After a intense magical accident, some of the Everfree's most feared creatures finally declare an attack on the changeling queen. The results are disastrous and are meet by banishing 23 hatch lings. Now will this rag tag group of changelings be able to tough out the worst of the Everfree and finally find a place called home?
NOTE: This is written in the real time flow, but the journal will capture his history, while his is also moving real time.
These are unedited for the most part, so I will try to edit them within a few days, while writing more.
Chapters (8)
Ughh interesting story but you should stay with one type of narrating. Jumping from first person to third is strange and difficult to read.
If that diary is written by changelings for changelings they should write more for them not for ponies, less alien descriptions.
Sometimes i need to read 2 times to get who say what.
And its Sweetie not Sweety
Oh and K9's ? K9 wasn't branch for police dogs ?
Nice story, look forward for a next chapter but you still need to work a little one this one, like write in Italic what is in the journal. Good luck
2847403
K9's, you know the incisors that tend to be on large dogs. I'm not sure if you knew that but that's what we call em here.
And i said it wasn't edited fully, stupid word grammar check changed scootaloo to Tuscaloosa. I don't know where that is, so I'm going over it later this week.
2848551
It is already italicized for the journal........what games are you playing
Not bad.
Take my follow.
2850039 That picture....think there's room for one more
2850107
If you wanna sit on legs/feet there is.
Haha, ok. But right now im working on the next chapter, should be up in an hour at most. And yes i know there are a shit tone of grammar spelling errors in thins, its cuz im focusing on getting these chapters out to you guys.
Ok, im asking everyone a question. Majority will win. Do you want me to post short cahpter like i have already every day or two, or wait until like friday every week and then post a larger chapter. Im more a a shorter chapter kind of guy, but its what yall want.
Ooh ooh is it shaggy from scooby doo?
2850974 Yes, person I've never met before.
2851003right... We have never met...
Um.. Okay....?
2876383
I agree. very intresting, indeed.
2850974 hey, have you met me? i have to write my story 3rd person, but it's getting there. nice to meet you, fellow brony.
you know, i have errors in mine too. why don't you gallop over there, and read it? i'm not done with it yet, though.
FINALLY OUT. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH. Now to my browny induced coma.
Jez! The more romance the merrier!
sure lets do this romance thing.
I'm sorry but, FIRST! Haha I've never been first for anything! Anyways, I'm glad that you're taking a romance turn, but don't take it too far if ya know what I mean ;) Nah, jk. I'll read it either way. Keep it up pal!
2993774 Hold my beer, I got dis.
"I just hope your not like the others."
you're * ;p?
2994099 Tnx
pretty good story so far.
EBONY:Blactry... wow.
man, what division were you in? come on, can you tell a fellow changeling?
TOBUSCUS HOT POCKETS COMMERCIAL!=BEST REFERNCE I'VE EVER READ
Needs proofreading baaad.
My biggest criticism is that you sometimes use human terminology (humanoid, someone, inhumane, etc.).
A decent idea and concept, but your execution is a tad lacking. I do want to see where you go with this though.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Decent Idea indeed. I am sad this seems to have been abandoned.