• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
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Yes, my avatar is looking OP, but it is merely a transfer character I have that seems OP, but not in the sense you are thinking. Think multiverse. And there are way stronger worlds out there.

Comments ( 146 )

I got a feeling the Instrument of Desire has 'hand' in this, I am intrigued.

At least that's not Spore.

Collab with Towan? Thats always good for smut, even if i really don't like the gore tag or rape. On a side not i have to ask, Will there be crotchboobs? i have a thing for big milk filled boobs, ones that make mares walk with a wide inviting gait. Will there be dom mares? And Trixie, there is just not enough Trixie smut out there. So many possibilities, i hope to see more sooner rather than later (wishfull thinking)

That picture is from Stellaris. Best game ever.

Okay nice story, but how the BUCK did Celestia and Luna DIE, they are Bucking Immortal Alicorns, they don't die of OLD age, after all Celestia had to wait 1000 years until Nightmare Moon/Princess Luna returned from the Moon, also what about Cadance and Shining and Flurry Heart, what about them now, where are they too?

Murdered by their own son.

8210535 You with your comment and that face of an avatar have earned yourself an upvote by me....but the story is they died. What would happen to you if you worried about some important ponies for a few hundred years?

They have been confirmed to not be immortal. Just long living. Although what I do see as unlikey is them dying soon. Under this timeline they lived, at most, 5000 years


Oh, where is this info about them not being immortal from?

I find the premise for this story intriguing and am interested to see what kind of debauchery will take place. I do enjoy these dark, domination stories just to see how far down the rabbit hole it will go. Not to mention I just plain enjoy this kind of clop.

However, I will say that the sentence structure and flow really need some work. Not to mention you write everything in present tense even when describing a scene. This can make descriptions and actions a little convoluted and jarring for the reader. I found myself having to reread some sentences to make sure I understood what was transpiring. I realize you already got 3 chapters done but you might try writing the descriptions/scenes in past tense.

That being said, I'll still be looking forward to future chapters and seeing what kind of naughty things happen.

I realy hope there comes more


Present tense is kinda a hard way to write. Still takes me time getting used to, but it is hard to change now. By the time three chapters were out we already had over 100.000 words and more written. So, we have a lot of stuff that is not published yet here in present tense, which would make it hard to change at this point. Just as a little explanation. :twilightblush:

Also yup. Corruption is interesting, and it is fun working on it and is also at the same time a good testing ground to try things out and see how things work out, even with characters. That being said I brought one of my own OCs into this, but she will be revealed in the far future first, so it will still take some time. But you might like her maybe if you are interested in a depraved, pierced, zebra filly slut! :raritywink:

Don't you hate it when your comments don't get a response?

Starlight is probably in for a rude awakening. She's not part of the male population herself. What she tells Twilight can, and likely will, be used to break her when it's her turn.

Aaaaaaand Starlight ruins this for me. I was going to let the last chapter go, but giving Twilight to my least liked character

Wonder what's gonna happen next?

Also, the use of the word "womb" got really repetitive in this chapter. I know a lot of chapters are already done, but it would be nice to see a little more variety in sex descriptions. it's still interesting though, and I look forward to the next chapter!

this is kinda going off the rails and not in a good way.

#1 The story doesn't fill like it's going anywhere and starting to fill stale, but I will read it to the end

8324931 I agree with him if you'd like son'y not really earning anything it just happens

You know its kinda sad that Anne already had more exposure and character building than most if not all other female characters, what i mean is after "breaking" them you might as well replace them with rubber dolls and it wouldn't make much difference. I feel you stripped to much of the characters identity (as in all of it), personally i think it would be better if they were told from the start how the world is and have them slowly give in to their desires, maybe nudged in the right direction without breaking their character too much, something along the lines of "Rainbow assaulted a stallion that was bit too forward and gets locked in a chastity belt with vibrators filling her holes and an enchantment preventing her from cumming until she 'Apologizes' to him" or "Twilight is so engrossed in new magical/scientific research that she barely pays attention to other scientist plowing her" . The way you guys painted the world in the first few chapters would suggest that beside open stance on public sex nothing much would change and the mares would still work and have a life of their own outside of casual sex, but later in the story that was replaced by full out misogyny/sexual slavery where mares can barely have a breather because the stallions are sprouting semi-permanent erections and are almost constantly looking for a fuck. Overall the story and characters lack any depth (even for a clopfic), its mostly Sunny going "i'm gonna do this one, then this one, then that one..." and i fear no amount of porn logic can save it.

Later chapters what you want comes into play. It's just that the 'first season' of chapters are about gaining the first foothold in space and getting all the females that Sunny wants into the empire's mindset of being fucked. After that, they can go about their job that they were assigned. Heck, we are planning to give Daring her mind back so she can treasure and ruin hunt again. We just don't know how to put that into words yet.

This story doesn't seem to have any actual plot... Like.. will someone eventually come by and be like.. "fuck this" and beat the shit out of sunny? Kind of dumb when everyone in the story is a slut... No matter how far you progress...


Thank you for your telling us. I honestly feared that this might be the case. And it makes me pensive.


I find your suggestions interesting and thank you for your critique on this fic.


That is true in a way, but still makes me pensive. Maybe we should think a bit on the critique.

I have a question. How long will the story take in "game" years? Are our heroes going to live all the way to the end of the story or will it take generations?

season 1 is okay if you got to turn this into a game then I just have a few things say. I think there's one thing you need to change I'll see problems in the future the whole thing about you're able to have sex with any age group said you're bringing my human beings into this I think that's something you need to change.I really hope in the next season of the story we see more resistance from the characters I said this before but I always thought the captain was going to kill Sonny or do something to get them back I think you kind of wasted your opportunity with this character but I really did enjoy the story so I am kind of excited for season 2.

This is worse than Fall of Equestria...
It's almost Headless_Rainbow levels of depravity and corruption. (Almost, since it lacks the gore, vore, torture, scat, snuff, necrophilia, literal baby-raping, etc. elements of all his stories. So far.)

It's as if it's hundreds of years in FoE's future, when the Caribou way is the only one left. Not a scrap of resistance remaining. Not only that, it's the ponies themselves who've done it. Celestia's fucking son nonetheless.

Then you take a large assortment of strong females we know, punt them forward in time, and drop them straight into this whole mess and break them one by one in ridiculous ways.

Then, since it's also a Stellaris crossover, the fucking degenerates spread to the stars.

Then, with absolutely minimal effort they promptly corrupt the first sapient race they happen upon, spreading their cancer and showing that this won't have a "good ending" (And guess what? That first species? It's Humanity! Who freely surrender a fellow human being as a sex slave after rutting themselves against a mind-broken and enslaved horse for a week or two.)

Now we just have to "look forward" to them conquering the fucking galaxy.

I honestly hope a Xenophile (Xenophiles are also Egalitarians, they would not be okay with this shit, they hate slavery and unequal rights) Fallen Empire Awakens and crushes them instantly (not the Xenophobe one, they would likely love this shit) or they lose the End-game Crisis. I'm fine with this bastard being devoured by the Prethoryn.

Or, even better, have him invoke "The End of the Cycle" and then be hunted down for slow vengeance as the last living being in the galaxy by the combined Psi/Magic imprints every Psi or Magic capable creature to ever exist in his "Empire."

The Reckoning will come... and it is angry...

^Pretty much this.

Sunny isn't working for anything so it's just porn logic and porn contrivance that his brains weren't splattered across the nearest surface long ago/at the first good opportunity by either one of the mares, his enemies, his own people, his own mother (or aunt, children, adoptive sister, niece, etc.), the humans, whatever race they met next, etc.

The mares, contrary to how it was initially presented (in that it was just an extremely sexually free/permissive society), are literal property with no purpose or desires beyond fucking and breeding.
How a mare ever even became a Captain is ridiculous seeing their apparent sole purpose in their society and what Sunny does to her for saying "Umm... maybe that's a tad harsh?" AKA: "Guess what? Your extremely high rank (Captain for their first ever starship) is now worthless and you're a broodmare because you are female and questioned my actions once."

have you seen some of the aliens in stellaris? it might as well be

I dont understand it. ingeniuos concept, preety good writing and grammar and the clop scenes are rather good as well why does it have so many dislikes?

It might give off how much of a jackass the main OC is to the characters and treating it almost worse than FoE? It's just an answer I am trying to figure out myself. Tell me, you think there should be a 'Dead Dove' warning?

stupid question whats a dead dove. forgive me im not super familiar writitng terms and the like

maybe it would help but what i would do is add that in the long description along with saying the basic gist of the story and that if it upsets people then dont read which i guess is the same thing

After so long of procrastinating, got the description updated. Let's hope this doesn't make others downvote when reading this because they don't like it and push themselves to tell others that they should hate this story just because.

Fucking good man, had a crear time reafing this, now lets wait for season 2

Ha! Yeah, the girls sure were eased into this new world, along with nearly every character "easing" into them as well! Not that it's a bad thing of course! :)

Welp normally I'd be condemning a story like this since it employs much the same plot armor and poor story telling that Fall of Equestria does, but since you guys basically admit to it being blatant wish fulfillment and smut, eh its harmless.

That said Sunny's definitely on my kill and destroy everything he or she holds dear list.

like your stories do but you put a warning for the scenes of babies I don't like that whatsoever

Lol taking potshots at FOE are we. Funny thing is Sunny claims to be better then them yet he's just as bad if not worse.

I don't like this story. It has no storyline other than sex. It's honestly kind of depressing. You should focus on your other story called Darkness Bathing. At least that story has an overall goal and someone with ambition other than just sex. Also it is always the villain that wins and just reminds me of Fall of Equestria stories. No originality.

Lol. How to know you've written a bad dark story?

Answer Kefka himself thinks your story is too depressing and your main character too gary stu.

I absolutely agree. This story is just a sad work of fiction that needs to be scrapped.

There's no true plot or objective In this, sunny, the antagonist, always wins no matter what, there's no sanity withing the mane six, or the other mains whom came along for the ride. Each chapter comes down to one singular end, bad guy wins, girls are sluts.

Do not be affraid to dislike this work of fiction


I couldn't have stated it better myself. I've been trying to give this story a chance for a while now, but with each passing chapter I just want to punch Sunny in the face more.

In fact reply to this post if you want to punch Sunny in the face! :pinkiecrazy:

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