Sparky234
Joined 27th Aug, 2017 ·
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great start to the story. love to see what comes next.
good story. It has a great start but I thing you should proof read and edit come of the grammer. other then that thumps up.👍
Good job Doraemon . I hope you doing better . 👍
I like it. Tracking this.
This story needs a lot more work. I’d recommend taking it down for a month or two and get a solid story and structure before you post something that isn’t up to “standards?
” in quality.
I like almost everything about this story especially him being overpowered but what I don't like is that he has to many weapons I could understand a few but this is just to many other than that this is awesome
Is it a requisite that the author's stand-in be a dull Mary Sue?
A few things I take issue with here:
- The MC's parents die at a young age. Huge cliché right there.
- 'Crossed over' with way too many things. Writing a crossover is hard enough with just one franchise. What you're trying to do is woefully ambitious, even for an experienced author.
- MC knocks out three guys all by himself, without even taking a single hit.
Poor justification.
Then there's the grammar, spelling, and run on sentence issues. I recommend you get an editor. Also, while you're at it, google "writing clichés" and do some research. Your readers will appreciate it, and providing you implement a few changes, your story rating will benefit.
Edit: So, I just looked at the second chapter... All I can say is: Who the hell approved this story? I honestly hope you're trolling.
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Relevant video:
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I always laugh when I see schlock like that. "Some self-defense courses"
The author's obviously never been in a fight outside his video games.
If you guys don't like this story then you don't have to read it.
Leaving comments on what mistakes (grammer error, punctuation error, etc) is ok. But I myself actually like this story and I'm sure others do too. Author, don't let others tell you what to do, other than say you accidentally made a typo. I like this story despite the cliché senario. Keep on writing!
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Same here
I already by this point read the 2 chapters and 3 words about them:
TIGHT!!!!
SWAG!!!!
YOLO!!!!!
Hmm. Wings with 1 side black and the other white?
I have to wonder, was that meant to be Infamous reference?
To much Marvel. Should just stuck with magic.
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question. You do understand that everybody knows that's your sockpuppet account, right?
EPIC SONG!!!!!
ALRIGHT, I'll just wait patiently till the next chapter.
EDIT: Great chapter. Keep up the epic work, boi.
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I'm not entirely sure I understand what you mean, but I posted those comments myself
EDIT: My comments.
I like the story so far but you gave him so much powers mary sue/garystueish. And I got cobfused with all the different powers except a few like the dtecter and fairy tail and pokemon
Oh shit...
Finally new chapter . I hope use grey matter build stuff or crafting anything or make anything even Ironman suit . That means all the world Eques future will changed because not much technology any place .
when's next chapter? i love to see more of this!
But what about his sister Maya
I'm a hard time keeping up with this they're just too much going on a bit of constructive criticism here tone down on the powers what I would do is take some of those abilities split them into separate stories with different characters you got too many in one character spread them out more characters with different abilities not all the abilities in one character
Is this a crack fic?
ugh my head hurts
he already has magic from fairy tail right? so wats the point of getting magic from faust?
how is he so calm when he left his sister along with his grandparents (obvious old people might already die anytime soon)?
there are a lot of stuff here in lesser or in greater aspect of the abilities, skills and items he got you could round them up or remove some lesser abilities and redundant items.
im getting vibes of a similar FIC in here, its like its being forcefully trying to integrate that story into yours or vice versa and ur scrambling to FIT all the oh so GOOD things into this and its already overflowing.....not good bruh not good....
the concept the story is good it needs a bit of tweaking in the character creation and design he has LITERALLY TOO MUCH items and abilities.
its still good though~!
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heheheheh!
but in all honesty it still has potential it just needs a bit more work on the character creation.
...This dude will be OP as fuck
Love the story and plot but too many powers make my head ache, but otherwise it's pretty good.
Me like. Me want more.
Awesome build of a story start but should have put a cap on power until later on for bigger bosses. But your story your rules and I respect that and I like your story so far it makes sense, well except for the spelling sometimes that ungodly stuff gets to me or repeats. but I can handle it if you need some one to help with spell checking I'd be willing to help or try to help.
Suggestion: Since people don't like overpowered-ness, you could do something what the author did in Don't get cocky, by having the character create power limiters whilst getting stronger. That is if you decide you would like to appease those who are complaining about that.
I'm lovin this fic and i need more to read please
When is the next chapter
well shit..... this guy is fucking lucky
Yep.... he's too OP
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Agree
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Eh. Some like OP characters like Dante, Bayonetta, Kratos, Kirby, Sephiroph (I think that's how his name is spelled), Zoro, etc.
And 1 of those who like OP characters is me.
Whens the next chapter?
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but isn't it a guy? I thought mary sue was for a girl.
Hey I like the story so far but I can't wait for the new chapters been over a year and I hope you get on the next Story 2 until then good luck and I might favor the story.
I won't say you're a bad writer but this is just unrealistically ridiculous.
Dam this guys is hella OP
I'm liking the new chapter. keep up with the good work and ask for help if needed...
Awesome new chapter man I look forwards to reading another new one!
Well, the godly overpowered healing spell than can cure anything was the final straw for me. I tried, but this story isn't for me.
So hes an alicorn in human form?
I like what you are doing, keep it up.
I smell a harem