After a moment of their hands meeting, she felt her magic begin to activate. Flashes of the girl’s life surprised her. A young boy moving away, a lonely girl lashing out. Many harsh threats and fights. The crying in her room afterwards, remorse and sorrow. Her father telling her about moving. Her standing outside CPH, nervously hoping for a new start. The Bolts welcoming her. She blinked away the visions, barely a moment passing.

Starlight nodded. “I understand that.” She said with a chuckle. “Your eyes are watering. You probly need to rest them more.”

Sunset chuckled as well, wiping her eye. “Guess I am a little tired. You remind me of a friend. Oh! Heads up, said friend has also been here before. So if someone calls out to you, it's because of that.”

“Good to know.” She nodded

“So what can I do for you three?” Sunset asked.

“Well, this side quest started with Sugarcoat.” Lemon spoke up. “She wants to know ways to express herself more.”

“Do not speak for me.” Sugarcoat groaned.

“That's…pretty vague. I don't know how I'd be able to do that.” She crossed her arms in thought.

“Well, the initial plan was for us to ask if you could help her more effectively manage her time, while also finding an excuse to hang out over on this side of town.” Lemon admitted.

“Uh huh, well when you figure out a way to manage time better…” She slumped down slightly. “Please tell me. I'm barely holding on.”

“Maybe we should be helping her.” Starlight thought aloud.

“Sunset!” Another voice called out as she opened the door behind said girl. “Oh, there you are.” The girl said before clearing her throat. Starlight froze watching the magician that stood in the doorway, throwing her arm up dramatically.

“The Grrreat,” She rolled the ‘r’ in ‘great’, “and powerful Trrrixie,” She rolled that ‘r’ as well. Just like the other day. That must be a practiced introduction. Starlight took note of the eccentricities. “Would like your help with this-” The girl excitedly produced two rolled up fliers, letting them roll out. One showed her silhouette with a hat and writing in colors matching her skin tone and hoodie that advertised her next show. The other was an action shot of her performing with the same information but in more warm colors. “Which one is more Trrrixie?” She spoke boisterously as she grinned brightly. She seemed to slink back down as she noticed Sunset wasn't alone. “I-,” She righted herself. “Trixie wasn't sure if the cool colors worked better or if the warmer looked better…”

The four girls looked over the fliers, Sunset hummed, cupping her chin. “Well-”

“It depends on the feel of the show you're putting on.” Starlight said, blinking at the realization that she spoke up at all.

“You think?” Trixie asked, looking at them again.

“Y-Yeah, if I recall color theory correctly, red and other colors around it are more in the realm of action and strength. Where cooler colors would be used more in somber or sadder, low energy…perhaps a bit mysterious advertisement.” She explained.

“Hmm, perhaps Trixie needs to rework the poster. Again.” She sighed. “Thank you for your input-” She tilted her head as if just noticing the others. “Sunset, what are Crystal Prep students doing here? And who's the new one?”

“They came to hang out, I guess.” Sunset chuckled. “And this is Starlight.”

“Oh! Trixie knew she recognized you. You were one of Sunset's friends from the portal, right? Wait, why are you on this side of the portal? Don't tell me there's another magic crisis.” She shrank back.

“Portal? Magic crisis?” Starlight asked. Sunset rested her face in her palm with a groan.

“No, Trixie. I just met her.” She sighed.

“So she's…not from Princess Twilight's world?” She asked, shrinking back.

“Princess?” Lemon asked.

“We knew that one.” Sugarcoat pointed out.

“Right!” Lemon giggled.

“What do you mean you knew that?” Starlight asked.

“Well, I had hoped to ease you into the weirder stuff.” Lemon admitted. “Magic is a thing in a different world and we saw it at the last friendship games. Our Twilight turned into a sick evil magic lady and Sunset was like this hot looking angel.”

“Thanks.” Sunset said with a smile.

“Of course.” Lemon grinned.

“Oh, I get it. Tease the new girl. You had me going there.” She chuckled, though the others didn't join in. “Oh c'mon. That's not even believable.”

“I would agree if I was not there.” Sugarcoat said with a shrug. “Though we do not know as much about it as the students here seem to.”

“Sorry I let the cat out of the bag, Sunset.” Trixie sighed.

“It's okay Trixie. I'm sure it would have come up at some point. She is this world's Starlight after all…”

“You're all serious, aren't you?” She asked, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, well-”

“How? How does it transfer over here? What is the scope of danger? Is it only certain people who have it? Can anybody get it? What are the logistics? How-” She trailed off questioning anything and everything for a good three minutes before she paused to catch her breath.

A hand rested on her shoulder. “Feel better?” Sunset asked.

“A little.” She admitted.

“Good. You're just as inquisitive as Twilight was when we first met. She and I have been running tests on magic lately. We keep our information to ourselves for now. I figure a lot of people in this world would think we were crazy anyway.” She shrugged. “But if you wanna see it sometime you can drop by when we're testing.”

“The great and powerful Trixie also knows more about magic than most people. Feel free to ask away.” Trixie offered.

“You have magic as well?” Starlight asked.

“We-Well, no, but I-” She poked her index fingers together. “I've studied stage magic since I was really small…”

“And that would actually help if you did gain magic.” Sunset assured her, making the magician perk up excitedly.

“Then Trixie shall work harder than ever to find her way to unlocking her true potential!” She stood confidently.

“Maybe Starlight could help.” Lemon chimed in.

“Huh? How?” Starlight asked, not realizing exactly what Lemon had suggested.

“Every great magician has a great assistant.” Sugarcoat shrugged.

Trixie's eyes sparkled with excitement as she looked at the new girl “She's right! Will you join Trixie as her great and powerful assistant?”

“H-Huh?! I-”

Trixie took her hands in a pleading manner, looking up at the slightly taller girl. Her heart jumped, Sunset noticing how her cheeks turned red. She looked between the scene and Lemon who gave the slightest nod possible.

“Y-Yeah, sure! Why not?” She asked, doing her best to keep her composure, though it was evident she was struggling.

“Wonderful!” Trixie cheered. “Now then, the advertisement has more to work on.” She thought aloud. “Oh! We're going to need even more smoke bombs! You know how to use a smoke bomb right?” She asked, but didn't give her time to answer, taking her hand and leading her away. “Trixie has so much to show you, my dear assistant~”

“H-Hey, woah!” Starlight spoke as she caught herself, following after her.

“You know, Starlight wished to spend time with us today, though I think we did her a solid.” Sugarcoat chuckled.

“What a clusterfuck.” Lemon sighed. “We're definitely gonna have to sit her down and explain that more in depth.”

Sunset nodded. “Yeah. What are the odds that this world's Starlight just shows up?”

“And transfers into our school? It is quite ludicrous.” Sugarcoat mused. “We have tried to help her get more comfortable with the area, but I feel we have also dumped a lot on her plate at once. This only compounds that problem.”

“My magic activated when I shook her hand.” Sunset admitted. “It's really cool to see how far you girls have come since the games. I'm proud of you all.”

Lemon chuckled. “Well, you know how it is.”

“Still, a serious talk is probably a good idea. She seemed open to the concept, but how do you tell someone we knew about this and just…don't tell anyone about it?” Sunset asked. “The fact this place isn't swarmed by crazies is already surprising.”

Lemon shrugged. “Guess we can just ask nicely.”

“Sometimes I wish it were that simple.” Sunset chuckled.

“Occam's Razor.” Sugarcoat said, glancing at Lemon.

“I see what you did there!” She chuckled.

“I…don't?” Sunset asked.

“I brought that up earlier. She found a way to loop that back in.”

“I…see?” She asked.

“Though, now that I think about it, I didn't imagine Starlight would be so unprepared to talk to Trixie.” Lemon thought aloud. “She always sounded so grounded, but the moment she got hit with the puppy eyes she almost melted.”

“It could be that it was her first attempt at reaching out.” Sugarcoat shrugged.

“So, what's up with that?” Sunset asked.

“We were planning on giving her a chance to talk to Trixie. Didn't expect it to go as well as it did.”

“I'll say that I wouldn't expect someone to almost fold over Trixie…” She admitted. “It was kind of cute,” She blinked in thought. “She's gotta tell Trixie because I know for sure that she won't realize.”

“Hmm. I'll let her know.” Lemon assured. “So, what are you working on that's got you so stressed out?”

“I don't think people from another school are supposed to help with yearbook stuff.” Sunset chuckled.

“Just do not tell anyone.” Sugarcoat shrugged.

“I mean, that's possible, c'mon.” Sunset said, leading them into the school.

“You said your magic activated when you two touched hands, right?” Lemon asked as they walked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Just curious. She's been vague about her past…I mean, she's admitted to having been a jerk in the past, but nothing specifically. I can't help but be a bit curious.”

“Well, I don't think I should just go around sharing stuff I didn't intend on learning in the first place.” Sunset said over her shoulder. “I know more about people than they're willing to share…and it's not by choice.” She admitted. “But I keep those things to myself, I know just how easy it is to ruin people with a few well placed rumors.”

“I still cannot believe that.” Sugarcoat said.

“You guys got to meet me after I was knocked down a peg. Nothing changes your attitude quite like a rainbow blast of magic blowing you into a crater.” She chuckled.

“That…was specific.” Sugarcoat blinked.

“It's not something you forget easily.” She shrugged. “We did the same thing to the dazzlings when they tried to take over the school. That was when I found out I actually still had magic on this side of the portal.”

“I remember hearing about a light show at your school's battle of the bands.” Sugarcoat thought aloud. “Was that you?”

“We made a giant alicorn and blasted them with magic, yeah.” Sunset smirked, but it fell slightly. “Though that was scary because we thought we hurt the dazzlings irreparably.” She sighed. “They had gems that helped control their magic, but they broke from our fight. They couldn't speak afterwards.”

“Woah.” Lemon gasped. “But that means they got better, right?”

“Yeah. They're fine now. Still standoffish, but not nearly as ‘evil’.” She made air quotes. “You might have seen them around town. Adagio has orange puffy hair and typically wears a purple outfit. Sonata has a two tone ponytail with blue and like a purple highlight, and she normally dresses like a marching band member. Then there's Aria. Purple pigtails, green highlights…dresses like a punk.”

“Oh. That's the girl who helped Indigo when she had that panic attack.” Lemon thought aloud.

“She did what?” Sunset asked.

“Apparently Indigo passed out on the way home from one of her therapy appointments, and Aria found her, called for help and stayed with her until Sunny got to the hospital.” Sugarcoat explained.

“Really? I wouldn't have thought she would have such a turn around…” Sunset thought aloud. “I should tell Twilight about that…maybe they have turned over a new leaf.”

“Why would Twilight need to know?” Lemon asked.

“Oh. ‘Princess’ Twilight.” She corrected. “I give her updates on the magical events that happen over here.”

“The dazzlings are from your world then?” Sugarcoat asked.

“Yeah. They're actually sirens in equestria, but they don't have those powers here anymore.” She noted. “Those were attached to the gems we destroyed.”

“Neat. Aria is a magical creature.” Lemon grinned.

“Or, was? How does that work?” Sugarcoat asked.

“They haven't tried to go back, I'm not sure if they'd still retain their original forms or not.” Sunset thought aloud. “Maybe something to test in the future.”

“One thing at a time. You said you are already wearing yourself out.” Sugarcoat reminded.

“Oh yeah. Right. First thing's first. Get this last update done before the deadline.” She sighed.

“Where are all your friends at?” Lemon asked as they entered the room.

“Dash? Practice. Applejack? Farm. Fluttershy? Rescue facility. Rarity? Boutique. Twilight? Lab. Pinkie? Work.” She listed off. “I'm flying solo, or, I am now. Trixie was helping me, but she's been distracted.” She chuckled.

“Yeah, but at least it's for a good reason.”

“I guess. I'll tell her she owes me later.”

“How is Twilight doing?” Sugarcoat asked.

“She's doing well here. While I don't think she's being academically challenged here, the whole school is a good thing for her.” Sunset said with a small smile.

“I still do not feel good about her departure.” Sugarcoat admitted. “We treated her so horribly, I do not think we deserve the forgiveness she has given us.”

Sunset's smile fell slightly. “Forgiving yourself isn't easy. Trust me. I still feel guilty for everything I did, especially to the girls who are now my best friends.” She took a seat, offering the others to the girls.

Sugarcoat and Lemon took the offered seats across from her at the table.

“What did you do?” Sugarcoat asked.

“What didn't I do?” She sighed. “I guess I never really got physical, I threatened it, but only did that a few times.” She crossed her arms. “Well, I dug into their personal lives and blackmailed people. I pitted them against each other.” She groaned. “If it wasn't for Twilight coming over here…they'd never have had these friendships. They'd have gone through high school alone and resenting one another, all because of me.” She rested her head in her palm. “It's not easy to let yourself move on, but if you can wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, and know that you're a better person today than you were then, then you're on the right path.” She explained. “I know I'm not a perfect person, but I also know that I'm doing my best to be better. Y'know?”

Sugarcoat sat in silence for a moment, letting the words resonate. “Yeah. I think I do.” She nodded. “Thank you Sunset. I needed that.”

“Of course.” She smiled with a chuckle. “Though I didn't exactly do much.”

“You did more than you know, I assure you.” She smiled back. “I always thought of Twilight as my rival back in school. Though I doubt she thought the same.” She admitted. “I never took the time to know her, cursed her name and acted childish whenever she would outperform me.”

Lemon sat back, listening as Sugarcoat opened up. Some of this was new information to her, even though they'd been friends for so long.

“It did not hit me until after she transferred. That was when I realized how cruel I had been to her. Someone I could have befriended and studied with rather than against. It took my friendship with Indigo for me to realize.” She sighed.

“Is that why you've been throwing yourself into studying more lately?” Lemon asked. Sunset glancing over to her. “Somewhere in your mind you felt like you had to keep up with her?”

Sugarcoat blinked in thought. Squinting her eyes, staring down at her hands. “That…is possible.”

“I think you need to find out how to forgive yourself, Sugarcoat. Letting something like that dictate your life and time is only going to compound as you get older.” Sunset said, giving her a reassuring smile. “If you need to talk to her, I can help set it up.”

“...please.” She mumbled. “I don't want this to happen again.”

Lemon noted the contraction. Sugarcoat was letting her speech slip. It was either time to step in and take over for her, or let her keep going and see how she handles herself…

“I-I,” The girl cleared her throat. “I admit. I don't think I ever forgave myself for my part in pushing Twilight to turn into that corrupted magical form. She would never hurt people and we pushed her to that point. We were responsible for that pain and…we just…we just go on with life? While she has to live with knowing what she could've done?” She asked. “It's not right, but I know I can't change anything. I see everyone just going and moving on, I don't get it.”

“Sugarcoat.” Lemon frowned softly. “You should have talked to us about this.”

“Indigo and Sour have so much going on in their lives, and you and Sunny help them through that… I didn't want to push my guilt onto any of you. Why burden you when I'm the one who's not as well adjusted?” She asked.

“Because we're friends, dude.” She crossed her arms. “We're supposed to be there for you, and you didn't let us know you needed us. Now I feel like a jerk.”

“How? How is it your fault?” She sighed.

“I'm noticing that you guys seem to hold a lot in…” Sunset said, nervous to interject.

“It comes with the internalized guilt.” Sugarcoat said flatly.

“Then just talk to us, you bonehead!” Lemon huffed, grabbing her into a hug. “For such a smart girl you're such an idiot.”

Sugarcoat hesitated, but returned the embrace. “Sorry.” She muttered.

‘I feel like I'm intruding…’ Sunset thought.

“Could you ask Twilight for a moment of her time soon?” Sugarcoat asked after the hug ended.

“Of course, man. I got you.” Sunset smiled.

“Thank you.”

Comments

[Hobbestc]

Looks like Trixie might have a GF soon.

[WittyNameTFM]

11759152
If Trixie figures it out, sure.

[The Sleepless Beholder]

Finally got or it. I love a lot of this, and look forward to see it expanded in the future. Startrix is great, and Sugarcoat and Twi having a time to talk will be quite interesting to see. Plus I wonder if someone will bring up the magical creature description around Aria. Her reaction to it would be amusing.

[WittyNameTFM]

11760435
I've always loved the dazzlings, so I'm gonna try to have them show up more within the story. While I'm branching out to the other members of the shadowbolts, i'm trying to keep myself from jumping to characters that aren't involved in this slice of the story.
Aria has a connection, sure, but we've barely seen the other two for good reason. Though with how they end up after school in my head, they could have something to do with Trixie somewhere down the line.

The thing with Sugarcoat started as an excuse to talk to Sunset, but as it went on, I found a way to work it into talking about Sugarcoat's guilt got lucky with that one.