- Member Since 26th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen Nov 5th, 2016
lordnyan
Writing silly stories about silly singing ponies. Mostly Sweetie Belle.
lordnyan
Joined 26th Jan, 2016 ·
Offline
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Short and sweet. I enjoyed the premise and the cute, semi-awkward chemistry between Twi and Sweetie. Has potential to grow, but, considering its brevity, it's well composed. Grammar could use some polishing, but it reads easily enough. Over all a good first attempt!
+1 point for female masturbatiion.
-1point for suggesting that need for masturbation while married connotes failure on the part of the husband to satisfy.
+0.1 point for silliness.
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This had no substance. The set up was likened to a quick recap of a story that we haven't heard, and the two characters had no chemistry or depth to them. Could have been a decent story that looked at the teacher/student along with the adult/foal dynamic.
tl;dr - needs way more detail
What would Rarity think? Also, when does this take place?
6917745 This was an attempt at a Flash Fiction, or a story with around 1,000 words or less. I actually did originally have more to the story such as an explanation as to how Sweetie Became Twilight's apprentice, but i had to scrape it to keep it around 1,000 words.
6917998
That's fine if you're doing it for a flash fiction event, but when you're actually putting it up on fimfiction for everyone to see, you really shouldn't keep to that. There's plenty of authors who do flash fiction stories to get interesting ideas and then later post a 4-5k version that they've spent time polishing and expanding.
6917815 Sweetie is around 14 or 15 at this time, so a few years after the current canon time. I assume Rarity would have her reservations about it if she ever figured out about it, but i am pretty sure neither Twi nor Sweetie are planning to tell her.
6918067 So she has her cutie mark. Like the 5th anniversary episode. Also, Rarity finding out should be of a sequel.
6918083
That's a great idea, and Rarity can only be appeased if both her sister, and Twilight pleasure her.
6918678 Add that in as well.
Awww I like cutie-clop!!
All I was thinking at the end was the reaction Spike would have walking in on that.
6987899 I'd imagine he'd ask if there was room for three :D
6987971 Haha, a funny ending that would have been.
Also, too short. Moar!
Could you continue This? I sure would like to read more.
magic tentacle power!
I laughed, cringed, then hardened.
Nothing like losing your innocence/virginity to the towns librarian... good times...