• Member Since 10th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

the frank


T

You don't know how far you are willing to go for your one true love until you have tried. Some never do. And some will go much further than they could ever imagine.

Entry in Oroboro's Sunset Shipping Contest: Journeys.

Edited by the Weasel. Valuable input provided by Josef K. and Somefrogmillionaire. Cover is made by the awesome Mustlovefrogs.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

That was interesting, pretty complex for a short one shot.

Definitely a really interesting concept. And living out the whole cycle this time instead of rushing to reset was an interesting choice. Though I wouldn't have chosen my stop to live out a full life in post-war Germany Holsteinland with a record of being in the axis army.

If the story had a flaw, it was that it seemed to take the character's motivations too much for granted. Trixie was more a plot device than a character, for example, and it didn't seem that Starlight or Sunset had anything really tying them to this cycle beyond each other. It's not that I couldn't understand why they might decide that, but it could have used more attention than the mystery.

Still, definitely enjoyed it. And the image of Sunset and Starlight incarnated as beavers is completely hilarious.

Ri2

So, how many cycles until they finally beat the shit out of Trixie and end this?

9122609
Thank you! I'm glad to hear that!
9122683
Thank you for your kind words and lenghty comment! I can't deny the flaws you are pointing out, I am a sentimentalist at heart and kinda felt that true love is strong enough, but I agree, there is space for development. Also, beavers are underrated.
9122844
Three or four. They want to see the wild west as well.

Ri2

9124017
That's fair. So, what, one of them's a cowboy and the other's a damn dirty outlaw? Or maybe an Injun savage, to quote the native parlance?

9124019
The messier the better... They wanted the classic cowboy vs.outlaw, that much I know.

A fascinating concept, though it could've used another editing pass or two. Please keep every speaker in their own paragraph. (And really, who thought it was a good idea to just sit there and let Trixie recite that incantation?)

That aside, again, a wonderful take on the prompt. Best of luck in the judging.

9155929
Thanks. About new paragraphs, apparently opinions differ about that but I can fix that, no problem.

And about the other thing, Yes, but then there would be no story so... perhaps they didn’t see Trixie as a treat?

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Damn, this was really ambitious, and I think you came up with something really original. I would read more of this, though I agree that it needs better editing.

9280529
Wow, thanks! I'm glad you like it and... I must admit, I am a bit proud coming up with the setting... So it feels preety good to get praise for it I must admit. Thanks again.
About the editing, I'm sorry. I do have an editor and we always think we do our best but... always room for improvement i guess. :)

9156295
But seeing the Great and Powerful Trixie is always a treat! :trixieshiftright:

This is quite the story. Have a :moustache:.

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