This story needs a lot more work. I’d recommend taking it down for a month or two and get a solid story and structure before you post something that isn’t up to “standards?” in quality.
I like almost everything about this story especially him being overpowered but what I don't like is that he has to many weapons I could understand a few but this is just to many other than that this is awesome
- 'Crossed over' with way too many things. Writing a crossover is hard enough with just one franchise. What you're trying to do is woefully ambitious, even for an experienced author.
- MC knocks out three guys all by himself, without even taking a single hit.
I was able to do this because when I was fourteen I took up some self defense courses just to protect myself and everyone else.
I'm a hard time keeping up with this they're just too much going on a bit of constructive criticism here tone down on the powers what I would do is take some of those abilities split them into separate stories with different characters you got too many in one character spread them out more characters with different abilities not all the abilities in one character
ugh my head hurts he already has magic from fairy tail right? so wats the point of getting magic from faust? how is he so calm when he left his sister along with his grandparents (obvious old people might already die anytime soon)?
there are a lot of stuff here in lesser or in greater aspect of the abilities, skills and items he got you could round them up or remove some lesser abilities and redundant items.
im getting vibes of a similar FIC in here, its like its being forcefully trying to integrate that story into yours or vice versa and ur scrambling to FIT all the oh so GOOD things into this and its already overflowing.....not good bruh not good....
the concept the story is good it needs a bit of tweaking in the character creation and design he has LITERALLY TOO MUCH items and abilities. its still good though~!
great start to the story. love to see what comes next.
good story. It has a great start but I thing you should proof read and edit come of the grammer. other then that thumps up.đź‘Ť
Good job Doraemon . I hope you doing better . đź‘Ť
I like it. Tracking this.
This story needs a lot more work. I’d recommend taking it down for a month or two and get a solid story and structure before you post something that isn’t up to “standards?” in quality.
I like almost everything about this story especially him being overpowered but what I don't like is that he has to many weapons I could understand a few but this is just to many other than that this is awesome
Is it a requisite that the author's stand-in be a dull Mary Sue?
A few things I take issue with here:
- The MC's parents die at a young age. Huge cliché right there.
- 'Crossed over' with way too many things. Writing a crossover is hard enough with just one franchise. What you're trying to do is woefully ambitious, even for an experienced author.
- MC knocks out three guys all by himself, without even taking a single hit.
Poor justification.
Then there's the grammar, spelling, and run on sentence issues. I recommend you get an editor. Also, while you're at it, google "writing clichés" and do some research. Your readers will appreciate it, and providing you implement a few changes, your story rating will benefit.
Edit: So, I just looked at the second chapter... All I can say is: Who the hell approved this story? I honestly hope you're trolling.
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Relevant video:
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I always laugh when I see schlock like that. "Some self-defense courses"
The author's obviously never been in a fight outside his video games.
If you guys don't like this story then you don't have to read it.
Leaving comments on what mistakes (grammer error, punctuation error, etc) is ok. But I myself actually like this story and I'm sure others do too. Author, don't let others tell you what to do, other than say you accidentally made a typo. I like this story despite the cliché senario. Keep on writing!
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Same here
I already by this point read the 2 chapters and 3 words about them:
TIGHT!!!!
SWAG!!!!
YOLO!!!!!
Hmm. Wings with 1 side black and the other white?
I have to wonder, was that meant to be Infamous reference?
I'm a hard time keeping up with this they're just too much going on a bit of constructive criticism here tone down on the powers what I would do is take some of those abilities split them into separate stories with different characters you got too many in one character spread them out more characters with different abilities not all the abilities in one character
ugh my head hurts
he already has magic from fairy tail right? so wats the point of getting magic from faust?
how is he so calm when he left his sister along with his grandparents (obvious old people might already die anytime soon)?
there are a lot of stuff here in lesser or in greater aspect of the abilities, skills and items he got you could round them up or remove some lesser abilities and redundant items.
im getting vibes of a similar FIC in here, its like its being forcefully trying to integrate that story into yours or vice versa and ur scrambling to FIT all the oh so GOOD things into this and its already overflowing.....not good bruh not good....
the concept the story is good it needs a bit of tweaking in the character creation and design he has LITERALLY TOO MUCH items and abilities.
its still good though~!
Yep.... he's too OP
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Not as op as my OC...
Is there anything original in this fic? Anything at all?
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There is still the infinity gauntlet with all six stones.
Ok I like it and not one to piont out stuff but way to op I skipped a bunch of it to get to the story