My very first (self-published) book can be found on Amazon Kindle for 5 or 12 paperback! If you love dragons, give it a look! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CSM7QQ2M
Princess Ember isn't exactly thrilled this day. Her trek through Ponyville on behest of Spike has seen her trying to flee from all the ponies calling her a 'waifu'(des). She can't escape. All she wanted to do was find the little dragon.
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I laugh at this it's so funny!!!!! Best comedy I have ever seen in this place. I'll have to say at least 9/10
Some things are worded awkwardly If you don't mind I have a few suggestion
1."Spike decided to call Ember over this time, making sure the time schedules between the dragoness and changeling king were separate this time. After triple-checking with Twilight, the little dragon confirmed the separation and went ahead with sending an invite to his friend. The welcome this time wasn't as splendid, though, so Spike was busy with making Ember's welcome at the castle warmer."
This is your first paragraph in a short story, yet the first sentence start with Spike decided. Using this phrase sounds like it a build up from another chapter or paragraph. It feels like there should be more before this. I'd suggest adding another paragraph before this one telling of what spike was doing before he decided to call ember, or just say Spike was -blank- or because of the events of so and so spike decided to call ember. The fist half of the first sentence can be combine with the second sentence to make it sound smother. "It was confirmed that the Dragoness and the changeling king had separate schedules after triple checking with twilight, so the little dragon sent an invite to his friend. Also I don't think it makes sense to have the two conjectures, though and so next to each other. You could write this sentence as "The welcome this time wasn't as splendid, though spike was doing his best at making Ember's visit at the castle warmer."
or "The welcoming this wasn't as splendid so spike was busy making Embers stay at the castle warmer" I do suggest changing the word welcoming to another word as you have already used welcome already.
I hope you like the advice just so you know, with all glee in me, wrapped up into a tiny bow, I do hope you grow. Respectively the the knave of cheese, Oddity~
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Is it better this way?
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Very much so. " That being said, when Ember arrived at Ponyville, punching the ground like a comic book character, she noticed a few ponies running away from her instead of welcoming her like last time."
This sentence needs a bit more working though. Is she punching the ground because shes frustrated or bored. Is it just a habit she does like when people kick rocks? Did you compare her with a comic book character because she's punching the ground with great force, or is she being silly, or climatic while punching the ground. Also in the particularly episode your writing about about they did both ran away from her and welcomed her so it's best to describe the time in the episode for this comparison , for example. "She noticed a few ponies running away from her, unlike when she first arrived." You don't even need to add this part, you could just make the sentence simple and say "She noticed some ponies avoiding her." Your doing great you just need to add more context to your smiles.
With the hopes and dreams of a banana, the one who will conquer all, in glory, ~Oddity~
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I changed it again.
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Your getting better
"That being said, when Ember arrived at Ponyville from the air, she punched the ground upon landing, much like a comic book character"
I know what your going for in this sentence but a good way to convey the idea in a better mental image for your readers is to elaborate how that image connects to a comic book character and what they are known for doing. In this sentence it implies that comic book heroes usually punch the ground with no purpose though I think what your going for here is the style. Is she doing a flashing entrance akin to super man where she flies and then quickly lands to the ground, with fist touching the floor as he dramatically rises up? Or are describing the impact on the ground she made after she land, which was like it was done by a comic book hero with great power.
You almost have it, just keep in mind how the scene in your head plays out when she does land and describe like you watching a movie in your head.
Cheering onward for the gallivant taste of you inevitable victory, in spirit ~Oddity~
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I'm referencing her entrance in the episode related to this, which referenced Iron Man.
Also, *you're
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O-only nine?! That's like only getting an A instead of an A+. My life is ruined.
images5.fanpop.com/image/answers/2770000/2770546_1339010029297.24res_439_367.jpg
A moment of your time?
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*hands you a clock*
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Funny.
What do you think of Diamond Tiara and Spike?
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If you're asking me to write a shipping story that's not gonna happen. I don't like shipping nor romance (Which is a bit hypocritical seeing as I made two with that tag).
That was soooo hilariously terrible...I LOVED IT!! <3 <3 <3
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:>
Another short story by the ever magnificent herald of Illogic himself. Lets see what you got for me this time 'round.
Wow, Twilight is really rubbing off on Spike. Or is it perhaps that his little waifu is coming to town that's got him all hot an bothered? We await with a baited breath to find the answer to these riveting questions.
No relation to Fire Lord Ozai though. Or Rat Lord Crimey down the street (but we usually don't speak of him anyways).
i believe the politically correct term this week is "equineism" but check back next week for further development on that.
Damn Ember does not fuck around. First she cracked somepony's hoof and now she is elbowing another. I would advise her to take a chill pill, but I assume that would only get me a claw to the face at this point.
That's pegassist. Or is it pegasist? Pegasister... I don't know.
See Ember's happy he shut up finally, he's happy because he got hit by his waifu (apparently this guy is into the rough stuff) and the dentist will be the happiest of all., Heck maybe he ends up employing Ember. Hmmm, "the adventures of Ember the tempered and Dr. Tootache. She'll break 'em and he'll try and fix 'em, I suppose (he's not very good at his job)"
Question: how did he get her exact size? On second thought I don't wanna know.
I don't think you were planinng to. I can smell the dorito dust from here coming off you.
i.ytimg.com/vi/GHo2pJkSiU0/hqdefault.jpg
Well if you can't trust random strangers in an alleway then who can you trust really?
Dang nabbit it didin't work. Next time he should offer her a ride and some gifts. Perhaps a van filled with free candy would do the trick.
Well at least in the air should be saf--
Oh.
Okay. We need to talk. Who's the wise guy that gave these idiots anime? More specifically who taught pegasi the Love Hina way of expressing love?
Was it you Jim?
Damn weaboo trash. Don't you bleed maggot?!
Well it's a good thing this is only so outlandish and fictious. i mean no person on Earth could actually have that in reality. Lemme look it up.
*10 minutes of bodypillow search later*
Humanity needs to die.
True Love Hina way of showing affection.
All in all this was hilarious. Combining the tsundere love of anime, which I never understood (maybe it's like softcore BDSM perhaps?), with one of the most brutal and enjoyable characters in the MLP universe was a strike of pure genius. I still have to find Jm and making him pay for giving ponies Love Hina, but that's my crusade alone. Great job. Now if you'll excuse me *cocks shotgun* I'm off to find Jimbo.
I can't stop laughing 13/10.
This is Dragon Lord Ember... Not having her staff with her?
Is this lesson Zero -ish...?
Sounds like a Luna dream prank. Or more of a Discord prank assisting Luna?
Why cute? She is absolutely adorable
♡
Entertaining random ... something?