- Member Since 21st Aug, 2019
- offline last seen Jul 31st, 2021
DarkGal
Late to the party, but very eager to get going~
DarkGal
Joined 21st Aug, 2019 ·
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Why isn't there a tragedy tag?
How do everybody vote?
*grins...* this looks like fun~ can’t wait to push her along~ are there any limits/fetishes that you won’t write?
Sorry, but your story is filled with incorrect grammar like this and it's really hard to ignore it and focus on the content of the story instead.
You don't need commas after quotation marks or dialogue. Commas are to be used inside of quotation marks as replacements for periods, when you're going to identify the speaker afterwards. But only for periods, not for question marks or exclamation points, and only inside the quotation marks, not outside it.
For example:
"That's a good idea," said Twilight.
or
"That's just crazy!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie.
or
"What do you mean?" asked Rarity.
Hope that helps.
Also, there's little need for you to write the demon's dialogue in a different color, since you identify him as the speaker throughout, and the dialogue isn't confusing or internal.
greeting's princess Twilight or I guess its former princess now. I am known as daydream. and I wish to help you learn what you can expect from us here in the depths of Tartarus First and most importantly we are not all evil. I can not stress this point enough. Either we were brought here by accident when we were captured by demons and can no longer escape. Or we have seen the error of our ways and wish only to help. That being said there are some here who want to see you suffer but there are many more here who want to see you smile and I am one of them who would like to see you smile as you push a plug into your anus as you go about your day.
The tags and concept sounds fun!
Most stories of a corrupted Twilight treat it as a binary choice. It would be interesting seeing her become the queen of darkness (and
lust"friendship") while maintaining her original personality and as an element of harmony.Welcome Twilight Sparkle to what will hopefully be a entertaining year for all of us. I have many names but you may call me Prophet. I know that you're in this situation under duress, but please think of this as a opportunity to open up your mind to new ways of thinking. After all closed mind is a terrible thing.
Now I know many of my colleagues will be eager to greet you in their own way, but before I go I do have a question that I would like you to ponder on. What flaws do the Elements of Harmony posses. I'm of course referring to the characteristics of each element, Honesty, Kindness, Loyalty, Laughter, Generosity and Magic, not the ponies themselves.
Farewell for now Miss Sparkle.
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Hello? Hello Hello?
Ah, Hello Mrs. Sparkle! I daresay, you have seen better days.
...
Oh, who am I? Simple, I'm Chief.
...
I understand your concern but rest assured, I am not part of those demons that reside with you for the time being (Although I do believe I know some of those fellows in your head there, Ah! Hello Malphas! How's the missus?)
...
Oh pish posh, I'm not here to hurt you. I'm not supposed to interact with you much at all.
...
Yes, I am here just to study you, specifically the effect that a proverbial god under the corruption of demonic magic can do upon the world.
...
Unfortunately, no. I am sad to say that I cannot help you outright. I am bound by the laws of the cosmos that the Maker has set for us, and the best I may do is converse with you, like so, after every chapter.
...
Oh dear, did I say that outright?
...
*Waves hand* Don't be silly! This isn't a book, this is your life! Now if you excuse me, I must meet Demon Prophet. I need to serve him a Court Summon that the Prophets of Truth, Mercy, and Regret have sent in on the basis of copyrighted names. Ta ta, and good luck!
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Mostly, because there could be a happy ending and I felt a tragedy-tag could potentially act as spoilers. But I will add it, since there likely will be some sad scenes.
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I will put up the different choices at the end of a chapter and announce voting. Then simply say what choice you prefer. The ones with the most votes wins.
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M/M, scat and watersports are not likely to ever appear in my writing. Guro, as well. I will also avoid Gigantism, Diapers. But other than that, I'm open.
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Apologies, my grammar is subpar, I know. I will organize a proofreader very soon and then it should improve. The coloured dialouge of Scartotus is to show he speaks generally different and demonic. To differentiate him from normal dialouge. Sounds in written text is hard to convey, so colouring his speech seemed most sensible.
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well, thats up to the readers. If the story is steered into that direction, it is certainly possible.
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Ok
From just the description it seems for in line with the Sealed In Tartarus universe than My Little Corruption
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I read that one. There have been mutliple influence for the idea, but My Little Corruption was the one that inspired me to write and make it an interactive fic.
First of all wonderful first chapter. Simple, not too long, sets things up perfectly, and a nice little tease of not only some clop but how "large" the ponies will be and I more than approve! Quick question though, could we perhaps submit multiple characters to chat with Twilight? I have like 3 already in my head to chat with her.
Hello? Hello!?! Shut the fuck up Stradius! You can hear me? Good, so many of us trying to get through.
...
Oh right introductions, my name is Sir Octavius Ingens Ubera...oh and the simpleton that won't SHUT THE TARTARUS UP, is Stradius. Please don't pay attention to him though.
...
Hmm? Oh right well, I have a bit of bad news for you. You see, I have somewhat of a vested interest in seeing you loose. I'm sure as a smart girl yourself you no doubt understand what my surname means. Unfortunately your, ahem, chests are just far too small for my tastes and Mr. Scortatus has already assured me that the new versions of your A cup size in Equestria will be E cups so unfortunately my hands are quite tied.
...
Oh what I gain? Well nothing as it were, I just find big, huge, bountiful chests to be the epitome of true beauty. Even the most beautiful of mares to me will look ugly if they're flat as a board. And plus with my chances of retiring in your world being possible now I wouldn't mind having a harem of huge titted sluts of my own. You know, you'd look absolutely dashing with some large...oh lets say HH cups on your chest dear.
...
Oh come now there's worse fetishes to have. Stradius here has a penchant for knives and blood. And there's one fellow that has a HORRID fetish of, ugh, holding hands.
...
My help? Hmm, well I may be tempted but I don't quite know what you could possibly give me in exchange? Besides I don't like to place my bets so early in the race. I typically wait for the first turn before I choose my winner. But...with a good enough offer, I might consider it. I have a number of magics that I can use to help you. For example, while it would pain me to do it, I could decrease the sensitivity of your breasts and nipples to give you somewhat of an advantage in what's to come.
Just remember. I don't come cheap. Ta ta darling!
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Sure, multiple characters are fine, as long as it stays within one comment. Mostly to avoid spam. And thank you for the feedback.
Interesting stuffs~! I'll keep track of this one. I already would love the villain to win~
Great begining! But really hope to see how Celestia Luna and Cadance become willing sluts and beg his master to fuck them and impregnate them to give for him his foals. So hope in future pages its gonna be add
Also like breasts expansion tag and hope that theere breasts become bigger mych bigger)
I just hope this story doesn't end as corruption of equestria, you have my support
Instant Favorite!
oh so this is going to be like that time with that kid and the helix stone. nice, it was fun comanding that one around, and the others that followed.
oh can she hear me already. well i suppose introduction are in order.
wait stop talking over me
why are you guys always so rude.
its like im not even here.
can we at least give her a milf body. i like those best. either that or make her an Amazonian, big muscles, big tits, and a great ass.
...maybe if i won out you could actually beat him in your new form. but dont mind me, im sure the others have more important things to talk about.
Is it bad that the whole time I was reading this “At dooms gate” was playing?...great story though.
My own humble contribution:
"Purple butt cheeks triumph over purple tits!" I exclaimed in thunderous lustful triumph. "Learn the truth Twilight! Butt over Boobs, Butt over Boobs, Butt over Boobs-" I continued to chant, trying to hammer some useful knowledge inside that admittedly adorable nerdy skull.
Pity she has so little lewd in it. Luckily we all try to improve our living arrengements in here?
"What is this? 'Quantum Physics'? Toss it right out and replace it with: 'Flat Chests and You: A guide to small tit happiness'."
I nodded in satisfaction. "This should do finely, but ooooh? What is this? Adorable purple dragon with green head scales and wide hips...wait, that is a male? How about we change this Twilight? You seen that boy, I bet he suffers from gender confusion! Why not help him? Just a smaaaaall nudge. Look at page 69 of my guide: 'Wide Hips, Great Butts - Gender Transformation 101'. It will help you out perfectly. Let's be honest, reviewing your memories we both know he has no chance with Rarity. Only chance he has to get boned is as a girl. And what an adorable girl he would be!" I said panting heavily, before clearing my throat in embarrassment and trying to calm back down.
"A-Anyway, wouldn't that be for his best? You have to think about his well-being. Not to mention...didn't you always want a little sister? A curious little angle you could dot over and which would call you Onee-chan in a cute and loveable Imouto Voice? But hey, don't take my word for it, take a look inside yourself and you know it to be true. Just think about it~"
With that the voice of me, the good-natured pervert Towarius vanished, leaving that adorkable purple unicorn to her thoughts.
Intriguing. Well, not going to provide a name for obvious reasons. True names, binding, so on and so forth. Call me Null if you must. For now, Twilight, best to understand what you're working with in terms of that demonic power. Your friends will provide a valuable moral and emotional foundation... assuming they don't want to go back to their current state of corruption. Do keep an eye on that. In any case, you have no choice but to play this game. Best to figure out any rules your opponent conveniently forgot to mention before he can use them against you.
Hmm? Of course I'm rooting for you. What Scortatus fails to appreciate is how hard it is to maintain societies built on virtue and hope. Pits of debauchery are a dime a dozen on a multiversal scale, but "utopia" means "no such place" for a reason. What he calls "boring," I call "a pleasant contrast."
Whatever happens, I will watch your efforts with great interest.
Now, now, my children. So deep in your debauchery that you rush foolishly.
Hello, dear. My name is Asmodeus.
My sons and daughters are all so eager to play with their new toy. Ah, to be young again.
But their eagerness is only a weakness they allow you to exploit. I've been in the game for far too long. You're so brilliant my little princess. Too smart to slip from such blatant corruptions and temptations. Your soul burns white with the innocent love you feel for your friends and family. You are the greatest your kind has to offer.
But let it be known, while my family may poke, prod, and shove you to their goal, my own brand of corruption works deep. Deep, and slow. I'm not going to alight your passions or make you sensitive to the slightest touch. I'll simply be near. Less than a whisper.
As the bird that sharpens his beak on the diamond mountain and erodes it to nothing, so too will your will erode.
I tell you this Sparkle, out of generosity. My changes will be the smallest and the easiest to consume. But there enlies their power.
I always win. And the best part? You won't even know I have.
Considering this is your first story, this is pretty good. It was also a bit of a risk to make your first story a reader interaction one, but you did an interesting enough premise to where it worked. I'm excited to see where this story goes.
Now this is...intriguing. Is this fresh meat that I see..?
Well, either way, hello there young Twilight, a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Unlike my fellow brethren, I am not present to persuade for debaucherous pleasures. Rather, I’m curious to see what my compatriots will thrust upon you if you know what I mean...
However, while the entertainment shall excite for the next year at least, I prefer a balance of power betwix the over and underworld, one which will be upset by the callous interdiction of my brother. Unfortunately, if he were to accrue a large following above our heads, then, even with our combined strength...we would falter under his might.
Unfortunately, those overly horny, chittering imbeciles seemingly don’t care. They’d rather torment you for a year, something which is unbecoming of deity and potentially disastrous for all of us as a whole.
I shall try to keep you within a hair’s length of insanity just to ensure victory, your status is only secondary...
Happy trails, Twilight, happy trails...
Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. So short-sighted. I suppose you did need to deal with things quickly so Scortatus would stay interested but you made some foolish choices. You gain nothing by having Celestia uncorrupted, and now she and her sister must be his concubines in their normal forms. And perhaps their normal minds. But perhaps not. You did nothing for their memories or your friends. They know how easily they are transformed, in body and mind. They have a hint of what you will be enduring. What helo will they offer if they don't believe you can succeed? Will they even want you to succeed?
Oh Twilight. I think those thoughts of yours are far too pure for a demon. Perhaps we should....adjust them to be more fitting of your new role. I wonder how long that will of yours will last when your thoughts cease to have a filter.
3
A small adjustment to her mind might be in order.
2
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I would assume, that means you both for 4, right.
4
Number 4. Tainted thoughts
3
Asmodeus taints thoughts, of course.
Although, perhaps one could say I simply bring light to the thoughts one already has.
I wonder how deep your friendships go, Miss Sparkle? They're all such beautiful mares, each in their own special way. That's part of the reason you love them, no? You all butt heads occasionally, but you always come out stronger because each of them being their own unique beauty to each other's world.
Fluttershy loves and cares so wholly and tenderly.
Pinkie wants nothing more than to see you smile and can always infect everyone with her boundless energy.
Rainbow is brash, but will always be beside you, ready to fight.
Rarity, ever so delicate and generous, always making sure her friends are satisfied first.
And lastly Applejack. So down to the earth she commands and always willing to try to understand and be understood. Not to mention she could handle you with the same ease you handle a quill. Such strength granted to her by years of back-breaking, hot, sweaty work. And her stamina probably rivals the heroes in Spike's comic books. (What was that ones name? Mistress Mare-velous? That mare could rock spandex and a lasso like she was born with it) Her strength has also kept you and your friends in the fight countless times.
She and all the others deserve so much of your love. They deserve everything you can give them. Stay close to them, Twilight. Make sure they understand what they mean to you. How much you need them. How much they need you
3
Oh dear, poor poor little Twilight. Friendship has failed, the military has failed, Celestia has failed. I suppose the only way to succeed at this point is to become a better demon than lord scrotum. Beat him at his own game. After all the element of magic and the most studious mind in all of Equestria with access to demon magic? The potential is limitless.
Anyway I vote 4.
1
3
4
Poor twilight... Pay no mind to the amateurs; I'm here to help you
Rainbow dash sure looks attractive today, doesn't she?
Cute but don't lie to yourself; you felt something. But here's my point:
Think about it Twilight; the newfound source of your magic is lust; give it a try. Aren't you curious to figure it out?
Perhaps if you can master your new powers, you could even overthrow Scortatus...
I'll vote for 4 as well
1
You missed my point earlier, Twilight. I can certainly see why you'd want to avoid your princesses being turned into demons. But what's done is done and can be hard to simply undo. I don't expect your friends to abandon you. I merely expect they might doubt your abilities or even disagree with you. Your friends have stood beside each other and encouraged them to go forward and embrace things they didn't think they enjoy. Ha ha, perhaps embracing demonic lust could be the shy little bookworm's answer to embracing reading as a passion. You've explored your sexuality as little as Rainbow Dash explored expanding her mind
But besides that, consider two things. Firstly Scortatus promised you uprisings and rebellions would be put down. Do you think it would be better for the consciences of the royal guard if they were putting down those rebellions as their non-demonic selves? And before you think it would be better for the rebels, let me assure you if they were not put down with a certain amount of force Scortatus would step in himself. And a demon king in battle, especially with corruption off the table, would not be better for anyone.
And Scortatus told you Celestia and Luna would be his concubines. He never recanted on that statement. Celestia and Luna the ponies will no doubt be raped many times in this following year besides having to watch their little ponies be subject to the whims of a demons, Celestia and Luna the demons would not be raped once and would not view the current situation with any negative feelings.
Requesting your loved ones feel what could be a good time as torture is not a very caring thing to do. Requesting your friends, the other Elements of Harmony, back to normal; or at least as close as they can get; makes sense from the perspective that it theoretically gives you greater power. The Princesses offer you nothing. Scortatus won't allow you to regularly communicate with them, even of he did, he's already defeated your best so any secrets magically are worthless or they would have been used it in battle against him already. Their plight inspiring rebellion gets more ponies killed where their demonic forms would likely see rebellions cowed before they started, after all if the Princesses can be conquered what chance does the average pony have. And lets face it, you're better off hoping ponies behave either as normally as possible or as defeated as possible in this next year, if you want them to see the year after.
Really, you're the only thing it's safe for them to pin hope on any time soon. So no pressure.
3
Out of character though for a sec, I see what you're doing DarkGal, providing an incentive to raise the bar of clopfiction from mere fantasy to actual psychology/realism, and I approve. Perhaps this will help serve as a guide to improve the overall quality of the fiction on this site.
...If you liked Corruption of Ponyville check out Changing Aspirations and its sequels... I may have had some influence there :) . I mean CoP is next level, but they're of a kind.
Torn between 1 and 4
Hello, hello twilight is this spell on?
Ah hello twilight it's nice to meet the girl who had the, well the balls to not only face the top dog of the demons of tartarous but Also to make a deal with him and make it a show for demons that decided to stay in tartarous instead of joining the invasion.
I got ask why do you still resist, you know that equestria has fallen and it's only a matter of moment until the remaining resisting cities has fallen to his control and everyone you care would soon join the fate of your princess.
And I know you will make a speech for us stating that they are stronger than that and will resist the temptation, but be honest do you really think that they will resist when they will see the benefits of the joining them the pleasure and power they will get?
So as an advice if you will continue to resist I recommend who you figure out who you can really trust like find those who are actually immune to the demons and are still willing, like maybe the villains you have faced, I don't think they like the competition they will soon factor and the other advice you should take to heart is let go your pride and that stick up your ass and try to curry up favor from not only us but also the new people in charge be a bit more willing to their demands will give you something in return maybe a favor or a item you will need your pride and reservation to sex will not help you in the new equestria you'll live In a year or possibly beyond that.
1 and 2
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please choose one otherwise I can't count the vote
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