- Member Since 7th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen February 29th
IncandescentSolaire
If only I could be as grossly incandescent as the sun..
IncandescentSolaire
Joined 7th Mar, 2015 ·
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Rimworld is an awesome game. I'm looking at all the tags and it brings back those memories where everything that could go wrong went wrong. I hope Rex and Twilight have infinity better luck then I had. (Thx Randy Random.)
Alright, this one caught my eye, and you delivered.
For a start, I'd say you did a fantastic job of translating the source material's world and mechanics into prose, especially for those who haven't delved into Rimworld. I'm looking forward to seeing more of that in future chapters, because I really do have to say it's better than most game-crossover introductions that opt for plopping down hard facts with far less tact. I also hope you take more liberties—like letting the generator run on both wood and chemfuel, and giving Rex flashlights—because some authors tend to forget to mix the source material with their creativity.
Pacing wise, I think you need to give yourself a little more credit! You packed a lot into these 2,500 words, and it wasn't jarring in the least. My only gripe here is that the personality for Rex is pretty lacking, even for an initial framework, but other than that, the development of the overall setting and mood is right as rain.
Interesting (popcorn and soda)
Tbh, I wished for this kind of cross-over a while now, and if half the tags of the story is any proof of it, then I can tell I am going to love what will come next. I don't think I can add much more than the previous comments, except maybe a little something, but I'll wait for the next chapter before stating, for I believe you'll address it.
10332850
Rimworld is indeed an awesome game. I hope I can bring back more of those memories~!
10332859
I'm glad you've enjoyed the first chapter!
Speaking of the wood and chemfuel, the funniest part is that I was thinking of that already! You're a mind reader. I'll be sure to take more creative liberties with the source material that is rimworld for sure.
I'm glad the pacing wasn't bad! I believe I can write decently well, but pacing is where most stories fail, so I'm happy that it was received well.
I can agree with the personality for rex, as it is lacking. I hope to expand that in the later chapters. In fact, Rex is based off my very first run of Rimworld years ago, though I did not base the story off of that playthrough. Only the name and appearance will be taken from it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you for giving some insight! 'Til the next chapter!
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Can I have some popcorn, perhaps?
10332914
Prepare to strap in for a rollercoaster!
Thankfully, the tags fit perfectly with the universe of Rimworld. You'll definitely enjoy it.
'Til the next chapter!
Rimworld, yes!!!
Just looking at the first chapter I can tell this is going to be great, and I’m really excited for what is to come.
Will Rex and Twi go full war crimes? Will you force prisoners to eat without tables? Will they become go-juice addicts?
I can’t wait to find out. I am irrationally excited about this story, got Rimworld just 2 months ago and already pumped over 300 hours in with no signs of slowing down.
10333307
Rimworld is truly one of the greatest games I've ever played! I'm glad I could write a story that you'll hopefully enjoy.
Stay safe on the Rim, brother.
'Til next chapter!
Food always gets people talking. Well, at least not immediately when they're starving.
And it's a good thing Rex is a bartender; that profession'll go a long way in getting his compadre to open up. It also makes Rex a little more real, and I hope you flesh out that business a bit more—not just through backstory dumps, but by utilizing his unique people skills as a barkeep to keep him grounded with Twilight.
Pacing is still good here, and I think for the setting, you made the right choice in having them talk now instead of prolonging it. I'll say it again, but it was very natural how you used food to start a conversation between them, and kept her watching Rex before then. I also think Rex letting her stay and eat his food shows how he has a bit of a soft spot after having to endure at least two lonely winters.
You're keeping on top of errors for the most part; a few here and there, but no major complaints save for "potato's" being used instead of the proper plural. Minor issues would be things like not capitalizing the 'I' in contractions like "i'm".
10333460
I'll definitely fix those spelling errors soon. I usually don't think about it when i'm in the middle of writing, so thank you a ton for pointing those errors out.
I can't believe I spelled potatoes potato's.
Hopefully, next chapter will be out tomorrow. I'm currently mapping out a world in Rimworld using Debug Commands to get a good picture of what I want the place to look like in the story. It'll help me visualize it, and help me write how it looks in the story.
'Til the next chapter!
I only have one question what storyteller is this (my bet is Robbie Random) and what difficulty it is
10333565
The story doesn't really run off of a difficulty.
However; i'm more or less basing it off of Savage/Merciless difficulty and Randy Random as the storyteller, if we were going off of the games logic.
'Til the next chapter!
guys i made a MLP mod for Rimworld if you guys are interested
https://www.reddit.com/r/RimWorld/comments/fe05yq/ponies_of_the_rim_10_is_released_mlp_rimworld/
And yes i made a account just so i can tell you this.
I suppose i wanted to publish Fallout Equestria fanfic but looking over it, it wasn't good so i scraped it.
10333728
That is definitely a cool mod! I'm going to have to check that out soon!
Is this story going to be implementing any of the mechanics of the royalty DLC? Also, If you make connections between magic and psychic abilities, that would probably make Twilight psychically hypersensitive. Have fun with that -48 mood debuff with a high psychic drone.
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I think unicorns and alicorns would have normal psychic sensitivity, would recover faster and be able to cast more psychic abilities, since this is how coded them in the mod. Also this affects changeling but to lesser extend.
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I'm basing the story off of the current version of rimworld, which includes the Royalty DLC.
You are pumping out these chapters thick and fast, I love it. I can't expect you to keep up this pace forever so don't burn yourself out, but you certainly know how to get a man hooked.
I love how you've written everything so far, though I do think Twilight might be succumbing to the harshness of the Rim a little too quickly. She arrives as a sheltered and naive pony from Equestria, and 3 days later, after no hardships other than being stranded, she's justifying killing animals already. Humans are omnivores, she's seen Rex eat potatoes, I'd think Twilight would fight harder to not kill any animals when Rex and her can clearly eat other things. It would be better if Twilight stood her ground a bit more, at the very least refusing to eat any meat until they ran out of vegetables. Rex presumably only stored enough food for the winter for 1 person. Twilight coming and doubling the amount of food being eaten would lead to shortages and necessitate extra hunting to prevent starvation, but she would not be happy about it.
Also, I know we haven't had any battles yet, but a trap a lot of authors fall in is that they put in too many fight scenes and try to one up the previous fight every time. Eventually you get a story like Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons, where it starts off dark and gritty, and by the end is ridiculous and almost comical by how absurdly powerful everyone's gotten. I love this story so far and I don't want you to fall into that trap.
10334791
I'm glad you're liking the chapters. Yeah, I'm making sure I don't get burnt out on writing, so don't worry about that. The pace will die down soon enough!
Twilight succumbing to the planet's hostility quickly is something I thought about earlier on. I agree that she would most likely try to not hurt any animals unless required, however I wanted to write it in a way where she understood that in order to live on the planet, she needed to learn the hardships. Also, I wanted to add that she loved meat despite ponies disliking the idea of it, adding a sense of 'violent tendencies' in every species, no matter where they lived.
The food supply thing will be addressed soon in the other chapters!
Also, believe me, I like writing battle scenes, but I hate if stories are comprised of it all the time. I like the down-time more than the battles themselves, and every battle, no matter how big or small will be deathly important. I like to write characters who mess up, who make mistakes and who aren't lucky all the time.
Project Horizons is definitely dark and gritty, which sets the tone for the story, but I have to agree with your points. In Rimworld, I love the fact that there is a sense of struggling for survival, but that isn't the total aspect of the game. Colonists talking to eachother, forming opinions and bonds, and doing regular tasks like hunting, mining, and chopping wood. Once the combat kicks up in the game, you realize that a single shot could completely change the colony forever. One shot to the eye prevents a colonist from seeing properly, or even a shot through the throat could completely kill them off. I love that, because even if its a single raider, they're still realistically dangerous. You don't need an insectoid hive full of 500 insectoids to kill any colonist. All it takes is a single second, and a single bullet.
Combat will be introduced into the story eventually, but when that does happen, I will take into consideration the realism of the battle, and the effects of it. Even if you survive a couple hundred raids, you aren't an automatic killing machine that can outlive anything.
Thank you for your insight! I hope I explained some things and my thoughts here, and I will take all that you've said into consideration. I'm glad that I have readers that give their thoughts, and reasoning behind it. Thank you!
'Til the next chapter.
10334812
My first ever colony, it was the third or fourth raid, first guy to turn up with a gun. Just one dude with a crappy auto pistol. I'd just researched gunsmithing and made an extra bolt action rifle, so I had 2 rifles, a revolver, and a guy with a sword. Outnumbered him 4 to 1, had way more firepower, and we had cover. Nothing could go wrong...
First shot he fires, straight through my favourite colonist's brain.
She just got married a few days prior. And her name was Belle, which reminded me of Sweetie Belle.
Her husband would go on a mental break and take his wife's dead body out of her sarcophagus.
Fun times
Haven't read this yet. From harsh experience, I've learned not to expect a story to be completed, so I just track until it's either complete or over 100,000 words.
One point
Does this have anything to do with the old Captain Grimes series of sci-fi books written by Chandler?
On the Fallout Equestria relation, I still remember Steelhooves death. It was unexpected, almost instant, and meaningless. Ambush, Decapitation, and his story was over. Not an assassination, or a last stand, or anything. Just Hellhound claw to the neck.
----
Good story thus far. I can see that you are only using Rimworld mechanics as a guideline, which is cool. Given the "Two Years" and still having what is a pretty small base, with a single person, I assume construction is more realistically slow at least.
Can't wait for more.
10334847
Sounds like rimworld for sure. Fun times indeed.
10334976
Yeah, my story is definitely going to be taking a more realistic approach to some aspects, while taking game logic for others.
Construction is slow in this story though, that is for sure.
10334855
I hope that you'll read it eventually, or even when it is completed! I plan to complete all my stories, but I'm sure you've heard that from plenty of authors who've failed that promise. I'll still try my best.
No, my story is not related to either of those.
10335037
Same here thing buddy, got a story with three chapters just sitting on the dust for a few months, but like I said to many here, I don’t plan to stop anytime soon, my mind is a story-making machine. I see something ( a story from a book, a game or a movie ) and I almost instantly know how to insert them in a semi-logic way into a story. I have a few stories on the making ( none of them published as of yet ) and I already have another Idea, utilizing the monsters from Evolve mixed with a head cannon for that universe.
Even better than the last story of yours i read keep up the great work cant wait to see the next chapter! 👍
10335042
I know how it feels, to constantly want to make more and more stories.
We shall entertain those who are wanting to read!
10335043
I see that you commented on 'The Diary.'
Currently that story is on hold, as I'm figuring out what to do with it. I'm spending my time however writing these three new stories, and I'm loving it so far.
Thank you for the encouragement.
You know, this story has some promise. You've got me interested. I'll be tossing this stories into my Que folder until more chapters arrive.
10335200
More chapters will keep arriving, and I hope I sate your interest!
Nice! Keeping it smooth.
She ate meat...
It's well written, but it's a tad on the nose.
10333479
And if I could add one tiny nitpick of my own. Ellipses come in threes, not twos. It's a horribly minor issue but just seeing two periods instead of three whenever you type an ellipsis is kind of driving me crazy. Great start to the story otherwise.
🥰🥰🥰👍👍
Does this story include "Full Rimworld Experience" you know what I mean.
really loved this and i look forward to reading the next chapter right now, also when i read his name "Rex" my Mind has gone to Rex from Star wars Lol
Maybe I am biaised, I'm no expert, but I would have expected Rex to be far more wary of Twilight, at least during their first talk. Notwithstanding the fact that Twilight is an alien, a no-human being with apparently paranormal power, I doubt Rex would have accepted without cautious or mistrust another human like that. Okay, she seems cute and innofensive, but he witnessed a bit of her power, and have no knowledge of her specie and her motivation. To be honest, if I had no knowledge of MLP and faced a weird winged unicorn thing, in a planet I know almost nothing of, while being alone for 2 years, I would have questionned my sanity and/or her intention. I don't think I would be more trusting if I was alone for half this period. Of course, they can warmed up pretty quickly after a few talk, but offering to sleep in the same room without my gun close to my bed and ready to be triggered the first night? I wouldn't think of it, far too dangerous.
10335801
Yeah, I completely get what you mean.
The thing I was going for was that Rex was numb to strange things happening. Insectoids, Ancient Soldiers, Mechanical Scyther and Lancers, and later on people who can literally manipulate objects with their minds. There are animals that can explode upon death, which you can harvest gas from, and plenty of other strange creatures.
I still get where you're coming from. I didn't mean for Rex to trust her because she seems nice, but more of the fact that he doesn't seem to care anymore. He's numb to the weird shit thats happened on the world.
Still, I hope that I can still write a good story you'll enjoy! Thank you for your insight.
10335737
Ahhh~ Rex.
10335682
A story about rimworld would be nothing without the True Rimworld Experience~
10335567
Huh-?
10335549
Ah, yeah.
I dunno. I know its not technically right writing, but I prefer the two dots instead of three.
Also, years ago I had a huge problem with using ellipse's, and I fixed that by only using two dots or not at all.
Still, thank you for pointing that out! I'll try to fix it.
10335449
I hope you'll still enjoy it!
10335362
Smooth as the calm waters in the ocean before a hurricane.
As things tend to be in rimworld, that is.
10335801
You can disregard most of this since we can go with Solaire's explanation that Rex has become numb to the strange, since my internet went down before I could post this reply. Will post it anyway.
To be fair, in Rimworld, people will wander into the colony and join for seemingly no reason other than to settle down. This concept seems pretty consistent across all rimworlds (which, according to what little Rimworld's lore offers, all rimworlds could be manipulated by the AI storytellers like Randy Random, almost like a simulation).
Something to recognize—and that Rex explains—is that the rimworld is a far different environment than what normal humans are used to. As an example from the game world, space-tech raiders, bronze-age tribals, and wild-western colonists live on this planet with Rex. It's day-to-day survival in a hodge-podge of groups with vastly spread technology and culture.
In a different light: Solaire's painted Rex as a pretty lonely guy, but in the way that he just gets visitors and has nobody else to help run the home. So I'd say that the mindset that Rex has is along the lines of "they can talk, and they can move on their own; maybe they can help me?" This as evidenced by Rex taking Twilight hunting, and she proves her talent with magic there.
10335975
Thank you for explaining that better!