Twilight and Moondancer's Time Alone

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Comments ( 12 )

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Stardust_Shade

Stardust_Shade #1 · Mar 10th, 2017 · 1 · ·

naughty moondancer...i approve of this...better be careful or Starlight is gonna catch you two...but then who says thats a bad thing?

Tank Drill

Tank Drill #2 · Mar 10th, 2017 · 1 · ·

8011782

Stardust_Shade

Stardust_Shade #3 · Mar 10th, 2017 · 1 · ·

8011808 Starlight could be all like 'oh you can have this many magical orgasms with YOUR friend? Well I can have THIS many magical orgasms with the great and incredibly horny and Trixie...or better yet she goes to the human world and coaxes Sunset Shimmer into helping her since she's more powerful than Trixie...choices, choices

Hellblazer

Hellblazer #4 · Mar 11th, 2017 · 1 · ·

Hey, sorry if you get multiple notifications, I accidentally favorited it, but when you thanked me I refavorited it because I didn't think it would be fair to you if I didn't. Then I decided to read it. It's pretty good, though I personally dont care for the *ahem* "enhancements" by Moondancer. Just a matter of personal taste. Sorry for the confusion.

Mystic Mind

Mystic Mind #5 · Mar 11th, 2017 · 2 · ·

I think a little more development between the Twilight X Moondancer romance would have helped, just to show why they are so into each other. But what it lacks in development it makes up for in character depth and general fun! Good job :).

Brother Roga

Brother Roga #6 · Mar 11th, 2017 · 1 · ·

Let's play a game I like to call "Guess the One Who Becomes an Eunuch!"

We have 1 contestant: Arpeggio! If you guessed it's Arpeggio, congratulations!

OmniFox

OmniFox #7 · Mar 12th, 2017 · · ·

Speaking of Starlight, during her visit in Canterlot what if she run into her best friend and secret marefriend Trixie?

TheWindrunner

TheWindrunner #8 · Sep 6th, 2017 · · ·

I can't help but notice the tense jumped around a bit from Present Progressive tense to Past Simple/Perfect.

Tank Drill

Tank Drill #9 · Sep 6th, 2017 · · ·

8410316
Thanks for that. I'll look into it.

TheWindrunner

TheWindrunner #10 · Sep 6th, 2017 · · ·

8411260

Sorry, should have clarified. Here:

I nodded as I lift my plot and 'gift' in the air. With my magic, I point my staff at Twilight's entrance. I looked at her just to make sure and she gave her approval through a nod. I smiled as I plunged my cock into her tight and wet cavernous pussy. The purple unicorn groaned as she was being filled and becoming whole. I was having a blast with this new feeling. I've tried this spell before with toys, but nothing could compare to the real deal. My member twitched within her as her insides tightened around me.

This is a good example, because in the first two sentences, it is obviously present tense, and from the third to fifth sentence, it is past. It switches a lot, not just between paragraphs, which is a little harder to spot, but between the actual sentences within a single paragraph. Not a huge mistake that a lot of people would notice, and I did an actual double take - I didn't notice it the first time.

Keep on writing dude