• Member Since 5th Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Damascus Seraph


My favorite things are Good fanfics, Roman Empire, Historical Warfare, Tactics, And Dragons. Ya cant forget the dragons!

Comments ( 131 )

Spelling and grammar errors before you even get into the story.
Whewlad.jpeg

If you need an editor, just ask me.

Interesting...
More.

Winged eagle symbol as a profile picture? Check.

Part of Humans Are Superior? Check.

Fic about war between humans and ponies? Check.

EDIT: SELF INSERT TAG?! CHECK!

Humans are depicted as somehow being more warlike than the other species even though the ponies warred so bad they literally almost destroyed the world? Check.

Random unification? Check.

All that fighting gave a technological advantage even though that's not what constant warfare does? Check.

'Planet will fear might of humans'? Check.

Humans depicted as conquering, rampaging bastards, but will still almost certainly be the 'good guys'? Check.

Celestia suddenly forgetting mid-fight she can move things with her mind? Check.

Human manages to stab 'through' armor and 'through' the skin of Celestia - which we've seen tank rock-shattering blasts without a scratch - with a SWORD?! Check.

Oh my fucking god make it STOP!

pegassi

man those flying asses sure know how to do a number on us humans I'll tell you what

next chapter please, want more

8114223

ponies warred so bad they literally almost destroyed the world?

When what how? If you mean the Sombra War, well, it's incompetent vs. incompetent, so yeah, that couldn't have gone any other way. If you mean Nightmare Moon... Well, that's been disproven in the same episode we had the Sombra War.

All that fighting gave a technological advantage even though that's not what constant warfare does? Check.

Y'know... Save for railroads, telegraphs, blood banks, synthetic rubber, ultrasound, mass radio, plastic surgery, airliners, about everything that has to do with microwaves, penicillin-tests, pressurized cabins, radio navigation, jet engines, nuclear power, computers (well, more or less) and the V-2 (vital for satellite communications (GPS and stuffs) and was probably the reason the moon-landing was at-all possible).

Yeah, no, war does advance technology. Sure, that's not so much because of the war itself than it it because of the way money is spent during war times, but it still means that during war times, technology advances.
How "constant" it is is pretty questionable, given that humanity... well, exists in the fic. Not sure how much money you can place on that. One could say humanity was "constantly" at war and just look back at the years from 1900-1950 and wouldn't be wrong depending on what you mean by "constant".

Celestia suddenly forgetting mid-fight she can move things with her mind? Check.

There are two possible approaches to MLP: Either Celestia is a chessmaster, or she is an idiot. Both are valid, and in this story, it's the second thing. She most certainly didn't just stop Nightmare Moon like this, so maybe she's bad under pressure?

Human manages to stab 'through' armor and 'through' the skin of Celestia - which we've seen tank rock-shattering blasts without a scratch - with a SWORD?! Check.

Yep. It's a +2 sword of plotarmor-penetration. In all seriousness though, this is a kids show. The only reason predators can even exist is due to intense BS: How is a manticore gonna kill something if that something survives getting smashed into a mountain? Not to mention that a single magical blast knocked her out of the air in that one Nightmare Moon flashback. It's plot-armor vs. plot-weapon, and the author decided plot-weapon was gonna win, which is his good right as the author.

You have a lot of inconsistent capitalisation. For example in the first sentence:

Mornings in Canterlot are always spectacular, Due to the sun goddess Celestia Living in the city, with the sun rising in such a way the colors of the sky all come on display all at once before the calm blue takes over.

Both "due" and "living" should not be capitalised because they're not proper nouns and they don't immediately follow a period. The world "I" should always be capitalised.

You also have a few spelling mistakes. For example "pegassi" should be "Pegasi"; "dont" and "wont" should be "don't" and "won't" because they're conjunctions of "do not" and "will not"; and "Quckly" should be "Quickly."

Your story is written in present tense (even the flashback) but as you stay consistent then that isn't too much of a problem. It is possible to do, just very uncommon.

As for any plot-holes, I think that someone would have at least informed Celestia what was going on in the Human lands before even the newspapers found out about it.

The beginning hours of the war will end in the humans steamrolling through the equestrians, griffins, etc....

I think so at least:applejackunsure:

8114396 I mean the part where they summoned the literal sentient ice ages known as the windigoes.

No, war does not advance technology. Does innovations would come about anyway. All it does is simply shift the attention from theoretical to applied for a while, but guess what?! Theoretical is what sets the pace, and applied is what has to catch up. All war does, AT MOST, is give applied a little chance to catch up before theoretical takes off again. Hence, look at how Heisenberg wasted his time with the atom bomb rather than more quantum.

If the author decides it happens, it's his right. But if the author decides that in his story 1+1=3 then it's our right as readers to call it out as stupid.

8114223 bitch this is my story i make the rules, ok 1: im not making a self insert. 2: Tell me humans are more warlike in our world? also compared to the other species they have more wars which would make them 'more warlike' than the others. 3: I will be describing how the unification happened in a later chapter so its not that random. 4: never said planet will fear humans, just those who picked on them. 5: never said humans will be good guys, or ponies will be good guys. In war, there are no good guys (accept ww2) 6: Again would it be more intresting for her to simply go 'obliterates enemy army with magic the end..' hmm? 7: Roman gladius' (which is what i was intending they were) were great and getting through armor with a 'stab'. its what they were designed for. 8: dont like it? read another story

8114740 well i would assume that warfare would at least help a little, since the tech gap isnt gonna be that much in this story, only to make up for the fact humans cant fly or have magic. So im tyring to make an excuse for it, excuse me for my ignorance.

8114716 that wouldnt be very intresting

8114432 Thanks for catching those ill fix them soon, and for the news thing i just thought it would be better if celestia did a spit take while reading a newspaper, plus i dont think that would be a 'national' issue for her to be woken up in the middle of the night to be told this. Plus news, unlike today, takes at least a week to travel around the world in around the world war eras which is the tech level of this world.

8114780 yeah, you're right. But some amount of steamrolling will happen at SOME point... i think?:applejackconfused:

8114740 Forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't their "war" summon these things without their intention? And if I remember correctly, it wasn't even a real war, but rather a disagreement that was settled by everyone moving away?

About your stance on science... Well, I just disagree: If something new is made, I don't consider it existing unless it actually... you know, exists. Theoretically, wormholes exist, but I'm fairly certain scientists would go nuts if you told them that the creation of a device that can reliably create stable wormholes wouldn't be an advancement only because it has been theoretically possible to create one.
Not to mention the fact that some of the technologies wouldn't have been funded and would possibly have been abandoned if it weren't for the military application.

On the final note... Well, again, this is MLP. It is something made to sell toys, not to create a consistent setting. Celestia dying to a sword might not be the most logical thing... But neither is the existance of predators in a world where your average critter can survive an anvil to the head without anything but a comedic injury.

8114396

When what how? If you mean the Sombra War, well, (1)it's incompetent vs. incompetent(1), so yeah, that couldn't have gone any other way. (2)If you mean Nightmare Moon... Well, that's been disproven in the same episode we had the Sombra War(2).

(1) the Sombra war occurred around 1000 years ago, taking into consideration that this war occurred 300 years before that (1300 years ago) I find it impossible to make that comparison. And why do you say incompetent vs incompetent? Sombra was never truly defeated by the alicorn sisters, he was casted away into the ice for a long time, yes, but he still came back and within a matter of days he almost managed to conquer the Crystal Empire.

Also, taking into consideration that Nightmare Moon almost managed to reach her goal in killing everyone (by a lack of sunlight that is) makes it even more ridiculous that you compare the most powerful unicorn in the entire history of MLP and the only purely evil alicorn that had complete control over the moon to a group of humans who's level of technology grants them the bow and arrow.

(2) taking into consideration that one of the possible alternate universes states quite clearly that King Sombras forces were taking control of all of Equestria, pushing the Celestial Alicorns into war while leaving everything in the path of his army desolate? Besides, those two events takes place in different time eras. PS: Celestia never defeated Nightmare Moon, being casted away to the moon only to return unscathed is not defeating, it's called imprisoning and there's a huge difference between those two.

There are two possible approaches to MLP:(1) Either Celestia is a chessmaster, or she is an idiot(1).Both are valid, and in this story, it's the second thing. (2)She most certainly didn't just stop Nightmare Moon like this(2), so maybe she's bad under pressure?

(1) or maybe, just maybe Celestia isn't infallible? Have you ever considered that this over-glorified alicorn is still susceptible to making mistakes? Or have you laid Celestia in a pedestal that makes her infallible?

(2) again, she never did. Celeatia without the Elements of Harmony would've never ever been able to pout a stop to Nightmare Moona plans. Sue, Celestia that one time was the channeling conduit for the Elements to do their thing, but without them she would've been either killed or imprisoned by her corrupted sister.

Yep. (1)It's a +2 sword of plotarmor-penetration(1) In all seriousness though, this is a kids show. The only reason predators can even exist is due to intense BS: How is a manticore gonna kill something if that something survives getting smashed into a mountain? Not to mention that a single magical blast knocked her out of the air in that one Nightmare Moon flashback. It's plot-armor vs. plot-weapon, and the author decided plot-weapon was gonna win, which is his good right as the author.

(1) maybe the author is trying to have a realistic approach regarding warfare? Have you ever considered the fact that maybe the author has realised how stupidly OP Celestia is and has decided "you shall now bleed like everyone else because I find it unfair that you can survive almost everything that would've easily killed a normal being"

8114783 Even in WW1 the governments of the respective nations knew what was going on before the newspapers did. Communications were quite advanced at the time. The first transatlantic telegram was in 1858 and the first phone call in 1927. Of course, it's up to you how things work in your world, but if Equestria had any contact at all with the humans, especially diplomatic or spy contact, then I find it odd that they didn't figure out what was going on months ago.

8114775 'In this story I make the rules'.

Hmm, you know, there's that strange saying. "A king who has to say he is one, is no king at all." Just swap king for author.

And no, we're not more warlike! Holy shit look at chimps, or dolphins, or orcas!

Well at least you'll be introducing SOME measure of morally gray. But in the end of the day, we know that this story will boil down to 'humans are so much stronger than everyone else'. Why even read it at all? You can tell the outcome at first glance.

No, it wouldn't. You know how you can get around this? Don't have her go there in the first place!

Capable of pierc - she was literally unharmed by something that can bore holes through solid stone! That's just not how force works!

But you know what? You're right. I tried my best to point out the - glaring - plot flaws, but I don't like it, so I most certianly won't read it. Have fun with your human wank. I'm sure it's so fulfilling..

8115096 'Well at least you'll be introducing SOME measure of morally gray. But in the end of the day, we know that this story will boil down to 'humans are so much stronger than everyone else'. Why even read it at all? You can tell the outcome at first glance.'

Who said the humans will win? who said anything like that. Germany during ww1 was much stronger than most nations yet they lost the war. Now im not saying humans are gonna lose, but war is a tricky thing. Nobody wins in war, they only survive.

Interdasting...
Nothing more to add, there already is a lot of bitching on this comment section.

Interesting, while I've seen plenty of fics with elements like those in this one, I'm a sucker for HIE war stories, I'll be sure to see how this plays out. And unlike some people in the comments, I'll give some constructive criticism rather than just bitch about things I don't like.

You could pre-read before publishing, perhaps get an editor, as there are some mistakes with the grammar. It's not too bad, but definitely something I would fix.

Unification of The New Human Empire!

You could 'quote' this, if only to show it's a paper she is reading. Would make it pop out more to the eye.

1300 Years ago..
Human Griffin and Equestrian Triple border...
Mid day..

1300 Years later...

Since the following are transitions, you could put them in italics, or add a horizontal rule before hand.

I can just recommend these changes, you don't have to go through with them of course. I'll be looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Cheers, mate! :moustache:

8114913 There seem to be a slew of misunderstandings there:
The only Sombra "War" we have been shown was the alternate timelines one. After all, there's nothing to suggest that their first confrontation was more than what we have in the show: A harmony-blast to the face without any intention to dodge or counter. And I'm saying the incompetent part because... Well the Empire failed to protect itself against a single Unicorn (not alicorn or anything special, just a regular old unicorn, unless you count the comics), so on that side there isn't much going on. On Sombras side... Well, if you leave clues to your enemies that help them find the one thing that can beat you (aside from the elements), then you aren't very clever.
About Nightmare Moon: I meant that it was disproven that eliminating the sun kills all life on the planet. Remember, the alternate timeline still puts Twilight into season 5, which means that at least a year (and very likely more) has passed without sunlight (from season 1 to season 5). And let me tell you, if the sun were suddenly to vanish, we'd feel the effects of that way sooner. Sure, "it was an alternate timeline", but I highly doubt that Starlight stopping the rainboom rewrote the physical laws of ponyworld.
And yeah, in the Sombra Timeline, he does manage to beat Celestia... Which maybe further proof that, instead of both being awesome, he's just slightly less of an idiot.

On the second one, you are just misunderstanding me: I'm with the author on this one. Celestia's just not a very smart creature. Powerful, sure, but smart? I'd like to see one thing that one couldn't do with more power than about half of equestrias population (roughly, assuming Tirek wasn't just fooling around) and the ability to look into the future that she did in the show.
And again: I was refering to the precise thing that was said. Celestia didn't just stop her sister with telekinesis. Therefore, we can likely say that she either didn't think about it OR wasn't able to. Either explains why she didn't use that ability to just kill the human that attacked her.

For the final one... That was sarcasm. The joke was supposed to be that, no matter the battle, the author will be the one who decides the outcome. That goes for this fic just as well is it went for the MLP show. This one is probably on me though, I might have not made it clear enough.

8115302 thanks for the constructive critisism instead of fanning the flame war in the comments

If only diplomacy and politics was this smooth and simple today...

8115171
Whoa whoa whoa, hold up.

Don't get salty from criticism. Embrace them and use them to make your story better. This is your story, but you're not exactly putting yourself in a good lighting like that. Don't insult any viewers unless there is an absolutely good reason to.

Btw, you gotta let me edit your chapters BEFORE you post them.

8116101 i would if i wasnt impatient as fuck and forgetful

8116145
Then learn to be patient. Control your anger.

8115724 Well there be german tech and unifroms?

8116366 uniforms yes, tech is probably gonna be a mix of countries

8116187
8116145
'Anger leads to hate, hate... Leads to suffering.'

Liking where this is going very much...

Comment posted by Sadistic Joy deleted May 17th, 2017

Interesting, Interesting, Interesting.

Comment posted by Flamboyant deleted May 22nd, 2017

*shoots tracking-dart* Keep going, this has my attention. :derpytongue2:

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