• Member Since 27th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen July 7th

Tank Drill


Retired Brony, if you come across this account, I welcome you. My stories are dated, but show my writing progress. Have fun with that.

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The Princess of Friendship gets Sunset's message that something is up at Canterlot High. She immediately leaves Equestria to help out her friends. Once she got to the other side, though, she meets her friends having a picnic with herself? Uh, oh. The conversation she has with herself gets interesting.

Spoiler: If you watched Friendship Games, this is the ending when Twilight comes to Canterlot High after the events of Midnight Sparkle.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 20 )

That was pretty interesting.

I liked it.

Pretty nice.

Princess Twilight and EQ Twilight.

This was a nice try but I don't think that you got human!Twilight's personality right. You could have done a lot more with Princess Twilight's own 'magical scientist' nature and have her identify where her counterpart may have gone wrong.

Overall a good attempt but missing a lot of stuff.

6473366
I can do edits in the meantime if you would like... :fluttercry: Also, can you expect someone to just recover when she transformed into a monster? Sunset cried in the first movie and there was... Well there was that one scene where Human Twilight cried because she was being blamed for not being smart as Princess Twilight. Other than that, there is no scene where Human Twilight cried for being manipulated into everything in Crystal Prep.

Pretty good, but one spelling error

"At least it this one isn't scary." Fluttershy admitted.

you should change it to "At least in this scenario it isn't as scary." Fluttershy admitted

(Abit more grammatically correct.)

6474523
Noted and fixed! :twilightblush: Thanks a lot! :twilightsmile:

Nice chapter story. (Been reading too many serials)

I would recommended changing

researching on the frequencies come from Canterlot High.

to

researching on the frequencies that originated at Canterlot High.

or at the least

researching on the frequencies that came from Canterlot High.

6475606
Thanks for that. :twilightblush: It's been noted and fixed! :twilightsmile:

...stories without a basic level of grammar will be failed.

Apparently some moderator/admin forgot about this.

"You mean the Twilight Zone?" Rarity asked.

Groan. :facehoof:

I'd complain how contrived it is to ship Flash Sentry with a character he's barely met, and whose only interaction with him is accidentally running into him... but... the movies already did that. :trollestia:

I looked behind to see Flash and Sparkle were chatting it up

I don't mind this infact Im actuality rooting for them to start as friends first.

Comment posted by Ryvaken deleted Oct 4th, 2015

This is weird for me to explained, but there is another me five feet away. I blinked several more times and none of my theories about the whole world being sucked into oblivion just by a paradox.

The first sentence I quoted is awkward, and mixes tenses; at the very least it should be "explain" not "explained". The second sentence isn't even a complete sentence. I must say such errors in the first paragraph of a story does not leave a very good first impression...

6539315 Thanks, at least some people are willing to help me out. :ajsmug: It has been fixed, but hey what can you do with an author who is dyslexic? :pinkiesad2:

Nice. Been looking for dew days for a story with this premise. This is the only one I found. :)
[edit: okay, I found more now, in the "also liked" bar on the right. But that's beside the point]

As for the grammar and such: I noticed a couple of hiccups, but nothing that hindered my enjoyment. I would say kudos for writing stories when you are dyslexic. Takes a measure of guts! :rainbowdetermined2:

6593665

Thank you! :pinkiehappy:

At least someone is looking at my way of writing. :ajsmug: Besides, I don't care about the bad or hate comments because they really don't get me mad or depressed. :twilightsmile: Just as long as my readers and followers read my stories, I'll feel happy. :raritystarry: Also, I have a few websites that correct my grammar. :raritywink:

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