• Member Since 4th Nov, 2018
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago


Always enjoy writing or your stories will suffer as you do.

Comments ( 321 )

shit ... I loved it, only the prologue generated a lot of expectation for future chapters.
Great start, I look forward to the development of this story.

Nice, i love it!

sound like a party

This sounds great. Please continue

Great, another overpowered human in a pathetically weak version of Equestria. And by great, I mean I'm sick of it.

He's hardly over powered. He's about as powerful as any random mortal villain from the series is, King Sombra or Queen Chrysalis in her current state for example. The only difference is that he's not a villain, he has a few upgrades to his body, is from a world that is far more technologically and magically advanced then Equestria, and is actually willing to kill things which is something the villains in the show seem to actively try to avoid in favor of imprisonment or enslavement and would be extremely intimidating to pretty much any character from the show for that reason.

In fact, the entire reason he's this strong is specifically because any random mortal villain from the series seems to be able to take on freaking alicorns in combat and fight them to a stand still or even win despite the fact that they are demigods in this particular story. Plus, casting certain spells seems to require a lot of physical effort from the unicorn or alicorn trying to cast it rather then just simple mental concentration which I personally envision as the only thing magic should involve. Also, if I remember correctly, in the cannon show while foals lack proper control of their magic they seem to be abnormally powerful for some reason when compared to adults. I merely supplied a reason for these things in the form of improper training and not realizing magic operates like a muscle and needs to be worked out to maintain its fitness. Both of those things are relatively simple issues to remedy.

If anything, I am actually giving the alicorn characters a huge upgrade by doing this because *minor spoilers* while they may be about as strong as above average mages right now they are still freaking demigods in this story which means that after a bit of work they will eventually be able to crush Gerhardt or any other mortal character in an instant if they wanted to. The only advantage he will have at that point is his technology, augmentations, and experience and skill in regards to war and violence. At that point the only other characters that would be stronger then the alicorns aside from gods and such would be Discord and the Spirit of the Tree of Harmony as both are greater spirits.. Besides, this is a slice of life story not an action story. Its not intended to be about how strong or weak the main character is but is instead supposed to be about how he adapts to life in Equestria and how he interacts with the other characters on a more casual everyday basis.

Either way, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. So if you do not enjoy my story, so be it. There's little to nothing I can really do to change that in this case. Still thank you very much for reading this and for your input even if you didn't enjoy it in the end. I wish you luck in finding stories you do enjoy and I hope you have a good day/night/morning/evening depending on your timezone!

This wasn't too shabby, enjoyed it quite a bit. Anyone else read the main characters line in this voice...


once you think about it, you won't be able to stop...

Hmm. You know what, I think I'll give this another chance. You actually seem to have put quite a bit of thought into this. More than I realised.

Though I'm still quite annoyed by the Draco in Leather Pants treatment of Chrysalis.

Good start so far. Messing with the brain in any manner risks lobotomy, as advanced Gerhardt is.

Thank you for at least being willing to give my story a second chance, that's more than most people would be willing to do. As for me making Chrysalis not totally evil, I can definitely see why some people may not particularly like or agree with my decision in regards to that, so fair enough.

Indeed it does, which is why he would have experimented using live human test subjects (mainly criminals with the death sentence who were given to the R&D branch for experimentation, since criminals lose any and all rights the very instant they are placed on death row in the Human Kingdom) before he would have ever risked trying anything on himself and why he would have done so for each individual section of the brain to ensure he knew what he was doing for each individual part. It is also why he would have had a surgical golem (essentially a robot) conduct the surgery on him due to their shear precision and ability to have their movements be preprogrammed rather than having a human surgeon do it and risking them making so much as a single mistake because they sneezed, twitched, had a muscle spasm, or so much as got a cramp or something.

And there's also a very significant reason why he is only 99.997% artificial rather than 100% even after slightly over 800 years of research and advancement, but I am planning to address that particular issue later on in the story at some point.

10102697 I’m guessing all those augments extended his lifespan. I’m also assuming that most of his organs are also mechanical as well? By that logic, I doubt that he can have kids even if he wanted to.

Apropos the artificial-percentage, the brain makes up 2% of the average human's body, and the frontal lobe 41% of that (according to what I found). So, a more realistic artificial-percentage would actually be 99%.

Well, seeing as he has what is effectively a magic life support system inside his head preserving his frontal lobe, his sole remaining organic part, and he has made use of what very little necromancy he could without breaking the law to upgrade this life support system past what it was capable prior to the invention of necromancy, he doesn't just have an extended lifespan he's effectively immortal so long as his head is somewhat intact and his brain isn't destroyed. This also means he doesn't have organs at all except for his brain as he technically does not even need them.

As for him having biological children, you are correct. He does not have genitals so he is incapable of reproducing that way. Plus, he's a human in a world of magical talking ponies and is completely cut off from his own world and any other humans so even if he were still physically capable of biological reproduction there are no women around for him to reproduce with in the first place. So yeah, no biological children for him unless he decides to take D.N.A. from his frontal lobe and uses it to either clone himself or grow a genetically engineered child with 50% of his D.N.A. and 50% someone or something else's D.N.A. in a giant vat or something in a lab. That doesn't mean he couldn't adopt a kid or something else if he really wanted to. But, that's all just hypothetical.

Oh, cool! Thank you for taking the time to look that up and tell me, I really appreciate that! I'll correct that ASAP!

I knew 99.997% didn't sound right but that's the result I got from searching around on google for who knows how long and then giving up and trying to crudely math it out on Wolfram Alpha for a few hours. Yes, I'm serious, it actually took me that long and I still got the wrong answer. Lol XD

10102825 I can actually see him adopting a child, but I’ve read enough human fics to know that he will have a hard time adopting a child native to this world because of some obscure law preventing interspecies adoptions. Alternately, he won’t want to adopt a child because children are in the way of his love of magic or something like it. There’s also the possibility that he might have landed in an alternate universe where Equestria is RGRE or majorly xenophobic.

Or an Equestria akin to the Displaced multiverse which is another can of worms entirely.

Those are certainly all possibilities. Perhaps he will have a child at some point or perhaps he won't. Perhaps society will accept this or it will not. Perhaps once Discord is finally released he'll end up turning Gerhardt himself back into a child in his pre-augmentation years and won't be able to turn him back to normal for some reason so some pony will have to raise him or maybe not. Honestly, who can truly say for certain? The future is a mysterious thing indeed my friend. :trollestia:

In all seriousness though I can't say one way or the other because that is straying far too close to spoilers for my liking. However, I really do have to ask, should I take this to mean you are interested in seeing the main character raise a child? I mean, I can't make any guarantees as to if they will ever actually make it into the story but I am most certainly willing to at least consider all sorts of ideas if there is enough interest in them.

Amazing start, only problem I see is that sometimes the sentence length gets a bit out of hand. Take this for example:

Covering the rest of his utilitarian metal body was his standard everyday uniform which consisted of heavy polished black steel-toe military boots, a thick black hooded robe with a metallic grey trimming, the fabric of which was made from super thin thread-like wires of pure silver, and sewn into both shoulders of which was a large gear symbol with fifteen spokes that encircled a perfectly measured pentagram with a short series of runes just below the symbol all in thread made from wires of pure gold which served to indicate his military branch, rank, and office, and he had thick black pants that perfectly matched his robes even having the same silver trim made of metal fabric.

It may be worth splitting that into two or three or more sentences, as these seem to run on forever.

Yes, I definitely see what you mean. I kinda have a bad habit of doing that. Mainly because I tend to want to give out as much information as possible as fast as possible. I will definitely try to work on that and slow down a bit. Thank you very much for pointing out something I can improve on, I really appreciate it! :)

I admit it, I laughed out loud when Celestia criticized Gerhardt for his handling of the changelings. Not because it was impossible for her character, but because it very much is.

This was a really fun start to a very interesting story. Your character is interesting, the world is intriguing, his thought processes make sense, and I'm deeply intrigued to see how the negotiations pan out. Great work, I'm looking forward to seeing more of this.

Seems interesting so far. I just hope there arent long waits between updates. It kills my interest when you only get a chapter every couple months forcing you to reread past chapters to refresh yourself on the story.

I'm looking forward to seeing more also this reminds me of a book I have that is called the ring of five dragons in it one of the allies of the protagonist and what I think is the main antagonist are members of a race called the Vo'rnn or something like that and their title is Gyrgon(pronounced gear-gon) and the statement "any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from Magic" definitely applies to them as they are technomancers though unlike your main character they have no magic at all everything they do, they do through technology and considering one of them could turn himself into an alien bird that was far smaller then him and transport himself to another location at the same time there is a lot they can do with technology alone and this is set on a world with magic which certain members of the planet locals can use oh yeah the Vo'rnn are alien conquerors from outer space

From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me.
I craved the strength and certainty of steel.
I aspired to the purity of the Blessed Machine.
Your kind cling to your flesh, as if it will not decay and fail you.
One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you will beg my kind to save you.
But I am already saved, for the Machine is immortal, even in death I serve the Omnissiah.

That was rather interesting. I do hope it continues to hold.

depending on which sect of the mechanicus your talking about they are the same being

Comment posted by Phantomdust deleted Mar 3rd, 2020

Great chapter!
And now the two pretty much completely opposed ideologies begin to clash! Let's see how that will end.

So. Traumatizing Celestia with war.
That can only end well.
How about we pull out all the stops and introduce her to Khorne, Slaanesh and rest of the pack.
No? Ok.

Keep it up. I'm pretty much hooked on.

why the hell do you have no more hands and parallel thinking ability !!! You could write many more chapters.
hahaha well I really loved the chapter and you left me waiting for what will happen in the next, the great work continues !!!

Cruel, but needed. It will help down the line no matter how much is fucks her up mentally in the Present.

Though Honestly, She has been alive for a Thousand years and has likely Suppressed all of her Traumatic memories of her own wars and fights and in doing so has adopted this Idealistic view point so they never come to the surface again.

It will indeed be interesting to see this technomancer develop, though I do hope he doesn't stop believing the truth that violence is sometimes necessary or give up his moral high ground especially given how the ponies, in actual canon, shunt off their criminals to be someone elses problem, like with The Sirens (and to a lesser degree Sunset Shimmer), and even more specially because he is supposed to be a wizened man with at least 1000 years of not only life but war under his belt (to say nothing of the extreme cruelty of being fully aware of your surroundings and unable to move or sleep while trapped in stone [not that I disagree with this punishment, or think it's actually cruel since it's hard to be both cruel AND just at the same time, given what Discord did even in the official show, but it was still a very harsh, if just, punishment]). Though, as he begins to learn more about this world, I expect his more violent actions will begin to be tempered, but on that same note, I don't expect him to need to defend his very life in the process for every new encounter.

That said, with the information provided, depending on how abundant gold is in this world, and given what we know of being able to find gemstones only a few inches beneath mere dirt and their apparent ability to farm (i.e. grow) rocks (i.e. minerals/elements), I would interested in seeing Gerhardt considering giving himself a full golden covered chassis.
Also, I would be interested to see how Gerhardt will react to the wildly differing levels of technological development in Equestria, making particular note of things like speakers and turntables from what we see of ponies like Vinyl Scratch. Perhaps it might be that ponies see technology as something to enhance their more musically/theatrical inherent biases and have difficulty in seeing its use in other ways. After all, even Flim and Flam used a song to sell what was otherwise farm/drink equipment. And all this is even before we consider Las Pegasus with it roller coasters and skee-ball.

I'm glad to see that you seem to be enjoying my story so much, and I hope you continue to enjoy it in the future!

Though I think I may have explained the conductivity of metals a bit poorly. Sorry about that... Like I said, their magical conductivity is similar to their real world electrical conductivity. So silver is the number one most magically conductive natural metal, copper is the second most conductive, and gold is the third most conductive. So yeah while he could make an exterior out of gold it would probably still be for more formal events and such as it would be more ornamental then practical. Silver might potentially be an option though since I imagine it's also a bit more common and thus cheaper in Equestria then it was in his world just like gold. Sorry again, I really should have explained that better in my notes.

Also, just so you're aware Equestria Girls isn't considered cannon to this particular story. I only mention that because I don't want you to be confused later on by the fact that no characters from there, such as Sunset Shimmer, nor the mirror portal are ever going to show up in this story. Mainly because I've never actually watched Equestria Girls before, beyond like a few minutes of the very beginning of the first episode, so I honestly just wouldn't know how to write anything about it.

Those are the only two points I felt I needed to clarify though. As for the rest, we'll just have to see what happens as the story develops. :)

"Second, if you truly believe that assertion than you are a naive idealistic fool because, like it or not, that is simply not how things work in real life. This isn't some fantasy world where everything is sunshine and rainbows, nothing bad ever happens to anyone, and every one can just get along and be friends at the end of the day, not in the least. In reality the world is a cold cruel pit of agony, despair, and constant struggle where hellish monsters that put your worst nightmares to shame exist lurking in the shadows and people constantly fight, suffer, and die while only those who are strong, clever, or lucky enough survive in the harsh and merciless process that is natural selection. Sometimes violence is not just the right answer but the only answer. Whether you choose to accept this or not is completely irrelevant to me."

I’ve been waiting for this and to whoever came up with this answer, I salute thee and toss a bouquet of roses and a truckload of cookies of choice. My answer doesn’t make any sense whatsoever but that’s because it’s midnight where I am. I’m sick and tired of ALL the pacifism even though it’s the norm in an MLP fanfiction, so yes. I’m so happy that someone out there agrees with me that violence is an option AND an answer.

Great. Someone who can read faster than Twilight. Now that I think about it, Twilight could be a technomancer if she was born and raised in Gerhardt’s universe.

“A technomancer is what we humans call a mage who combines magic and technology. Also, just in case it is not already plainly obvious by now, a mage is what we humans call individuals who are born with the ability to use magic.”

I will be very surprise if Twilight won't come knocking on his door the next day.

How can he read that fast? I am jealous! :twilightoops:
Bah, he definitely still slower than me, the fastest pegasus alive! :rainbowdetermined2:
... wat, Ya do reading? :ajbemused:

What part of this chapter was supposedly boring again?

The highly detailed demon invasion, the less detailed undead invasion or Gerhardt's point of view?
Honestly this is the most exciting exposition chapter I've seen

imma be real i had about 6/10 hopes for this story, but reading through it im certain its going to be much better than that

I had just finished writing about him going to a library and building a fountain pen when I wrote the authors notes. I guess my mind was stuck thinking about that part for some reason, short though it may be.

Your observations on shields and light frequencies are extremely interesting and I can't fault your conclusions in the slightest. That pokes a lot of holes in basically every science fiction movie or show, ever. Well done.

Great chapter, thoroughly enjoyed reading it and I'm looking forward to seeing his and Twilights discussions next chapter. Twilight is a logical enough pony that sheay well come to understand him better than most rather quickly.

Great work, and I'm looking forward to more of this universe!

10190914 There’s a difference between being a fast reader and a fast flyer, RD.
Also, Gerhardt’s mostly human and pony script is surprisingly large.

It's all good just trying to point you to the positives here


The second barrel used an advanced recoil-less telekinetic system that fired 15 mm tungsten carbide rods mass enchanted to reduce drag and the loss of kinetic energy over distance at mach 9 to pierce through most physical armor.

Am I the only one that's shocked by the size of the bullet? That's basically a SABOT tank to tank round that's half the size of an A-10 armor piercing round in a rifle that can be fired at mach 9, which might I add is 3 TIMES FASTER THAN THE AVERAGE A-10 AP ROUND!

The only thing I see when I read that is a big ol' gun with war-crimes written all over it because normal SABOT shells can pierce through tanks like the T-90 with ease, they travel at mach 4.5.

That gun is more powerful than an M1A2 Abrams AND an A-10 Warthog and could take down both with some precise aim so can I just ask...


10192334 The other races in the MLP universe or the other races in Gerhardt’s universe? Because the latter’s tech level is pretty close to Warhammer 40K.


oh that makes sense then, I was talking about the races in Gerhardt’s universe btw.

Login or register to comment