• Member Since 20th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Cold Spike


If you enjoy my stories, then please check out my Patreon!

T

Scootaloo lives the perfect life. She has kind and caring parents, three best friends and a lovely home. She lives in the magical land of Equestria where four kind princesses rule over all of their subjects using the power of friendship and the magic of kindness. She couldn't ask for a better life, except for maybe the ability to fly, but she's young and has a full life ahead of her.


Scootaloo lives an endless nightmare of pain and suffering. She's forced to fight a losing war as a child soldier against Nightmare Moon and her seemingly endless supply of brainwashed soldiers, ready to throw down their lives to protect their false dark queen. Princess Celestia is nowhere to be found and their entire world is plunging ever further into darkness.

Chapters (7)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 37 )

No longer hesitating, Scootaloo sighed and slowly entered the shimmering blue portal. She still didn’t fully understand what was going to happen, but she figured anywhere was better than the nightmare that used to be her home. She took one last long look at Zecora before the world faded into nothing.

My face when Scott's entered the Portal
scontent-vie1-1.cdninstagram.com/vp/070d8c109f284ca121f14e491679008d/5CC8E575/t51.2885-15/e35/41502678_321522571949105_3405056682223468544_n.jpg?_nc_ht=scontent-vie1-1.cdninstagram.com&ig_cache_key=MTg3NTA1NDczODAxODYyNDY2NQ%3D%3D.2
All in all, interesting story

9388806
Thank you! I've got quite the buffer for new chapters so I should be posting the second one soon-ish.

I find it unusual that there isn't an Apple Bloom tag. I mean, there's a Sweetie Belle and a Scootaloo tag... Why not complete the set?

9389061
I might add one as the story progresses, but as it stands (and what I have unpublished) Apple Bloom isn't a major character yet.

Not bad. I'll see where this goes.

9389952
Thank you! I'm super worried to post the next chapter, even if it's been done for probably two months. :twilightblush:

Woo-hoo! It's so great to see you back and writing, my friend! And this... well... IS AWESOME!

Great visuals, intriguing plot, and lots of depth that goes beyond anything I could have ever imagined if Nightmare Moon had won at the onset of FiM.

Poor Twilight, Pinkie, And dash. However it was for the best as she sounded already long gone. She was but a puppet that now will be a marker to draw Nightmare Moon's attention when she fails to return.

Very awesome how you amped up Zecora. She was definitely hard core here. :)

9393126
Thank you, it was a ton of work to get that chapter to the state that it's now in. ^_^

This is really turning into an epic tale. You always give Scootaloo such character in your tales. You've also done superb in illustrating the CMC prior to getting their Cutie Marks.

So, if I guess right, this story takes place in early Season 5?

I love how you have given Sweetie Belle such sweetness. It seems like forever since she's been acting that adorable in the show.

I now wonder how Zecora in the other world is doing? she does have 3 of the 6 dead in front of the mirror. Nightmare Moon will definitely come to see what happened, or at least send the other 3.

Something tells me that Fluttershy wasn't able to be converted. She probably got imprisoned, or killed. That's just a guess.

Nightmare Moon would definitely take interest in the mirror for, in her arrogance, she'd want all worlds to bow before her.

Now, as a side thought, I wonder if Daybreaker may be able to appear in an effort to take on Nightmare Moon? Perhaps the Phoenix's are trying to achieve this? sWe never did learn where Celestia went when Nightmare Moon returned...

9400981
Thank you, and it has to take place somewhere around Season 5. I'm not gonna spoil anything, but when I first started writing I didn't have a season in mind, so long as it was past the point where Twilight was a princess. However, someone gave me an idea that was just too delicious and dark not to use, but you'll just have to read it when it comes to that.

Oh, Sweetie Belle... you're so... you.

How is Zecora doing? Well... NO SPOILERS. :P

Except in this spoiler tag:

The story is meant to focus on how Scootaloo deals with her life in this new world. As Zecora said, The Pheonix Order is basically disbanded or close to it. They've lost and no Daybreaker, sorry!

How neat to meet Scoots' parents. Will Aunt Holiday and Lofty show up, too?

I like how you had Scoots' dad. It sounds like the kind of father I'd expect him to be. Plus it keeps in spirit of how he's always out. He's probably spending a lot of time at work to earn extra bits while advancing his career.

I wonder if 'Phoenix' will ever get some treatment for that wound? Will she ever be able to share what is truly happening in her world?

Lots of tense conflict within 'Phoenix'. I am definitely feeling how she may see the Scootaloo taking what she has for granted, too.

I'm really enjoying this story. So glad to see you back and writing. :)

9415877
"Will Aunt Holiday and Lofty show up, too?"

No. :rainbowdetermined2:

"I wonder if 'Phoenix' will ever get some treatment for that wound? Will she ever be able to share what is truly happening in her world?"

It's coming... and I'm glad you're enjoying it! Hopefully, it gets more traction.

Scootaloo’s somber attitude left her almost immediately. She hopped off the couch and motioned for her double to follow. “C’mon to m- err, our room,” she corrected. “It’s not every day I get to play with myself!”

Is that there supposed to be a masturbation reference? :applejackunsure:

By far i'm impressed that you manage to get this far without any dislikes, this proves that you are currently making fandom history!

Any way good story!

9416417
No you dirty brony, it means that she plays with her toys using her hooves

Comment posted by karnazom deleted January 22nd

“It’s not every day I get to play with myself!”

Give it a few years:trollestia:

9416417
It's meant to be a silly joke. We all know what it's a reference to, but considering the content of this story, I mean... I was gonna eventually say something like that.

9416453
It either means I'm doing a good job, or I didn't write anything controversial enough. :rainbowkiss:

9416889
You have no one to blame but yourself

This is truly a most epic story! I look forward to each section a lot! You are definitely a very talented writer to whom I'm glad I had the opportunity to commission during that faithful year I lost the rest of my eyesight.

The way in which we get 'Phoenix's' perspective on the world really paints the picture of how her world is. The 'drug addiction' is also quite interesting as, by now, she'd have a hard time discerning between her mind playing tricks on her and reality. After all, Nightmare Moon seems to have become quite omnipresent in the Queen's Realm.

You can certainly feel a lot of atmosphere in this story. The words themselves give way to deeper thoughts that make each chapter far longer than it actually is.

Keep up being super awesome!

9431269
Thanks, dude for the kind words. ^^ I really should put a bit more work into Feather Steel though... I feel bad that it's lagged behind.

Ooh! Now that was deep. Very, very deep. You had my full attention from start-to-finish.

I do hope you keep working on this story. It's quite brilliant in how it tells of a world where Scootaloo has tried so hard to survive while not knowing how to transition to a world without terror filling each day of her life.

The moment with 'Honesty' was definitely a scene I'd love to have seen animated. The way 'Honesty' snapped back at Scoots for lying was certainly intense and quite scary. You could feel Scoots really trying to be strong and brave despite the pounding she took at the hooves of 'Honesty'. You also got a ton of feels by how she got to hear of the distirubing experiments 'Honesty' was doing to those she captured... including Scootaloo's parents.

It really makes you think of what a truly corrupt Mane 6 would be like. We've seen them 'Discorded' and 'Mean Six' but that's nothing compared to what you show here. The twisted variations that Nightmare Moon made out of the Mane 6 are frightening. Thinking on how three were genuinely killed before Scoots escaped with Zecora's help really shows how powerful Zecora is. One of tainted elements is scary enough... let alone three of them.

Now, at some point, I can see learning of Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. I'd guess Fluttershy would be making chimeras. Perhaps Pinkie Pie would be in her full 'Cupcakes' mode, Rarity would come up with how to rearrange the parts, and Fluttershy would master the 'creations' that were once allies of The shining Phoenix.

You also did well in showing just why 'Phoenix' would have next to trust with any pony. The mare who took advantage of her at camp would definitely leave a scar.

Now... What will happen when Scootaloo learns of how this other Scootaloo can fly? I'm sure it will be a bittersweet moment if any explaining is done.

9438574
Thank you for such kind replies. I plan on finishing this story just like my others.

The idea mainly stemmed from a what if. What if the Mane6 had failed. And we've already seen from the show just how lucky they were to be in their current predicament. Just the slightest change and BOOM apocalypse.

"Now, at some point, I can see learning of Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. I'd guess Fluttershy would be making chimeras. Perhaps Pinkie Pie would be in her full 'Cupcakes' mode, Rarity would come up with how to rearrange the parts, and Fluttershy would master the 'creations' that were once allies of The shining Phoenix."

While it's tempting to go down that path, what became of them in flashbacks is likely not gonna be portrayed in that kind of way.

"Now... What will happen when Scootaloo learns of how this other Scootaloo can fly? I'm sure it will be a bittersweet moment if any explaining is done."

You'll see...

“No. Not for you, anyway.”

That's so cruel :applecry:

9441933

But, yeah, the ponies of Phoenix's world are quite desperate to stay out on top. They've lost so much and it's not unheard of for the mares and stallions in charge to take advantage of the remaining foals. Especially those which lack a family.

Hmm. Seems you are setting us up for something soon-to-come. Lots of staging in this chapter.

I like the way you had Sweetie Belle come to Phoenix. It would make sense that Sweetie would do so. She's always been the most compassionate of the crusaders.

Phoenix seems ready to break down from all the inputs her mind is getting from this alternate world to her's. I thought she was about to just explode everything to Sweetie Belle back in the palace bathroom. However she has certainly built up some strong walls in her mind to refrain from just spewing what she knows and how she feels. Give no information... show no weakness.

I'm thinking she's going to end up dreaming of Fluttershy of her world on this night. Perhaps even Rarity? Maybe she'll even recall what honestly happened to Sweetie Belle in her world?

Something is definitely about to happen and it's going to be what determines how the course of this tale will end. Either Phoenix is going to have a total break down, some pony is going to get her to talk, or Phoenix is going to run away.

I know she aims to break, or ruin, the mirror. However, in her state, I have a bad feeling if she even dared get near it. She'd probably see her Nightmare Moon in the reflection, freak out, and get busted by a late night studying Twilight.

9445282
"Phoenix seems ready to break down from all the inputs her mind is getting from this alternate world to her's. I thought she was about to just explode everything to Sweetie Belle back in the palace bathroom."

And drain all the conflict out of my story? Nah...

It is truly a shame that this story isn't getting more attention. However, if it helps, lots of great stories get overlooked as a result of being lost within the sea of other content that is released. :(

Perhaps you could submit the story to "Equestria Daily" to see if they'll advertise it for you? I know they do FiM Fiction highlights.

You could also share links to the story on other sites you frequent. Perhaps FA?

***

I really liked this chapter. The turning of Spitfire was quite intense and how Scoots had to deal with it was definitely traumatic. She's definitely been through a lot and we now have loads of reasons to know why she doesn't trust any pony nor feels comfortable in this 'kinder world' she has ended up in.

I was waiting for some pony to spot Scoots / Phoenix up above the throne room. Perhaps Pinkie? Though this Scootaloo is far too cunning to even be picked up by Pinkie Sense, or other such methods.

This Scootaloo is one who certainly had to grow up way too fast. It will be interesting to see if there is a way to help her get back some of her childhood. I think she's due for a good cry, at some point, once she knows not everything is out to get her. However, in all likelihood, this will take awhile given how she knows she was being spied on along with also now being confronted on being 'evil'.

9451950
Maybe I can post to EQD, but in my experience, they're not as helpful as I would like. But what can you do.

Thanks for the support. And, no kidding, lol. Phoenix is insanely guarded and for good reason. ^^

Looking forward to seeing where this goes!

9457231
Me too! :moustache:

...Wait a minute, I'm the author. :facehoof:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!