- Member Since 27th Oct, 2018
- offline last seen Feb 25th, 2020
Prince Blue Blaze
I am a fan of Anthro and Human stories I also write them
Prince Blue Blaze
Joined 27th Oct, 2018 ·
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I clapped! I clapped when it was Displaced, and then the cover art had big boobies that make my weewee hard, just like a big boy, and everyone is a girl so that I can imagine putting it in their girl peepees just like a grownup and I clapped!!!!!!
Uuughhh, do you have to use the same goddamn beginning about comic-con thing? And you're writing is the same goddamn thing I found in other stories, which means you're not putting a lot of effort into this. I'm done.
9443608
I tried a variation on this format, specifically addressing these problems. It's called An Apple a Day if you're interested.
do you mean Kit Walker? you know, the "Ghost Who Walks"? the guy going around dressed in purple with a skull belt buckle?
Rebellion
Eryx
Yamato
Osiris
Aquila
Ophion
Arbiter
Revenant
They are starters until your old enough to forge your own okay have fun i’ll keep in touch
dude, did you give him Dante's swords without his guns?
addition: why am i getting so many thumbs down. i recognize two names as those of Dante's swords. if this is not the case i hate being wrong so don't just dislike my comment, correct me. what is the actual basis for these weapons?
Is it too early in the day to shit on Displaced for simply existing?
Alright, alright. Put down your pitchforks, I'll focus on other details.
First of all, you're missing capitals in titles (Resident Evil 4, not resident evil 4), which is not a good sign at all for what is to come grammar wise, considering this is the first few words of your description. Furthermore, the description is... Lackluster at best. You describe things that don't need to be described (We don't need to know that the Merchant is cosplaying as a merchant.) along with some details being entirely absent (What is this new body?) and really lacks description for a long description. This is the back of the book, the thing that's meant to pull your readers in. Though as this is Displaced, this will pull in readers regardless. (Combination of a ton of teenagers who think this thing is good and a lot of people just quitting Displaced a few chapters in because there's little room for creativity, leading to massive writer's block, meaning 99% of stories remain unfinished, making each fresh Displaced basically another chapter.)
Instead, you arbitrarily decide to include a bunch of Rule 63'd males instead. I know where this is going and all I have to say to you is aren't the Mane 6 enough for your goddamned harem?
Bad enough that it's a self-insert """OC""" (No, you are not original nor are you a character.) in Anthro Equestria so you can stick your dick inside horses without looking like some sicko, now you want to do it to (Among other creatures) Iron Will, Tirek and Spike and Angel Bunny. Please tell me otherwise, because you are sending some very fucked up sexual tension my way and I will call the FBI.
Otherwise, the whole Rule 63 thing seems rather pointless other than to fill out your "description" (Why not just introduce characters when they're relevant?) Though considering the sub-genre, it'll be rushed faster than EA trying to censor criticism for Anthem. Heyo, there's some relevant banter.
Anyway, there's my thoughts on your description alone. If I went into the story itself I'd be here all night, so have a pleasant one and try to avoid Displaced next time.
9443829
Not to mention the short description has no punctuation and has 'Sam' written 4 times instead of 'he'.
You really need to get someone to edit and proof read your chapters... also an OP main character might get old fast so I would say have Celestia seal off a good chunk of his power until he gets older or something. Other than that, just try your best.
9443829
Yeah! You tell him!
9443829
Ok first of this is my first story so i don't have much experience writing this sort of stuff and if you read the story you'll see it says at the top i was lazy so i'll do a rewrite but next time you want to comment make them less harsh
9443514
if you are implying i'm a baby you just being a prick and if you think this comment is funny it's not I've seen funny'er
9443868
You have to take criticism in order to get better, but to tell someone to back off is what a bad writer would say. And how can you start writing a new story if you didn't learn how to write a real story that doesn't include images? I wasn't that better when I wrote my first stories but at least I learned from them and now I got better with my writing.
And here's another problem, you just said you were lazy, how can you write while you don't feel like it? Clearly you have too much to learn.
9443865
Thank man or woman that wrote this at least there are few out there that like my story
9443863
that was my plan for the next chapter Celstia seals off his powers after nearly destroying the garden
9443891
I wasn't defending you -_-
I'm totally agree with Hclegend, that's why I tagged him or her.
9443894
sorry didn't see the tag
9443890
and fine i'll take the criticism but don't be so harsh on them say what you want but just tone it down a notch
9443889
I’m actually parodying the general response to stories like this one, but whatever makes it about you...
Given that 9/10 people clearly enjoyed my comment, I’ll take your cognitive dissonance with half a grain of salt.
Oh wow, you're off to a rather rough start, both in story and attitude...
9443868
Nobody nails it on the first try. Anyone who says they did is a liar.
Aside from that, my critique tends to be blunt and fast. I don't want to waste your time with pointless accolades like "Wow, you used basic grammar correctly!" That's patronizing to you and makes me look like a twat. I'd rather just get the criticism out of the way and leave it at that.
Could I be nicer? Sure. Will I be? Not really, because I'd rather have someone see my harsh comment, with no sort of ambiguity and learn exactly what was wrong with their fic from it, rather than intersperse it with random, pointless praise. It's probably not the best technique out there and it won't work for everyone.
Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes. I made a lot of them to get here, and I'll make a lot more. Such is life.
9443894
I'm a dude. I know, anime girl profile pic. But this is Fimfiction, 90% of avatars are going to be female anyway.
9443910
That 1/10 was me by accident. Sorry about that, I was only glancing and didn't realize it was a parody.
(Yes i made a second comment to respond to you two, even though I should have used my first comment. Terribly sorry.)
And I still can't believe some people does like this story despite those flaws!
9444013
it's fine i needed a little bit of criticism
9443910
good point
9443514
You are a hilarious man. All I need to say.
9444052
As for my own thoughts on this, well...
I made the mistake of reading. Well, skimming, actually. The lack of any kind of punctuation made it feel like everyone was talking at 100000 miles an hour, making me read the story at 100000 miles an hour and missing on any kind of detail or anything interesting.
Lack of descriptions in setting or feeling, awkward dialogue, bad grammar, absolutely no characterization for anyone in here--new or old to our minds! I have no reason to be invested in this cliche'd mess. This is garbage. Not garbage of the highest order--I've seen worse--but garbage nonetheless.
9444052
I tend to come off as harsh and you seemed like a decent guy, so a few of my jokes seemed a little off. Glad you can at least acknowledge it. Have a good'un.
I kinda prefer the other one to this one the other one was hilarious this one I'm not sure where this one went it went somewhere. It does technically counts as a whole different story.
P.S why did you change it in the first place? Just curious?
9453728
some guy made mean comments but i'm changing it back to the other one with minor changes
9453762
If you're talking about 'francisvamp' that guy tries to get a writer upset at his own work for his own amusement I've dealt with this guy before trust me the comments tore into him.
Horse do whatever you feel like you could want to with the story it's up to you your own story no one controls the fate of the characters in your story it's all up to you it's your world.
9453786
shit dude that deep and true thanks
9453956
No problem if you need advice you can give me a text or something like that. And just know you will always a one of my favorite writers.
9453965
wow thank your really kind man
Haha oh wow this is way worse
9454108
i dont care my story dont like go buck yourself
Rebellion
Eryx
Yamato
Osiris
Aquila
Ophion
Arbiter
Revenant
They are starters until your old enough to forge your own okay have fun i’ll keep in touch
dude, did you give him Dante's swords without his guns?
addition: why am i getting so many thumbs down. i recognize two names as those of Dante's swords. if this is not the case i hate being wrong so don't just dislike my comment, correct me. what is the actual basis for these weapons?
interesting. i don't know of any stories that outright killed the Mane 6 in chapter 1. guess we now know why they immediately like him. wonder how this will go.
We are a starting a new fucking year can anyone that's a writer in this sorry-ass site can come up with something better than said human transfer from a damn Comic-Con into a damn Forest from un-natural power, and above all else, transform in to a fucking animal!
So there's two displaces huh
What's going to happen next
9462600
almost done the second chapter so find out
Yikes that happened fast
9463236
thought it would be better for a few time skips get to the real story
Too fast if you ask me.
9463428
tie skip to get to the real story
9463468
time skip to get to the real story
9463560
In that case make a bonus story later, to tell the prologue. Doesn't need to be now, just later on.
Seriously? This has to be the worst time skip I've ever seen.
9463589
don’t read my story if you don’t like it