"Rarity was based off an ex girlfriend I had"
Yeah I could tell, honestly the strongest part of this was how real their fight felt.

10290704
Like, again I don't want to seem like Rarity was a bad pony in this, because she really isn't and the fight is still mainly from Spike's point of view we don't see Rarity's in this story at all. So we don't know her thought process and Honestly she probably didn't do any of it out of malicious intent, she just took her generosity to it's logical conclusion.

Unedited?

10290709
I wrote it from 1am to 6am, and then made some minor edits, and then submitted it. so it is unedited by an actual second or third person who looks over it for errors that I missed.

10290712
Why would you post a story without editing it?

Hair-play Nice dont see much of that around.

10290891
Habit mainly but also because I don't really have my main editors anymore. Don't get me wrong I edited it as best I could but I don't have anyone to really look it over right now because of Covid and everything else that's going on.

Nice story, love it,
stuff Rarity,

10291367
Take a day or two after you've written your story, then read it again, slowly, and out loud.

You'll likely wind up re-writing a lot of stuff. Other people help. But you really shouldn't rely on them.

10291993
Oh I know. I normally do that twice first reading out loud then second printing it and doing the same

Really?
He woke up with all the sheets pillows and mattress burned up "PooF"
I wonder who made Rarity so jealous, I've never seen a pony so upset
I guess I'm not the only visitor of Lunas travels in dream land.

I see a LunaxSpike romance in the mix, is there going to be a sequel?

10293586
I did this so their COUUULD be a sequel if I decided to write it

10293676
Then i hope you write one and show how happy Spike is with Luna and just how upset Rarity gets for all the times she ignored all the dates Spike planned and it tortures her because she could've had what Luna and Spike now have. That way we can cool Cadance's bloodlust and Rarity learns a very valuable Relationship lesson

Not bad. Not bad at all!

"The only way to know if you wrote good clop is if you get aroused from it." - some dude on the internet that I forgot his name but not gonna lie that is some good advice

10295329
This is true

Spike snorted, a plume of smoke smacking Luna in the face “that’s a crock of shit and you know it, your wings were twitching and everything.” He knew what an embarrassed and arouse alicorn looked like, Twilight kept reading those damn Romance Novels out in the sitting room after all.

He is also a friend of Cadance, the princess of lust love...

“I was going to reward you, for dealing with these nightmares for a month without my aid.” Her glare intensified “but now it seems I must punish you for your mouth.”

: "Or simply do both at the same time..."

receiving the first (and honestly most mind blowing) blow job from Princess Fucking Luna of all ponies was driving Spike a little mad.

Can we blame him?

Spike was confused at first before she did something he’d only read about in porno magazines. She began licking his cum up. From cock to chest she cleaned him with her tongue, and Spike felt his cock harden once again at the sight.

It seems she has found good inspirations.
Or she simply observed others while dreamwalking...

Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Let's hope Luna is better at scheduling than Rarity...

Found an small error:

hitting his chest and Luna’s covering Luna’s hair.

I believe this word doesn't belong there.
Also, you misspelled the artists name. it must be "Dimwitdog".

Now in the waking world.....

the only thing i have to say is

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

A pretty nice read.
Love Spike x Luna there.
Wonder if we might see more of that?