• Member Since 10th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Tuesday

MrWriterWriter


If anyone recognizes me from Fanfiction.net, Hey guys! It's me.

Comments ( 118 )

Were you inspired by my Island story?

Aaaaaaaand here we go! *Jumps in*

8636123
not really, it was mostly tatsurou's suggestion.

Ahh, some good, kinky and sexy fun. This should be good.

Starting off strong my friend!
Looking forward to this.

Oh I'm liking this so far.

as much as I REALLY love the idea of the fic, I just gotta say that it doesn't really seem like they've changed at all from the last fic... Sure, they're treating him differently from how he described it, but is treating him like some nameless hunk really much better? I mean, in the first fic, he had relations with Tempest because he CONNECTED with her, while, here, it doesn't seem like he knows any of them more than just acquaintances.

My suggestion: Put them in their place; make them realize that they will NEVER get him by lusting after him, but they CAN be with him by BONDING with him.

8636275
I can't help but agree with this. Make them earn it. Also while I appreciate that you have kept their Brest size to a resanable level (so far). I was questioning the various girls attire. Skin tight clothing is not comfortable and at sleepovers, at least in my experience, comfortable sleep attire is usually what you're aiming for.... unless they all planned to be taking it all off anyway.

Either way I like what I'm reading so far, keep it up.

YES SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8636275
8636515

Well, that makes three, because I'm also of the feeling that the Mane 6 really have a tough go at it to attempt winning Spike's trust again, especially after what happened in the first one... They really have to earn it. Maybe not fire and brimstone (would be aprops since it's about Tempest and Spike) but the girls need to take a walk in Spike's scales or Tempest's suit--metaphorically of course...

Spike opened up to Tempest with his feelings Tempest opened up to him, which is a hell of a lot more than what of the others have done...I have to wonder how Starlight handles things with this as well.

...Off topic, I surprisingly think that Starlights's gonna go after Spike--well not in the same way that I'm assuming Twilight and the gang's gonna do to try to get Spike's forgiveness...IT's gonna be interesting at least...

8636275
8636515
8636742
I agree with all three of you. The six need to be told off again. Treating him like a piece of meat is almost worse than ignoring him. They’re paying the wrong kind of attention.
I am loving the story so far even with the small criticism. I personally would love to see Starlight get involved with Tempest and Spike in a similar way to how Spike got involved with Tempest. It doesn’t have to include sex. Just bonding through conversation alone would be great. I know this is your story and you may already have plans, but I just thought I throw that idea out there.

Twilight snapped her head towards the pegasus, "WHA-!? Nopony told me it was Strip Poker! I thought we just trying to get him to look at us right now!"

Cadance: My kinky radar is buzzing!

8636275
I have to agree. This is showing their is a attraction for him but not showing much else. We will need to see during the trip that they each notice their own faults in their handling of their relationship with Spike and want to improve on it. I think even making some of them fall back into their unfortunate habits during this sleepover will show that as they are trying things aren't perfect yet. We can see the offender beat herself up for her mistake and it would show just how much they are trying but even then it isn't a overnight fix. It will mean so much more and make the moment when he really have a heart to heart with each girl more powerful and let us see their is a foundation being built between each of them that can really become something. I hope honestly that Pinkie is the plumpest of them all she SOO need to be a bbw type of woman to make the body types as diverse as we can get them between the girls.

8636275

8636515

8636742

8636862

8636877
They are all correct. Let the feels be heard and make them earn his love. Honestly, the only one's who should have the easiest time at that should be, Starlight and Trixie. The rest can sit and drool. At least until much later in the story!::trollestia:

Other than that, great job. This chapter felt like you were testing the water anyway to see where to go. Hoping for more greatest in the future chapters and thanks for the sequel.:moustache:

I liked the first story and I'm enjoying the second, but fuck that ridiculous mid-scenario cliffhanger. Name a single person who likes that crap and I will show you a bold-faced liar!

I was hoping for a sequel. And so far I am enjoying it. :moustache:

Please tell me Dash is small in the chest department

If Spike had wings.....

8639081
Hopefully not. Flat-chested women aren’t women at all.

8640464
You realize any women who are actually like that are going to get mad at you for saying that, right?

Wait what just happened? You were in the middle of the party that was just getting to the good part and suddenly the story skips it? Did you forget to post the second chapter or something because that's what it feels like. This feels like an entirely different story. In fact the first chapter could be the start of the 2nd story and this feels more like the start of a 3rd story. It's really jarring and doesn't flow well when you suddenly jump ahead like this. Personally I'd rather you took your time to finish off what happened after chapter 1 than this as this chapter was a big let down to me.

Thank Celly for more of this story!!

8645886

Agreed. It does ruin momentum.

What's the island's name?

Awww, I wanted to see more of their game of Truth or Dare.

8645886
That's pretty much where i'd planned to end it to start with. It was really mostly just a prologue of sorts than anything and to show that they're making the effort to include him.

I'm really enjoying this story. I like these characters and how they're being portrayed. I hope the author keeps on with this one for a good while.

8646096
How about Shadow Dragon?

8645886
Agreed... I was momentarily bit confused. First they are doing party-game's, the next chapter they are choosing vacation spot...

8646111
Doesn't quite fit with the idea of an island resort.

Shouldn't this be prologue instead?

8646095
It doesn't work though, it really feels like there are missing chapters because of this. In fact you could place the first chapter later on in the story as they are on the island for better flow. I think everyone would have preferred you actually finish that first part before going on to this to make the story work better. It's kind of a mess now with chapter 2 being all out of place.

Guess I'm the only one that doesn't really mind the jump.

8639488

Bit of a spoiler, but it's quite ironic when you made that comment...:raritywink:

8642202
Flat is Justice! There is a certain appeal with flat chested women.

Ok I can’t wait to read this I think when I saw this I cried idk because i was also yawning but yeah imma read this now

Glad to see that this is continuing, can’t wait for more.

8646095
I don't want to come off as rude, but I don't think that was a great decision. Regardless, I enjoyed reading the first chapter, and the last story, and I cannot wait to read more :twilightsmile:

8646400
^^^^ This

8658741
I honestly prefer my girls to be top heavy and bouncy.

8700367
Well yes. Big is good too, of course...

I absolutely loved the first story, so I'm really excited to see how this one turns out.

Login or register to comment