- Member Since 26th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
DylantheArtist
Just an up and coming writer filled with the hope to fill everyone with happiness, if not with my stories then hopefully with my sketches.
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Have to see more.
Oh... Wow... Thank you so much for reading my first chapter I'll be done wit the second chapter soon so please be patient. And I hope you'll like the second chapter
This is pretty good. Can't wait for more.
Well, asking people not to hate is a good way of attracting it. Instead, why not practice your writing first and nail down the fundamentals before posting? That way, you'll decrease the amount off negative feedback you get. As for the story itself, I'd change a few things. Reply to this comment if interested in what and why.
Okay, just have to say this, you should have avoided doing the "everyone in my family is dead" cliché, it's been done way too many times and people might see that as trying to hard to make your character sympathetic and all that. Besides that, still a decent start
Thank you for the suggestion, but this is literally my first story I've ever written, and even though I was doing this for fun. Seeing so many people read it makes me want to make more and do better. So thank you for not completely destroying my sense of hope and thank you very much for the suggestion I'll edit the part where his whole family is dead part soon and change it.
8309836
I'm very interested in what you want to suggest. And I meant to reply to this a few days ago but I got held up by a few things but I'd still love it if you could help me with this and tell me what I'm doing and what I can do to fix it and make it a better read for you :)
if there's anyone put there that can help proofread, or make me feel bad about myself and help me edit everything, or just want to have a friendly conversation. Please if you have the time go to my discord the user is DylantheDragonDestroyer #4021 and if you could spare a moment for that it would mean very much to me, and I thank you :)
Oh and chapter 1 will be edited so it won't match the overused cliche around here.
Like it so far little bit rough with switching persons and using tense but other then that seems fine though I'd recommend either sticking to first person on Dylan or third person for all, either way though good story although considering how long ago it was made I doubt a second chapter is coming but I strongly urge you to continue we will be behind you every step of the way.
P.S I recommended not giving the character too much... Power since a story with an unkillable protagonist is rather dull since it removes a lot of tension but do as you please it is your story after all.
- Littlepony115
Before I Read this, is it DBZ based
This is pretty cool
Now we wait
So what do you guys think of the new cover picture?
Not bad. I'm getting into this.
8570725
Thank you very much, you know I've noticed that you've commented on all of my chapters, and I've just gotta say I'm very thankful that you enjoy my story so far.
8570737
No problem man. I like these kinds of stories.
8570737
I'm wondering, is this a harem story? And will there be clop?
8576641
For your first question, no, it won't be a harem story, because Dylan is only 17 right now and he still has to get used to being around a bunch of ponies, the second question... Eventually
8576659
ok. Well, good luck!!
8576663
Thank you, also thank you for reading my story, it truly means a lot to me :)
8576668
Hey man. I know the feeling. I myself have only 3 stories out. Maybe you could read them, and give me feedback.
8576673
Sure thing
8576678
Ok. The OC story is being edited, so bear with me on that story.
8576682
I'll wait till you finish editing your OC but the other stories have really great starts, I really enjoyed reading them, also if you have someone who can help me edit my story I'd be extremely grateful, as this is my very first story. Anyways I really enjoyed your ghost rider fic as well as Spike's Secret Admirer, they have really awesome starts can't wait for more :)
Nice. I can't wait to see what changes with the story. Also here is a Pinkie~
The cover art looks like something out of DBZ...
Is that the powers he will have? If so, this should be marked as a Crossover even if you're not using a character from the show, though it's more of using its concept.
Should really separate the dialogue. Besides that and other rough edges it seems like a good story so far.
8579653
Thank you very much for the feedback, and thanks for the advice on the way I'm writing, this is my first story so I'm gonna need some pointers every now and then, also I'm trying to find an editor to help me with the mistakes that I DO make. If you have any advice on an editor please let me know. And again thank you for the feedback and I hope that you enjoy the future chapters to come :)
8576902
I was actually thinking about doing that, but if I actually decide to make this a crossover it won't include any character from dbz or any other anime. Also thank you for reading my story and leaving some feedback :)
8579744
I haven't read it just yet as it is in my read it later list. The comment was mainly due to the cover art. And the Crossover tag doesn't always mean that there will be characters from somewhere you're doing the Crossover from. It is also used for using the show's concept or ideas for your own characters, like Wolf Blood did with his story, A Wolf Among Ponies.
8579896
Yeah I was thinking of adding another character that has some characteristics on a dragonball super character, but will have a significantly smaller role from the main character.
Well this is new Rainbow Dash actually has a sizable bust in this one must make high speed flying more difficult though
Quotes need to have a double spacing between two speakers as to not confuse the readers. The way you wrote the dialogue made it look like it was only Dylan or Redheart speaking. It needs to be spaced out like this example below:
Because of this issue, it makes it hard to continue reading this. No offense intended, just pointing out a few flaws even if this is your first story. For now, this story will be on hold until some editing is done. Just let me know on my user page when you do.
You definitely have a good start off here, cant wait to see there reactions to the car
I'm loving the story but just hating how short the updates are :( Keep 'em comin!
8619941
I know that the updates aren't where I want them to be, but I promise to do better during this winter break
Not bad. This is going to get good
Another great chapter keep it up
Wait his dad is is in equestria cool
not too shabby.....
needs more spice though!
That was awesome there is not her better then a father and son reuniting together after being yeas apart and or thought dead
8690886
Thank you very much, I wasn't entirely sure how to write that part honestly and it truly means a lot to me when I get feedback like this. Thank you very much for the feedback and thank you for reading.
Awww. Such a sweet reunion.
8557772
Hey I meant to reply to this a lot earlier, and the answer is... There will be a variety of moves from the dbz universe, but there will be absolutely no characters from the dbz universe, only characteristics like techniques, but absolutely no flying without wings, unless it's a hot air balloon. But in this story magic has similar properties to chakra from naruto than anything, except it's a lot more difficult to comprehend, I'll explain it all in a later chapter, I swear to you.
Nice grammar kid. I'm guessing you're new to the whole, you know, English language?
8728145
Nope I'm just using a tablet to write this sadly I've yet to afford a laptop but at least you've read my story and thats all I care about
Dude be my art teacher that is bucking badass
How are you using a tablet to write this and will this work for the phone
8824204
I really appreciate your feedback on my artwork but I still need to refine the cover photo before it's to my liking, but I've never been a very good teacher as I've been drawing since i was 4