• Member Since 26th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen 55 minutes ago

Tank Drill


Love telling stories to the top of my head and knowledge.


T

Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie have a sleepover at Twilight's Castle. They also decide to invite Spike as well [instead of getting him to have a sleepover with the Crusaders] and decides to play a new game he came up with: Million Bits, But... The six Pony's decided to play the game, but over time they will learn from one another what they would do for a million bits.

A One-shot story about a game from Rooster Teeth. The scenarios from the show are being used in the MLP Universe. For those who don't know about Rooster Teeth, I highly recommend you to watch.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 27 )

How odd? that I watched all of the "Million dollars but" earlier... either way thumbs up

Sequel please.

Not bad. There are some spelling issues that you might want to have someone take a look at.

For example:

I wanted to have Spike to have something to do

sounds really odd. "I wanted to give Spike something to do" flows much better, though I'm not saying to go with what I said, just that you might want to look some stuff over. Like the dog one, I don't understand what the condition for that one is, thanks to the weird phrasing.

"A million bits, but once a month for a year, you have to go out on a nice date with King Sombra."

And then at the end of the year, he dies of heartbreak.

Man, I cannot believe that this crossover exists. I love it!

It does annoy me slightly that you didn't think of many original Million bit, buts?
A lot of them were straight from the series.

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*Checked on Microsoft word, then other grammar/spelling websites* :twilightblush: It should be all good! :twilightsmile:

I think some of the sentences could be reworked, but it's quite nice.

In Spikes bedroom: A small black tendril exited Spikes head, before saying quite softly, "Soon."

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While that sentence is technically correct (at least in colloquial terms), it does sound weird due to the repetition. I second the change.

I entered the Throne room and everypony was in their respected seats.

Cap.
_____________

Spike continued, "It will give everypony a chance to think about their condition when they give away the million bits."

Indent.
_________________

"What? It's true! Besides, I don't accept the million Bits."

"Give us something that all of us would want to turn down that million Bits!"

"OH Sweet Celestia!" Rarity cried.

lower case
______________________

I smiled, "You can see and feel the dog, but no pony can't see your dog." 'I love playing some mind games.' I thought giggling internally.

can
______________________

"I would take it, it's only a million bits, and how hard can it take?" Rainbow said.

what's that supposed to mean? 'How hard can it take?'
__________________


Other than some errors here and there, this was pretty decent. I'll have to watch the "Million Bits, but ..." thing, sounds like it'd be fun to watch.

I'm surprised there was nothing sexual, except for the muscular stallions pushing around strollers. Those pegasi have daddy issues.

Ok the idea was interesting, but everything fell apart when I started reading the scenarios.You basically stole every single idea from rooster teeth's videos, without coming up with a singular original scenario.

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I was hoping that you've come to that. I want this to be a gateway for people that don't know about Rooster Teeth. Plus, can you blame me for having dyslexia? I can only rely my grammar correction program and Microsoft Word, so I can do only so much.

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Checked and fixed! Thanks for the construction spelling corrections! :rainbowkiss:

I would love to see a sequel to this.

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I'm thinking about it... :trixieshiftright:

"Can I clarify something?" Spike asked.
"Of course Spikey Wikey."
He gulped, "Does this work for ponies? Say for example I'm just minding my own business and said 'I forgot who the main nurse at the Ponyville hospital.'"

So there's Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and...who was it again?

How about the game "Would You Rather"?

I HAVE AN IDEA!! :raritystarry: You should make a sequel, but have it be a different group of ponies. Like have it use some background characters or maybe the princesses. That would be SO amazing!

I was so hopping that some of the more "Adult" scenarios would come up.....would have been funny if some how the RT crew ended up there playing the game so we'd get the more WTF scenarios. :rainbowlaugh:

that and the ponies reacting to the human versions of their scenarios and vice-versus

"I got a funny one!" Pinkie cheered, "You get a million bits, but every time you use an item, it says what it is. Say you're using a quill on a paper, Twilight, and it says repeatedly, Quill, Quill, Quill, Quill and Paper, Paper, Paper, Paper!”

I can see a one shot based on this idea.

Also a joke about them Pinkie Promising to never mention this to Discord.

I expected more out of this... The game is great and all, but this is a one-to-one copy of the show, asking exactly the same questions. Downvote dispensed for spoiling the concept for this context. If you upload another chapter that's actually original feel free to contact me to get it turned into an upvote, but for now I am extremely disappointed in this fic.

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A One-shot story about a game from Rooster Teeth. The scenarios from the show are being used in the MLP Universe. For those who don't know about Rooster Teeth, I highly recommend you to watch.

Just in case you haven't read the summary. lol

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I jumped right into the story without reading that. If I had, I wouldn't have read it. As it stands, the existing chapter is still offensive on a creative level, and I can't exactly get rid of a downvote without giving it an upvote. For me this story still deserves a downvote more than an upvote, so it remains.

This story has potential. The game seems like it would be a fairly fun game to play. However, I didn't find the story funny, and some elements of humor seemed rather forced, such as Twilight's and Rainbow Dash's wings at the mention of being pushed around in a stroller by a muscular stallion. Are you implying that they both have a fetish for paraphilic infantism (a sexual fetish of being regressed to a baby like state in a role playing situation), or are they literally that easily turned on by the mere mention of muscular stallions that they are popping wing boners all the time? The entire event just seems rather forcefully used.

Something I also had trouble with is the mentioning that Spike has wings and then that was never talked about, or used again the entire time. What was the point of that?

Rainbow Dash was also mentioned to have already joined the Wonderbolts and that the purpose of the sleep over was to celebrate this (why not have it at Rainbow Dash's house then? I'll come back to this.). Twilight already had alicorn status and the castle too, which could put this at season 5 where Dash is a reserve Wonderbolt, but most likely to be season 6 when she was officially entered in as a full time Wonderbolt. I guess I'm pointing this out because I don't understand if you are trying to give a time frame of when this story occurred, or what is going on with it because it is rather redundant to point out, and then never mention again. There's not even a celebratory banner. Plus, I think they already threw a party for Rainbow Dash after becoming a full-time Wonderbolt in season 6, at her house.

Final nit pick. Why is it in the Throne Room of Twilight's Castle? Of all the places to host games for a sleepover celebration, why is it taking place in the most serious of serious rooms within the castle? That's like throwing a baby shower within the White House Operations Center. I'm sure with the Castle being a Castle, very large that Starlight gets lost in it a few times that it's become a running gag for her, that there is some sort of appropriate lounge/game room for such activities, in a Castle. And why not Rainbow Dash's house (where they actually did one), or somewhere else? Camping out at Sweet Apple Acres (Rarity has been camping before and lived out of a barn as well during a trip, so it won't be a problem for her), for example.

For the actual game it just... It wasn't funny. The dialogue felt rather forced and Twilight's character felt out of place as well. I feel like these were lines that the characters were scripted to say, and not that it was coming out naturally. Plus, I know it sounds weird, and I honestly don't know why I have these expectations. But I was disappointed to find out that there was no use of alcohol (minor would be fine, they don't need to get all smashed), nor was there anything sexual asked. I understand if you were trying to keep more into the spirit or in line with the show. If so, then why the wing boner part, and why does Spike have wings that can't be used?


So in short, there are some nit picks that bother me, probably doesn't bother others. There's some redundancies and out of character moments, and fluff (spikes wings) that was introduced but had no purpose. Other comments indicate that this drew too heavily from the inspired material, I don't know, I only watch RWBY from Rooster Teeth any more. It would have been better to use original thought up content, then using the questions from the game show from Rooster Teeth. It wasn't funny. I snorted maybe once, out of disbelief that the wing boners was so forcefully used. I didn't hate the story, but I didn't love it either.

8153946 There's one [art of that comment that catches my eye, you said the map room was the most serious of serious rooms, but it is seen in Rainbow Rocks that the mane 6 are relaxing there, but I agree with almost everything else, though I still do quite like the story.

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Oh. I haven't seen Rainbow Rocks yet.

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