• Member Since 26th Nov, 2017
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Zwillingen700


Even the smallest idea can become a great story

Comments ( 1541 )

....I suppose this alicorn is gonna be OP as well? And why an alicorn?

8789928
Because i haven't read any human as anthro alicorn stories yet and every cool character i know already has like a dozent fanfics, plus i wanted to have this story to be just ' inspired ' by don't get cocky and the only thing i didn't like of that fanfic was the whole cross species romance going on. The last thing i also would like to mention is that the protagonist is more of a therestial at the moment and i doubt a unicorn could be considered ' op ' , but a pegasi, eath ponies or therestials don't have magic so yeah that's the reason, but the part of him beeing an alicorn will be next to not important in this story.

8789966
A unicorn not being op? Tell that to Before Ascension Twilight who was capable of casting and/or learning any spell. Also, the reason why I asked about why you chose alicorn, is that Alicorn OCs have gotten a bad rap over the years, thus your story may get dislikes because of that fact. Btw, the thing about being OP, is that it prevents the character from experiencing conflicts and struggle, to easily gain powers without effort or learning how the powers work.

Btw, there is something you shoulder consider putting into your description; the status of cross-overs, will there be any? Or will the story focus only on the main character? Whichever choice you choose, you'd best approach it with caution. I mean cross-overs make and or break the main story depending on how you handle it. There are fans of the displaced group who dislike cross-overs.

8789982
I shall consider your tips.
1. Yes before Ascension twilight was op i give you that.
2.I don't think people should judge a story just because of one detail besides there are a few writers who tried the whole alicorn oc thing in their stories and succeeded thus putting alicorn oc's a better light and i knew that people aren't really ok with oc alicorns, but i am willing to take the risk.
3. There is a difference between using his full power to blow up everything and use as much power as you need and i can assure you that the protagonist will use his power on behalf for several reasons that i want to mention in future chapters.
4. I am still thinking about the crossover thing, but i think that if i put it in it would be something to fill up a time before something in the mlp timeline happens and not a fundamental piece of the story.
5.Will this story be completely focused on the main character? No, it won't i plan to make a few chapters about darkness and maybe the back stories about a few characters who's past isn't explained a lot in the mlp tv series or comics or add a few thinks i don't know yet.

Thanks for the tips btw

8790054
No problem, I'm sometimes willing to help a fellow Displaced. ^^

This is a good story so far and I can't wait to read more of it. :pinkiehappy:

Love the story so far you changed it from the original inspiration unlike some people by quite a bit good job you've done well๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ

I beg you please make more this story is glories

8790538
Sure i already have plans for the next 3 chapters and in a few days i have two full weeks of holidays in wich i will crank up the production of the chapters and thanks for the feedback :3

I wish he always carry weapon called Lasso of truth from Wonder Women no pony believe or trust him . I'm not sure is good idea or bad .๐Ÿค”

https://youtu.be/tie_LSOPUaU?t=37



*pukes rainbows due to how awesome it was*
0:37 - 0:40

*sigh*

...

...

Right. First things first, get a beta or a good spelling/grammar checker. I didn't even get a quarter of the way through the first chapter before I had to stop.

On the other hand, even the small part I read is very good. The problem is, as I said, spelling and grammar issues. If you fix those, then the story will flow in a much smoother fashion.

I will track the story and check in every so often to see if the errors are fixed. Do this right and you will gain not just my favorite, but also those of my various friends who I will share it with.

Sincerely,
Gundamexia34

8791284
Yeah you see i am writting this on a ps4, because i don't have my own pc and it sometimes has problems with the auto correction

8791311
...And you did this with a controller or a keyboard?

8791516
With a controller. believe it or not, i writte faster with it than with a keyboard, but longer writting session's can hurt a bit.

8791525
And painful... That's one of the reasons i am not making everything perfect when i first release them so i just fix most error's the next day like i did in chapter five, because otherwise my thumb breaks off and since this is a playstion that was not made for Internet browsers i had to rewrite around a 1000 words and look for a few pictures again in the end because the playstion crashed like 3 times. that is pain

8791591
Maybe in the future, but i first want to continue the story on my own a bit.

8791747
Very well, see you in two years when i wrote a chapters with good grammar.
Just kidding i will try to not rush the chapters. I only ' rushed ' the last chapters because i wanted tips for improvements that i now have and not write 30k words and no one would like it.

8791767
Oh Don't You Dare take two years! ha ha ha.

TOOO OP! Sorry but i really dont like those who start off godlike without a single shred of sacrifice. He may have a troubled past but what did he truly do to earn it? Im not saying i hate it i just feel he got too much right of the bat. Equestrian Honor Guard series had the character earn it. many others did too so i just feel he could've had less at the start and gain all the others through seperate trials

8791835
Isn't that what most displaced stories are about? Like gaining the powers of someone who worked entire life times to become powerful and a random guy pays the merchant a few bucks ?

8791855
Well not every time. Some just buy one thing and stik with that like el mercenario y assassin or however its spelt. Two people with one main ability each. In a world of reindhsip what is the point of friends when they cannot provide anything you may need, Pure emotional support? maybe but i hate it when i can not contribute to my friends so with a person who is godlike...why? the only reason i see is he needs an emotional anchor he has no weaknesses

8791868
Just an emotional anchor ? If you have power and no use for it , it's worthless and don't worry i am not planning on making mathael mr godlike and a little spoiler, the next chapter will show a few things were he isn't perfect and there will be things were he will completely suck at so no worry pal , last, but not least he is not unbeatable you would technically just need something that is not magical to kill him or part of him because on a whole yes he is damm op, but if one part falls gg just saying this will be important in 30 or so chapters .

8791855
Well, yes and no. People prefer reading a character who gained the powers, but said-displaced still must gain the experience/knowledge/control over them. For example, my Link displaced, while he had the knowledge of how his equipment worked, he still needed to learn how to use them. He had ten years (seventeen if we go by his current future sequel self) to learn them all. He is still growing stronger with every fight, sparring session, or training alone. However, despite all that, he is still human, he is capable of bleeding and dying. Even he makes stupid mistakes.

8791943
That is right, but don't forget that a advantage can also become a disadvantage and power alone will not achieve victory also i put the adjective's mastered and learned on purpose in chapter 4 he can use them, but how good he is with many of them is something for the future. His power will have it's side effects in the end though, because all of the together are strong, but a few of them build a net of disadvantage's and if one domino falls more will too.

8791971
And of course, we need to see the guy struggle and I'm sure you will show it in the later chapters.

I must say I like this, op, actually trained himself, has a heart but not a Gary Stu, changed it up a nuff to be original but still see similarities,resonable length so it won't take an absurd amount of time to write a chapter, the backstory spiced up and makes me care about the character, and original characters. I look forward to more. :pinkiehappy: :moustache:
As well as hints saying in future chapters he will be shown to be a person and not all powerful or infallible.
:pinkiecrazy:*Demon Screeching*:pinkiecrazy: :rainbowderp:
:pinkiehappy: This might be something I never stop reading.

8791971
8791984
I personally don't mind OP characters as long they are used well, however, the situation is similar to the conundrum that surrounds characters like Superman, Saitama or Ainz. I'm also a fan of using your power in a smart and unexpected way based on already stablished facts, for more information I recommend you read this page here: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HeartIsAnAwesomePower

8791971
8791984
I'm writing Displaced fics about OP characters, however, I gave them a strict set of rules to consolidate their interactions with the MLPverse. On paper they are OP as fuck but I gave them restrictions based on the drawbacks of their powers, which they could find a way around by using their powers with a bit of imagination.

8792063
I meant the bad kind of OP, aka gain it all with no work/effort/struggle/etc, no weakness, no limitions, etc. Like roleplay fighting against a Godmoder.

8792122
Unfortunately, that is the most common kind of OP.

8792155
But I suppose people like that sort of thing.

if you are going to do a legacy story of "Don't Get Cocky" then you have my up vote

love that story. i hope this one will go well to :)

"Matthew i know my time is running short but i want you to never give up, never forget who you truly are". my Mother said with a small smile. " If you love me or anyone who is gone, you let them go, but you will never forged who they were and always remember what made them Special to you".

the mighty blade forged from the deepest fires of hell

I simply nodded because this was just somuch to Progress. " Good i have sold my Company and all my belongings, the money will be on your bank account soon. Make the best out of it". He said with his voive getting quite.

sometimes people (and words) need more space

"please i don't have anythig, just let me go ". Said an woman with and sad and cracking voice

i can't think up a smart comment for this one

" Big words for a small girl but hey it's your choice so how about you share the same FATE AS HER !" he said but when he was about to grabe the woman something happened what he didn't expect. ME.

E's that intentional?

"any specicific reason why they are both black?" i said with an raised eye brow

im sorry, can you be more specific

I could see the his jaw hitting the ground his eyes bulged so hard i could see it even though he wore a mark. It was so hard not to laugh at that.

im just guessing here, but did you mean to say "mask"?

8792480
Well you see i am writting this on a ps4 with a controller so this is a bit harder for me to do.

8792480
But thank you for showing me my error's

8791311
why not use a mobile phone write it .

8791311
Ah I see. Well then, I would suggest publishing chapters, then perhaps going to your local library and running it through the writing program they have on their PCs. It's more than likely to be Microsoft Word, which has an (at the very least) decent spelling and grammar checker.

Pack Leader He can infect wild animals and control them life puppets.

like

Year 1 I focused in my first year with equestrian magic wich was to my surprise very easy. The unicorn spells were ratch boring and were no problem of mastering it since i could easily summon all book that i needed and recall memorys. The alicorn magic required slightly more will power, but even though a few spells were cool it became boring pretty fast.

a person who is ratchet or does ratchet things

"Look at that ratch over there in leopard printed leggings and multicolored weavetwerking"

Year 4 After learning many kinds of magic i decided it was time for more magic, but this time on a new level of destruction. The world of yggdrasil had many powers that i carved. I must say that this year was very stressful because there were so MANY attacks and spell but luckely my brain, yes i do have a brain, could hold easily many libraries worth of knowledge.

craved

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