Help

by WittyNameTFM

Chapter 34. Insecurities and Therapy

"Welcome back, Indigo." Doctor Waller smiled as she entered the room. She had a bit of a practiced limp from walking with a boot on her leg. A metallic brace was fitted to her injured leg, helping to relieve the pressure as she approached the couch and took a seat.

"It's good to be back, glad I can finally walk on my own again." She said with a chuckle, unconsciously resting her hand on the brace. "...For the most part."

"You've recovered quicker than the doctors predicted. That's quite impressive."

"Wouldn't have been able to actually rest without Sunny and the girls keeping an eye on me." She nodded. "I've had a lot of time to think while I was waiting for my knee to heal up."

"Is there anything in particular you want to discuss?" She asked, taking up her notes.

"I've talked to my wrestling trainer. I think I'm gonna give that a shot." She said, though her words didn't carry the usual confidence that she was accustomed to.

"Are you telling me that you're going to do it, or suggesting it as a topic?" The doctor asked.

Indigo flinched. "You got me. Part of me still thinks it's a stupid idea…" She admitted. "I have fun when I practice, but doing it as a job is another animal."

"Well, walk me through your thought process. Why do you want to wrestle?"

"It's…something I didn't know I'd enjoy until I was introduced to it." She said quietly. "I got to meet my favorite wrestlers and they took me under their wing right away. I still enjoy doing athletic stuff, but…" She balled her fists on her lap. "Everything at that school. All of it. Was because of them. Everything I liked…all ruined because of them."

"And this is wholly yours." Dr. Waller said. "You chose to get into it and enjoy doing it."

Indigo chuckled again, a dry, bitter chuckle. "Dammit." She sniffled. "I thought I was moving past this…"

"You are, Indigo. You spent a lot of your formative years with them. You've got a whole life to live ahead of you, and I believe you have the drive to get through this."

"Why does it feel like I'm just spinning my wheels, doc? I'm just…I'm tired, man. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want everyone to walk on eggshells around me. It feels like everyone is coddling me," She brought her uninjured knee up to hug it, seemingly subconsciously, as the knee with the brace wasn't lifted. The body language was obvious. She was closing herself off again. "My cousin came by. She told me that…my mom is trying to contact me. Did you know?"

"I was informed, yes. Officer Armor told me to be on the lookout if she was spotted here." She nodded.

"See? Everyone's gotta protect the fragile girl." She mockingly waved her hands "Ooh, don't let the big bad woman near her…"

"I understand your frustration, but Indigo…you've made so many strides in the short time you've been out of their custody. You have a job, training for a sport you genuinely enjoy, a friend group who are willing to drop everything for you at a moment's notice, and a family that cares about you." She listed off, "Now, you may see some of that and twist it. But speaking as an older person, you don't just get given wonderful people in your life. A good majority of the positivity they give to your life, you give in return. Even if you're unaware of doing so." She smiled.

"I…that doesn't sound like a real thing." Indigo wiped her eyes with her forearm.

"Tell me about the first time you met your friends again."

"Aw, c'mon, dude."

"My memory is a little foggy, but I faintly recall…you sticking up for them,"

"It's not the same-"

"Is it not? You weren't even friends with them at the time, but something in you chose to go out of your way to brighten up their days, so long ago."

"...And you think they're just trying to repay the favor?"

"I don't think so. To me, it sounds like they just want to make their friend happy. The same thing you'd want if you were in their shoes."

Indigo looked up at her, a faint smile on her face.

"You sure this isn't just a pep-talk?" She asked.

The older woman giggled. "Well, it may have become one, but you weren't focused. Your head wasn't in the game, Indigo."

"I appreciate trying to relate with sports terms." She chuckled before frowning again. "What if…this is the new normal for me? If I never get to be happy, how long until they're all sick of me being a sad sack?"

"Do you really think so little of them?" The doctor asked. "If someone would abandon you when you needed them most, would that be someone worth having in your life?"

"Everyone has a breaking point. I could annoy them into hating me…" She looked back down. "I dunno what I'd do if they all hated me."

"Sit back, breathe in,"

Indigo did as instructed, holding her breath before the doctor continued.

"and out." After a moment, she gave her a calming smile. "You're working yourself up. Take a moment."

Each deep breath slowly pushed out a different conjured reason for her friends to hate her. "Right…right. You're right. I'm sorry."

"No apologies. It's okay to let your fears out, but you must not let them rule you." She said calmly. "If your mind wanders without taking time to ground yourself, you could make up anything."

"Being cooped up for a few weeks has been rough, dude." She admitted. "You know how embarrassing it is to have to ask your friend to help you to the bathroom? Ugh. I wish I'd just died instead."

"I can only imagine." The doctor giggled before glancing toward the brace. "Is that going to be something you have to wear going forward or just through the last steps of recovery?"

"I think I won't need it after a while, but Solar worked hard on the paint job. It'd be a shame to not use it." She chuckled.

"It's special to you then?"

"...Yeah. I mean, he didn't have to do that for me. It's-, well, he made it look cooler." Indigo thought aloud.

"While I'm no expert at 'cool', I think it looks very good." She agreed. "How have you been getting along with your new family?"

"They're very patient with me. I appreciate their consideration, but I still feel like I'm a burden to them." Indigo said. "I know I shouldn't, and I have been trying to open up more, it's just…a feeling that isn't going away."

"That's very common. People often struggle with change, and with such a large change in such a short amount of time, you're actually on the rarer side. You are actually attempting to move on with them rather than bide your time before moving out." She noted.

"I feel like I owe them, and I know that they really don't like that." Indigo sighed. "I'm not sure if it's the conditioning to jump at every request or if I just don't want to push my luck in this family and that is a really shitty feeling."

"I understand…" The doctor frowned. "Have you spoken to them about it?"

"What do I say? 'Hey, I can't tell if I'm doing the things you ask me out of guilt for wasting your money and time, or if it's because I'm scared you'll turn out to be just like him.'?" She froze at the thought. "N-No. They're not like them. I shouldn't have-"

"Indigo, it's okay to express yourself." Dr. Waller said calmly. "Do you think that because it's all you've ever known?"

"M-Maybe, that makes sense actually." She mumbled. "God, don't equate them to my parents…" She gripped the sides of her head. "They're better than that. They don't deserve that…."

"They've done so much for you, Indigo. I don't think this is all a ruse."

"Me neither. I never should have put that out there…"

"You have lingering doubts, it makes sense. There's nothing wrong with working through these issues."

"Right…right…so how do I work through it?" She asked.

"The same way you've been doing it this whole time. Spend time with them. You know they aren't like your parents. You've formed a connection with them that's deeper than your standing in school." The doctor spoke, listing off significant changes that Indigo had initiated. "You've found your own interests through them, stepped away from the things you were pressured into doing, overcome physical and mental struggles to become the young woman sitting here today. If you think you haven't grown as a person since the first time we spoke, you haven't been paying attention." She teased.

Indigo felt a bit of pride, she blushed lightly. Hearing a list was jarring. So much had changed, she had so little chance to regain her footing. "You make it sound so simple…" She huffed.

"Well, mental health is anything but simple. It takes time and effort, something that I'm seeing you put in, undoubtedly."

"Alright. Now you're just blowing hot air." Indigo chuckled.

"I would never." The doctor smirked knowingly.

"Thanks, Doc. I'm glad you can knock some sense into me."

"Didn't you say you had someone to do that at home?"

"I-," She sighed. "I'm trying to not wear on Sunny’s nerves. Living with me can't be easy. I know we tease and argue from time to time, but I just get worried, y'know? She's my best friend…she literally saved my life. I just don't want to drive her away."

"You think you could drive her away because…what, you think you're annoying?"

"I don't think." She crossed her arms. "I know she's got to be tired of all the times I make dumb jokes or say something embarrassing because it was on my mind. I know she's gotta be annoyed by my morning routine. She used to sleep in until like half an hour before school, but now she makes sure to drag herself out in time to have breakfast with me." Indigo listed off, looking to the ceiling as she rested her head against the back of the couch. "She comes and hangs out in my room after school, I think the room was her old studio before I moved in. Which that's gotta suck. Losing out on your space for someone else."

"Mhm…" Dr. Waller hummed as she took notes. "And you don't think she comes in to spend time with her best friend?"

"Pft. If she did, she'd never admit it." Indigo said. 'I mean, I never asked…'

"Does it bother you that she is in your space?" She asked.

"Not…really? Sunny," She groaned. "This is gonna sound weird, but hear me out." She shifted in the seat. "Sunny makes me feel…I dunno, grounded?" She asked, searching for the right word in her mind. "Like…if anything were to happen, she'd be reaching for me the same time I reached for her or something…" The teen mumbled, feeling a warmth fluttering in her chest.

"She's a safety net. That actually makes a lot of sense and doesn't sound weird at all. Sunny is someone that has shown you that she can be trusted. You can safely rely on her. Indigo, you feel at ease around her because you know you can be yourself around her. That's a wonderful step."

"You think..?" She asked, a twinge of relief washing over her.

"I do. Tell me, what are some of the things you do with her?" The doctor asked.

"Well…we uh," Indigo thought for a moment. A lot of times they were watching something, laying on the bed together. Or playing video games against one another, listening to music and reading, or even just doing homework. "Just the usual stuff, really. Games, movies, music." She shrugged. "I dunno what's different between her and the other girls…"

"Hmm, maybe proximity?"

Indigo pursed her lips in thought. Out of all the times she'd hung out with the others, they'd never been as close as Sunny got to her. Including the handful of times they'd accidentally dozed off on her bed. The first time she woke to Sunny hugging her waist, and Indigo had her arm around her, the thespian resting her head on Indigo's shoulder.

Her cheeks slowly reddened as she thought. "That…could be it."

"In any case, I'm glad you've got someone to lean on. But if you're scared of annoying her, that may be something to discuss at some point."

"Maybe you're right." Indigo thought aloud. "I wouldn't want to lose her…"

"Well, it seems our time is up for the day." Dr. Waller said, glancing at the clock. "This was a very good session, Indigo."

"Yeah, I feel like I've got a better perspective." She grinned, pushing off the couch to stand.

"Same time in two weeks?"

"Hopefully I'll have better updates." The jock nodded.

"Have a good day, Indigo and good luck."

"Thanks, Doc." Indigo said over her shoulder, closing the door behind her. She lifted a hand to rest on her chest. 'Why am I feeling so fluttery all of a sudden?' She shook her head, heading to the elevator. Stairs were still a bit much on her knee.

She took out her phone, hitting Sunny's number on the speed dial.

"Hey, need me to pick you up?" Sunny asked, her chipper tone lifted the corners of Indigo's mouth. The weird fluttering was back.

"Sure thing, if you don't mind." She said, resting her palm against her chest again.

"You know I don't, did you have a good session?"

"Yeah. I'll tell you all about it on the ride home." She looked down, 'This feeling…is kinda nice.'

Author's Note:

After having a lot of chapters lately involve multiple characters, I wanted to dail it back to just Indigo and Dr. Waller this time. A full session with Indigo opening up. Hope you all enjoy!

Comments

[Sunset_Shimmer83]

Love is in the air tonight Indigo

[The Sleepless Beholder]

that fluttering is love~

[WittyNameTFM]

11567940
You sure? It's probly just indigestion or something

[WittyNameTFM]

11567973
Coulda been something she ate. 🤔