When a pony has a talent in their skill, word about them gets around. Backdrop is a stallion who has been admired for his skill in painting. When a guard from Canterlot Castle comes to tell him he has been requested by Princess Luna, Backdrop snatched the opportunity right up.
But as he entered Luna's room, Backdrop was given one proposition he was not ready for. And it may poison a relationship he had built over the last three years with another mare.
This story is participating in the Two-Faced Charade contest.
A special thanks to Bodzio and two anonymous readers for proof-reading and talking to me about this story. You three helped out a lot :3
Chapters (5)
This is a wonderfully written story and I am only half way in! Follow your dreams my friend!
good luck, fellow participant
No offense meant, but this kind of story isn't my cup of tea.
8764529 I’m not offended by that. We all have preferences. :3
You had me holding my breath that last chapter, I hope that you do well in the contest because I love your writing style and I think you've done a splendid job. I've never read a story on this particular topic so the experience was very enjoyable.
8764566
Thanks!
I enjoy your reason for bat ponies. Maybe you can elaborate on Thestral’s life in a future story. Also, Good Luck!
8764654 This was my first swing at an origin of where a race came from. And based on your words, the birth of the first thestral seems lagitimate enough to work.
8764679
Hey, You know what they say, The Human Race Started Somewhere, Am I right?
Can't wait to read it!
8764918 I hope your enthusiasm isn't disappointed :3
8764475 Same goes to you as well.
8764571 I am glad the story was to your liking. And it means a lot to hear you say you like my writing style. Sometimes I look at what I typed and ask myself, "Does this suck!?" D:
I guess I don't
I could see this venturing into herding. I definitely liked it.
8764679
In time, origins can be reformed a million times, but personal opinion takes top. Good luck with this idea. I hope it flourishes.
8794646 I do want to return to this idea. But I got to finish my other ideas that have come before first D:
8794652
I wait, then, to see what is next.
8794656 I do appriciate the follow :3
To be honest, I know exactly what I want to write. However, like I said, I need to clear out a lot of tasks I have ahead of me. Time will tell.
8810332 At least you were willing to write a summery of a review, so I will count it as a review. :3
Despite my smile in the previous sentence, recieving a more negative-centered review is usually not what a writer wants to read, but I can understand why you would tell me with your own words why you were not pleased with my words. I can understand what you are referring to for a few of your issues. However, you need to be specific instead of just telling me what you find improper.
What makes the other characters flat, verses Luna who, in your opinion, is the only well-designed character? Telling me that the others where flat and give nothing else to explain why, does not explain much other than, "I liked Luna, but no one else" (not your exact quote, but what you are trying to say). Because of this, I see no reason why I should be concerned for my character design until you give me a reason.
As for the length, yes, I was very well aware from the beginning that this story would succeed or fail because of its much shorter length. The Two-Faced Charade was a test to see how much sense I can make out of a story within a word limit. All of the characters, aside from Starswirl, were esentially new characters given their own struggles, likes, dislikes, ect. Not to mention, the setting was 1000 years ago from the current setting of the show. What made my story such a challenge was me not relying on present show cannon, and instead, and as said before, had to add my own headcannon with new characters and characteristics. You are absolutly correct that this story could have been so much more if it were 30k words, no doubt. The success and knowledge of this story would be more known if that was the case.
Now the ending. This is honestly what got me fourth place in the contest, and for good reason and understanding. But as said in the second paragraph of this response, what about the ending? Was it the final scene? White Pillar's immidiate forgiveness? Both? I need specifics. In the document that held the review for this story explained why the ending to the judges gave it the score Collaboration recieved. And I know exactly why my story failed to place; I did not explain specifics as to what happened to Backdrop between the time Backdrop impregnated Luna to the birth of his son. Because of time constraints, I missed out on adding that detail. And I do plan on adding a final chapter regarding to his past.
As to grammar and formatting, yes, I do need to work on. But keep in mind that FimFiction is fan fiction, not professional writing. I have seen a lot of very popular stories that have not-so-good grammar, but tell a convincing story. Besides, not everyone can have an expert proof-reader. And if you want to help a writer improve, tell them where most of the errors are. Telling me one out of the many you found does not help me; it only tells me that my grammar is bad and nothing else.
The only thing I don't agree with to any degree is your suggestion of a third-person narrative. That is a preference. Besides, the contest was specifically designed to be in the eyes of the cheater. If I didn't have that contraint, then more could have been explained in third-person.
I do thank you for your words in an attempt to point out what I did wrong and what could have made the story more successful. But a summary of your critisisms does not help much other than point out issues other readers might have. If you are worried about taking too much space in the comment section, do two things: either write a blog about it and link me to it, or look at how long my responce to your opinion is. I don't care how long a review is in my comment section is.
I just gave you an in-depth responce to your own words, agreeing and disagreeing with what was said. Give me a reason to understand your displeasure. And if it helps to maybe change your opinion of this story somewhat, I plan on adding a final chapter to explain missed details that should have been there from the beginning.
Keep on reading.
This was a pretty nice story and I enjoyed it.
10527695 Thanks for reading this hidden story of mine :3