"Fluttershy has never been the most confident of ponies; so, when she finds herself introduced to some new feelings for one of her closest, longtime friends, she's understandably unwilling to act for fear of losing a friend.
Of course, Fluttershy has friends, new and old, that won't let her let the opportunity pass her by.
Some that simply can't bear to see the seeds of love go unsown in the pegasus.
After all, sometimes all a pony needs is some gentle nudging."
(Story Image by Noel)
Bite-Sized Description
A bit of shippy nonsense featuring Fluttershy and a twist. (Spoiler: It's changelings. Always changelings.)
MIND THE GAP: This story is under renovation.
Chapters (8)
yay flutterpie; there is never enough flutterpie
i think this will be featured
and the likes are slowly climbing up
One word: Awesomesauce
Another corroboration of the notion that Pinkie is Wisest Pony.
If this one doesn't wind up in the Featured Box, I'm going to complain to Discord himself.
Hmm, not too bad at all. The shipping was cute, and those two seemed to really click very well here. The premise itself was relatively simple, which I think was probably to the story's credit as it really placed the focus onto the dynamic of their relationship, which you explored quite well.
However, be careful with comma abuse. There were several instances throughout where this was a problem (I would copy-paste some examples, but I am on my ipad at the moment and you can't select text on fimfiction. It's incredibly annoying). Also, the transitions between events seemed awkward and were a little confusing in all honesty (probably the result of some awkward sentence construction).
Overall, I enjoyed this, so thank you! Just watch out for those pesky comma and sentence construction issues!
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m87jrqw6UJ1r5vqx2o1_500.png
I am so confused was fluttershy practicing the whole time or does she like pinkie was pinkie even there the whole time or was that some pony else sooo lost!?
Wait... the flamingo... whaaa..?
Also: New Kits story, insta-like-and-fave.
Ah, the rare and beautiful Flutterpie, watch in amazement as it majestically floats and flits about. Be careful lest you startle it. Upon being startled it will react by squeaking then throwing the startling thing a party. Truly an interesting creature.
Ooo nice, I see why there were two... yes, that makes sense now.
I am very confused, so I definitely can't wait for the next chapter and hopefully some illumination. The character dynamic is great as ever.
Kits you can do no wrong.
I see what you did there. Moar!
we need more pinkieshy in fimfiction!!!
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxbbwtzEbj1r0biauo1_500.png
Most adorable ship go!!!!
Wow, that makes... 4? stories about this pairing in the last 3 days.
Definitely a good thing, and this one's turning out to be a great read.
1026311
1026356
1026693
I thought about doing a clever hint, but since you seem to have missed the clever hints already in the story: the flamingo is really a changeling. It took Pinkie's form to help Fluttershy practice. Hope this helps!
awwe poor Fluttershy
come on Fluttershy you can do it
Colour me intrigued.
1027457
Oh, I had already figured that out. The "green flash" is a dead giveaway, but the question is: why does Fluttershy have a changeling?
1027457
Aha. Now the green flash makes sense. I thought it was Fluttershy being hallucinations-of-her-friend crazy, but that makes... okay, it only makes marginally more sense, but it does make some sense. It at least explains the "other" in the character tags.
Ah. Okay, I get it. I was confused as hell until the 'green flash' line, but it makes sense now. A changeling, huh? Not something I expected to see here, but a cool idea nonetheless.
Thumbs-upped and tracked. Looking forward to more.
So is this going to continue here, or move elsewhere?
1040939
according to _D, Xaq will be transferring the stories, faves, comments, and tracks when he wakes up. I gather it's a pretty simple matter of swapping some cells in a database. Little Robot Bird will be the one writing more though. It won't be published under "kits."
Alright, I finally managed to get through this, so here's a bit of commentary. You really need to be less sparse on your description, lrb. I understand you were trying for a slow reveal here, but there's no reason that I should be having to scroll back up halfway through less that 5k words to try and figure out which character is which. A little more description amid the back-and-forth dialogue would have helped that, I believe.
1026075 If you come back and copypasta me an example, I'll love you forever~
1027457 Awww... you mistakenly called me clever. You're so nice.
1026195 If for really reals
omigoshomigoshomigoshomigosh
1042173 No offense intended, but this comment confused me a little bit. Did you mean description as in the describing of actions/scenery or are you simply wanting more constant dialogue tagging (i.e. more "X said")? I will certainly take a look to see if there are spots (maybe due to an overly ambiguous 'she') where who's speaking could become speaking, but I figure it should have been reasonably easy to follow since there were only ever two actual speakers at any given time... gah, I really hope I didn't mess that up.
1026075>>1044030
This may be my fault. I replaced most of lam's ". . ." long ellipses with commas because it's punctuation I _never_ use.
1045069 So you're the person I have to blame for that! Tsk tsk! A Kits should know better! :P
Wow. Was that reference specific or what?
1044030 Alrighty, the long ellipses seem to be back, which removed a lot of the comma issues, actually. However, there are some other things that are more or less related.
I am gonna start with the ellipses themselves. In your writing I saw two kinds: the long and short ellipsis. Neither are more correct than the other, it just depends on what kind of style you're using (for example, the Chicago Manual of Style says to use a long one). What is important is that you remain consistent with which one you use. Using one to indicate a pause in speech and the other to indicate a sentence trailing off is incorrect. (Same dealio with your dashes. Occasionally I saw -- instead of —)
On a slightly different front:
"You should practice..." she immediately halted, beaming at Fluttershy, toothy grinned and wide eyed, "on me!"
I'm not sure if that was deliberate, but as the line in between the two pieces of dialogue was action, the comma after 'eyed' would be incorrect. And the 's' in 'she' should be capitalised. I mention this because there was one other instance of it occurring, rather than the few small things which only had the one-off mistake.
Alrighty! I think that about covers it for now! I am getting a little too tired here, haha. I hope that helps and isn't too annoying. After all, no one really likes 'that guy'. I suggest it with the best intentions, I swear!
Anyway, I am looking forward to the next chapter! Keep up the good work.
1044030
Basically, what I'm getting at is that you're so vague in your avoidance of ever putting a name to Flutters' guest in the first half of the fic that they come of as a generic [insert pony of choice here] with a few Pinkie-ish mannerisms glued on. Even then, they don't really stand out as Pinkie-ish if not set beside the Standard Name Alternative descriptions like 'pink earth pony'.
That clearer?
1045190 Ah, you are indeed correct. It probably should have been: "You should practice"—she immediately halted, beaming at Fluttershy, toothy grinned and wide eyed—"on me!" for dialogue interrupted by action. Woot for learning things!
The -- and — being interchangeably used is probably because I wrote this in gDocs and in OpenOffice, only one of which autocorrects -- to —.
And for some reason, I have it in my head that I should have long ellipses for mid-sentence pauses and short ellipses for the beginning and ends. Dunno why... should probably go back to what I used to do and just use short for everything.
Thank ye kindly, good reviewer, for coming back. You may now have my undying affection.
1045948 Clearer, but more confounding since that is kinda sorta how I wanted that character to play out, pretty much being an imitation Pinkie along with their own sort of character. S'pose I will have to look at Pinkie-ing their physical descriptions a bit more. Was worried about overusing epithets there anyways.
I swear I commented on this earlier, but I guess I was wrong - which is criminal.
So! PinkieShy? I am so in. I will admit I had spoiled for me the fact that there was a changeling involved; despite this, I didn't actually "get it" until the end, so I think that means my thoughts on the matter are valid.
First, I'm very excited to see where this goes. If the start is any indication, you're settling for a slow pace, and I love slow paced stuff so long as it's obvious the author knows he or she has a plan, right? Color me impress'd and cuted. I really like the Fluttershy, and I really like the Pinkie, too; their interactions are pretty much spot on to my eye. Loving it!
I liked the way the changeling was treated here. I thought it was very cleverly done, honestly. Huge "a-HA!" moment for me at the end. Then again, perhaps I'm easily impressed by virtue of being extremely dumb? Hah. Not sure. Either way, two hooves up there.
Watching this closely. I don't know what you plan to do with the changeling, and that's almost as exciting to me as the actual PinkieShy angle; whether or not you plan more exposition in retrospect or not, I mean.
Mainly, though, I'm just extremely excited by the prospect of seeing cute PinkieShy. There's not nearly enough of this around. Thank you for writing so far!
Sloooowly making my way through all the league stories, and I've gotta say that as much as I've liked the ones I've read so far, it was a nice change of pace to read a romance story, and a good one at that (I've gotta say, I'm pretty surprised this didn't get featured considering who you were paired with. A well written story published by a writer with several hundred followers? I would've thought it was a sure thing. Hmmm
).
I'm getting off the point. I loved how sweet this was, and how it tugged on the heartstrings in just the right ways. And I found myself really feeling for Fluttershy when, after all the build up, she couldn't confess her love to Pinkie Pie. That's a situation I can very much relate to and you captured her thought process perfectly -- the way she almost succeeds, only to end up panicking and failing. And Pinkie Pie was a delight to read about as well. There aren't many stories I can think of where her fourth wall antics translate well into writing, but this was definitely one of them
.
I have to admit, I didn't get that the mysterious pony was a changeling until I read through the comments, though that said I could've kicked myself for not realising it sooner -- I thought that it was a figment of Fluttershy's imagination, and it'd be very interesting to read through the story again now that I know the truth. Either way, it worked wonderfully, and was a fun, clever way of getting across Fluttershy's fears and insecurities... and also, for the record, though I didn't guess that it was a changeling, I was never once confused about who was speaking. Like you said yourself, there's only ever two characters in conversation at any one time, so I really don't see how anybody could have an issue with that.
One mistake I noticed:
Seriously can't wait to see where this goes. I hope everything works out for poor Flutters
Hm, I thought it was marked complete, but now I see my mistake.
Please, by all means do go on.
Although, I was quite surprised at the beginning to see two similarly different Pinkies. Even despite the bandaged hoof/wing combo I was quite oblivious to the identity of the 'first' Pinkie until near the end it suddenly clicked.
Anyway, this is one of those stories that would suffer immensely if you didn't manage to get your characters 100% right. Which you of course did.
So congratulations on that, and please continue. 
Took me a while to notice the changelling.... MOAR! I NEED MOAR
I hope we get some clarification on why Fluttershy has a pet changeling.
"Just a blueberry muffin if that's alright," a grey-coated mare replied as she pulled herself up with the aid of the countertop."
You know it's bad when DERPY is afraid of a muffin
good... but I need details on this changeling.
Yeah, this isn't going to end well for 'Shy...
1520528 I like to call her "Rainbow Dash", but that might just be me.
Ooh yes, I've been looking forward to this.
edit after reading:
Couple of typos. I remember shot out of the shot which should be shot out of the shop. And near the end we have
which seems to be missing something in the middle.
Interesting. The changeling isn't very good at mimicking Fluttershy's personality, which casts doubt over how it spent much of chapter 1 seeming to mimic Pinkie's personality. It seems like this changeling is just naturally exuberant. And it's also going out and trying to do things for Fluttershy without discussing them with her, which would seem to guarantee shenanigans.
The first section doesn't appear to do much for the plot, but that doesn't matter because it's just some incredibly Pinkie slice-of-life.
"Sounds awe--" Fluttershy paused mid-hop, settling down to the floor before restarting. "It sounds wonderful, Pinkie Pie. Thank you."
I love this part.
There's really nothing bad I can say about this story. It's well-written, cute, has a splash of mystery, an uncommon shipping, and excellent characterization.
I wish I could write like you...
This updated!
I had given up hope of seeing a continuation of this one.
Playful language, playful playfulness, and a plot that generally just intrigues the heck out of me. I'll probably have something useful and feedbacky critiquey to say at some point, but right now, all I can think is that I want more. I hope this fic still interests you and that you keep writing! There are very, very few fics that I am as excited about as this one.
1520758 Yes... yes there was a line in that gaping chasm... apparently I highlighted the whole line when indenting and derped it...
May this serve as a cautionary tale of editing/formatting at 2am (or apparently, the lack thereof).
As for the changeling... well, she just needs some practice at Fluttershy alright.
She'll get better at it eventually. (Edit: Also, the road to shenanigans is paved with the best of intentions)
1520528 Someday... info shall come... hopefully not in three months, but sooner... perhaps two (oh please, oh please be I quicker).
)
Some of this planned in the next section (which... really is the second part of what was planned for this chapter before I decided to haphazardly slice off this chunk due to feelings of "zomg! so long, no update, what do?! *panicpanicpanic*"
1521317 When choosing your writing role models, you may wish to aim higher. Perhaps at one that is not, as I might say, slow as molasses.
But thankee's for the considerate considerations.
1521658 I know, right? Me too. *headdesks mightily*
This story is a delicious peach.
Pinkie and Fluttershy. two of my very most favorite mares. can't wait to see where this is all going.
Woooooooooo! Update! And that changeling is already setting us up for hilarity and chaos
Oh, yay, an update! This is one of the stories on my "tracked" list (well, what used to be "tracked," I suppose) for which I've been most looking forward to updates. It took me a second to catch on to what was happening in the middle. "Wait, that dialogue's a little weird. Fluttershy doesn't really talk like--ohhhhh! I see!"
Unnamed Flamingo Changeling is one of my favorite OCs. He (or she) is just wonderfully funny and sweet. I am looking forward to shenanigans.
Well now that the obvious has been officially stated (Fluttershy lives with a changeling)...
...
Explanation, pl0x?
1025955
It would seem that you were indeed correct