• Member Since 16th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen May 30th, 2017

Nadake


T

In a world where they are little more than slaves to the more powerful unicorns, there are few options. When you are a former gladiator, saved from the breeding pens by a kind hearted old stallion, you have even fewer. Enter Rainbow Dash, ex-gladiator, a mare with beauty, and the strength to protect it in a world determined to drain all color from her life.

Freed from the horrors of bloody combat, Rainbow has taken those skills, and those killer instincts, and turned them to protecting the ponies she once killed. For a price of course. But sometimes, life throws the unexpected at you. On a mission for the Lady of Ponyville, Rainbow finds out two things. One, that purple unicorns are absolutely infuriating. Two, that they are also the bravest ponies she has ever met. Excluding herself, of course.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 47 )

now This! is an interesting concept, and i will read this, i Have to read this.
will edit this comment when im done.

Edit: minor spelling errors.

i don't fancy the fact that Twilight is apparently "unable" to really learn spells.
i don't fancy that at all.

and DAT CLIFFHANGER-ish ending, dammit, i want more.

Kind of shorter than I like, but still an interesting concept. I am assuming this is before the "Mane 6" actually become real friends. Would like a little more background on Twilight and Rainbow, in addition to the others when/if they get implemented. A couple of smaller errors. An extra space between words here and there. Some commas where I feel periods should be. Like the concept of Twilight not needing to sleep. Is that part of what magic she knows, or from training...? Also like how Spike is not an actual dragon, but a amphithere. Interesting touch. All in all a decent story, will certainly track out of curiosity.

EDIT: If you think you need a proofreader, shoot me a message and I'll see if I can help out.

A very interesting opening, I like it. :twilightsmile:

Thus far it seems more interesting that the story you are taking a break from.

I'm glad you posed this, I wish you would have asked me to give it a last once over. I'll reread in the morning, too tired, need sleep.

Sleep, it's for the weak, I stay up and read awesome fanfics :pinkiehappy:

Now I think I'll go pass out :trollestia:

1006784

Well, my take on it is either she needs a specific event to unleash her full ability (Sonic Rainboom or some stand in) or her magic simply does not work like that of other unicorns and she is doing it wrong.

your stories rock!:pinkiehappy: eagerly awaiting the next piece!

1014146

Is it almost as great as your avatar? :raritystarry:

1016297

Well then, I'll just have to make it even BETTER THEN. :rainbowdetermined2:

1016379
it's hard to beat a Twi with runes covering her entire body while both them and her eyes are ablaze with surging magic, especially when you get that "badass personality" feeling from herdl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
but go right ahead!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

1016466 I kind of want a fic based off that pic :twilightsmile:

1017919
don't we all, there might be one somewhere though...im not sure...

1019336 maybe :twilightsmile: we could call her off as the Avatar and say that one Avatar fic where Twilight is the Avatar is based off that pic :facehoof:

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There is one that uses it in a dream sequence. I think the title was something like "The Sun, The Moon, and Twilight". Not sure about the exact title.

1022844
oh, right, now that you mention it, i've read that one!
fic

Any chance that Twilights magic limitations are due to something Shining Armor did? :twilightoops:

I hope there's more of this soon. :twilightsmile:

Im very interested in this story despite it only being one short chapter. I love the way you work with magic in your stories, "Immortality" being a great example of it. Im looking forward to you continuing this story more than "Immortality" surprisingly, could be my Rainbow Dash bias or it could be i like the concept more, despite how well written the other is. :rainbowlaugh: I really like the way you've portrayed Twilight as a talentless unicorn, because without the rainboom as a catalyst she really was. You've got me following and if you ever need a mistake finder im pretty good at that :heart:

Well this is a very interesting concept you've established for this alternate cannon that leaves lots of directions to explore dramatically. With only an introductory chapter so far it's a bit hard to comment on characters and such so hopefully you plan on continuing it.

Very interesting concept. Espically the slave culture (is AJ a slave btw or a free pony like RD/Twi with a bodyguard job?) and how you made RD an badass Hunter/Ex-Gladiator who hates Unicorns and Twi a talentless but powerful mage (lol) who hates her brother (veeeeery interesting indeed, only few fics try to do a Twi hates Shiny/Shiny hates Twi way).

Please tell me there will be a second chapter soon or that you´re working on it! >.<

And some romance hinted in chapter 2 if possible. :D

Would you share your progress with us? I just hope you're just taking your time.:pinkiesad2:

1467844

:fluttercry: I'm trying. I really am, but with two other stories I'm actively working on, school, a job soon, scholarships, and stuff, its taking a while. I do actually have the next chapter about half written.

I'm sorry.

1468548 Don't worry, at least it's half done right? That's enough knowledge for me.:twilightsmile:

Very nice story you have here. AU's are one of my favorite types. One small thing, though. You seem to use too when it should be to a lot. Might want to correct those. :twilightsmile:

Any chance for an update? I really would hate it if we didn't see more of this world.
It's probably unnecessary for me to write this considering I asked for more, but still I feel like telling you you really do AU right. :twilightsmile:

Twilight not god at spells, what is this? Do you have some sort of vendetta against Twilight? The two stories about her I have read so far have her be completely awful at magic. Jesting aside, I like this. Though quite terrible what it seems Cadance is being submitted to by Shining, no more BBBFF. :twilightoops:

2092990

Well, even in the show, Twilight isn't actually very skillful with magic. She just has a LOT of power behind her spells. IN Boast Busters, I think we see this best. Yeah, she picks up an Ursa, and in Mysterious Mare-Do-Well, she fixes the dam. That means super magic skill right?

well, we see her struggling to learn basic spells. In Boast Busters, she's not even learning high level magic, shes practicing 'tricks'. Telekenisis is something basically everypony has, Twilight just has a pimped version. IN a lot of ways, I think that Rarity is more naturally inclined to magic, because she uses her power on smaller, subtler things. Twilight just gets more credit because she cloppes her hooves and things go crazy.

2093292
It is difficult to gauge what are hard spells or not in the show due to different writers scripting each episode. Cause you see her having issues doing simple spells (i.e. mustaches) but then in the next episode she teleports herself multiple times, teleports Spike, or learns how to travel back in time after a quick glance at one of Star Swirl's spells. I personally like the OP Twilights, but one that has little skill in magic is refreshing even if it does not jive with my head canon.

You can easily change her magical adeptness just by basing her skills of a different episode. This also changes the total variety of magic in the MLP universe, cause when Trixie visits again aging spells become far harder and taxing than ripping apart space-time.

2094793

On that, I have two things to say.

1.) This Twilight is like my headcannon for the show. She has jawdropping amounts of HOLYSHITMAGICSCARYHELPME power. Her difficulty is more in the fact that she has a hard time actually learning the spells. Again, in the show. It takes her forEVER to learn a new spell (i.e. mustaches), but if she already knows the spell, she can use it easily (Teleportation). Twilight is the same way in this, she just doesn't know as many spells.

2.) You do know that aging spells make it actually viable for Star Swirl the Bearded to show up in the cannon yeah? After all, only the most powerful unicorns can use that level of magic. I so want to write one where Twilight bumbs into Star Swirl and he takes her on as his apprentice to keep her from spilling the beans.

2095649
How do you explain the time travel spell though? (Other then just ignoring it, the show does that episode to episode.)

2096641

Well, to fit that into my line of reasoning, the spell wouldn't really be technically complex. Actually, its not much different from a teleportation spell in effect. She's just adding a temporal element as well as a spatial one. Add to that the fact that it is a spell that you can only use once, and I would guess that it's just once again her raw power coming into effect.

Not the best argument, but I don't want to get into why inverted temporal displacement would be both an energy and chronological disaster, usually people get bored pretty quick.

209707
Oh, I never get bored of science. I also like arguments and seeing how people reasonably (or falsely) come to their conclusions. I would think temporal displacement would be difficult itself. Seeing as if it was easy you would have unicorns blinking about and a greater understanding of history.

Are you going to write more of this story? Pretty please:unsuresweetie:?

2093292 In boast busters Twilight is discussing magic with Spike and she says that most unicorn's can only use telekinesis and one or two spells related to their cutie mark. I really dislike it when authors portray her as having tons of power but no skill, she spends all her time studying! She must have some skill! I guess i can see her magic being underdeveloped in this universe without Celestia's mentorship though.

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also reply to this when you update this story I dont start stories that havent been updated in awhile until an update:twilightsmile:

Pssst. Hey, you. Yeah, you, the one with the awesome story premise.

:trixieshiftleft:

:trixieshiftright:

You should continue this.

So yeah, this is great. I realize this isn't marked as on Hiatus or anything, but I gotta ask anyway - will it be continued? Not to rush you or anything, was just wondering what your intent was, if that makes sense.

Yes, it is. However, I accidentally deleted everything pony related in my google docs folder, so I am working it from the ground up. I also have two other stories that are taking precedence over Dash and Twi. However, I am working on it, and it should be out in a relatively short time.

WRITE MORE PLZ, PRETTY PLZ, PRETTY PLZ WITH A PINKIE PIE ON TOP?:rainbowkiss::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

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First of all, I am. This story always has, and always will, take a backseat to the other story I am writing, but I am working on it.

Secondly. Pinkie? Ew.

Now maybe with Rarity...

If this were to become a TwiDash, it would be everything I have ever wanted.

2607755
I think 91 weeks can safely be qualified as not shortly.

Oh, this is impressive. You've established an amazing world in only a single chapter. I'm hooked.

I'm guessing that broodmares aren't restricted to pegasi/earth ponies, and that Cadance was either made into one, or made into a pleasure slave? Do lower classes of ponies know that unicorns do that to one another, or is that kept secret for the sake of the greater race's image? Interesting that Cadance is actually a sibling, though.

Is Rarity of any relation? Is she technically subordinate to Twilight, or is Twi effectively stripped of any power she might hold over somepony else? It sounds like she's been with Rarity for a long time--when did they meet?

The is probably one she's writing herself, I would think--how many successful hunts has she had up to that point? Yeah, her book is less than half full, but that's still room for quite a lot of words. It's pretty likely that, even if somepony has dissected a Chimera, they haven't done so immediately after it died, or had a second subject Chimera to take apart soon after. I'd like to learn what Rainbow Dash would think of that, or perhaps of her hopefully-to-be-soon-expressed competence.

And what Twilight thinks of her illiteracy. It might be a bit much to expect Twilight to support equal rights (although I hope she judges other ponies by their own merits--she's certainly been given an excellent example that unicorns can be giant dicks), but I figure that she would still dislike ignorance.

Are Chimera so tough that a big blast from Twilight wouldn't, if not kill it, at least knock it back? Or is the "we're dead" vibe of the ending chapter because they are close together and so could both be caught in the breath? How long will it take Dash to figure out (or be told that) Spike is sapient? How did the black sheep of the family get such an amazing creature? And why can't she sleep?

I'm not actually expecting you to answer all of these. Question-asking is just my preferred form of commenting.

this....this is amazing. I wish you would continue this as this sounds like it will be an amazing story.

Comment posted by awsomeone deleted Jul 22nd, 2016

I know the majority of your attention is in Her Mother's Daughter, but do you have any intention of continuing this story?

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