- Member Since 31st Mar, 2017
- offline last seen Mar 10th, 2021
HeartfireFirebrand
A leaner of SFM who writes ocassionally
HeartfireFirebrand
Joined 31st Mar, 2017 ·
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One thing is definitely certain right now: That those 3 girls are about to learn the very hard way, that there definitely are fates worse than death.
Well, this is an interesting idea, but I would like to ask if English is your first language. I ask because something is off about the sentence writing and structure.
This doesn't sound like something a native English speaker would say.
Mechanics aside, I was wondering precisely how this suit works. Your intial description would suggest the mechanical components have completely replaced Sunset's former body, similar to Freddy Fazbear: images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/d4cdd49b-1838-4f98-b891-aa27a64629f7/d96962r-85ceaa51-e96b-4aa2-bd71-a57d4b78fbe0.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2Q0Y2RkNDliLTE4MzgtNGY5OC1iODkxLWFhMjdhNjQ2MjlmN1wvZDk2OTYyci04NWNlYWE1MS1lOTZiLTRhYTItYmQ3MS1hNTdkNGI3OGZiZTAucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.Ui2GHufDVy_74ilXUezL4n15jnqOfWLYI7kEvDV9ZNs
I make this comparison because it is physically impossible for a human being to survive inside the suits, due to the wiring and exoskeleton. After all, William Afton found that one out the hard way:
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/freddy-fazbears-pizza/images/e/ed/Extra_Springtrap_1.png/revision/latest?cb=20160529043921
9653562
I rushed this chapter a bit, I changed that line a bit. I hope it sounds better, as for Sunset's new body well it simply is that her body has been modified to be a sort of fusion of animatronic and human, plus having Sunset's demon form added in as well.
9653652
So, like Springtrap?
9653674
Not exactly, her flesh and organs are completely functional. Her mechanical parts are desgined to work with her flesh parts not to damage them as they were made from magic.
9653706
Parts fused and working together. I see. Something the engineers at the Pizzeria never got working...
9653707
Because rather than having a human inside an animatronic, you have a entity that half a living creature and half an animatronic that take the best from both worlds without any of the cons of either.
9653721
Hmmm. A challenging prospect. Why does Shed 17 suddenly come to mind?
9653751
What is Shed 17? Also I guess one con is looking like a monster, that hasn't exactly changed from the animatronic side.
9653754
Shed 17 is a creepypasta created by YouTuber Paul's Vids. It is a dark take on Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends, claiming that the beloved anthropomorphic vehicles were created by combining human DNA and machine parts. It being a horror story, most of them went hideously wrong, sort of like some of the animatronics in FNaF.
9653757
Ahhh, well that's not the case here. When I get aroundto the next chapter then things will get interesting, also I would like you to check out this story that I wrote https://www.fimfiction.net/story/438991/sunset-master-of-determination. I have a lot of a respect for you as writer and I hope you like it.
9653767
Thanks for the link.
Aww, thanks.
You need to build your story better, so much was left out and what was left in doesn't make any sense: Sunset turning into a Fazebear robot for no reason, Celstia not being uneasy that a robot with the image of one of her students appeared out of nowhere, Norris she appalled by the fact that her students had murdered someone (you can say that she wasn't murdered, but it doesn't make any fucking sense) nor by Sunset's rejection of not killing intruders, alongside the too convenient acceptance of Sunset's accusation of the CMC.
Build you fucking story with more insight.
Here is what I think should change: go into why the three murders killed Sunset, how Sunset changed into a robot (reasons why: they hid the body in one of the robots, likely would have to happen outside of the school, Marinette saw what happened and granted her/his gift, reviving Sunset, etc.), how Sunset is discover and Sunset's feeling of being changed, how she interacts with others.
If you do that, this could be a very good Fnaf/Fim crossover resurgence.
9653842
I see the point, I'll rework it. I did rush this chapter so I will rewrite the chapter.
9653852
Thanks, I do hope that I didn't come across to harsh and hope it was taken as helpful feed back. And also hope that you take some of my suggestions into account for a revisement of your story
9653854
This chapter will stay up and I will post the rewrite next. Also the only part that offened me a bit was the swearing, it made it seem more brutal than it needed to be.
9653769
Your welcome
9653842
That would make sense. What if they threw her body into an animatronic in an attempt to destroy the evidence, but Sunset survived, Purple Guy style?
9654839
I really do appreciate it.
9654838
Sorry
9654843
No, more like the kids he killed
9655026
It's alright, oh at first I wanted to get angry but I calmed down as I read over it a few times. Thanks for the tips, did you like the changes I made?
9655054
Yeah, looking forward to the next chapter
9655870
I am working on it now
Ok question while you did the last chapter better. What the heck is everyone reaction to Sunsen's death and will those three murderers be brought in?
I know this is based on Five Nights at Freddy's alone but seeing as it takes place at night in a bedroom, the things that comes to my mind from this chapter I think of are Five Nights at Freddy's 4 and Five Nights at Candy's 3.
9656436
The Bedroom is based on the Fnaf 4 Bedroom.
9656238
Hmm, I'll figure that out for the next chapter.
and another murder gets away..NICE JOB DUDE, is it a theme now? Someone gets murdered and the killer get scot free every time?
I'm sorry..yet I'm not sorry, this is getting ridiculous! Trixie was just murdered there a witness and instead of calling the cops to have her arrested for anything you have her get away!
What is wrong with this story?!
9657600
Not so fast, she will get her comeuppance on the next chapter. I will make it so.
Great. Sunset's now a animatronic, Trixie's now a animatronic and soon; according to the tags, four more girls will be animatronics. Man, the CMC have really stepped in it now.
I've seen on gmod mlp skins that look like fnaf animatronics. Mlp fnaf I cant help but imagine this but with eqg Sunset.
FNaF 4?
Keep it rolling!
9665417
Yep
9665481
Not sure if I've ever played that.
The more deaths that come, the more likely they will turn in.
This is escalating rapidly. This could get quite messy...
9669185
In what way?
9669186
If my knowledge of FNaF is anything to go by, it's that an encounter with the animatronics is usually fatal.
9669190
Night Five will be tough for the these three.
9669205
Night 5 is usually the hardest, unless they get the bonus night.
And that's why I don't play FNAF 1. I suck at power management.
9669210
Or the 20/20/20/20 Night. Or the Free For All of Ultimate Custom Night with Everyone at max difficulty. That right there is a nightmare.
9669237
At least in FNaF 2 you can see off most of them with a Freddie head.
9669287
Don't try 1/9/8/7.
Non survived but came back, and must confess their sins.
Alright, I'm gonna ask a question that's keeping me from reading this story past the first chapter. Why stretch for a FNaF crossover when Sunset's backstory already has a monstrous form for her to use? It seems arbitrary, like you'd rather take the time to exploit the popularity of a crappy jumpscare flash game than write a story with its own merit.
9670666
Alright I like Fnaf and I like EQG so I decided to write a crossover with the Anon-a-Miss story as a base. I wrote the story because I wanted to write it, not everyone liked this story and that's okay. If you don't enjoy what you're writing then why bother writing at all.
9670673
>Writes Crossover Fic
>Doesn't use Crossover tag
9670679
Fixed thank you for the advice. It's hard to tell because while it uses certain parts it doesn;'t us others, what defines a crossover versus an inspired by story.