When an odd question pops into Smolder's head during lunch, it begins to spiral out of control, leading to some very unfortunate events involving Gallus.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 22nd Jul, 2019
- offline last seen Sep 14th, 2022
Blue Sphere Writing
If you like Smolder and Gallus, with a bit of Ocellus, then there's definitely someone better at it, i should be your 5th or 8th option.
Blue Sphere Writing
Joined 22nd Jul, 2019 ·
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LOL It's a good thing Gallus has some good female friends!
Is it weird that I'm thinking of more ideas related to this? I feel like it is, but I still wanna do it.
The writing/grammar came off as a little sloppy at times, but overall, not bad! Thumbs Up!
9744824
Thanks!
I will imagine all the wrong things happened and no one can stop me.
Fun little story, thanks for sharing!
9744849
np, we're probably thinking similar but different things now that you mention it
Ah, poor Gallus Gallus Domesticus.
The common domesticated chicken.
OH LOOK A THUMBS DOWN LOL BUTTHURT
Girlfriends with “benefits”.
This was hilarious, poor
luckyGallus XDAnyone down to do a NSFW version of This? I'll help!
9745512
Somehow I knew someone was gonna ask, i have 2 questions and an answer
1.) how
2.) why
3.) yes but leave me out of it
9745512
...why tho
9745537
1.Some one once said... erotica is using the feather, fetishism is using the whole chicken.... get it!!!!!
2. I think this story hit a jackpot without ever giving it away to others. Seriously, creating a safe story... but has implications that any mind that anyone who reads clop, will only think dirty thoughts. The worst part of it is, I'm not the only one whose thinking it. But there are two NSFW stories that can come from this. Clop or light gore(since he lives at the end).
3............. you sure?
9745538
Because secretly many want it but dare not admit it. This would be also a fun thing to work on with others.
9745512
Yeah, go ahead, heck you could even change the ending if you wanted!
what the
9746034
YAY!!!
i.postimg.cc/NfmG1BT0/timon-and-pumbaa-lion-king-1441731729.gif
This was an interesting concept, but I feel like you need to work on where you are putting your paragraph breaks. There are Parts where it jumps between scenes in the middle of a paragraph. That really drives home just how rushed the ending ends up being. It also feels like your concept had a lot of potential that wasn't really met.
9745957
If you do make one, I’d rather have it be gore
1. There are surprisingly not a lot of gore fanfics with Smolder
2. It just fits the story more
9749951
I was going to do either two kinds.
1. Sexual theme with light gore(scratches, bites, and so on).
2. Heavy gore but a dark comedy where he lives but is missing patches of skin, digits and such with the underline that he replaced with changelings and thr trio plan to get yona and sandbar.
Not a huge gore fan but I can imply a lot
9750250
I’d honestly go with option 2 but 1 still works
As a gallstream shipper I’m not sure i wanna upvote this or what. It was weird but funny.
Do you however give me ideas for the two birbs....
9750250
So then, will you write it?
I doubt I will, but since it's not pony focused, it could be a little fun quick project. I actually have a base set in mind with a page done.
I think this is one time an NSFW version would just ruin the story. Sometimes, less is more.
I really like this but I can't leave a like because it is currently at 69. Nice.
honestly, I feel like gallus would have had a far worse reaction to this, almost being eaten would have been an extreamly tramatizing event. and his friends comeing after him like that, as someone who has PTSD, I feel like he was far too calm about it.
It's been at least a week and it is still at 69 likes. Nice.
I read a fic where human pinkie did the same thing to her friends hair nomming it though you realize you legit just put a starter to a clopfic near the end there and just compounded it by having him show up with messy feathers and bite marks
9746228
Hope you make it lol I honestly wanna see what a clop version of this would be just yaknow age them up for it scratch that go for the light gore and the more heavy gore versions in two separate chapters and just ask people what one they like more
10119842
I have it part way done, just need.... a little helps with kinks, which I'm not sure how to do?
10119923
Well easy one would be not just gallus having bite marks as well as light gore to heavy gore would have implications of death which would be to bummer but having small chunks missing out of them in places that won't be fatal plus like a whole Dom sub power play with the four of them enjoying both being in charge and having control taken in the blink of a eye oh and probably at least some point gallus getting blown lol if you go the nsfw route other then a sense of them all taking a bite out of each other in a predatory fight that releases a sense of pent up need they all have
10119923
If you want just pm me about ideas in it
LOL it was amazing great story please make a sequel to this story it should be a series
So...did they just scrathed him and hit him or did they tasted Gallus ? >:D (And you know what i mean :DD)
Holy heck
This made me way happier than it should have
10119923
Lol I’ve still he got round to making the nsfw version to this lol
10556767
Never got a reply nd I have still part of the story done.
10557098
Oh lol i forgot to reply in still uo for it
He's lucky that Yona wasn't in on that hunt, or he'd be in the hospital healing up from all the broken bones.
Couple of critiques:
1. The last couple sentences should be in their own paragraph since they're technically not part of the same scene where Gallus is cornered. They're about the aftermath. You could also put in one of those horizontal lines or a trio of asterisks to break it up further, but I don't think it's necessary. As it is, it just doesn't feel right to me. Also wouldn't mind if the ending was a bit more fleshed out.
2. If you're going to tell us when this is set, it should be done in the beginning of the story, when you're setting the scene, not in an author's note at the end. A brief mention of them sitting down together after the whole debacle on Hearth's Warming would've helped, along with a mention of why Sandbar and Yona were missing. Heck, you also didn't say what happened to the faculty members who were there either, or what they were doing. You could've included them too, and maybe even used them in a scene to help flesh out the ending by having one of them ask Gallus what happened. He can still refuse to talk, but it's better if you show someone asking him outright.
All in all, it's not a bad story. It just feels a bit too short for me, and lacking a good, punchy ending. It just needs a little work to truly shine.