- Member Since 28th Apr, 2022
- offline last seen Last Friday
Breathtaking Carnality
[Muggonny's Alt] Yeah, and?
Breathtaking Carnality
Joined 28th Apr, 2022 ·
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This fiction has some hot stuff. Good job! images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/28800000/Spike-spike-the-dragon-28819526-431-512.jpg
Absolutely horrible ending.
11231806
I won't argue. I could have put more thought into it.
11231750
Thanks!
11231816
I mean horrible as in them getting free. Would have been far better for them to have stayed rape slaves for the rest of their lives.
11231861
Eh? If that's what you prefer. I wasn't interested in writing that ending since I think it would have been too dark. Sorry, but that's just a personal preference. Still thanks for taking the time to read!
2753418
Just thought I'd mention that.
11231987
I'm proud to be another integer.
This was okay pretty interesting how the weird ending though but I enjoyed the effort
11232229
I'm confused. Did you like most of it? Sorry, your comment just reads a little weird. And yeah, the ending was eh. I admittedly didn't put any thought into it.
11232230
Story was good overall. And the smut was acceptable. The real folly is with the ending in the plot device you use which was the dragon amulet or scepter whatever you want to call it. Plus the ending itself was a throwaway. But everything else was good sorry believable and the writing was good.
11232239
Glad you liked it for the most part!
Messy
Honestly I enjoyed the ending. Who doesn't like seeing a bad guy get his comeuppance.
11232351
I love you.
11232514
Glad you liked it! Yeah, I didn't want a bad ending for Ember. That would have sucked. Carbone deserved what was coming to him.
Anybody got the Derpi number?
11232960
It's in the source.
11233019
... Which is a violation. If you're going to use a NSFW image for the cover art, you either provide the Derpi number or you don't provide anything at all. It wouldn't take much effort for an underage person to click the source and see the "Goods", if you will, and we can't have that now can we?
Also, I could be wrong about this but I think having multiple accounts is a big, BIG no-no, as–to my current memory–several people have gotten perma-banned for it.
If you want me to shut up I'll shut up, just trying to save you some trouble.
11233031
There's nothing in the rules against having multiple accounts. That's only if you're doing something mischievous, like upvoting your own stories or harassing someone.
11233038
Alright, my bad, I hereby admit defeat and submit to your victory on this matter. Apologies for any trouble I might have caused you. No hard feelings?
Great story!
The ending surprised me. I was also a bit surprised (not really in a bad way) that this is so violent throughout, because there is no #gore tag or mention of blood in the description, though.
11233150
I didn't want to leave the impression that this was a snuff fic, so I left the gore tag out. However, there is still a violence and death tag.
Ugh
11233949
Argh
I enjoyed it! Thanks for writing it.
My advice on the ending is more of "if she could have nuked them with the stone, then why didn't she at the beginning" kind of advice. Maybe ye-old sword to the throat during the dirty, grabbing the gem and calling for re-inforcements kinda thing would have been less jarring, but the surprise nuke kind of works. Or you could set it up by having her worried about activating some emergency spell work (maybe from poniez?) During the beginning, and finally getting it to properly activate during the end. Maybe the armor got in the way?
Anyways, comments aside, I had fun reading it! Thanks for posting this!
11235945
Oh, I'm very aware of the plot hole involving the bloodstone! Just when I finished writing the story I was like, "Screw it. I wrote this for the porn, and I'm happy with what I wrote." There's a very strong possibility that I will write another spicy Ember fic featuring this particular set of characters, so I'll take it into more consideration next time. Thanks for reading!
Yup. Upvote and a fave.
Did you add the ending later?
I don't see anything wrong with it.
11236376
The whole thing with the bloodstone was kind of a plothole since she could have used it earlier in the story. I just didn't care that much when I finished the story because I was honestly ready to publish it.
11236419
Oh! The author's note was about that. lol
I though that the ending was originally missing and that you had added it later.
Well, TL;DR: it's a non-issue.
I'm not gonna use spoilers because well, it's been mentioned many times in the comments. To me, the whole thing about Ember not using her magical super weapon didn't bother me. I got the feeling that they were confident they could deal with the wyverns and using the stone didn't cross her mind. If you felt the need to fix it, it would be as easy as a piece of inner monologue where Ember justifies not using it because she could damage the eggs, or simply because she's feeling cocky... Or maybe one of them could just have batted it from her hand. It would be so easy to fix, and the problem it creates is so irrelevant I would call it a minor inconsistency rather than a plot hole.
Plot holes create huge problems in the story (a hole, not a bump) that you'd have to re-write the whole thing to fix it. And I'm not saying this because this is porn. You could've written the whole thing as a torture scene, as an interrogation, etc... And it wouldn't be any worse because of that. I don't think this story deserves the 'still hope you enjoyed the story' because of that.
Hmmmmmmmmmm….. I liked the ending.
This was really good stuff, and I loved it!
I frankly saw little to no problem with the ending at all. Based on what I read in the comments, it kinda sounds like the beginning was edited to include Ember using the bloodstone in the exact way she rescued herself by the end for consistency's sake when the first published draft didn't include this, and if that was the case, well done! I never got a deus ex machina vibe from the ending due to the bloodstone-related details present at the start when I read the initial fight scene.
The smut details were good, however (and perhaps this is just my personal bias speaking) they understayed their welcome, to the degree the length and explicit details felt just a tad rushed through when they could have gone on for much longer, seeing as they are the meat and potatoes of the story. I also felt like they didn't exactly paint the correct mental image for me at times. Perhaps it's mainly due to the bizarre anatomy of a wyvern, but I struggled a little with imagining how a tail can go there, but a tongue goes here, but the legs are right there, yadda yadda. However, it didn't happen nearly often enough to distract from the smut. In fact what I noticed the most were little odd inconsistencies in the details during the smut scene, such as Carbone using the bloodstone to shut ember's muzzle, but then shortly after she screams "I'll kill you for that". Little skip-overs like that are easy to ignore though, as the reader can just assume Carbone released the bloodstone muzzle in that time for whatever reason. There were also a few minor grammar errors sprinkled throughout, and I'm pretty sure Pyrites name switched from Pyrites to Pyrite on more than one occasion.
All that said, though, let me reiterate: smut details are not poorly done by any means, and the writing quality for the smut still successfully served its purpose just fine. Moreover, I'd say it was well above average quality in comparison to other works on fimfiction of a similar caliber (people that write as good as you rarely—if ever—do stories like this, is what I'm saying.) I also happen to have a soft spot for that "unwanted boys' tongues all over the girl" thing.
Definitely gonna keep an eye on you. So refreshing to find a high-tier clop writer that knows restraint when it comes to good smut, and isn't shoehorning in 17 creepy/bizarre/disgusting/niche fetishes that drastically minimize the enjoyability of the story as a whole.
I suppose I'm a bit of a hypocrite though, as my personal bread and butter is very straight-forward, female-focused, heterosexual non-con with the male/males in dominating roles and the female/females in submissive/victim roles, and some may argue that more than qualifies as 'creepy', lol.
Thanks for writing this, please don't stop. Seeing good stuff like this inspires me to continue writing as well, in fact, and I thank you for that as well.
11257375
The main thing that people were pointing out was that it could have been used much earlier during the fight against the wyverns. This could have been fixed with a simple line of dialogue, such as Ember mentioning something like how she didn't want to risk damaging the eggs. I'll probably add this in once the alternative chapter is up. I hosted a poll to see if people would be interested in reading a new Ember smut fic or an alternative chapter where she doesn't escape, and the two tied (new Ember smut fic actually beat out the alternative chapter after I posted the announcement that I would do both). I want to work on this Captain Celaeno story, then after that I think I will go through this story with a fine-toothed comb.
That's mainly due to this being my first smut fic. I expect to get more detailed as I get a better understanding of how to write this sort of stuff. As for what you say here,
I imagined it perfectly in my head as I was writing it, although I probably should have specified some of the physicality. I pictured the wyverns as these tall slender creatures that are both agile and flexible, hence why I included little details like Pyrites skipping across Ony's lap. They're nowhere near bulky. I'll try to put more focus into the physics when the alternative chapter is ready.
That's because all of the wyverns weren't given names until the draft was finished. Part of me thinks that if I wrote one more draft they could have been fleshed out more, but I was satisfied with what I wrote. By that, I mean that I was too lazy to go through the story and check for errors. lmao
I merely skimmed over it and picked out the obvious ones.
Yeah, that's part of the reason why I wanted to write my own clop (that and money). Most of the stories that I'm interested in introduce some sort of insane fetish, and it severely detracts from what I'm there for. I just want straight up porn, nothing else.
I only get creeped out when the presentation is... concerning. It's hard to explain. It could range from the author stating something like "Based on an actual experience lmao" to a completely realistic description. It all depends on how fucked up things get. I guess take Redo of a Healer for an example. That anime goes way too far in many areas, and I would never want to write anything like that.
Really glad that you enjoy my work so far! If you want more non-con, keeping an eye out for those two new Ember fics and that Captain Celaeno story. ;)
11257461
I'll be honest, I had to google Captain Celaeno because I totally forgot that character existed in the mlp universe lmao, but anthro bird girl in peril high above the clouds where no help can reach her sounds like an extremely enticing premise. Feel free to take your time with it and make it the good stuff! I like the sound of where your priorities lie when writing the degenerate filth we all click for. May as well throw in my votes on those polls now too, since you mentioned you're still referencing their data to help you prioritize what to do next.
The Zad Ending
11282426
At time of commenting:
Nice chapter!
Where is the cover art from? (if you can't post it in the comments here, then please DM me)
Good overall, though for smut I feel it was lacking. There was a lot going on, but not a lot of description to it. As for the ending, the victory felt justified, but then they're having a laugh in a hot-spring in a dying warzone like the rapes never happened? That felt very off.
11468423
Lol it is my first smut story after all. I've managed to improve upon those specific aspects since. I may go back and give this a good edit in the future.
If I had to recommend another fic of mine, it'd be Always Plan Ahead. It's very similar in premise to Behind Enemy Lines, but much better written.
11348258
Derpi id: 2753418