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This story is a sequel to The True Origin of the Cutie Mark Crusaders
A strange creature has wandered into town and ends up on Applejack's farm. AJ is not pleased but so many unanswered questions about him cause her to be curious. The dragon seems to have no family but the residents of Ponyville soon discover a link between the creature and the towns librarian.
Story Editor: bahatumay
Cover Image by: Voodoo - Tiki
Art added up to chapter 3!
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nice story hope there comes mor
I shall continue, I have plenty written to be honest but I need to edit a ton first
Oh and some drawings are in the process of being made for the story, a few rough sketches are complete but I will add those to each chapter slowly.
Oh and chapters will be added soon just making sure it all reads correctly and is edited properly. Also waiting on a better colored picture :)
New Picture Up BY: Voodoo-Tiki... AMAZING Artist
Brought here by seeing the cover picture in tonight's EQD drawfriend, will definitely give this a look later.
Excuse me but how do I find this post on the EQD?
Never mind Found it
Sketches added to chapter one
moar. i love this...
I'm working on it, I have finally ended up to chapter 5 as I'm done editing I think. I will post them soon but now begins a new pacing for the story as I begin to slow down at start describing more things instead of just saying them.1386422
1386460 sweeeeeeeeeet...
Needs some tune up editing but its a good story and i'm tracking it :)
another great chapter!
i did notice one minor grammatical error though:
2nd last paragraph
Rarity asked herself looking around worried that she had lost the young dragon and harmed her horn in the process.
eagerly await chapter 4
Thank You :) any criticism is welcome I need it lol. 1397336
I like where this is going.
great chapter
i only found one minor typo this time:
study him with the young ones permission off course
keep up the good work!
Thanks! Still getting used to Word 2010 it's kind of a pain. So I end up missing tiny details. 1441873
This is a good story. The concept is nice and the pacing isn't too bad. However, you should probably get an editor or something. There's a fair amount of awkward phrasing in your writing. If you have someone look over it, I'm sure you'd have a lot more people following the story very soon. All the chapters need a bit of revision. The biggest thing I noticed was your use of "um" and similar filler words. It's fine to have them in the dialogue of the characters, but you should include some ellipses around them. For example, “Oh um we needed to do some research is all young dragon.” would work a little better if written like this: “Oh ... um ... we needed to do some research is all young dragon.” Keep up the good work!
I do need an editor badly but it is funny that you mention that. I'm currently reading over each chapter as carefully as I can while I fix plenty of things, run on sentences for example. Grammar and dialogue. The position of an editor for my story is quite open btw
1452398
I'm really enjoying this story!
Faving this is probably the least I could do.
I'm glad you like it.
1468017
You mixed up a few "him"s and "her"s. You might also want to check for run-on sentences. Other than that it was a pretty good chapter.
Looooooots of grammar mistakes. Please fix them soon.
I really do need an editor, I'm sure there are some grammar mistakes in chapter 5. As for the mixing of hims and hers I cannot find any, got any examples?
1504282
I PMed the him's and her's that I found to you. At least the ones at the beginning of the chapter.
Thanks! 1506278
Grrrrrreat! Looking forward to more chapters!
Have a 'stache
This chapter was heartwarming.
Daw... Shyfrost cute name...
Cheerilee is married?
I like to think so, I could swear they called her Mrs Cheerliee on the show but just ignore it for now. A lot of mistakes will be fixed in the future. 1550242
1550355 her being married only makes the love poison episode make close to no sense.
OKay fixing soon
Alright fixed it is now MISS CHEERLIEE
Cupcakes are good, so long as you don't ask where they come from.
Right?
The dialogue has no commas and seems a bit forced and choppy, and it's quite distracting.
That's a shame because this is an awesome concept.
I guess some examples would be nice. I have been trying to make the dialogue seem less dry. 1578416
I'm guessing you mean examples such as:
“So many apples I can’t believe this,” The creature said with his mouth wide open drooling on himself.
Would that be more correct than putting a "!" after the word THIS?
I just started working on the dialogue, chapter one should be fixed. 1578416
1578542
“So many apples, I can’t believe this.”
...OmNomNom?
I... Agree. 1596769
I wonder if ShyFrost will become a clams worst enemy?
Heh, just trying to make him unique. Did I go too far with focusing on the pearls you think? 1600590
1600811
I think it's pretty original that you made him attracted to pearls, I haven't seen any other type of dragon story that even mentions pearls or something like that.
Keep up the good work, I'd love to see more interaction between Spike and ShyFrost, maybe even a brotherly relationship? Because of the title.
Oh there will be... hehe there will be. And Thanks I'm glad I'm getting peoples attention with my story. 1600821
I wonder if to him, pearls taste like raffaello. A crunchy outside and a creamy inside.
http://www.ferrero.com/fc-1259/
are crystal's like gem's or totally different ?
His amulet is more of a crystal and because Spike did not like the taste it proves it is not a gemstone. So different yes, is that what you meant? And yes I know that Gemstones are at least types of them in our world are crystals.
This chapter has so many feels.