• Member Since 16th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen May 30th

Nadake



T

Twilight loves her. She is the Princess, the beautiful, powerful, kind ruler of Equestria. But when the Princess denies her, Twilight vows to become stronger, to be better. Until one day, she will be so powerful that not even her mentor can ignore her any longer. One day, she would make Celestia love her back.

Chapters (30)
Comments ( 742 )

Dark... But a good story none the less.

I like it.


Cheers.

Continue it. Now.

:rainbowkiss:

Obsessed Twilight is best Twilight. I have a soft spot for Twilestia shipping, though I doubt that this will end pleasantly. Still, favorited.

good start to the story , i'd like to see more please

cool story........brony
i realy like to see more of this

love it:pinkiehappy:

So Twilight's going to... make Celestia LOVE HER?! :flutterrage:

Wow, I'm interested in where this will go. I really like the idea, but at the same time....I'm not sure...I'll just have to see where it goes.

BR

Sweet Jesus.
Dis gon b gud!

I like to see more from this story. it had potential to be a good story. All you had to do now is to add more feeling in the story and nothing can stop you. plzz describe a bit more. like why twilight was agry with her friends or like that. did not see grammar issurs but I'm from Norway:twilightblush:. Hope you can hold the moment to the next chapter. Try to tell a bit more than you do. not just the minimum but like a picture. you needed to discribe a picture in a good way. kind of a metafore I know. but use of metafores kind of increase the story as hole. any way good writing.

:twilightoops: Bronies, they come from the woodwork.Now we just need to perfect virtual reality, and we could be happy FOREVER!

461281
This was mostly based on my mild annoyance with the concept of Twilight going ADscent. And my more than mild obsession with Twilestia :twilightblush: And the end depends on your outlook. But yeah, probably not the ending you are thinking. Or are you?

No to follow the advice of God. :scootangel:

Hugs and Kisses.:duck:

This story concept has a lot of potential and you've delivered the first portion exceedingly well. I've got goose bumps thinking about all the routes you can go with this, and just how fun it'll be to read if all the chapters are the same or better quality as this one here. Bravo sir, you have my thumb and my interest. I eagerly await your next update. :ajsmug:

461544

Thankies. :pinkiesmile: That said, if you have any suggestions, i would love to hear them. I know some/most of the major plot points, but I would love to add more. :twilightsheepish:

Hugs and kisses

doesn't make sense in an OOc way.

461591

What struck you as particularly OOC? Or was it just the basal mindset of Twilight?

461610
yea, that. That's basically it, did you purposely change Twilight purely for the story to happen?

461551

I really enjoyed this first chapter but I have a suggestion. Please change the way you write when Twilight is thinking to set it aside from the narration. It's a liitle confusing and in an unessacary way at that. But besides that I really liked it keep it coming.

......

Oh my gosh.


You are an incredible writer, and even though I despise Twilestia shipping, this sent shivers down my spine. I sincerely hope you continue this story. Considering how popular it is from the start, I suspect this could have a chance at being featured on EQD. I noticed no errors of any kind. Do you have a proofreader,or are you just that good? I'm keeping my eye on this. Best of luck to you.

Hell yeah, I love stories were Twilight serves Celestia. Or rages.

Who drew that picture...god it's phenomenal.

461952

I have no idea, I found it Celestia knows where. And immediately made it my iPod background. :scootangel:

An excellent find if i do say so.

461952 462036

The artist is LimreiArt, this is the piece on her gallery: http://limreiart.deviantart.com/art/Innocence-281281931

She's got some very nice pony art up there.

462061 I second this motion

462385

I could kiss you. MWAH. :duck:

Thanks lovie! :twilightsmile:

sweet, thanks for the info

462424

I wrote that before I read the chapter. For shame :facehoof:

Anyway, now that I'm done, I must say that this is a very nice start. It's a theme I've seen several times before, but it's also one of my favorites and I'll definitely be keeping track of this story.

As for suggestions, you might want to give us some sort of visual cue (like italics) when we're reading direct thoughts and not the usual narrative. For example, in this part: "Yes Princess, She thought, venom laced through every mental syllable. I was a failure, wasn’t I. I never lived up to your wishes, you expectations."

I also think I saw you confuse "shown" and "shone" a couple of times there.

Aside from that, wonderful job :twilightsmile: I hope to read more soon.

462583

WHAT!!! *rereads* NO!!!!!!! Curse you synonyms. Thank you for the shown/shone bit. :fluttercry: I fell so ashamed.

That said, yeah, I will fix the thoughts as soon as I figure out how to edit it. :ajsleepy:

Thanks again,

Hugs and Kisses

462641

Wow, okay, that was easy to edit.

But even that even that power wasn’t enough to capture your attention.

^ you repeated "even that", very minor but it can utterly throw one for a loop when reading.

Otherwise, I like the concept and it seems like this will be a fun read. Once again i curse you fanfic writers for keeping me from my own story.

Good story, I like it :twilightsmile:

Really liked this story; even if towards the end it did get a tiny bit dark for my liking...
But yeah, can't wait for it to be continued, nonetheless.:twilightsmile:

This is awesome, I don't think I have to say this.

Really?

KEEP GOING! :heart:

World adomination plox.

469907

Say what?:rainbowhuh:

World Domination Plot?

469935
You know, evil Twilight, murdering everyone?

469939

I was just confused as to what you were saying.:twilightblush:

And maybe, but maybe not.

It's weird, I'm not sure if I would enjoy Twilight going nuts and killing everyone or just...being mega depressed. I think I'll enjoy finding out though.

heck idc if twilight kills everyone trys to or just gets sad im wierd to the point i dont care what happpens to my favrite pony as long as she lasts till the end:twilightsheepish: im a evil bastard wonderful:ajsleepy:

469946 or her obtaining immortality. That would be best way to grab Princess attention and as well changing her mind on subject of losing someone that Celestia would give her whole mind, body, heart to mortal who would eventually die in 40 to 70 years from now.

I'm hoping this goes to a sort of thing where Twilight goes a little crazy, but winds up doing something awesome like becoming an Alicorn or extending her life to get Celestia...but of course this could turn into a war...

469939

What about evil Twilight not murdering everyone but still dominationsing the worldage?:twilightsmile:

476762

Spoilers or not, I will say this much. Twilight will not, ever Ascend. Most, not all, but most, Ascention tics are horribly written. More than that though, it is a cheap way to avoid the fact that by their very natures, one will live on while the other dies. And as for what she will do... :twilightsmile: chapter three ins being edited now, and should be up tonight. Would have been up this morning, but I've been stuck with screaming children all day. Fun fun fun.:raritycry:

Hugs and kisses :duck:

479948 I agree most are terribly written, I've probably overdone it myself with like 4 or 5 fics...but I like the idea, and I know the feel of chapter tardiness...it'll happen when you have over 8 fics in progress...

479973

Well I actually have my computer now, so it shall be up in about an hour. But first ROYAL WEDDING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry::raritystarry:

Twilight is feeling a bit cruel, I see. Ignoring Luna like that. I hope that she will move past this eventually. Good chapter. You nailed Rarity's personality spot on. That little episode does sound like something that she would do. Looking forward to more.

I like that you're keeping the Angry Twilight in this story, and I hope to see more of her. That's really all I have to say.

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