Because Dash Amuck Was Already Taken
The wind breezed gently as Rainbow Dash and Applejack stared at the sunset together. They felt the blades of grass on the farm tickle them as they swayed in the wind. It was a relaxing atmosphere, to say the least. They both wished that this moment could last for all of eternity.
“Ya know,” Applejack said, “Ah never imagined that there could be such a thing as a perfect day.”
“Yeah, it was a pretty cool day,” Dash replied.
“Eeyup,” Applejack said in an impersonation of her brother, resulting in a giggle from both of them.
Dash looked into Applejack’s emerald eyes as they glistened in the sunset, and Applejack returned the favour by looking into Dash’s magenta eyes. To Dash, Applejack’s irises were a dark but otherwise beautiful abyss she just felt tempted to sink into. Both Dash and Applejack leaned closer towards each other, overwhelmed by feelings of passion that neither of them had felt before. It was a weird sensation. So weird that, before their lips could join together, Dash paused and looked up at the sky.
“Hey, wait a minute!” Dash exclaimed, “Since when did I have feelings for Applejack?”
When the Internet decreed it so, a voice in her head whispered.
“The what?” Dash asked.
A network of computers where people from around the world can interact with one another, the voice replied, Or to just watch funny pet videos.
“Alright, pal,” Dash said in a stern tone, “Let me make one thing clear. Applejack and I are just friends. Got it?”
Tell that to Jim Miller, the voice deadpanned.
Dash looked around her. During her argument with that weird voice in her head, it never occurred to her that the entire world had been put on pause. The blades of grass were still and Applejack’s face was perpetually frozen in a pose that implied she wanted tongue. Dash waved a hoof in her friend’s face in a futile attempt to get her to respond. But there was nothing. She booped her on the nose to see if that would get a response. But there was nothing. The stillness unsettled her to a great degree. And she had a nagging suspicion to who would be responsible and, for once, it wasn’t Discord.
“You still there?” Dash asked worriedly.
Where else would I be? The voice asked rhetorically.
“Okay, wise guy,” Dash said in a more assertive tone, “I don’t know what your deal is but you better turn things back to normal right now!”
I would but, if there’s no story to be told, then what’s the point? The voice said in a blase tone.
“Story?” Dash tilted her head.
I’m sure you know what a story is, considering how much you love them Daring Do books, the voice replied mockingly, So why don’t you suggest one to me.
“Uh…” Dash put a hoof to her mouth, “A brave knight saving a princess or something? I dunno!”
Hmm...Nah, too cliche, the voice said to Dash’s suggestion, How about something that wouldn’t be out of the ordinary from your usual life. Like another average day in Cloudsdale, perhaps?
“Sure, let’s go with that,” Dash waved her hoof nonchalantly, “Anything to get you out of my head.”
Your wish is my command!
Rainbow Dash woke up to another average day in Cloudsdale. Except there was one small detail that made it different from any other average day. As she got out of bed, she noticed one small detail about herself today.
She was missing a body.
“Hey, what gives?!” Dash exclaimed, “Why am I invisible?!”
I couldn’t decide whether to make it a Friendship is Magic story or an Equestria Girls story, the voice replied jovially, Ah, to Tartarus with it. Anthro to the rescue!
Wait, what’s anthro?” Dash asked.
You’re about to find out soon enough, the voice cheekily replied.
Suddenly, Dash felt very weird, as if she wasn’t quite herself. She felt like she grew taller and that standing on her hindlegs was easier than ever. She looked at her hoof and observed how unusual it looked. It looked like five wieners curled up into a ball. She flew into the bathroom and stared in horror at her new form. While her head and wings remained intact, the rest of her looked like an unholy abomination between a pony and a big ape creature.
“What did you do?!” Dash shouted as she covered up her chest.
I just told you what I did, the voice bluntly replied, but I can tell you don’t like it so I’m gonna turn you back into a pony now.
In a flash of light, Dash was returned to her normal pegasus form. She swept her head and breathed a sigh of relief. After that little fiasco, she dashed out of her house before her day got any weirder. Unfortunately for her, her day got much weirder since in the place of Cloudsdale was a blank space of nothingness.
“Uh...where’s Cloudsdale?” Dash asked.
Oops, the voice replied sheepishly, Let me fix that.
Dash waited until she was in Cloudsdale. Problem was as the white void she was in slowly terraformed into an actual place, it turned into Ponyville instead.
“What happened to an average day in Cloudsdale?!” Dash asked, her annoyance with the voice grew.
Meh, too boring, the voice replied, Instead, you’re going to help Pinkie Pie out by baking cupcakes with her.
Dash shrugged “Fine, have it your way. At least this day can’t get any weirder.”
In an immediate contradiction to Dash’s recent statement, the day got weirder. In the place of the Cake bakery was a blank space not that dissimilar to what Dash had seen earlier, like the bakery was a missing piece of a puzzle.
“Would it kill you to make up your mind?” Dash asked irritatedly.
No but it would have definitely killed you if you visited Pinkie Pie today, the voice replied sardonically, Only just occurred to me, that did.
“What?”
I’d rather stick to an E rating, thank you very much.
Rainbow Dash rubbed her head in ever-increasing annoyance. How long was she going to suffer until this reality-warping voice in her head left her alone?
Somewhere within the seas of Equestria was a unicorn pirate captain with a red coat and an unkempt beard and mane of a darker shade. He sat within the study of his ship, quill in his magical grasp, amused by his written misadventures about a certain Element of Loyalty.
“Ain’t I a stinker?” the unicorn chuckled to himself.
Th-th-th-that's all folks! 
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You see? Even the characters themselves are pissed at all this crap the writers came up with in the end.
Dash! That is NOT very mare-like.
Really funny story.
Terrible pacing and terribly self indulgent. 10/10 would read again
Did you mean to write Applejack, or has the ship itself gained a mind of its own?
But Liooooon, that's plagiarism!
This fic? It's alright.
10245620
When you try to keep ships ambiguous and yet leave enough hints to know which ones are confirmed:
media.makeameme.org/created/whoops-did-i-3d36f5e559.jpg
10245635
Neither is spontaneously turning into a half-human, half-horse thing.
10245649
And to think those were bad qualities to have in a story.
10245690
The error has been fixed.
And yes, I know that would have been plagiarism, which is why I removed the bakery from existence.
I'll admit, you got me a little lost as to who the 'writer' is, but I think— Is it supposed to be the pirate from the comics?
10245709
Uh...no, actually. He was supposed to be my avatar/OC, Lion Dude.
Guess I'll have to look up who this pirate is and see if him and Lion would make for a fun story together.
2nd time I’ve run into this premise. Skirts did it too, but I think he writes for a larger audience which is whatever.
Are you going to do a story based off of Rabbit Rampage?
10245774
Dunno. I'll have to watch it first and see what ideas pop up.
10245713
...
Woooooooooooww. I'm an idiot. And hoofbeard doesn't look anything like that. Not even the same species.
But in my defense, I wasn't really looking at your avatar. And when you said 'pirate' that was the first thing I thought of (and for some reason I thought you meant a Capper-style jacket when you said 'coat').
If it helps, that arc is issues 13 and 14 of the IDW comics.
Uh, oh...
How did I just notice that this fic is somehow rated E when Dash is giving us the middle feather in the cover art?
I don't know what will happen if a mod sees that, but I don't think it will be good. Is there another image of Rainbow Dash looking miffed that you can use?
10246638
Talk about getting crud past the radar.
I'll see what I can find.
*looks for a different cover image*
There:
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/o72a-1590150231-468842-medium
Perfect!
rainbow-dash: i had it with you do your worse but im gonna get you
so my worst huh very well...
time skip
it been 5 years and rainbow dash has quit the wonder bolts ever since she ended up pregnant with zephyr breeze fowl now she she live as a stay at home mom
rainbow: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
["b]Author's Note:
"
Th-th-th-that's all folks!
Hey no Copyright contined 😉
AWESOME
I..
What?
8/10
I'll probably read this again...