• Member Since 31st May, 2012
  • offline last seen March 1st

MaxBeezy


Better than Nicholas Sparks. Probably. Probably not. Also has a thing for Queen Chrysalis. Can't Explain Why.

Comments ( 135 )

You caught me getting to ready to go to sleep. This has been added to the top of my read later pile.

Hunter C. Creed

I just finished reading this chapter, its started off with nice pace for a story. I enjoyed reading the orginal story and can't wait to see how this goes one. Keep up the good work man :eeyup:

Ah, excellent. I'm glad to see the events of the first tale tie in so well with this one; the treatment of Proteus is understandable and rather sad. Lovin' this.

Wait... THIS HAS SAD ON IT... I shall watch this with apprehension of a possible sad ending... :fluttershyouch:

Yessss, instant fav!

YEEEEEEEES a new story !!! great first chapter will be looking forward to the update !:eeyup:

Nice chapter, quite the development on Proteus part. can't wait to see more, keep up the good work man :eeyup:

Great chapter, this is just beginning of Princess Luna liking him but the problem would be. Does Princess Luna likes him because he looks like his father or for who and what Proteus is?

Would be there any changeling involved in this story? It would be neat if Proteus learns the whole, truthful story about his father and Queen Chryaslis.

Loved this chapter was honestly getting nervouse this storie died no update in a while ow well that's life hope you keep going with it;)

1191451 It's definitely going to get finished. :twilightsmile:

I'll try to bring in the other chapters every four or five days.

1191470 awesome thanks for the heads up I appreciate it.

He is so going to get something very interesting when all this is over. :trollestia:

HE IS GOING TO GET RAPED!
jk
BUT SERIOUSLY!
^ pretty much what i though when she watched him like that.....
anyhow really enjoying the story.

I see big improvement compare to first story. First time when i think about that story it was "ughh it will be boring " but i must say, damn wrong i was.

Keep it up

Hugely different tone from the first story, which had a darker, tragic theme. This has a more lighthearted style, and includes a lot of the things you see at the beginning of a more realistic romance. I like both, but for very different reasons.

Strong Heart!?!? Awwww nononoonononoonoonononono no! This won't end well... (Still wants that happy ending) Best wishes!

Ha, talk about a good way to end the chapter. You got me hook on, I can't wait to see how it progresses from here, Nice job man :eeyup:

You never say the wrong name to you lover or they end up like this. :twilightangry2:

Nice chapter keep her going.:moustache:

She gins at him, exposing her fangs. [grin]

But wait, how did their daughter survive? In last story, she was announced dead- which was the reason Chrysalis declared war against Shining Armor and Princess Cadance and the Canterlot as well.

Chrysalis’ eyes slowly open. She is conscious. He looks at her, and sees she’s awake. He has no look of surprise, but deep down, the news he’s about to tell her will be even more difficult.

“The foal…didn’t make it.” He grits his teeth, fighting the tears. “It was a girl, too. She was so beautiful, Chrysalis. You would have loved her.”

Dang that's a he'll of a twist im really liking this story now.

Oh snap. So she's alive she didn't die. Alright now were talking :rainbowdetermined2:

I saw a few errors, I'll go find them now...

Okay...
“We’re you in love with him?”
should be:
"Were you in love with him?"

ah screw it, can't be bothered rereading the chapter.

HOLY SHIT! HOW?! WHAT!?! WIZARDRY!

1229141 1229323 It'll be explained in the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

1229209 Ah, thanks for the catch. I try to catch these errors quickly, before posting them. I guess posting this at 1 in the morning made me sloppy.

1230257

Also, you told me this story would be more upbeat than the precursor. I DEMAND THE HAPPY ENDING IN THE VERY END OF THIS STORY! (Jokingly whines as an annoying fan, rather than someone who is just stating their desire like a civil creature).

Best wishes!

1230268 Well, it's a LITTLE more upbeat than the last story. Chapter 4 of the predecessor had heavily implied rape, and forced (now attempted) abortion. Without giving away the ultimate outcome, this story won't have either of the aforementioned things.

1230257

Yeah, I suppose that may have had something to do with that. I recommend writing in Word, then transferring to a google doc, proof reading then rereading your proof reading, then posting. Laborious? Yes. Worth it? Probably not, but at least you don't get grammar nazis like me on your case! :pinkiehappy:

1230304 Good advice, but I don't think you were being a Grammar Nazi. Just a good Samaritan that caught a mistake that I didn't catch. :pinkiesmile:

1230296

Too true too true. Anyway I hope to see more of this epic story! and that happy ending :trollestia:. As always best wishes!

1230423 :rainbowlaugh: It's all good. I appreciate the help.

1230432 Will Proteus end up with Princess Luna? I'm betting on her doing something big to prove that she feels terrible about the whole situation. Maybe learn that she don't have to make him into "Strong Heart".

1229141
his father fucked them all over, thats what. He manipulated them all into a war, and they destroyed each other. I've seen it before.

Dear lord you are the master of cliffhangers please have mercy and update soon to sate my curiosity.

1236477 I'll hopefully have the next chapter done by Sunday.

punctuality is key but don't you dare rush for me. diamonds take time to form>>1237053

Damned cliffhangers! They make fluttershy (best pony) cry.:fluttercry:

Great twist on the sister keep the storie going I'm loveing it.

Poor Spike, constantly waking up in the dead of the night (I hate that phrase) to burp out a letter. Poor guy:ajsleepy:

Damn. Now my comment is too obvious, oh well.

That is wrong Luna, loving your old loves and your friend's son.
Damn, doesn't have the right effect after that Strong Heart comment.:facehoof:

I was wondering about the tombstone only having two names.

Damn, we think way too much alike.

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