Chili powder? No... A pinch of paprika? Nope.. A snifter of sesame? Nah... way too simple... Turmeric? No, no, no! she scratched at the paper angrily with her quill. Needs something more... unexpected... something... exotic...
Pinkie glared at her open notebook, eyes straying occasionally to the wide array of spices and ingredients standing in neat, orderly regiments before her like the good little soldiers they were, prepared to fight the good fight in Hell's—or, rather, the Cake's—kitchen for the taste buds of Ponyville's multitude of morning-muffin masticators.
"That's it!" she announced excitedly to nopony in particular, one of her pink hooves sending a swath of ingredients into a tactical retreat as her eyes took on a dark, almost malevolent sheen.
Zipping over to the Cake's industrial size—and strength as active stress testing as proven—pantry, Pinkie stood, a throaty laugh welling up from her belly. She flung open the doors and began her hunt.
"Flour, flour... sugar... vegetable oil... partially hydrogenated vegetable oil... corn flour... cottonseed oil... more flour, huh, thought we ran out of these on Tuesday," she remarked, pitching the bag of flour up onto the top of the pantry.
I'll be seeing you on Saturday... she thought to herself, a somewhat embittered smile crossing her features before she perked right back up. Ah, but the twins come later.
"Hay, oats, brown sugar"—deeper and deeper she dug into the cabinet until only her hind legs could be seen—"Yellow #6, Blue #2, Red #40... Aw, what a gyp! No chartreuse?"—her voice echoed back, hind hooves threatening to disappear among the stockpiled ingredients—"Oh!" Squirming for a moment, the pink pony shot back from the cabinet with a resonant pop, a head-sized jar clutched in her forehooves. Triumphantly she thrust it ceilingward with a squeal of excitement.
Pinkie Pie's Spectacular Super “Secret” Ingredients, the jar read, full to bursting with items the pink pony had collected over the years: a sample of liquid rainbow, flowers from a patch of poison joke, an adolescent fire ruby, a doggie bag containing a chocolate-rain-spawning cotton-candy cloud and a few slivers of zap apple ringed the top of the jar, jostling loosely as she slid it onto the counter. She gripped the lid in her mouth and flipped herself up into the air, spinning around it before coming to a halt.
"Ovh comth onth!" she muttered, lips sealed around the tin lid.
As she glared at the petulant jar, she felt herself listing slowly to one side before, with a crash, she landed crash on the kitchen floor, lid popping out of her mouth and clattering to floor, a thousand scents pouring from the opened jar.
"Woohoo!"
Come to momma! With a toothy grin that most ponies would have certainly qualified as a bit too wide if not downright unnerving, Pinkie jammed a hoof into the jar, digging around for a bit before she came up with the object of her pursuit.
"Ahhh..." She felt a deep rumbling laugh beginning in her belly as she turned the object over in her hooves. "Now we can begin."
~o~0~o~
"Deep in the jungle highlands of Ponidad, where few ponies have ventured and even fewer have returned"—she let the sentence hang in the air a moment, casting a dark gaze over the captive audience before—"There, the native Ponidadidadians—" Bluh…tongue-twister. "—cultivate a most spicy, most deliciously, dangerously, delectably wonderful thing, the name of which even they dare not utter in vain." She crept along the countertop, the audience's eyes ever upon her, the darkness of the shop casting shadows beneath her eyes as she reared up for her finale. "The dreaded Naga Viper Peh—"
"Can we just order already?" a surly voice interrupted as the lights flared to life inside the bakery.
Pinkie blinked for moment, eyes adjusting. With a frown, she hopped down from the counter, propping herself up on it and staring at the brown-flanked stallion standing beside the light switch. Idly, she tapped a hoof to her chin.
"Well…I did have another thirty-seven-point-six-eight seconds budgeted for the introduction—virility ceremonies, grand adventures, the resurrection and defeat of a MIGHTY PONY GODBEAST—buuuuuut…if you're so eager to get to the main event... okie dokie lokie!"
The crowd of ponies murmured as the pink pony smiled her trademark smile. The crowd parted nervously as the brown stallion made his way to the counter before congealing behind him.
"So, didja want to try our new muffin? Huh? Didja didja?!" Pinkie asked, nearly jumping over the counter in her excitement. "Guaranteed to put the pepp' in your pep!"
"Yes, fine, just get on with it already," the stallion replied with a snort, not paying the pink mare much attention. "I'm late for work as it is."
"Okie dokie!" Pinkie stated, ducking behind the counter before popping back up, thick apron covering her front and her face obscured behind a pair of welding goggles. "One moment please."
She disappeared into the kitchen, returning with a long pair of iron tongs in hoof. A chorus of gasps lifted up from the crowd as they saw it held at the far end of the tongs, the strange muffin pulsing with red light.
Cautiously, Pinkie lowered the muffin onto the counter before tilting up her goggles, the fur on her face now lightly toasted, and smiling at the still unawares stallion.
"That'll be two bits, mister."
"About time," he growled in reply, one hoof tossing the muffin into his open maw as the other threw down a pair of bits. "I shwear the shervice fhere jus' keeps getting..." He chewed and swallowed the muffin whole in hardly more than a bite as he began a trot towards the door. "Gets..." His pupils dilated as sweat began to fall down his brow in broad rivulets. "Oh... ho ho ho..." He began to pant, tongue lolling out as his brown coat seemed to dip twenty shades into the red end of the color spectrum before he opened his mouth and screamed, "OH, DEAR SWEET CELESTIA, IT BURNS!"
The crowd split, some ponies having to dive out of the way as the brown stallion shot out of the shop, narrowly missing the doorway as he left a pony-shaped hole in the wall.
"Remember to fill out a comment card! We appreciate your feedback! They're by the door!" Pinkie called after the stallion before turning to the decimated crowd before of her. "Anypony else want to try one of Auntie Pinkie's Brand New Solar Flarin' Lava Muffins? Two bits for a limited time only!"
"I'll just have—"
"OH, HELP ME, CELESTIA! LUNA! DISCORD! I BESEECH THEE! ALL OF THEE!”
"Just a blueberry muffin if that's okay," the gray-coated mare finished, pulling herself up with the aid of the countertop.
"Aww, that's okay! One blueberry muffin coming right up!"
~o~0~o~
The day passed, morning became noon became afternoon, and Pinkie remained at her post behind the counter. The breakfast rush had given way to the doldrums of the late morning lull had become the lunch rush had once more settled into the afternoon stretch.
Just two more hours before school’s out...and still no Fluttershy, she thought quietly as she leaned heavily on the countertop, the lull before the storm starting to get to her, eyes drifting towards a lonely plate of baked goods. And nopony else has tried my new muffin either!
She watched as a fly alighted on the tip of her nose, buzzing away after she gave a little snort before landing again.
Still…I hope Fluttershy isn't still all down in the dumpies, she thought with a sigh. Hmm...I wonder if she'd like to try my new muffin...She glanced to the remaining plateful of her creation, reaching out a hoof to feel it, the red hot glow having faded away, leaving them lukewarm at best. At least somepony would be eating them then...
Pinkie perked up as a bell chimed, the door swinging open to admit just the pony she'd been hoping to see all day.
"Fluttershy!"
"Pinkie!"
They collided, both in mid-hop in the middle of the shop, collapsing in a heap of giggles.
"How ya doin', Shy-Shy?" Pinkie asked as she hugged the pegasus close. "You look like you're feelin' lots and lots of better."
"Oh, I am, Pie-Pie," Fluttershy replied with a giggle as both mares got to their hooves. "Now that I'm here, I feel great!"
"Glad to be of service, Madame Fluttershy," Pinkie stated with a curtsy before springing back up. "Ready for that free muffin?"
"Oh, yes, please!"
"Comin’ right up!" Pinkie stated, zipping into the kitchen and back, plate balanced on her nose as she returned. "Lemon poppy seed like always, right?"
"Sounds abso—" Fluttershy paused mid-hop, settling down to the floor before restarting, excited tone shifting to a more demure one. "That sounds wonderful, Pinkie Pie. Thank you."
Pinkie tilted her head to stare at the pegasus before quickly snapping it back upright as the plate on her head threatened to slide right off. "Woopsie! That was close."
In short order, Pinkie led Fluttershy over towards one of the Corner's booths, slipping the muffin onto the table before both mares sat down.
As Pinkie watched, Fluttershy stared at the muffin. The pegasus gave it tentative sniff before glancing up at Pinkie.
"Lemon poppy seed is still your favorite, isn't it?" Pinkie asked, feeling her stomach give a nervous lurch. Had she forgotten something like that? About one of her bestest friends?
"Oh, um... favorite... of course," Fluttershy replied with soft blush, leaning close to the muffin for one last sniff.
Oh, no…is there something wrong with the recipe? Pinkie thought, glancing nervously towards the kitchen. Lessee, a tablespoon of lemon zest, two of poppy seeds, cup and a half of yoghurt— Pinkie's thoughts halted as Fluttershy leaned in to lick the muffin before taking a teeny tiny bite, the pegasus's eyes going wide. Ohnoohnoohnooh—
Fluttershy snapped up half the muffin in her jaw with squeak of satisfaction. "It's gweat!" she exclaimed around a mouthful of cake, Pinkie's nervously thudding heart suddenly leaping for joy as the pegasus downed the rest of the muffin in one bite. "Thim thah bwest thwing I eber hab!" she declared wholeheartedly.
"Wowies!" Pinkie gasped, not realizing that she had been holding her breath so long. "Had me really worried there, Shy. You're good!"
"No, you're good!” she replied, seemingly oblivious to the nervous heaves of the earth pony’s chest. “That was delicious, tasty, divine, nectar fit for the princesses themselves... titillating even!" Fluttershy exclaimed, the usually quiet pegasus seemingly bursting at the seams with praise for the pink pony.
"I, um, double wowies," Pinkie replied, a blush growing on her face. "Thanks, Fluttershy, I don't think anypony's ever been so...um..."
"Effusive?"
"Yeah, let's go with that," Pinkie answered, eyebrows knitting as she stared at the brightly beaming pegasus. "You feeling okay?"
"Never better! That muffin was awesome!" Fluttershy smiled, even wider were that possible before it suddenly dropped. "Oh! I almost forgot."
Pinkie reared back in her seat as Fluttershy nearly lept across the booth to clasp hooves.
"You should come back to my cottage! Tonight!"
"Oh, are you sure? You seemed kind down last night and—"
"Very sure! Things will be better! Better than better! I'll make sure that absotively everything is just perfect!"
"Oh, well..." Pinkie gave Fluttershy one last look, the creep of beseeching tears around the pegasus's eyes sealing it. "Of course, Fluttershy, I wouldn't miss it for all the cupcakes in Cupcakesylvania!" Her tummy grumbled. "Ooo... that sounds good..."
"Alright! See you tonight at, um... eight sharp!" Fluttershy cried out, shooting towards the door, leaving Pinkie to collapse face first onto the tabletop. "Sound good?"
"Sounds grea—"
"Oh! What are these one?" Pinkie glanced up to find Fluttershy eying the stack of Lava Muffins hungrily.
"Oh, those are my new muffins! I call them—"
"Devicious!" Fluttershy declared around a mawful, the stack having decreased by roughly half. She chewed a moment before, as Pinkie stared wide-eyed, her mane burst into flames. "AND HOBT!"
In a streak of smoke and flame, Fluttershy shot out doorway.
"Wow…maybe I should half the peppers or—"
"What the buck is going on?!"
The sound of overturning carriages and the wanton destruction of pony property filled the air.
"The hay was that?!"
"A comet?!"
She could hear a fire hydrant burst, sending water shooting into the air.
"My stand! My stand is on fire! Somepony help!"
As she watched through Sugarcube Corner’s newly plastic-bagged, pony-shaped window, the Ponyville fireponies arrived with sirens blaring.
"Or... maybe I'll just... substitute another ingredient..." Pinkie whispered, blushing a deep pink.
Beginning a nervous trot back to her place behind the counter where she might hide from the imminent wrath of the Ponyville Fire Marshall—she was at two strikes for the month after all—Pinkie was knocked to the ground by a blur of yellow.
"Oh! Oh my goodness! Pinkie, I'm so sorry!" came a familiar voice as Pinkie found herself staring up into a pair of twitching turquoises.
"Oh! Heya again, Flutters!"
"Oh, I'm so, so sorry! Let me help you up!" Fluttershy gasped out, pulling Pinkie to her hooves before nervously brushing her pink coat clean of dust. “I was in a hurry! And-and the street was flooded and on fire and-and—”
"It's okay, Shy. Just happy my muffin didn't hit you for too long! Wouldn't want you on fire when we hang out tonight!" Pinkie replied with a giggle, giving the pegasus and firm, reassuring hug.
"Muffin?" Fluttershy echoed, tensing in the hug. "Tonight?!"
"Eight o'clock sharp, yep!"
"Eight o'clock, eight o'clock sharp?"
"Yep!"
"Tonight, tonight?"
"Yes, silly! I won't forget, Pinkie promise!" Pinkie stated with a smile, drawing a hoof across her heart. "You haven't even been gone a minute, after all. Don't worry so much, Auntie Pinkie's gotcha covered!" She winked at the pegasus as she let her out of the hug.
"Not even a... a minute?" Fluttershy gulped before shooting out through the door. “Gotta go!”
"See ya tonight, Shy!" Pinkie called after her.
Slowly, things settled down outside and Pinkie returned to pony the counter.
Wow... Fluttershy sure seems energetic today,she pondered a moment, watching as water continued to rain down outside. Ooo…I should bring the squirt guns tonight! That'll be the best!