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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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8234646
Oh, where is this info about them not being immortal from?
I find the premise for this story intriguing and am interested to see what kind of debauchery will take place. I do enjoy these dark, domination stories just to see how far down the rabbit hole it will go. Not to mention I just plain enjoy this kind of clop.
However, I will say that the sentence structure and flow really need some work. Not to mention you write everything in present tense even when describing a scene. This can make descriptions and actions a little convoluted and jarring for the reader. I found myself having to reread some sentences to make sure I understood what was transpiring. I realize you already got 3 chapters done but you might try writing the descriptions/scenes in past tense.
That being said, I'll still be looking forward to future chapters and seeing what kind of naughty things happen.
Hate to tell you this but all the info hasbro and Faust put out has stated many times alicorns are immortal