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Over the years, friends drift apart, form new relationships, and forget one another. This has never been harder on a pony than it was for Pinkie, and, as her last real friend drifts away from her, she begins to tie a knot.
Will her death bring her friends back together? Or just give them one more chance to argue?
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Looks good. Actually elicited an emotional response from me, and considering that it's me I'm talking about that's really saying something. Tracking.
Oh, and first.
I actually cried just from this... Track. Track. Track.
Oh, and second.
This liquid....its pouring from my eyes at a fast rate. May I inquire how to stop it?
864931 Just watch a funny video like (sarcastically) Cupcakes.
As much as Pinkie Pie is my least favorite pony meaning I probably won't connect with this story, I'm willing to put that aside and say that this fic has a LOT of potential! That's all that needs to be said.
865011 Oh thanks.... *Watches animated version of cupcakes*.....well, the tears have stopped, but now my pants are leaking yellow water......
865031 LOL! I did`nt mean actually WATCH It, Silly Mcsillerson.
865037 Damn it I feel embarrassed
. NO ONE SHALL KNOW, POKER FACE ACTIVATE: 
865013
Pinkie isn't my favorite pony, but she isn't the focus of the story, either: she's actually on the periphery, with the focus being the conflicts and character growth that drive the 6 apart. Her death is simply the vehicle I'm using to tell this story.
... I feel like I sounded like a douche when I wrote that. Oh well!
864818>>864871>>864931
considering this chapter came first because it was my least favorite of the whole thing... (except maybe the rarity chapter, but I hate rarity, so...) this makes me happy! :D
Anyone have a pic to suggest for the story? I'd like to try submiting it to EQ daily, but for that I'll need a pic.
865376
866242
Ah so Pinkie Pie is only used as a plot device? Ok.
Btw, don't feel like a douche for saying what needs to be said
866291
not that I was being a douche, but that I said it LIKE a douche. I felt like a hipster sitting there going "No man, you're not understanding the artistic merit of of the concept". XD
866298
Or that one hipster on that Dunkin Doughnut commercial who thinks he knows what Artisan means
866298 I just had to read this again. I started reading fanfics since 2 pm and now it is 4:26......A.M.....time flies while having fun..
This is completely unrealistic. Rainbow Dash doesn't have the skill to make the Wonderbolts.
873591
it's okay, a few years have passed, she's become far more skilled. And she's not "in" the wonderbolts, she's in their training squad- the wonderbolts have about 4 levels. training squad, where rookie recruits go, a slightly more skilled training squad that a fraction of those recruits then go into, then the backup squad, who are called in when the main team is unavailable/ injured(surprise is in this one) and the main team. There's probably about 70 slots in the rookie squad, 30 in the training squad, and ten for both backup and primary squads. Just making it into the rookie squads, however, is an impressive feat.
Okay- so, Author's note time. Lets see, important things off the bat-
Number one, sorry this has taken so long. I put a lot of work into it, but a lot of things have sabotaged that effort. (not least of all my complete and utter loathing of the subject)
Number two, the next few chapters should come faster, but don't expect to see them too quickly- now that I'm done these two I'm moving onto a rather more serious topic- which, given the whole concept is based around suicide, should be saying something.
Number three- I am currently searching for a pre-reader, if anyone would like to take that position. Any takers?
You seem to have a bit of trouble with capitalizing proper nouns, at least in the first part of the chapter. I'd offer to preread, but I've been busy lately and will be getting more so.
1044463
Oops! must have made some mistakes! I'll fix that ASAP, unfortunately I have no time ATM.
989554
I would love to preread for you if the postion is still open.
1066130
I`ve got one guy, but he hasn`t sent any corrections yet, so I`ll add send you the password and you can give it a go for the next chapter.
It is worth noting that I`m not just looking for someone to point out mistakes, I also want a pre-reader to point out things like awkward text, stupid plots, character inconsistancies, etc.
and here I enter into the hallowed halls of actual for serious character conflicts. Sure, Rarity avoided Pinkie deliberately, but, I mean... not really conflict.
Also, super special awesome thanks to Kairix for editing this. To the other people who volunteered- if I can figure out how to let you see it through here, I'll let you know. Or if someone else could let me in on the secret...?
Huzzah! Conflict, character development, and plot development! What wonderous things.
Really tugs at the heartstrings
I should not attempt to write from Applejack's perspective anymore. I am terrible at it. She tends toward simpler descriptions, and is very much a fan of function over form, in any state. I am something of her opposite, and I have determined that I need a sucker punch every five minutes to remind me not to use phrases like "without a point of egress" or "mend the rift that eventually split her from all of her former friends, save Rainbow, who willingly exiled herself". Those are far too wordy, and I can't even imagine applejack THINKING the word "egress".
Also, for anyone who's interested I did some editing(I made a ton of mistakes when writing previous chapters, it turns out) and added a couple paragraphs to the end of Rarity's chapter(I'd actually written those paragraph's before, but they seem to have been lost in the either at some point) which should make that chapter's ending feel a little less... sudden. hopefully.
DEAR GOD this took forever to write. I originally posted this comment 10 weeks ago, as of this edit, thinking I'd be posting within an hour or two. This is not how it went. For those wondering, this is a result of both lack of desire to write applejack- I hate writing her- and a desire to actually edit this into EQ Daily level quality before continuing. Since I have determined that won't be happening, I'm going to try and finish this ASAP(If you're reading this then the plan worked) and then finish do Fluttershy's chapter within a week or two. After that I'll get my hands on a dedicated editor, and let them loose on this... whatever it is. If I make significant changes I'll add an author's note saying as such, and clarifying any points people seem to get confused on.
Hmm, this story has piqued my interest. I still have no idea beyond a faint hint as to what happened to Pinkie, but your gradual revelation of events, as well as each character's perspective on the days leading up to and after her death, are as in-character as they are interesting. Faved, and looking forward to more.
1237798
I would suggest re-reading the description one more time.
Anyway, thanks for the feed back! It's good to see that the things I'm trying to do here are working!
1410743
heh, yeah, I think it's a little different from normal because it isn't about the death, but about how and why the death happened. There's gonna be some fallout, of course, but the primary focus is on what happened before, and Pinkie's death is just a catalyst, you know?
And every time I try to describe what I'm doing with a story I end up feeling like a massive douchenozzle. wooo. whatever.
1410871
this won't get anywhere near that long, though I wouldn't surprised if it tops 8000 words. it's meant to be a short story, in bite sized intervals.
My heart had a feel. And another. And another. Then it had a fatal feels attack. Then I had a heart attack. I am currently waiting for someone to call an ambulance. Ick. Ack. Urgh.
Finally read the chapter. Sad feels as always. Anyway I'd be willing to edit when you get the next chapter up if you'd like.
oh buck Dash you just got burned big time. I really dont know what to say but wow for someone who isn't a big fan of pinkie you did a good job on this story.
2584198
Thanks, though to be fair the focus was kind of on the others most of the time. Pinkie was a side note, or a staging point, or something along those lines. She put them in the position, but most of it was unrelated to her.
2584211
oh so i am taking it that not only do you not like her but you hate her enough to kill her off and focus only the rest of her friends. you know i may feel the same way about fluttershy but i woudlnt go out on my way just to make her the one on the side while everyone else is getting all the attention. if i am taking this the wrong way i am sorry but what can i say? i am a pinkie fanboy. i just feel her not getting enough love is an insult i mean if anything its her friends who put her there not the other way around. so yeah i see this as all their fault not hers.
2584235
I'm not a Pinkie fanboy, but I'm also not a hater, either. She just kind of... is. Well, that's not strictly true. She's one of my top five ponies, but in this particular case... well, noone else could fill the role, and it's hard to justify this situation happening any other way. Try it this way- I like Pinkie, but I had an idea I liked, and I went 'ooh, lets see where this goes'.
Turns out, the answer is sorrow.
Damn, was that depressing.
2584255
writing is hard and sometimes you have to go with what you get at the time and what character sounds good to use for that story. so i will be on look out now for any more good stories like this from you. 
oh yeah i see now, it makes much more sense now that i think about it..
Well, this kinda sucks (not the story). I mean, she doesn't see Spike as her friend? No wonder he feels left out all the time.
2585015
Spike was also alienated by her attempts to help Applejack, I just didn't think that he changed things enough to be worth his own chapter.
2584322
Someone has forgotten the entire aspect of her character revealed in 'party of one'. Good to see you're so positive and focused on helping others, though.
The fact that this had TwiShy attracted me, but I found myself reading through because I was genuinely interested.
Good job.
i hate sad and dark stories..... but this was amazing. it was an amazing end, but one i wish was different. good job.
2611650
That's the point of a tragedy- you wish it had ended differently, and you know how it could have, but it didn't.
Good to hear I'm doing my job,
I have to say that although I find your portrayal of AJ's beliefs a bit over-the-top, I'm really enjoying this story. Saw a bunch of typos in this chapter though:
Should be "cloud".
"right"
Caps on "When" because new sentence.
No caps on "Marefriend"
Missing a space
Okay I really liked that story. Depressing as hell, but in a good way. I'm glad you had the balls to end it the way you did. Some stories are not meant to be wrapped up in a neat little bow!
I'll leave you with this:
Caps on "After.
2617373
The focus is on her beliefs, of course they seem over the top when they're being given the limelight. Events mentioned in a single paragraph probably happened over the course of two or three months. What's described here as 'ranting and raving' might just be her refusing to let an argument go, or something else. The intent is to portray those beliefs, and the actions related to them, badly, because none of the characters view them as good.
It's going through another round with the editor and I in the hopes of hitting EQD, so those'll be fixed soon! If you see any more, I'd really appreciate if you'd point them out!
Thanks for taking the time to read my sad and silly story!
2617473
Hee, thanks again. It seems you finished while I was writing.
And yeah, it depresses me when a good, sad story gets ruined by deus ex machina "EVERYTHING IS BETTER".
... which isn't technically a bad thing, I suppose, is it? :P
This story was very petty. All the reasons except for Twilight's were pretty damn petty.
2617987
People are petty.
That's not true, Twilight's been wrong before, and she's quick to own up to it, too
In fact, she's been known to take the blame for stuff that WASN'T her fault, and she's very forgiving.