• Member Since 6th Mar, 2016
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Irrespective


If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.

T

One would think that the Royal Guard Corps would have quite a few reforms to enact after having a princess impersonated, a Captain enslaved, a wedding crashed and a Capitol invaded.

One would be wrong, however.

Now, in the midst of this miasma of ineptness, a squad has been tasked with the nigh impossible: successfully pull off the Black Sheep. A determined Sergeant has a plan, but are his subordinates willing to pay the price he asks and for as long as he is asking for?


Now with A Most Worthy review by Cyonix!

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 48 )

It's an interesting and enjoyable setting you have here.

I like it.

8303972
Thanks! I'm not so sure myself about some parts (still new to the writing thing) but I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Nice chapter! :twilightsmile:

Pokey hesitated for a moment, his thoughts obviously being sorted out. There was a brief moment of confusion drawn in his features, as if he hadn’t expected her to realize all this; but then that changed over to a posture of slight defiance.

If I may ask, why Pokey is taken aback by Celestia question? I thought Pokey knew that Celestia is no fool.
PS: If it's spoiler I'd rather wait.

8307021
Glad you liked this installment! :yay:
As for Pokey, he has issues with all of his superiors, clear up to Celestia. The why will be revealed later. :moustache: But I'll say this much: as the Commander in Chief of the Corps, he feels she shares some of the blame for the way things are, much the same way you might blame the boss of your boss for the problems at your own job. The fact that she is on to him throws him off for reasons that come into play later. But I did want to convey the feeling he's hiding something, too; hopefully that came across.

Little Celly is oozing aura of potential drama and tragedy.
Why the random tag?

8340684
You will definitely see more of Little Celly in the future. :moustache: As for the random tag, the story feels a bit random to me so there you go. I might change it later.

Comment posted by Thatsnoreason deleted Aug 3rd, 2017

8340721
Hmm, is that why some chapter feels too abrupt when read?

“Well, more power is needed then!” she cheerfully announced.

Luna has done Celestia good.

“And then get sent to the moon.”

Win stupid prizes eh? :trixieshiftleft:

I think the story is progressing smoothly and getting better with each chapter. I'm no expert though, so take my opinion with some grain of salt.

8342715
Firstly, I appreciate that you take the time to comment. I welcome any constructive feedback, expert or not. :twilightsmile:
Secondly, you're right. Some of the chapters are a bit abrupt. This is my first fanfiction, and I've been self editing and self proofing. When I finished it and decided to post it, I thought I had done did a good job. Exposing it to the light has proved it needed more work, but that's ok. It's a live and learn and find an editor moment for me. :twilightsheepish:
Thirdly, Win Stupid Prizes is in my Favorite pile. The little kernel of an idea that became this story came from there, I'll admit.

8342758

A decent fic. I'm surprised by the lack of views and upvotes.
One question: shouldn't Celestia have considered demoting Shining Armor? Not only because his behaviour in this chapter, but his repeated failures regarding security measures, furfilling his duties (like finding Celestial) and keeping a cool head prove his incompetence as Captain of the Royal Guard.

8344622
Hey! No jumping ahead in the plotline! :pinkiecrazy: You'll see what she's considering in due time...:moustache:

8342758
It's been a good and fun run. The writing is clean from any mistake. Great self edit. :ajsmug:

Something that I think have room for improvement is the dominance of the dialogue and scarce narrative in later chapter especially pertaining Pokey and friends. The story could use additional narrative here and there to help reader imagine the character reaction and scene better. So that reader be able to empathise more with Pokey and friends.

Overall very good writing.
Congratulation for successfully created two story without any blaring weakness. :pinkiesmile:
And as usual my opinion is of an amateur and a novice so take it with some much needed salt. :pinkiesad2: Try to consult with more experienced people or ask for review from group like Author help author.:twilightsmile:
Good luck with the sequel. Always remember have fun! :raritywink:

8346743
This is why I love feedback! :twilightsmile:
You are right, as I look over the mess I made: there's not enough of Pokey and Co. in the latter chapters. You also mentioned my chapters feel like they end abruptly, and that's probably why. Pulling the squad into the narrative would help to prevent that, I'd bet.
I'll try to watch the chatter in the sequel, too. That I'll blame on trying not to bore my audience with details: I personally find it distacting when someone decides they need to spend a paragraph describing a desk or a plant or something like that. However, I need to make sure I don't do the same thing by talking your ears off, too. :applejackunsure: All good stuff! :twilightsmile:

8346811

That I'll blame on trying not to bore my audience with details: I personally find it distacting when someone decides they need to spend a paragraph describing a desk or a plant or something like that.

I whole heartedly agree. That is why there is rule about conservation of detail. Keep the balance of detail that is up your style and able to carry your meaning across but not unnecessarily verbose.

Sometimes it's just a little thing to make your story livelie like.
Luna flinch a little near conversation about nightmare moon.
Twilight ears perked up a bit when she heard about new books bought by Dash.

Others need few more sentences as it is an important part of plot. Like Pokey first appearance.
Do you want to get some lunch? The new sergeant asked passingly. But his eyed betrayed his attitude and shows glint of vigilance and sternness. Light Hooves knows no matter the viewpoint of his superior he has to kept up guarding the damned J-12 till relieved.

Hope it helps.

8346871
I like that. I might just steal it. :trixieshiftright:

This was an interesting story, I liked it, not much to say aside the characters were interesting, I wished that the four of them trying to throw the guard off

8347591
Well, there is always next year's Em-Rads...:trixieshiftright:

8346918
A great author once said that "A good writer borrows idea, but the truly great one steals idea. He steals other's idea and make it truly his own."

I am a thief in training here. :ajsmug:

Of how good your recent fanfic, I have just put this on read later list. I will catch up on some other time; now the time to play some league. Doodles!

8455738
Doodle on! :twilightsmile:.

Fair warning, though: This story isn't as good as my other works. It's my very first one and you can totally tell it is. Hopefully you'll like it, but just be warned it may be a bit rough.

found these for you

to call up Princess Mi Amore Canenza to take over my duties
Announcing Princess Mi Amore Candenza [ Cadenza (in both cases ) ]

8457981
You're actually reading this? You are a brave soul. :twilightsmile:
I'll get those fixed. If you somehow survive to the end of this thing, let me know your overall impression if you could please. I'm curious to see what you think.

Nice job team! Now move out :moustache:

8460339
You are a brave soul too! :twilightsmile:

Let me know what you think of this little mess of mine if you make it to the end please? :fluttercry: I'm curious to get your impressions of it.

It sure helps because this advice will grow the characters in way they have a stronger understanding on what they have been doing. Interesting Celestia doesn’t see it’s not about personal gain but really about getting the guard back from being super lazy...

I’m surprised that Twilight isn’t involved yet

Dude this is amazing chapter! I want to see more silly Celestia and Celly Adventures as its own story :rainbowlaugh:

8460931
That is one of the things I missed when I wrote this. Why wouldn't Twi be involved?

8460961
Thanks!

:trollestia: "Say hello to my little friend."

"Uh...the stuffed doll?"

:trollestia:"Yes. She has ways of making you talk."
:rainbowlaugh:

Awesome story! Now to kidnap Luna, Cadance or Twilight this time or another Celestia Kidnapping 2.0

8461041
Glad you liked it! Was there anything you saw that I could improve on with this one?

8461150
I don’t think so though I’m surprised that Twilight didn’t know and would have thought Discord could have fun with this

8461156
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback! :twilightsmile:

I'm still undecided if I need to do a total rewrite or just a tweak here or there. Right now I'm focused on No Nose (I can only do one story at a time for some unknown reason) but I would like to come back to Pokey and the gang at some point.

I love "No Nose knows" and this is as good, even as a first attempt. I would like to see the Black Sheep return perhaps as a unit dedicated to testing security and readiness throughout the guard. Or just being a pain in the plot during training sessions and war games. In any form I really would like to see more of them.

8604917
Thanks! I wish I had more time to come back to The Black Sheep, so I really should just get something going in between No Nose updates. I'm glad you enjoyed it, though. :twilightsmile:

Finally got around to reading this. Fun and interesting read, but I don't know why they were so surprised -- with the team they had -- that it worked.

Everybody knows that Light Hooves makes many work...

I only have 2 problems with this story, these many days after it has finished, and I finally found it.

1 - Twilight would have been there within the first week... and she might have gone for the confession spell LONG before it was put in place.

2 - What happened to Shining at the end.....wasn't there.... at least not that I saw.... no mention of him despite the fact that he used the confession spell, which Celestia saw as 'close to Sombra's tactics' I really wanted to know what happened, aside from a major dressing down.

9304029
Those are but two of many mistakes I make with this story. :twilightsheepish:

Your point about Twilight is spot on, and I have no defense. I think, at the time, I told myself that she was too busy doing whatever in Ponyville at the time, but if that was the case, I really should have mentioned it. Without that, she totally would have been shaking down every guard she could find, and probably some of the staff too.

As for Shining, I can't defend that either. I did have a rough outline going in my head that said Shining's court-martial would come in a sequel, but again, the set-up for it is missing.

One day, I hope to just rewrite this whole thing and make it much better than it is now. One day. :unsuresweetie:

Great story, I liked it! :twilightsmile: Was a little apprehensive at the Random tag when I saw this in my review folder, but it was a good read nonetheless!

My complete thoughts about the story will come with the review, though, so I guess you'll have to wait for whenever that gets done :trollestia: Rest assured I'm working on it though!

9791131
Thank you! I know this isn't a very good story but I eagerly look forward to your thoughts on how it could be better. :yay:

9791187
Hallo! I've (finally) reviewed your story here!

Hope you find it useful for something :twilightsmile:

He pulled the pellet quickly from his pouch, deftly swept down and under a wing then reached up quickly, but instead of popping it in her face he managed to shove it right up Celestia's left nostril with a squelchy sounding hhnph!

:rainbowlaugh:

9935483
I have to admit, I did always like this scene. :pinkiehappy:

It was one of the rare times she was actually looking forward to the Tantabus, since that would not try to rip apart reality like Pinkie Pie was so wantonly doing.

Yes it would.:ajbemused: It's just not strong enough to do so yet.

“Or, at least you resemble me.” Celestia pulled the toy from the box. “You have my Cutie Mark, my regalia, and my mane, but you have a pink coat. Perhaps you’re a sunburned version of me?”

To be fair, Celestia is ever-so-slightly-off-white pink.

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