Friendship Prevails

by Purple Patch

Chapter 3: The Banker And The Actor (Part 2)

Cold and cramped as he was, Shining was enjoying himself.

The scowling Miser, much less so.

“I knew I should never have hired that whining little idiot.” he muttered.

“Apparently it doesn’t take one to know one.” The blue-maned unicorn chuckled, dodging Miser’s punch. The wizened earth pony indeed hit his knuckles on the bars and cried out in pain, clutching his hand and snarling.

“You’ll regret that!”

“I somehow doubt it.” Shining couldn’t help himself laughing “You were one of the richest stallions in Equestria and you couldn’t bear to hire anypony but him.”

“It’s not your concern how our paths first crossed.” Miser sneered “But evidently he didn’t take long to crack.”

“He was cracked long before you came along, buddy. But that didn’t mean my little sis couldn’t pick up the pieces. Even without what we found out about him, I can’t imagine him being a bigger jerk than how we met him. And like you, he thought that by making a grand show of giving money he shouldn’t have been allowed to have in the first place to those less fortunate gave him a good reason to sit on his flanks and act like an unmentionable to everypony around him. And it took Rarity to tell him where he could shove it. Twilight remembers how it went and she told me and I have to say...”

Rarity watched with unease as the argument between sister and brother grew more and more heated.

The spry and formidable Ath-Lita stood with blazing eyes and railed upon her shifty, sullen brother, Talon Ted.

Despite all that Twilight and her friends and done to try and help her convince him to do something with his life, they were getting nowhere fast.

“So you’re saying you want to keep being a burden all your life, huh?” she barked “Well, fine, see if I care. I don’t want any part of your sloth and misery any more you selfish loser!”

At this, Talon turned and snarled, his brown mane wild and his one eye twitching.

“Maybe this selfish loser should take back the one-thousand bits he kindly donated to the charity!”

There was a pause.

“Talon...donated the money?” Fluttershy asked.

“That’s right!” Talon replied “And that money came from my work at the toll booth, not the cash settlement, but you’re right, I guess I really am selfish and slothful.”

Ath-Lita didn’t reply. Her eyebrow was raised and her lips were tight.

Then, shaking her head, she turned and left.

The Bearers’s heads turned to Talon who stood smugly and spoke.

“I think she has a lot to think about, don't you?”

There was another pause as he noticed how unimpressed they looked. His self-satisfied grin became a look of confusion.

“What are you looking at me like that for?"

It was Rainbow Dash who broke the silence with a small but curt rebuttal.

“That was low.”

“What?!”

The technicolour-maned mare shook her head, her expression declaring herself tired of the whole endeavour.

Yet her voice was unusually calm and collected, just disappointed.

“That was...that was rock-bottom, hooves down, lowest thing I've ever seen. I'm outta' here, I'm gonna go check on Lita...”

“Ah’m comin’ with ya.” Applejack said, following her as she was joined by a concerned Fluttershy and a slightly-peeved-looking Pinkie Pie. Twilight stopped by the doorway and did her best to monitor both scenarios.

That left Talon with Rarity.

The young stallion was spluttering with shock.

“You...You're on HER side?!” he was close to screaming “I just proved to her, to you, to everyone, that I'm better than her!”

“No, darling, you didn't.” Rarity said flatly.

“Yes! I did! You saw me!” Talon was railing “She called me SELFISH and SLOTHFUL! But I gave all that money to charity!”

Rarity’s face was completely collected and her reply came in two quiet but clear words.

“Which charity?”

There was another pause, although less room for it to spread this time.

“What?”

“Which...charity?”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“This isn’t a trick question, Talon.” Rarity was speaking with the frankness and severity that could give a schoolmaster a run for their money “What was the name of the charity or charities you gave the money to?”

“Wh...There wasn’t one. It was just charity.”

“So what then? You just threw it out the window and into the street? Is that it?”

“No!” Talon yelled, fast-exasperated “I...There’s a poor house down the street! I gave them the money!”

“In cash?”

“Yeah. I packed it in a paper bag.”

“And you gave this to...whom? Specifically?”

“The stallion serving the soup. I told him to make sure it went to the poor.”

Rarity blinked, her eyes half-closed, dripping disdain.

“So...what would stop that stallion...or anypony who found the money...just...taking it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you didn’t exactly give it over securely. Anything could happen to it. Is that not an issue?”

Talon shook his head and shrugged.

“It doesn’t change the fact that I gave it to charity! That’s what matters doesn’t it?!”

Rarity held her mouth open a moment, her eyes still half-open, looking more exhausted than anything else, then turned away, placing a hoof before her brow and shaking her head.

“Good...grief...” she sighed.

“Why are you on her side?!” Talon shrieked “I proved her wrong! About everything!”

“What you proved, Talon Ted...” Rarity looked up with a look of fury and contempt “Was that your spite and resentment of your sister means more to you than your future.”

Talon looked at her, nonplussed.

He’d gotten this kind of talk from his sister but now this pony who he thought would understand was dressing him down.

“What are you talking about?”

Rarity rolled her eyes and sighed loudly.

“Dear, take it from the Bearer of Generosity, charity is something you do for others. You donate money because you care more about others happiness than you do about your own. When others are struggling and miserable, you take time, effort and your own resources to make their lives easier.”

“Your point?”

“My point, dearie, is that was not what you did. What you did was not charity, it wasn't about thinking about others and making them happy because it has become very clear you are incapable of that!” The Bearer of Generosity spoke with robust vigour, drawing herself up like an elegant white tigress “Whoever you gave that money to meant nothing to you! What you did was throw one last spiteful 'buck you', if you'll pardon my Prench, at your sister and throwing away everything life has given you just to make her give up on what has clearly been a very arduous job of getting you do something with your life! You just proved to everypony that the only thing that matters to you is not your career or your dreams but your overbearing, overrated but ultimately meaningless pride.”

“But...I...” Talon was staring blankly, his mouth hanging open.

“Look at yourself...Just look...” Rarity snapped in exasperation “Have you any idea what a horrible little creature you are?! Do you?! All you give off is this endless display of narcissism and egomania and a desire to make every little thing in the world revolve around you, treating everypony you meet like guests at your personal pity party! You're broken because you can't have everything you've ever wanted carried to you on a gilded platter with little to no effort on your part! You haven't sought out your dreams, you've just expected your dreams to come to you! Life does not work that way! I learnt that when I was still in diapers and had only just learned to crochet!” Rarity’s voice was close to a roar, her chest puffing as she spoke in stride “It's a wonder poor Lita has lasted this long! If I were her, I'd have made a grab for the bat a decade ago! I'm surprised she didn't give up on you the moment you turned into this spiteful thing I see before me but she hasn't! Likely out of some sense of deep-rooted familial loyalty or sympathy, none of which she ever bucking gets in return!”

Rarity’s chest rose and fell like a pair of bellows as she caught her breath, her eyes wide and blazing blue.

Twilight stared at the spectacle.

Talon finally broke the silence, pale and sweaty with trembling lips.

“I...I don't understand.”

“I know...” Rarity said flatly, straightening her unevened mane “And that's what I find most frightening...You have a lot to think about Talon...Good day.”

And with that, for fear of breaking her rule of courtesy being next to friendship, Rarity turned and headed back where her friends had gone. As she passed Twilight the two checked and nodded at each other as if to determine when one had ended and the other could begin.

“I want you to know something, Talon.” Twilight Sparkle said, pacing over to him “I was genuinely prepared to look at you in a better light. I was prepared to find the good in you and help you bring it out. Now...I’m significantly less prepared.”

Talon’s brow creased so prominently it threatened to fold in on itself.

"Why are you talking to me like this?!” he hissed “I just showed to you-”

“What you failed to show to yourself, evidently.” Twilight interrupted, wringing one forehoof in frustration “Your action itself has been made redundant due to its fashion and its motivation. The mentality behind it is what makes it so objectionable. You gave a lot of money to charity, yes...but you didn’t do it out of the kindness of your heart. You did to get back at your sister and try to shame us into getting us off your case. Do you realise what that means?”

Talon gave a blank look as Twilight answered.

“You tried to disprove your supposed selfishness and sloth...in a slothful way...for selfish reasons. And that’s why it failed.”

“But...” Talon was spluttering “B-but...What do you want from me?”

“What do I...What the hay do you think I’ve been telling you all of today?!” The Princess of Friendship had thoroughly lost her patience “All six of us have been trying to get you to do something with your life and you just keep on ignoring us and trying to do things the way your ‘pride’ prefers! Pride in what? Your acting skills that you never make use of? Your sense of charity that only seems to come out when you need an instant moral high-ground? Pride in your lack of any real, lasting achievement that you’ve made any use of since coming of age?! What the hay have you to be proud of and how have you ever put such things to good use?!”

“I...you...” Talon’s eyes narrowed with bitterness “You sound just like my sister!”

“Yeah, there could be a good reason for that.” Twilight said in a more levelled but very dry tone.

“She HATES ME!”

“She could be the only pony you know who actually cares about you.” The lavender unicorn’s face was flat and stern “She’s stood by you and tried, again and again, to get you to wake up and do something with your life. And I can’t imagine it’s been easy.”

“She hit me with a baseball bat!”

“As much as I’d discourage that kind of thing in other cases, your attitude would be considered a mitigating factor by just about any court of law, I’m sorry to say.”

“You don’t mean that!”

“Talon...me, the Bearers and Spike were in your room listening to your excuses, evasions and boring, senseless, rambling and hysterical ranting that would make Trottingham tabloid talk shows look reasonable and sincere, for what seemed like hours and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that all us were thinking of picking up the bat and carrying on where she left off by the end of it...even Fluttershy!”

Talon blinked as the butter-yellow pegasus poked her head out the door and mumbled.

“I don’t think I’d hit him...just...prod him a bit...not too hard.”

“How can you treat me like this!” Talon was close to howling, his face strained and stretched with resentment “I told you! I told you and told you and TOLD YOU why I can’t go into acting or college! Because-”

“Yes, yes, I heard you the first time. You wanted to be a foal actor and now you lost your chance and now you think you’ll never be as good as actors who’ve acted their whole lives and so you’d rather not bother.”

Twilight brushed her mane out of her face and sighed.

“Talon, I’ve a confession to make...I remained reasonable and understanding in the face of your explanation because I hoped that approach would push you closer to understanding yourself and our own explanation. I thought that getting it off your chest would make it easier for you to look up and see a better way. Now I see that isn’t the case and it’s really just an excuse for you to sit on your flanks and be lazy while blaming everypony but yourself. So now, I’ll give it to you straight.”

She took a deep breath.

“Your explanation is some of the dumbest reasoning I have ever heard, ever! You’re afraid to try because ponies have got there before you?! What, did you want to be the first and only actor in Equestria?! If anything, that suggests you’re not all that good after all, which I wouldn’t count out of the question. But you could at least try! And do you honestly think that all our best actors start out that way?! Plenty of great actors go into the business in their teens or adulthood, usually by taking a college course!”

“Name one!”

“I can name three!” Twilight barked, marking three prominent roles she’d taken a great interest in.

Trottingham actors that her old librarian friend, Purple Patch, often gushed over endlessly. Not, she found, without good reason.

“Mysticer Lee. He started his career as a Royal Guard, fighting in the Ibex Incursions. He began acting after the war ended and he needed work. He signed up for Charm School acting college and got minor, uncredited parts in the Gothic Film crowd. steadily working his way up from there. His first real mainstream role was an uncredited spear-carrier in Olive-Branch’s Stablet. He learned multiple languages so that he didn’t have to be dubbed by another actor. He and his best friend Seater Cushion would then work the primary roles in the ClamourFilms Horror Series and together they made theatrical history! And in his spare time, he worked with his old guard buddies to hunt down runaway Grogarians and traitors of the realm!”

“Well...”

“More recently, Cucumber Patch wasn’t given a proper film role until he was close to thirty. He did junior theatre but he was never a mainstream foal actor. He needed a college degree. But I remember last year, after he played the part of Dr Odd in the Disneigh-Excel Heromania Trilogy. Spike was willing to wait for four hours in line just to get his autograph at comic-con! He’s now become the President of TADAH, the Trottingham Academy of Dramatic Art and its History.”

“That...”

“In less mainstream but nonetheless prominent circles, Wulf Inessence! He studied theatre at college while working as a cricket coach! He got minor roles in major films until just recently, he played Malgrin the Hunter in the new Red Crystal: Age of Revolution series, said to be one of the best characters in the show! He’s going places because he pushes himself forward! And he gets himself involved in things no matter what he’s done or what he’s doing now! What have you done?!”

“But...I have talent! Artistic potential!”

“Which. You. Do. Not. Utilise!” Twilight bellowed “Nopony has roles like they did tossed into their lap! Talent is something you project, you carry around and share! You don’t just keep it bottled away to show off to whoever walks into your room!"

“But I could be better than them! I will be better! I’d be the first actor who didn’t get schooled. It would just be raw talent!”

“Oh, you mean like Cruise Missile? And Bacon Steakham?” Twilight listed off names with biting brusque “And Metaphor Florence? And Ken Princeley? And the late Leaf Hedger? And Canny Havel, right now making history playing the star role in the television adaptation of The Mager series? They never had any real acting training but they still became stars. Each of them had what you lacked, an ability to utilise their talent for the pleasure and pride of others, not just themselves!”

“BUT THAT’S NOT HOW I LIKE TO DO THINGS!” Talon screamed at the top of his lungs “I won’t be someone else’s servant to act how they want! I act the way I like and I’ll show my acting how I like! And that’s IT!”

“...So you’ve told me. Multiple times. But what I’ve been trying to tell you is that you can’t have it both ways. It really doesn’t matter how good you are, or think you are, ponies just won’t be interested in you if you don’t give them the time to see you.” The lavender unicorn shook her head as she explained as she would to a petulant colt “Do you understand what I’m saying, Talon? The way you act makes you an unpleasant pony. And nopony likes those or wants them to succeed. I’m sorry, Talon Ted, I truly am, but I can’t help somepony who’s so unwilling and so unprepared to help themselves. So...good luck, I guess, doing whatever you’re doing.”

“...you failed.” Talon hissed, his mane bristling as his neck trembled, beads of sweat running from his brow “You failed to help me! Your Friendship Mission failed!”

“You refuse to help yourself, as I said. The failure is on your head.” Twilight replied bluntly “And besides, we made a very different friend out of the endeavour.”

She gave a smile as there came from Ath-Lita’s room the sounds of laughter, mended wounds and reassurances for the future.

“Your sister. We’re inclined to help her out. You’ve left her with a great deal of pent-up frustration and unnecessary stress and, for the duration of our visit, we’ll settle for helping the one who actually came to us asking for it. The one who was actually willing to work with somepony other than herself.”

She cast him a glance of severity.

“Learn from her, Talon Ted.”

“I don’t think I could have said it any better.” Shining said in reminiscence “I suppose he didn’t tell you any of that.”

Miser’s lips were stretched tight.

“He barely told me anything. He just said he wanted to help me make them suffer. Actually, he never said he was an actor until I told him what I needed done. I should never have-”

“Hey, it’s you!” A voice came from down the steps and the stallion of the particularly overstayed hour strode into view.

The young sand-yellow stallion entered, wearing some of the most peculiar garb Shining had ever seen. A metal helmet shaped like an oversized donkey’s head with bright pink jewels in place of its eyes and tongues and a colour of white fur and the same pink jewels arranged like pomegranate seeds. His shoulder pads were crafted to resemble open grenadine-fruits and his gloves were so thickly trimmed with grey fluff that they stopped him closing his hands and attached to the sides of the gloves were black and white cords connected to his shoulder-pads. What on earth for, Shining couldn’t imagine.

“Aha!” he yelled “I’ve been looking for you! For what your sister did to me, you shall suffer more than-”

“Shut up and get upstairs!” Miser yelled, one of his eyelids twitching “No-one asked for your opinion! I’m talking!”

Talon’s face fell, burbling desperately.

“B-b-but, I was gonna’ talk to him about what happened and-”

“Yeah, I know already, Talon.” Shining interrupted.

“He knows.” Miser added meaningfully.

There was a pause. The failed actor blinked multiple times and looked at his shuffling feet.

“Okay then, I’ll...I’ll go meet up with the others...ahem...” he cleared his throat and “They must be dying to know how I escaped the fiendish grasp of the evil Equestrians.”

With a heavy stride, tripping now and again, he walked upstairs.

“You keep thinking that...” Miser muttered.

“Don’t like him then? Whaddya’ know, you do have standards.” Shining chuckled.

“It’s his fault your sister caught me!”

“You hired him, remember?” Shining asked.

Talon squirmed uncomfortably in his chair as the chill of the police interview room began to get to him.

The door opened and Applejack entered. Walking steadily and quietly, she pulled up and chair, sat down in front of the stallion and tipped her hat lightly.

“Howdy, Talon.” she said flatly “You know why yer here?”

“...you...you can’t do this! I’m...I’m a professional actor now! I’m a celebrity!”

“Even if that were true, what you’ve done is both illegal in dang near all forms. Better celebrities than you’ve been sent down for less.”

“I’ve done nothing...Miser just offered me a job.”

“A job and a Cape Sweetthorn. You done broke into the home of an Equestrian Princess, drugged her an’ tried to psychologically manipulate her.”

The hardy farm pony tilted the brim of her hat and stared him down, her bright green eyes gleaming under the shade.

“Son...you’re in a freshly-fertilizered-field-full of trouble.”

Talon’s hooves shook on the desk.

“Why are you treating me like a criminal?” he mumbled “I just did what Miser told me...”

“So what yer’ tellin’ me...” Applejack mused “Is that he told you...to make your way into a mare’s house at night, place a hallucinogenic plant beside her bedside, dress up as a trio of little fillies and act out a scenario that could have caused her serious mental an’ emotional trauma...and at no point did you think ‘Is this legal?’. You cannot be that stupid!”

“I’M NOT STUPID!” The stallion’s mood was swinging. Applejack was started to wonder how purposeful it was.

“An’ ah’m not convinced.” The farm pony hadn’t moved a muscle. Her mood, in contrast, was utterly consistent and controlled “Ah remember well how you threw away job offers. Did yer ‘pride and preferences’ really take priority over stayin’ outta’ prison?”

“Yes.”

He hadn’t even paused.

“Well...frankly ah think that says more about you than it does about us.” Applejack drew up some papers “Princess Celestia had a full psychiatric analysis drawn up after Twilight’s experience with you. There is a good chance you could be labelled a narcissistic sociopath for what you’ve done.”

“Where’s Stager!” Talon was beginning to wail “He understands me! He’ll tell you what a wonderful actor I am! Then you’ll be sorry!”

The mare sighed and drew up another paper.

“We’ve spoken to Stager. And he wants you to stay in the cage for a long, long time.”

The stallion gaped.

“Wh...wha...”

“I am...struggling to understand...your train of thought here...” Applejack said slowly “To get yourself out of the stagnant pit that is your life, you won’t budge an inch...But to spite your sister, for a bare moment, you are prepared to stalk a stallion three streets away; watch him on a date with another stallion four streets away; find out his uncle, the unofficial breadwinner of the family, exhibits certain intolerances when it comes to stallions who are romantically attentive to other stallions; confront this aforementioned stallion about his attentiveness and blackmail him into taking your place...right after doping your sister with simulant pills to make her exceptionally suggestible. All that, more effort than you’ve ever spent on anything to make you a bigger an’ better pony...all to hurt those you’d rather believe were responsible for your mess...”
Her green eyes narrowed and Talon felt a grey pit open up inside him, starting at his larynx and going all the way down to his bowels.

There was anger in those eyes. More than that, a genuine loathing. Not the stinging, miserable hatred he was used to but something raw, something controlled and powerful and yet horribly dangerous.

Somehow, he’d angered this mare. He wasn’t sure how but once he was sure, he felt certain he was going to regret it. Just looking at those eyes prophesised the world of hurt he was encircling.

“Your behaviour an’ intentions put you in a very bleak position. Even if you escape jailtime, your crimes will be made public. We also have footage and witness accounts from your ‘accident’ that indicates you deliberately threw yourself into the path of injury. This will also be made public. You will have killed any chance of becoming any sort of actor whatsoever...all because the pride you had in nothing mattered to you more than the pride you could have had in something.”

Talon shook in his seat. His guts felt like there were eels running through it.

Applejack spoke in a calmer tone.

“But there’s something that can help ya. Yah may not have cared when one pony who employed you was doing stuff that turns the stomach of decent ponies but ya’ll care about this one.”

“What was Miser doin’ durin’ the time you knew him?”

*

Aha!” Twilight exclaimed between a sip of warm tea as she lay propped up in her bed, the Polyhedricon spinning fast as she pieced together various pieces of information. “It’s all becoming clear now.”

Lavender-tinted magic mist became reflective and spectral, like fragments of glass, as they collected information. The Princess of Friendship was building herself a literal mind-map.

She spoke on another crystal, a small bright yellow communicator which the Bearers were speaking on the other side of.

“Okay. So...Bleakhouse was indeed a subsidiary of Tox Corporations and after his so-called father’s death, Miser laid off all but twelve members. These same twelve operated as a gang close to where the Magpies worked and, several years before, travelled by train to Canterlot City. The very night following, two teenage fillies were violently and indecently assaulted, left with life-threatening wounds.”

“Ah.” Rarity said “I suppose then that they both could be counted on to back up the other.”

“These same thugs knew Miser from the beginning. They operated as his hitponies. And the way the donations work is really quite crafty. Basically, they keep their affiliations with Miser completely undercover and with Tox Corporations assets being sold off once by Miser and then by his successors, they can’t be traced back to him. So, as far as anypony knows, they’re government-run.”

“So how do they take the donations that Miser sends the poorhouses in the first place?” Applejack asked.

“Red-tape. Very effective in its simplicity.” Twilight explained “Miser sends his donation anonymously. Then in about a week, Bleakhouse arrives at wherever he left his donation and tells the owners that one or more of the donations they received were delivered via illegal activities and transactions, thereby needing to be confiscated. And since Miser leaves such a large donation, nopony notices them confiscating more than that, the excuse being the added interest. These are poorhouses, soup kitchens, and both Miser and Bleakhouse bypass the state’s notice by various means. Nopony keeps clear records and nopony asks questions. But by linking Miser’s financial transactions with Bleakhouses’ contracts, one notices a pattern.”

“So...Miser doesn’t just take back his own donation...but he takes everypony else’s along with it?”

“Why he leaves it anonymously. They don’t know which donation is dodgy so they all need to go. Bleakhouse takes the lot, claiming it’ll be gone over by the state’s financial ministry...and delivers the whole lot into Miser’s stash.”

“Let me understand this...he’s making money by stealing from the ponies who have no money?”

“It’s a donation scam but one he manipulates rather than actually orchestrates. He donates. Others donate. And he takes the lot. It’s like rigging a betting game except he’s the only player and everypony who isn’t playing loses.”

“It’s...It’s...It’s flat-out disgusting!” the farm-pony said with distinct distaste.

“That’s one of the kindest words for it.”

“But where’s Miser gone with all this money he’s taken?” Spike piped up over the communicator “He never kept any offshore accounts, according to the bank.”

“That’s more difficult. I’ll need to look closer.” Twilight answered “He’s been careful. Very careful. But at the same time, Miser doesn’t think all too far ahead as what we’ve seen recently demonstrates. Somewhere...I can find a pattern.”

But what did she have to go on?

Until as early as that afternoon, Twilight had assumed that Miser leaving Equestria forever was simply an angry impulse, such as often as she’d seen from him, and thought little of it.

Now, it seemed, it was his plan from the beginning.

It was all so planned. Miser set himself up as a recent business, made a scene, got the Princess’s attention, made another scene, got the town’s attention, got himself arrested and had Talon Ted waiting in the seams to bait her into his deception and gave him the perfect opportunity to make his sudden emigration seem entirely justified.

And now he was fleeing somewhere ‘There’s no Hearths Warming.’

But what kind of land would offer promise to such an individual?

Of course, Hearths Warming wasn’t widely celebrated outside of Equestria but then each land had its own celebration which, from what she’d seen from him, was not what he wanted.

He seemed to hate others being happy when he wasn’t.

But how could he ensure that?

Twilight looked at the vast sum of bits her calculations had determined he’d acquired in his account over his years of scamming and extortion.

It came to twelve figures.

Only the Princess, the Crystal Empire, the Hasbrethren and the Disneigh Corporation had that much money to spend.

And they at least spent it on good things.

What was Miser spending it on?

What could anypony need so much money for?

...Unless...

Twilight blinked.

Surely Miser wasn’t that insane to...

Using the Polyhedricon, Twilight sent an emergency request to the Sinople Tower, an old Equestrian surveillance outpost on the Hazarian Sea.

Information regarding any single-pilot airships passing near the coast.

The query was confirmed.

Twilight Sparkle stared into space.

With a shaking hoof, she picked up a teacup and sipped it uneasily.

“Twilight?” Cadence asked “Have you found anything?”

There was a pause before she answered.

“Eeyup.”

“What have you found? What’s Miser doing?”

The Princess of Friendship took a deep breath and spoke.

“Miser Able is going to buy a country.”

This time, the pause came from the other end.

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity’s voice came through.

“Miser is going to buy himself a country to rule over and ensure nopony he meets can be happy when he isn’t.”

“How...How the hay do you figure that out?!”

“Well, a lot of it just comes down to what I know about Miser. It’s not just the fact that he’s miserable that makes him hate Hearths Warming. It’s the fact that other ponies are happy.” she explained “Think about what we’ve seen from Miser. He locks himself away from society and yet is prepared to spend vast amounts of time and resources gaslighting a Princess. The only reason he’d go to such lengths to accumulate such vast sums of money is to spend it on something so completely ridiculous that the audacity of it all is something he can basically take refuge in. Nopony would ever believe it until it was too late. He wants a place to call home where ponies do as he tells them and don’t feel joy without his permission. I’ve checked Equestria surveillance on the Zebrican shores and it’s confirmed.”

“Zebrica?” Night Light asked “That doesn’t exactly narrow it down. He could be anywhere.”

“No, dad. Where he’s going is very specific.” Twilight said, drawing up the information in the magic mist.

A large strait of land on the Gulf of Adag. A flag of pale blue with a silver teardrop drew itself up.

Twilight shook her head. The history of the state was a depressing one, one she’d studied during her extended history courses. Equestrian ambassadors and Zebrican activists had done what they could and saved many but the scars still lingered and what was left told a bitter tale.

It went by an infamous name.

“The Crossing.” she explained “It’s gone by several names in history. Ssmet, Tigrippo, Damodhul, Zigossica, Pasadera, Ped Xing, Plunderpad, Port Caury. It’s had some of the most widely-varied conquerors in history and some of the bloodiest, unfortunately. The post-Tirek Ivorium Invasion was catastrophic and split the once-great state in two. The native zebra now reign free in the Sultanate of Haqodishu but the west of the land has never seen stability. After the Ivorium were driven out, the state saw itself without clear leadership and a conflict between economic and military leaders lead to a piracy crisis. Ex-militants raid the coasts daily while the local government figures rotate constantly. No zebra wants to rule it, you’ll either be a scapegoat or a pirate’s plaything. The country officially declared bankruptcy five years ago.”

“Doesn’t sound like the kind of place Miser would want to rule.”

“No, no, the money he’s acquired is nearly three times as much as it would take to buy the presidency of the country. What he plans to do is pay off the pirates. I can’t trace the financial transactions yet but his bank’s sent private messages to and from individuals in the area of the Crossing, addressed to a party calling themselves ‘Saviours of the Sea’, something the pirates often call themselves; being militants of fallen regimes, in their eyes the rightful rulers of the Crossing...”

“Okay, Twi, you don’t need to hammer it home.” Applejack said with a sigh “So...if he manages to pay off these pirates and the local government, how many bits will be have left over?”

“Barely four figures. But I don’t think that matters to him. He’ll have what he wants; misery. And if anypony ever called him out on it, he’d have the perfect backing story. He spent all his ‘hard-earned money’ saving the zebra of The Crossing from the pirates that neither they, nor Equestria, could control.”

“And I suppose that’ll give him the right to treat everypony he meets like crap?” Rainbow Dash asked morosely.

“In his eyes, yes. And the zebra of The Crossing are in a difficult position as it is.”

“He’s already committed mass murder, grand theft, sexual abuse and high treason. I don’t plan on seeing what he’ll do to a whole nation of innocent, downtrodden zebra.” Shining barked “How do we stop him?”

Twilight thought a moment.

“We’d need definite proof. Take apart his biggest strength, that of hatching a plan so absurd nopony would believe it.”

She drew up various figures and focussed her magical grasp.

The figures stretched, spun and opened up like flowing puddles.

“Okay, I’m into his financial records and hopefully, I can bring up his promised price with the pirates if...Damn it! It’s password-protected!” she cursed, finding a row of misty cubes in place of a password.

“Do we need his voice?”

“No, he’d need notice from government security to do that. Bleakhouse doesn’t have the means on their own. So it would be a word. A word that...”

She paused and knew there was only one thing it could possibly be.

“Humbug.”

The cubes opened up like boxes and there, before her, was exactly what she need.

Now, she thought, for the easy bit.

“Cadence is with Holly, right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Teleport her here. Then I’ll get Starlight and between us, we could manage to teleport to Port Bubera. He’ll land there for sure. I’ll also have an Equestria Task Force ready and inform the Sultan of Haqodishu to have a contingent of his own troops sent over. As of now, Miser is now considered one of Equestria’s Most Wanted.”

“Go get’ em, sweetie.” Velvet said with encouragement.

*

The Mulberry Hawk glided steadily over troubled waters. It’s pilot pawed tentatively at the controls.

The airship was a small and simple mechanism but fitted with a very powerful fuel tank. It had taken him just under a day to cross North Zebrica. Grevyssinia and the Hyrax Mountains had spread for miles. At last, the rocks of the gulf greeted his surreptitious gaze.

Slight smoke was nearing the ship’s window. Miser gave a glance out.

Burnt, blackened houses and towers were standing unsteadily on the northern shoreline. One of the roof-top supports collapsed, showering embers and letting loose a cloud of darker, deader smoke. The remains of a sea-raid. Three, maybe four days old.

His eyes gleamed.

One just didn’t get this in Equestria.

Just smiles. And chuckles. And simpering graces and syrupy poises. Surrounding him. Mocking him.

They all thought they were better than him. All his life, he’d been ignored. Outside of their stupid little world. The creature on the side, too miserable to worry over.

He’d never taken their money. He always threw it into the gutter first chance he got.

That wasn’t what he wanted. That wasn’t what he was.

He wanted to show them the real side of life. The side they all hoped wasn’t there. He wanted to jerk them out of their stupid days of smiles and sunshine and bring them down, down to his level, below his level, and keep them there, forever!

He wanted to be better than them. And that couldn’t happen if they were helping him.

At least those two fillies had noticed him.

‘Creep’ they called him ‘Dirty weirdo’.

Oh, he had hated them for it. Hatred that had driven him. That, at least, he was thankful for. It made him feel alive.

They at least had given him a reason.

A reason to hurt them.

And it was sweet when he did. It gave him joy like nothing else ever had.

Other ponies never did that. They never gave him a reason to hate them.

He never understood why. If he was in their position, he knew he would’ve.

It made him sick. It wasn’t right.

But now, he’d never need to be part of their pathetic little lives again.

Here was his new home.

A land without smiles. A land without laughter. A land without love and friendship and hope. None of these jabbering stripies had it in them to stand above him. He’d show them all and then...

They would do whatever he wanted them to do...

Forever.

He grinned, the sides of his lips tugging at the corners of his face, wrinkled and worn after a lifetime of avoiding the world around him, wracking himself to find what he so wanted.

The streets below were dark, dirty and joyless. The zebra he could see threadbare and thin.

They all looked as he had once done.

And they’d never be anything else. He’d see to that.

He took a deep breath through his nostrils.

He’d found it at last. His paradise. His kingdom.

Nopony would ever look down on him here.

Nopony could.

Port Bubera showed itself through the chilly haze of Zebrican winter, a set of squat pale-yellow ziggurats with workers bustling in a dreary manner. All of them were hurrying off the landing bays in groups.

‘That’s it, gnats’ he thought ‘Run from me. Know your place and get well used to it.’

Pushing up a lever, the Mulberry Hawk slowed, turned sideways and steadily lowered itself. Miser jumped from the ship before it had even finished landing.

Before he could properly take in the sight of the land of bowed heads and humbled hearts that would all be his, there was the sound of a crash behind him, a falling object and crumpling metal

He tripped and scrambled round to face his airship. Atop it, having bent some of the supports holding the deflating balloon in place, was a hardy pegasus in armour, speckle-coated and steel-eyed with a mighty battle-axe slung between his wings.

Colonel Peregrine gave a menacing smile and greeted the fugitive.

“Seasons greetings, mate!”

From down the port, there came a mix of Equestrian and Zebraic barks and calls as the Royal Guard of Equestria galloped or flew up to greet him, flanked by zebra in gleaming armour of copper, brass, gold and black iron, topped with tree-shaped talc figurines letting forth bright green and cyan silk streamers as plumes for their helms, white cloth wrapped around their heads and limbs; the Myrrhic Guard of the Warsan Sultan.

Their officer wore an blackwood mask shiny with resin and his mane was black and tied into fuzzy knots in the traditional North-East Zebra manner.

He glanced at Miser Stash who was getting to his hooves and seething.

“WHAT is the MEANING of THIS?!” he was screaming at uncomfortable intervals “WHO do you THINK you ARE?!”

The masked zebra tilted his head and spoke calmly in perfect Equestrian.

“Mr Miser Stash, I am Captain Taalo ‘ee Toraay of the Myrrhic Guard of Haqodishu. And it is my duty to the magnificent Warsan Sultan, Dzidic Ari-Ghali Sarqasadin, and his most noble allies in Canterlot to inform you that you are under arrest.”

Miser could have popped a nerve.

“ARREST?!” he screamed “For WHAT?!”

“You really want the list?”

A familiar voice sounded as the guard parted for a young lilac unicorn mare with a wavy mane of azure and violet.
Starlight Glimmer stood before the creature that had raged at her that very morning, staring him down with a very different look. Her eyes were half-closed and her muzzle turned up before the irate stallion.

Her expression, voice and posture suggested that there was nothing Miser could do to her that she feared.

“You have been declared a public enemy of ponykind. You will brought back to Ponyville and answer for the crimes you have committed against Equestria and its ponies.”

“ON WHAT CHARGES?!” Miser was screaming at the top of his lungs.

At this, Starlight cocked an eyebrow and looked over the stallion’s shoulder.

“Ask her.”

“Hello, Miser.”

The berserk face of Miser Able flashed to a look of blank, weak shock.

He knew that voice.

He knew it well...

But...

“No...” he mumbled, fearing to turn yet locked in motion regardless, slowly looking upon the face of the caribou doe with those great dark eyes fixed upon him furiously “No...Not you...You...You’re...You’re...”

Thunk!

A blow from an antlered head sent him sprawling on his sides. His head spun as he stared in horror at his age-old adversary.

“Surprise, bitch!” Holly Van Hodurheim towered over the architect of her lifelong loss and suffering “I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me!”

“NO!” Miser screamed as he felt the caribou’s cloven hoof clasp at his throat, pinning him to the ground “No, please! Please! Don’t! Don’t kill me! Holly, don’t do this, please! We...We’re friends!”

“Friends?!” The doe hissed, her eyes blazing, flecks of spittle at the corners of her mouth “You know who was a friend?! Tinsel! And Marten! And Rowan! And all the others you betrayed!”

“No! You don’t understand! I...” the stallion whimpered, his hooves shaking in front of his face “I...What do you want? I’ll give you anything! Anything you want! I promise! Anythi-”

A clout from her forehoof silenced him. Her tooth ground against each other.

“You can’t give back what you took from me!”

"S-S-Starlight! Please! Reason with her!" Miser was screaming over his shoulder at the unicorn mare "You...you can't let her do this! Please! I...I can make it up to you! I...I'm sorry. Please, you must believe me! I'm sorry! Just please tell her to let me go!"

Starlight tilted her head, examining just how different Miser looked since last she saw him, and answered in a level, slightly sly tone.

"What was it you said to me before you left, Miser?" she asked "Oh yes...'You think you can just blame a pony for a crime he didn't commit, horribly humiliate him across the kingdom, and expect one little apology will instantly heal such scars and make everything alright?'"

Miser trembled at his own words repeated to him.

"Do you, Miser? Do you really think that's enough? For me...For her?" Starlight gestured to the seething Holly "You're a murderer, Miser Able. And we don't intend to let you off this time."

Breaking down, clutching his forelegs to his chest and shutting his eyes tight, Miser whimpered to the doe he'd scarred all those years ago.

“Don’t...don’t kill me, please...”

“Kill you?!” A dead-sounding laugh escaped from Holly’s throat “No...I won’t kill you...After all, you never killed me. You just left me with a life not worth living. For you? Kind of a lateral move. But you’ll get what’s coming to you. And that’s what I’m here to give you. After all, it is Hearths Warming!”

“And A Happy New Year!”

A beckoning cry echoed from the clouds as a lavender alicorn spread her wings above the crowd and landed with a thud of four hooves and a giddy smile.

Despite having been up all night and very much looking it, Twilight Sparkle had never felt more alive. Jumping over from one observer to another, she yelled in a fantastic festival rush.

“Your Princess has returned! Twilight the Perceptive! Twilight the Tireless! Twilight the Bringer of Justice! But if any of you would like to find themselves on my Hearths Warming Card list, Twilight the Charismatic asks only one thing-TAKE THIS PIECE OF FILTH AND PUT HIM IN THE DUNGEONS OF CANTERLOT WHERE HE BELONGS!”

The guard needed no persuading. Hauling Miser Able off his hooves, grabbing all four legs, and dragging him to the portal to Canterlot Twilight and Starlight had set up below the landing bay.

“No! No! NononononoNOOOOOOO!” the guilty stallion screeched as his world fell down all around him “YOU CAN’T DO THIS! I WAS MEANT TO GET EVEN! I WAS MEANT TO WIN! I WAS GOING TO HAVE EVERYTHING!”

“Sorry, Miser, not gonna’ happen! You’ve been naughty this year!” The Princess finished with a jibe the guard respectfully pretended to find un-cringeworthy.

Starlight sided up to her with a humoured smile.

“You’ve been up way too late.”

“A Princess’s work is never done, my faithful student! Let that be a...er...snrrrrr....” Her head lolled to one side and rested on Starlight’s shoulders.

“Um...Twi?”

“Snr-wha?” Twilight woke, blinking. She shook her head.

“You wanna’ go back home now?”

“Just looking...” Starlight was gazing out at the expanse of the Crossing.

Dry, destitute, dismal...depressing.

“So the zebra of the Crossing don’t celebrate Hearths Warming...It looks like they don’t really celebrate anything at all.”

Twilight looked out with her student.

“It’s complicated. The country’s just been bled dry over centuries. Now...it just writhes. Zebrica, Equestria and many others do what they can to improve things but...”

“Is there any hope.”

Twilight gave her a knowing look.

“Always.” she said with certainty “It’s a slow journey. But it always ends well. Like the best stories.”

“I was just thinking...Miser tried to basically show you that some just don’t have it easy on Hearths Warming...He could have just shown you this. Or maybe just in Equestria or anywhere, really. And we could have actually helped. Hearths Warming just isn’t easy for everypony sometimes.”

“I can’t but agree. But when it came down to it, he just brought everything back to him, him, him. Which is really how those sorts of problems happen in the first place. I was helping others that Hearths Warming just I’ve done for every Hearths Warming I’ve had since I came to Ponyville. He saw that and he hated that because he saw everything that proved him wrong about his small, stupid, selfish little life. So he tried to destroy that part of me...”

“And failed.” Holly Van Hodurheim’s voice interjected as the caribou stood looking out at the dunes “Thank you...for your help. All of you.”

“It was the least we could do for you, Holly.” Twilight assured her, pausing a moment to ask with unease “So um...what’ll you do now.”

The doe sighed and spoke.

“To be honest...when I started out on this, I’d planned on giving it all up right after I knew it was over.” she murmured “Laying down beside where I buried Tinsel in the house that should have been ours and...just ending it all...I have been so tired...And now, it’s all done...And yet...”

“Yes?”

“Somehow...I feel more alive than ever.” A small smile crept across her face “I feel a sense of peace and purpose I’ve not felt for some time. I like this...helping others, righting wrongs, getting involved, making more of my life and helping others do the same.” She turned to them, lamination creeping into her smiling visage “It’s a good thing you do here, Princess Twilight Sparkle...Never stop, no matter how many Misers there are in the world. One of you is greater than any number of them.”

“Thanks Holly...that means a lot.” Twilight said with a bashful blush “So...will you stay in Ponyville?”

“Just for the winter, I think. I’d like to be with good company for Yulefest. Afterward, heh...I think I’d better get back into practice.” She tossed her antlers in the gentle winds with a grin “I’m a thief at heart and I’ll go back to doing something good with my skills. Still plenty of rich bastarderen out there who need a dose of justice and I think I’m the one to give it to them. I might set the Magpies back up, bring in more students, tell them about Tinsel and Marten and Rowan and all the rest. Miser tried to do to me what he’d done to himself; stop me trying and obsess over what had hurt me.” She cricked her neck “It’s time I put him in the past...and really make Tinsel, Marten and Rowan proud...wherever they are now.”

The Princess of Friendship placed a proud hoof on Holly’s shoulder.

“If they were half as good as you say they are, Holly, they’ll have never been more proud.” Her stalwart silence was broken up by her yawn as she shook her head and focussed.

“Okay...I’m about ready to conk out and I’d rather do it in my own bed.”

“Trixie’s probably missing me by now. I’ll get on that.” Starlight’s horn lit up as a swirling glow materialised in front of them, flattened, stretched and spun into a portal, the lights of a Ponyville winter evening beckoning them home.

With comforted smiles, promising themselves that this year would be different for Ponyville, the Crossing and Holly, they strode forth for a fine festive evening among friends and family.

And a Happy Hearths Warming for all.

“And it was a Happy New Year.” Shining finished with a smile before the scowling grinch.

“Your sister spat on me...” Miser growled.

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t think she was unjustified.”

“She mocked me. She left me with nothing!”

“As you’d left countless others. I can’t imagine prison’s very kind to thieving, pencil-necked millionaires like yourself.”

The old stallion’s mouth twisted in resentment as he shuffled his legs uncomfortably.

“I’d never been so happy than when I heard she’d gotten herself killed.”

He’d hoped that would wipe the smile off Shining Armour’s face and make him feel the hurt he made himself feel.

Instead, Shining just raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah...Well, I’d say I’d never been so happy than when I heard she’d come back...but I’m not sure that’d be true. Not because I wasn’t happy then but because I name moments I was also just as happy if not happier. When Cadence agreed to marry me, for instance. Or when I was promoted to Captain-General of the Royal Guard. Or when Twilight became the Princess’s student. Or when Cadence was crowned a princess. Or when Flurry was born. You’ll notice none of those moments involve ponies who I feel have wronged me getting killed.”

“Because you’re WEAK!” Miser screeched “You cannot understand what a POWER is HATRED!”

Shining gave an amused snort.

“What are you, a cheesy sci-fi villain?!” he chuckled “I’d give you a retort but you can understand what a power is friendship and love too but I reckon you can understand it, you just don’t want to. For the same reason as the others up there. You can’t handle what a sad little creature you are and blaming it on anypony but yourself if the only way you stop yourself breaking down.”

“SHUT UP!” the old stallion’s rage was audible across the mountainside. Why nopony had heard it by now was a mystery. Shining supposed they were further away from civilisation than he thought.

“Very soon, Shining Armour, it’ll be all of Equestria breaking down! And I’ll be up there, above them all, happier than ever.”

“No...you won’t, Miser.” Shining replied flatly “Haven’t you forgotten your old story? Nothing ever goes right for you.”

A vein in Miser’s forehead twitched.

“You’re not getting out of this alive, Shining Armour. You or your daughter. Whether we win or not, we’ll make your sister and wife lose everything! As we did!”

“You keep believing that, Miser. Belief, after all, was supposed to make Starfleet stronger than us. Well, I tell ya...”
He gazed at the mirthless beast with steely eyes.

“Even from where I am, here in this cage, you don’t look very strong...”

He spat through the gap, hitting Miser’s shoes.

The old stallion drew back and stared at his prisoner with loathing before turning on his heels and heading up the stairs, trying hard to ignore Shining’s final words.

“Happy Heaths Warming ya’ filthy animal!”

Author's Note:

Of course I had to finish on a Home Alone reference!
Finishing up the downfalls of both Miser Stash and Talon Ted.

Music from Walking With Dinosaurs and The Mummy Returns.

In case you haven't realised by now, The Crossing is my equivalent of Somalia. While the split between Somalia and Somaliland is north and south, here it's east and west.
The Warsan Sultan is actually based off the Warsangali Dynasty (Which, loosely translated, means 'Bringer of Good News' but the Sultanate itself is based off the Arjuran Sultanate and the Islamic Mogadishan Golden Age.
I hope one day it returns to the people of Somalia and they may perhaps live in as much peace and prosperity as we do.
I imagine it will be a long and hard journey but always necessary.

Also references to American Horror Story.
The Mulberry Hawk is based off the name of one of the villains in Nicholas Nickleby, a particularly nasty creature.

The actors mentioned are actually ponified real actors, living and dead.
As follows
Mysticer Lee: Christopher Lee
Olive Branch: Laurence Olivier
Seater Cushion: Peter Cushing
Cucumber Patch: Benedict Cumberbatch
Wulff Inessence: Ralph Ineson
Cruise Missile: Have a guess.
Bacon Steakham: Jason Statham
Metaphor Florence: Jennifer Lawrence
Ken Princely: Ben Kingsley
Leaf Hedger: Heath Ledger
Canny Havel: Henry Cavill

Talon's costume is based off Zakurobacuum/Donkeyvac from Super Sentai/Power Rangers.

Sorry if the financial legalese is a bit much but one of the main flaws of the original work was its lack of understanding of how money and law works so I felt it best to elaborate.
Not sure I got it exactly right but at least I tried.

Twilight arresting Miser is based off Serka from Shadow of War: The Desolation of Mordor DLC.

It's been a long day for me but an overall pleasant one.

I wish everyone a very merry Christmas (Or whatever holiday you partake in) and I hope to enjoy the new year with you on Fimfiction.
Please follow my blogs for information I've found on why this year wasn't as bad as some say and next year could well be better.
Thank you and have a lovely Christmas Eve.

Comments

[Bronycommander]

NIce work! And nice cameo of Patch too!

[ByzantineLover]

Another great chapter. Happy Snildarfest from Australia!

[Purple Patch]

10003393
Thanks.
Not sure what that means but thanks.

[Purple Patch]

10002700
A small one. Just about which actors I really like.

[Bronycommander]

10004844
A good one nevertheless

[ByzantineLover]

10004843 In the episode "The Hearth's Warming Club", Snildarfest is mentioned as the yak equivalent of Heath's Warming, as explained in this clip by Yona:

https://youtu.be/OGzMa3_6mIM

I chose ito say it instead of "Happy Heath's Warming" to mix things up a bit, and because Yona is my favourite of the Student Six.

[Purple Patch]

10005221
Ah right.
Fair enough.
Sorry, I don't really watch the show. I'm a fan of the fandom, so to speak.
But thanks anyway.

[Purple Patch]

10005198
Thanks for the critique. I'll keep this in mind.
I have ideas for Starlight.
But you're probably right, I should build up Holly a bit more here.
It's based off Karliah from Skyrim but I should still focus on the character more.
Yeah, Talon is just such a terrible non-contributer that not even Neo-Starfleet can stomach him long.

[Alphamon_Ouryuken]

Love this story!

[Purple Patch]

10239198
Thanks. Good to know.

[WhitewolfStormrunner]

Hey, Patch.
I noticed that this is canceled.
How come?
It was just getting good.

[Purple Patch]

11204353
Oh, I made a post about it. Here.
To be honest, I'm still debating over it.

[WhitewolfStormrunner]

11204552 Okay.
I just read it (better late than never, no?), and your reasons are valid ones, hun.
These things just happen now and then.
It's still (to me) a good story, but it's quite understandable that you're not feeling it anymore.

And that's understandable, too.

[Dice13456]

“Talon...me, the Bearers and Spike were in your room listening to your excuses, evasions and boring, senseless, rambling and hysterical ranting that would make Trottingham tabloid talk shows look reasonable and sincere, for what seemed like hours and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that all us were thinking of picking up the bat and carrying on where she left off by the end of it...even Fluttershy!”

Describes the reaction of the original Friendship is Failure.