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4 years after the fight of his life, Gohan repairs a strange device, being absorbed by it and sent to the kingdom of Equestria. Now with a new life, Gohan discovers in this world something that he never hope to find: "Friendship" and "love". Join the half saiyan in this incredible adventure while discovering who he really is. The adventure begins ... now!
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Hmm.... Not bad.
8955460
Thanks for the support
This is actually pretty good. I can imagine this Gohan being a mix of his canon and abridged selves.
8955514
I'm glad you liked it
Turned into a pony, no thanks.
Good luck, and I hope you have fun writing the story.
It's a really nice idea, and the setup is pretty ok minus a few things.
Particle accelerator being supercharged creating a wormhole/portal, I like it.
Ambient magic in Equestria changing his form, pretty ok, though the explination was a bit lacking.
Gohan temporarily loosing his powers, believable, but, again, the explination was a bit lacking, even directly saying that its to make him not-over powered/unbalanced.
And celestia, why would she put Gohan, a guy she just met, on the same task of doing the SSCel with her prized student? Yes she probably knows everything about him due to the mind reading (I think she went too far with that, but it's a good detail to keep for a not-all-good celestia), but how does she know about his "destiny" and what he's supposed to do? She is throwing me off a bit, but I'd like to see what you do with her in the future, it could be interesting.
And now for my last question, what language are you translating from? It's pretty clear this wasn't written in english, so some characterization I talked about earlier could have been lost in translation.
Overall, it's a pretty good story so far and it has a lot of potential, let's see where you take this.
i'll take a look in the morning. :D
Nice concept, but you write like a noob. I could barely follow the story in some parts because of how jumbled the pronouns were getting and some places where entire sentences just dropped off without any meaning.
This is a interesting story so far, can't wait to see where it goes.
8955781
Sorry about that. I will rewrite completely the next chapter, because I have it in spanish .
8955683
Thank you for your amazing review and to answer your questions:
- Celestia sent Gohan with Twilight because she saw the opportunity to teach more things about the friendship to Gohan and for other reasons ... I will explain that in the future
-And for the second question: yes, my native language is the Spanish and I know
I made a mistake trusting in the Google translator.
I will rewrite the next chapter, but dont worry about the writing. I have studied English for a long time.
Well, I'll finish the next chapter soon. Thank you for reading
8955829
Thanks for your support
8955937
Nice, I've heard good things about grammarly, maybe run the chapter through that once or twice so it can help spot some things you might miss. Maybe a google translate + grammarly pass would help? I've never used it myself though, but it's something to try I guess.
8955952
I will keep your advice in mind, thanks
8955941
I see this story having potential in the future. Would you like an editor since I can tell English is not your first language.
I can spend a little on it making those curections for you if you like. Privet message me if your intrested.
Nice one but if my memory does not fail me, i think there's magic in the DB universe, just a little detail jejeje
You have my attention. This is interesting so far.
You better not go around deleting all the comments........
Interesting intro....
I really dont like it when they start off knowing everything about the main characted at the very start..... but thats just me.
8957437
Dont worry, the drama is more interesting and profound than you think.
Please tell me that's Spike will get some sort of powers or do something amazing that don't let him look like a sidekick
8957578
of course, don't worry about that. I have some ideas.
8957724
good luck
That's great!
Why does the summary say Gohan never hoped to find love or friendship?
8967761
Well, How many possibilities do you have to land in a dimension with beings that give you a home and love?
that's why the summary says: He never hope to find.
8968289
Got it. It wasn't clear to me that you meant finding them in that dimension, and I was confused because Gohan definitely has friends and loved ones.
8968315
No problem, if you have another question, let me know.
8968348
Ok, got it.
8968289
Still, you should clarify so people won't get confused.
8981992
Well, the story takes place after the cell games arc and before boo arc, , it is not within a specific arc.
I can't wait too see the next chapter. And by the way is his friends from back home realized he in equestria and Bulma will make a portal for him or will Celestia do it. I'm just curious. And I hope we see the ponies go to Gohan place where he lives.
8983229
Thank you very much for your support, I am working on the chapter at this time and I will upload it very soon and about Gohan's friends, only those who have the ability to feel the ki noticed the disappearance of the half saiyan. But that part of the story I'll tell y'all later.
stronk start.
ME WANTS MORE!
This is off to a interesting start. Will it be continued?
8955937
Is this story still going?
9106822
Of course it will continue and I'm really sorry for not constantly updating, but I have not had much time. I've been very busy looking for a place to study my career, but now everything is fine, I found a place and I can update more often. By the way, I will study animation, I really love drawing and creating new things, so while this story grows I will do it too.
9108619
Ok good luck with you're career!😁
9108619
Whoa! You're gonna study animation. So you're gonna be an animation person. That really cool!
9108680
And not gonna lie I can see gohan and twilight as a ship because of their personalities.
So far, I don't notice any grammar errors, but I did notice that some of your phrases are in Spanish. Are you an ESL writer, by any chance?
Story still good despite the grammar. Look into getting a editor to help you translate your writhing into English. Can't wait to see what you have next.
9189843
Im sorry for that, I will try to avoid those little mistakes in the next chapter.
I take it Starlight will either be brought in early, you plan to go through the whole show with Gohan, or you're going to be doing time skips.
which gohan is this, child one, old one, one hand one who died in the future cause truck to go back in time, the teenage one in high school who like dress up.....
9190789
I plan to do it very varied, there will be time jumps and at the same time very close chapters, but everything will be mentioned in the chapter.
9191379
He is teen gohan, exactly 4 years after the battle with cell, it is not within a specific arc.
Color me intrigued. This could be interesting.
NOOOOOOOOOO