• Member Since 28th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen July 25th

Wintermist


Writer of long, character-driven smut of astounding filthiness, lesbian mind-control a speciality. Short-Fic Commission Slots Now Closed

Comments ( 19 )

The recent contest's really bringing out all the best fun clop idea in people's head.

I came here as promised. :twilightblush:

I rate the story... 1 Gold Star.

I literally asked about Luna x Cheerilee shipping about a week ago. Glad to see that someone wrote one. Take my like.

Ooh, that was good.

BDSM honestly isn't my thing, but a striptease and incidental world building at the same time? Yeah, this was a delight to preread. Thank you for it.

10195340 Thank you for your help! I'm always grateful for the assistance in making my stories better :twilightsmile:

Ahhh...unrepentant smut and history lessons, my two favorite things! :raritywink:

This is the kind of smutty story Twilight would write, then act out with her toys. I kept imagining who else in the room they might not be allowed to see. Love your work as always.

Dominant Cheerilee is a wonderful thing. The way you write her in particular. I regret I have but one upvote to give.

Again not bad but there is room for improvement.
I think the biggest is that the denial comes kind of out of nowhere. It would have flowed better and felt stronger if Luna was near cumming and had to suppress it.

Personal headcanon: This actually taked plave in the FIMC Universe and this whole scene was manipulated by Twilight threw the use of the charm.

Man, this ship is cute.

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-Incredibly good -- this has got to be the best teacher/schoolgirl fetish story on Fimfic.
-I wish the story could have hinted a bit more about how this relationship first started. Yes, needing education about the modern world and recent history ... but how did it become intimate?
-The sweet note at the end is a really nice touch.
-The only thing I'm missing, perhaps, is some body descriptions -- thin? voluptuous? taller? shorter? big or small breasts? Even at the end, I was still a tad vague on what the two of them looked like.
-It’s adorable how Cheerilee forces Luna to risk all of Ponyville knowing about what they do together.
-It was the worst kept secret in Ponyville; Luna had met Cheerilee on a visit there, and - too embarrassed to ask it of Twilight, or her sister - had sought elementary instruction in the long centuries that had passed in her absence. -- This was probably going to be an improper use of a semicolon, and should still probably be a colon instead ... but it does end up separating two independant clauses, making it technically correct. And since that's the best kind of correct, no score deduction for that one!
-The uniform inspection is a fantastic way to begin things, both helping introduce the nuances of their relationship and show what Luna is wearing.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 97/100
Allure: 98/100
Enticement: 86/100
Immersion: 95/100
Prose Quality: 95/100
Total Score: 471/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

Congratulations on winning Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
For the full results, check the Dirty Little Award Show.

This story won:

Sloppy Seconds
Hey, second best is still pretty good, right? And you don't mind if the prize money is a little sticky.

Crowd Pleaser
Your clopfic really knows how to satisfy a whole bunch of people. So many ruined socks! It was voted highest in this contest's poll.

To quote Van Halen:

I think of all the education that I missed
But then my homework was never quite like this

This was an amazing and steamy read from start to finish. The only thing that that could've improved this would be detailing how the sexual aspect of the relationship started. How a common earth pony like Cheerliee could make a princess give in to their need to be dominated and bent them to her will. But I notice that this is a commission so unless they chalk up some more bits, it'll have to be a mystery. Instant fav, all the same.

I should stop reading this :fluttershyouch:...
*continues* :pinkiecrazy:

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