Plotbuster
Joined 12th Jun, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- DigitalPhoenix · 11k words · 41 0 · 1.7k views
- PinkToPink · 1.4k words · 47 45 · 3.6k views
- Rose Quill · 3.7k words · 91 9 · 3.2k views
- DrEggnog · 1.3k words · 125 3 · 5k views
- Fabulosity · 6.2k words · 31 8 · 2.2k views
- FoxMcCloud7921 · 4.8k words · 40 1 · 1.6k views
- DigitalPhoenix · 1.8k words · 45 0 · 1.7k views
- Aweirdassguy · 4.3k words · 119 4 · 6.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.134 seconds
Total duration
912 users online
1,385,720 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I enjoyed this fic up until Twilight claimed she was sober. It was really interesting since Sunset was attracted to Twilight, and was enjoying what she was doing, but knew it was wrong to doing anything while Twilight was that drunk. It just isn't believable that Twilight sobered up during the course of the car ride, or was anything more than slightly less drunk. I don't know why Sunset would so readily believe that when clearly Twilight is an inexperienced drinker who doesn't know her own limits. I also felt the dialogue during the sex itself was extremely awkward, and Sunset seemed like a completely different person from how she was acting earlier. I think the story would have been better if Sunset was able to walk away from Twilight after getting her home so she could sort out her own feelings, and then the two would have a serious conversation some other day (could be the day after, even), which could lead to sex. But not "Twilight's completely smashed-oh wait she isn't so it's fine if she has sex".
8014690
Understandable concerns, although your timeframe's a bit off. From the point that Twilight stopped drinking to them talking in her apartment about an hour had passed (Twenty minutes since her last drink before they left, a twenty minute car ride at 'Sunset' speeds lengthened to about thirty when she slowed down to give herself time to think, with another ten minutes tacked on when they stopped to talk and, um, hug. Yeah, hug). Add to that the fact that, no matter how unused to alcohol and how much it can effect you, you can only get so drunk on three or four hard ciders. Twilight might not have been 'sober as a judge' as she claimed, but she was hardly impaired at that point in the story. As for Sunset's sudden change in demeanor, just like Twilight said, her reason for holding back had gone up in flames. At the point her reason for being uneasy about Twilight's advances disappeared, Sunset's natural confidence and inclinations took over.
In the end, my explanations aren't going to change your dissatisfaction with the story, but I thought I might as well express my point of view and what I was trying to convey. Obviously, I failed, and deeply enough that it ruined the story for you. My apologies for that. I'm well aware that you can't please everyone, but I still try, and it's disappointing when it gets pointed out to me. Live and learn, I guess. I appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you didn't like, though. It might not feel as good as a positive critique, but it's just as helpful in making me a better writer.
8014766 I do try to leave constructive criticism. But I still have a few questions about the timeframe. I have no idea how strong AJ's hard cider is, but it's probably safe to assume that Twilight's blood-alcohol content is above the legal limit (in the US) to drive, since Sunset needed to take her home, yeah? A single hour wouldn't be enough time for Twilight to sober up enough to drive. From a tiny bit of quick research, Twilight would still need several hours to reach that point, and until then she's still impaired and incapable of really giving consent. If she only had a single glass of cider, an hour's probably closer to what she'd need, but not when she had 3 or 4 glasses.
8015258
Well, for story purposes, let's say AJ's cider is about the same ABV. as a strong beer, which most are, so, 7% or so. She's brewing for taste after all, not strength, and although you can still brew a tasty high alcohol cider it tends to overpower the flavor the higher you go. I was actually curious myself, so I found a BAC calculator, and it turns out that at the time they left AJ's house, Twilight would have had a .073 or so. Not even over the legal limit to drive herself, although as any cop will tell you, they can still arrest you for being impaired whatever your actual BAC. By the time they made it to her apartment, Twilight would have been sitting around a .048 roughly. Consent is a tricky thing in most people's eyes, though. I tend to think Sunset was on the side of the angels, but, that's where I wanted her to be when I wrote the story. Although it's nice to see I was about right where her sobriety was concerned from a scientific standpoint, it never really entered into my mind. How you react to alcohol has a lot to do with how you expect it to treat you, a psychosomatic effect that can affect people even when they only THINK they're ingesting alcohol. Twilight expected to be floored after a few drinks, so no matter how long the timeframe between them, after three or four drinks she WAS. Playing up her incapacitated state for sympathy wouldn't be beyond Twilight, either, and Sunset actually started to suspect that was the case when they got to Twilight's apartment. Sunset didn't know how drunk Twilight ACTUALLY was, she was running on the assumption that Twilight was smashed based on how she was acting. At the point where Twilight realized that her inebriation was actually hindering her chances with Sunset, it would have been a strong motivator for her to 'sober up'.
In the end, it all comes down to me knowing how the events played out, but failing to describe them well enough for us to be on the same page. That's my failing, not yours, and I'm sorry again that I left such a bone of contention so open to interpretation. The story is written mostly from Sunset's perspective, so I was giving the information that Sunset would have had, but maybe that was a mistake in this case. I WILL say that I'm enjoying this little back and forth, though, so I can't say I regret it that much. I really love getting into discussions like this about my writing, getting down to the reasons that someone is dissatisfied with my work. I'll admit that I have a lot of experience drinking, and being on the other end of the spectrum as far as experience while being even at a slight disadvantage to her physically might have skewed my OWN perspective on how she would handle it. Suffice it to say that Twilight was manipulating circumstances to her advantage, no matter how morally questionable that might be. Desperation can help you rationalize a lot of things, and a touch of alcohol can go a long way to easing your conscience. Looking forward to your reply
8015535 That's....hard to counter. You put up a very nice explanation there, but yeah, just seeing things from Sunset's perspective made it difficult to really see that. I've also never had a drink myself, let alone been drunk, so everything on my end was just some basic research and what I could remember learning from school. I may not have liked your story in the end, but I can appreciate your openness to criticism and the willingness to actually discuss it.
Good story, good music, really sweet fluff. I love it!
8016808
I tend to only drop hints as to underlying things like that. If my story is as open to interpretation as I can make it, I get new viewpoints along with people catching the little hints I sprinkle through them. The scene where Twilight remarks in her thoughts that she was supposed to be seducing Sunset was meant to be a hint that Twilight had an agenda the whole time. As it is, I don't mind discussing my story and what I think it is, and your interpretation was as valid as any. I just felt like I didn't want you to come away from the story disliking it for an aspect I tried to infer by text wasn't present.
8017126
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it
Would you believe me if I said I listened to
the entire time, and it still felt right? Writing was pretty spot on- keep up the good work!
8018504
After listening to the song... A little? lol, I like it a lot, though. Thanks for giving my story a looksee
Also, is that the owl from Rock-a-doodle? Because, that's just awesome. That movie gave me quite a few shivers and a few happy quivers as a kid
This story was a lot of fun to read.
8029566
I try. Glad you liked it
WHEN THE OTP IS JUST RIGHT:
orig04.deviantart.net/d9a6/f/2016/034/3/1/color_me_pacha_meme___twilight_sparkle_by_neoncookies1234-d9qea52.jpg
A shame that this didn't get much more attention. This story manages to be amusing, and even sets itself up for a full length multi chapter story which I'd love to see.
8056151
=P Pacha is quite the compliment, hehe. Glad I could stoke the boiler of your steamship
8064560
Thanks. I try to inject a fair bit of humor into my work unless it's supposed to be serious. As for garnering attention, I got that once and it turned me into a nervous wreck, so I'm happy it didn't blow up, honestly.
8064704 Is there any potential for this to be turned into a full length story? I would gladly read it. One of the saddest parts about one shots is they are over too quickly. :c
8065380 The best I can offer you is that there may be a few more vignettes involving this particular continuum and these particular characters. Any promises I make only lead to tragedy.
8067813 a damn shame, oh well.
I really enjoyed the music. I love chill step
8201909
Me too
It's a focal tool in my writing process, honestly.
Not that I have much of one of those, but, it helps.
I liked the story. I would like to point out that I saw the balcony sunset scene coming around the middle of the story, but it still was a good read.
Hot, Adorable, Funny. What more could anyone want.
This is another amazing fic that deserves waaaay more attention than its getting.
Awww adorable!
So fucking cute man I cannot stop reading sciset/sunlight stories. This shit makes my day I swear. Sooooooo very lovely